Habituating my wife to weight gain [updates]

[BindsThatTie]

That's awesome that it's literally cake - doesn't get any more stereotypical fattie than that. 

I've had a similar experience with my wife's 4th meal at 9pm. I made it become a nightly staple to the point an hour after dinner she's already starting to brainstorm what she wants to eat when the kids are in bed. And I've made that meal bigger and more extravagant with time. I even use an entire different set of larger bowls/dishware at night just for that stuffing meal. 

[BindsThatTie]

What does she drink throughout the day? Soda any alcohol?

[BindsThatTie]

On December 7, 2018 at 11:02 AM, allgrownup said:

Mostly black coffee. In the evening diet soda. There's a growing research that shows artificial sweeteners and weight gain are associated with each other, so I think that's a good thing to keep like that.

She also eats fruit during the day; an orange here, couple of days later an apple there. I encourage that too, for the licensing effect.

That's a bummer and maybe something you can work on in the future. If she likes fruit, maybe even making frozen tropical fruit juice in the fridge is quite a bit of sugar calories – but of course, seems healthy.

Nothing piles the weight on my wife like IPA's and soda. Doing the math, she actually drinks over 50% of her daily calories now. An IPA is 220 calories and she drinks two with dinner every night lately.

[BindsThatTie]

If she's convinced to do the surgery and/or lose weight, it may happen. It's her body. That said, most doctors push back on bariatric if the patient hasn't proven they can maintain healthy eating habits over an extended period and if they're not at a critical level of obesity, which your wife is not. It may not be as easy as she thinks.

My advice is to get her into a comfortable, happy place where she'll naturally let go again. If weight is a constant focus of conversation and/or she's in a general bad patch of life, it will only lead her harder into feeling like she needs to "make a change".

As far as "muscling up", join a gym. Start a workout plan built on the Big 3: deadlifts, bench, squats. Get your diet in order, which means eating a TON. Calculate your TDEE and eat at least 500 cal above your TDEE. Get atleast .8g of protein per lb of bodyweight. Yes, I know that's a ton. Yes I know that's expensive. Join the club! Try to get almost all of your nutrition from foods and not overpriced BS powders and supplement rip offs. 

This is a great beginner's book that will hand-hold you on your diet and walk you through the lifts and program you should be doing.

[BindsThatTie]

My wife took Fenugreek at a time for weight LOSS. Seems like the jury is out - there's more research and reports that it causes weight loss, not gain.

[BindsThatTie]

On 6/23/2019 at 1:27 AM, empee said:

Buying larger clothes is the best way to forget the old normal.

This. Every woman is different but with my wife, buying new clothes is at the frontline of the battle. The idea that you're accepting your weight at this size to spend money on buying larger clothes is this big consequential decision in her head. She'll fight it for weeks/months living in uncomfortable tight clothes debating should she diet, will her waist naturally slim down a bit if she gives it another couple weeks... 

Buying the pants is this act of surrender and acceptance that you're now even fatter and can't stop it. You internally said last time this was "as big as you'd get". But here you are again moving on up. It's as if she knows, if she buys the larger pant size, she knows she's going to grow into them and keep getting bigger.

[BindsThatTie]

With my wife, the shock, tension and internal struggle was the constant reactions of the people in her life seeing her look almost unrecognizable. But now it's been a couple years where everybody knows her as fat. And so mentally for her it's not nearly a newfound "problem" any more. It's becoming the new normal. And at times she's become self-depreciative joking about her diet and appetite around friends and family. And that's what I love to see, is when she actually takes pride in owning who she is "yup, I love beer and fried chicken, am a total fat ass, and that aint going to ever change."

[BindsThatTie]

Good sign that she plainly acknowledges she's "fat". When it comes to snacking, a lot of women ride that "so what? I'm already fat" train to morbid obesity. What's another plate? Who's ever going to notice "at this point"? 🚆

[BindsThatTie]

How is her energy level? She asking you to do more around the house and the like? More laying around? If so, is it actual napping, Netflix, mindless phone staring, etc?

[BindsThatTie]

I'm a strong proponent of allowing them to attempt to lose weight. At least for my wife, each failed attempt gets shorter and shorter. She needs those moments to realize she loves the life of being a fattie and is destined to get larger. There inevitably comes a moment where her gain is scary because she never envisioned herself "this big". But then faced with the clear reality of how much she disdains portioning and how much harder exercise is now, she embraces her size and then continues to become even more slothful and gluttonous as she lets go. 

As a feeder, it's frustrating having those yo-you chapters, but they're mentally pivotal if you're dealing with a woman who was once super skinny and never envisioned getting really obese.