Aurel

A small detail. My wife and I were watching TV last night when I heard a clinking noise. She had undone the belt and button of her size 30 jeans, leaving part of her belly protruding. I guess they were a little tight and she needed some relief. Amazingly, this wasn't a prelude or invitation to sex, we've both been exhausted from working long hours. Still, I found myself thinking - "I'll bet this isn't something husbands of thin gals typically see" 😉

Easy for me to say as an older guy, but a lot of FAs panic at the first sign of weight loss. Even if a partner loses weight, it is usually temporary, especially if the partner is a serous foodee and has a supportive mate who showers them with love fat or thin. Unless there is some tangible reason to believe the partner is a feedee (which is hardly ever the case), the wise course isn't to introduce new strains on the relationship. Rather it's to let her know how hot she is thick (without implying that she wouldn't be hot if she lost weight) and patiently ride out any weight loss. The weight will gradually return in time.

Your conception of fatphobia is distorted. Fat people are routinely denigrated, viewed as less valuable. They are paid less because they're fat. They're told over and over that they are unattractive. They seldom see fat people represented as normal people living fulfilling lives in media, film, and entertainment. Fat people are exactly like any other marginalized group: unfairly denigrated and devalued for reasons having nothing to do with their merit as human beings. That's what fatphobia is. I disagree that the main reason people don't want to be fat is health. That's part of it, certainly. But at least as important are the social costs of being fat in a fatphobic society (see above). There is simply no way that teenage girls are going "OMG I can't be fat because I am deeply concerned with my long-term physical health." Teenagers don't give a f**k about long-term anything. What they are saying is "OMG I can't be fat because then I'll be gross, no boy will want me, and the other girls will treat me like garbage." Fatphobia is the driving force. To the extent that it relaxes, we will therefore see an uptick in fat young people. There's a lot of hypocrisy in the health discourse anyway. Motorcycling is an extremely dangerous activity, 40X more likely to have accidents than cars; how come we don't have some big cultural push to abolish motorcycling, and why do we not find motorcyclists inherently unattractive because of their "unhealthy lifestyle?" Our culture is totally fine with some unhealthy behaviors and not others. So I think we need to look elsewhere for a full explanation of fatphobia.

Who knows, but I suspect the general culture of tolerance for “thicc” has contributed considerably to this. Fat phobia is a huge motivating driver for keeping people thin. Although we still live in a fatphobic society, there seems to be more openness to thick butts in particular and a general loosening of the obsession with “skinny” that was so prevalent in the 1990s, say. That’s only my impression. We’d need to hear from someone younger than me about how fat is viewed among today’s teens and 20somethings.

...of the Netflix show Wizoo School. What a knockout!

She is "doing nothing but stuff her face and gain weight..." I'm not sure what problem you're trying to solve here. Instead of wanting her to be "into it" in some explicit way, why don't you just relax and enjoy the fact that she is, whether by design or not, giving you exactly what you want? (I would guess that she is not a feedee but is just letting herself go, knowing her future hubby is fine with it. But we'd need to know more about her and the situation to make more informed guesses).

Whoa...that is a big change to the parameters of a long-standing relationship. I think extreme caution is warranted. Maybe he should begin very, very cautiously with food play in the bedroom - something that appeals even to some "normies." I wouldn't advise him to go beyond that sort of very timid start at this point.

He loves it, don't worry 😉 It's possible he is a bit embarrassed, because it is considered "weirder" to like a bigger belly than big hips and butt. He may even be conflicted about his own desires in this case. He is probably also complimenting your tighter abs just to be a nice, encouraging BF.

FWIW my wife and I were together for 5 1/2 years before getting married. She gained weight over that time, going from around 170 to around 200 lbs, didn't make the slightest effort to lose anything for the wedding (which surprised me a bit) and has kept gaining pretty much ever since 🤷‍♂️ 22 years later she is 330 lbs, so post-wedding gains were definitely real in her case, but I suppose it doesn't count if it was a gaining trajectory all along, LOL.

The key in this post is that she is jokey about your feedism rather than threatened by it. I doubt she's a feedee, but it sounds as though she likes the idea that you like her fat. As a chubby foodie she is probably thinking, "OMG, I can eat all I want around this guy - yay!" I'm not sure you should go full-on feeder with her, although if she signals she's up for it, then why not? But it sounds like you can definitely play the role of encourager and she will embrace it big-time.

Well, I think of myself more as a gentle enabler or milder encourager than a feeder per se (although I know many would deny that this is a meaningful distinction). Anyhow what I always enjoyed the most are after-effects of my partner's over-eating or self-stuffing. Sighing at being so full. Undoing her pants so her creamy belly can hang out. Being so stuffed she can barely walk from the restaurant to the car. Needing a lie down to digest. That sort of thing. Indicators of weight gain - split slacks, clothes that used to fit and now don't, struggling with restaurant booths etc. - are also very hot.

I once knew a couple that had a pact. Neither would gain weight. And if they did, it was agreed that they would lose it. Go figure.🤷‍♂️ In terms of the OP’s question, think of the old expression about “letting yourself go.” To “normies” i.e., non-FAs, it’s generally preferable to have a thin partner. If your partner then gains, it can be easily interpreted as “they are not trying any more,” which is one step removed from “I’m being taken for granted.” Obviously as an FA I don’t share this sentiment. I’m just saying that I can understand it. That being said I suspect a lot of non-FAs do see relationship weight as sort of comforting or reassuring for just the reasons the OP points out. It’s probably not magic in the bedroom, however (whereas for me, a partner’s weight gain has always been absolutely magic in the bedroom, LOL).

I’m surprised this thread hasn’t gotten more uptake! Come on, folks…you must have certain faces or ‘looks’ that you especially admire? Post and discuss.

But I will cheat and refer people also to my profile pic.

Really cool returns on this thread so far. Very interesting to see the variations in tastes. I'm totally with you on brunettes (my wife, who is a brunette, likes to tease me about this). Of the gals you list here, though, the only one that really rings my personal bell is Noomi Rapace - especially in those photos. It's that strong jawline, again, I guess!

Over on Reddit’s fatadmirationtalk sub there was a question about how important faces are to FAs, (relative to fat bodies). That got me thinking that it might be interesting to have a thread specifically dedicated to faces. Which facial types do you find most appealing? What are some examples of faces that you really admire or find cute or hot? Is there a general difference between FAs and “normies” on this? I’ll start, obviously. Male hetero FA. One thing this exercise has underscored to me is that I do have a certain ‘type…’ SSBBW modeling legend Plump Princess seems to have one of those very ‘variable’ faces that changes somewhat depending on how she presents, her hair, and (of course) her weight. But I absolutely love the pic below. There’s a fleshy sensuality to her strong features, but it’s relatively subtle. In the non-BBW category, celebrity pastry chef Ravneet Gill is gorgeous and would be super-hot as a BBW. Another non-BBW (although at least on the curvy side) I always dug is Kate Winslet from the ‘Titanic’ era. And finally, one that some guys seem to dislike but that I think is gorgeous is Instagram's own TbabyT They all seem to have strong features - prominent jawline, cheekbones, and maybe a slightly bigger nose than the 'modelling' ideal. So that's me. Anyway, forgive me if this is a weird subject of discussion. I just think it might be fun to compare, contrast, discuss...etc.

It's probably a combination. A few were probably FAs in denial, but most, I'd guess, fall into the categories of -being OK with it. Many men are more open-minded than they pretend when they are 20 and highly invested in GFs whose sexiness will impress their friends. So as these dummies mature they feel less social pressure and are able to enjoy a wife who doesn't confirm to societal 'ideals.' This doesn't make them FAs so much as guys who are able to enjoy sex with a reasonable range of body types. -many people (male, female, or, I suspect, non-binary) just do accept partners whose looks and bodies are some way off from their own preferred type. So these would be men who would ideally prefer thin partners but accept that it's not a perfect world. Love goes beyond body type after all. Honestly, I think most people whose partners get fat over time probably fall into this category. It may not be romantic to say so, but I suspect it's true.

Funny thing, although wife is in many ways a shy person, she has always been remarkably UN-inhibited with social eating. That was one of the things that intrigued me when we met at work years ago. Here was this size 16 single gal in her mid-20s who always had snacks at coffee break and always went for dessert at lunch whether others did or not. She seemed unselfconscious about it. Moreover, as I gradually learned, she has very strong associations between food and fun. I would even go so far as to say that fun and overeating are inseparable for her. Where others might drink too much, she eats too much, and if she is at a party, she will overeat. I've seen the looks as she goes for a third dessert or what have you - people surprised at this super obese woman (she is now 320 lbs) happily pigging out. One time she returned from a work party so stuffed she had to lie down - and this was after a 40-minute commute. If we're at a bar with friends or whatever, she will always order appetizers whether people are hungry or not. Food is fun for her, period. She is either unaware of the side looks and momentary awkward silences as the fattest woman in the room proposes ordering dessert nobody else wants, or determined not to let them spoil her fun. And as for holidays, LOL. Fuhgeddaboutit.

I was pre-internet, so no web model was available to spark the realization. There were very early signals, though. I was just a little kid and remember watching Disney’s Winnie the Pooh animated shorts with a weirdly intense feeling that I didn’t quite understand. I also remember having these vague, warm feelings toward chubby girls at school. Nothing I could put my finger on, no big deal, but notable all the same. With sexual awakening, the girls I found myself looking at were on the chubby side. I didn’t realize this at first, but quickly figured out that I wasn’t hot for the same gals my friends were, and that the difference was their weight. What I still find sort of incredible is how long it took me to figure other things out. It took me years to understand that my ceiling goes way beyond just chubby or plump girls, for instance. I think I had set up some sort of psychological barrier to convince myself that I might be a little weird in my tastes, but not TOO weird. Sad. As for weight gain…I love it, but again, wasn’t really able to name it as a preference for years. Stuffing likewise. Even in my late 20s, after I’d had a few relationships, the internet had arrived and still helped me to better understand the parameters of my preference. I suspect that in the pre-internet era, there were a lot of FAs going around completely confused or in denial. And I’ll bet a good percentage of FAs never really worked out their desire for weight gain/stuffing etc - the whole range of things that often accompany being FA.

This is excellent advice IMHO. I would say, in particular, that emphasizing food on a first date - not stuffing per se, but eating a lot and showing genuine enthusiasm for food - will send a very clear signal. And if the guy is into bigger gals and weight gain, this will have the added benefit of being the sexiest first date he’s ever been on. By far. My first date with my wife involved a movie and a dessert place afterward. She was already BBW admittedly. As we ordered a big piece of chocolate cake, she dreamily commented about how much she loves chocolate. ‘This is going to go right to my hips,’ she added. Looking back, she was quite savvy, because the statement could have been interpreted to mean ‘I recognize that I need to watch my figure’ if I wasn’t FA, OR as tantalizingly erotic, if I was. I replied: ‘A woman after my own heart! I love chocolate too.’ I remember the approving look she gave me. (Her subtext: ‘I’m fat and I love eating.’ My subtext: ‘bring it on.’) Our early courtship built on this fun unspoken dance of her loving food and me encouraging it. I had been with big girls before but never with one who was so completely open about her foodie nature and who overate so freely in front of me. I looooved it.

Different levels: Fat admiration Weight gain Feedism It's pretty damned easy to have a real-life relationship at level (1). Heck, this happens even to many people who would prefer thin partners. Something like half the population is "overweight." So, no problem there. Just ask out a fat gal. Level (2) isn't all that hard either. As FitGuy123 points out, many people gain weight over time. There are also a fair number of folks who aren't feedees per se, but will gradually gain weight, especially with a lover who likes them fat. Take the aforementioned, hypothetical fat girl I mention above. She probably likes food, likes to snack, likes treats - that's why she's fat in the first place. With a partner who "enables" or "encourages" this tendency, she is probably going to get fatter. (1) + (2) are my story. I fell in love with a BBW (her BMI was maybe 30). I'm not her "feeder" per se - I just make sure she has all the desserts and treats she likes and provide a safe. loving environment for her. Over the years she has gradually entered SSBBW territory, going from a size 16 to size 30, with a BMI of about 60. All without any direct feederism. I don't think I am living out some implausibly rare fantasy. Find a fat foodie and let nature take its course. If you absolutely have to have feedism as such, then yes, it's going to be rarer. But if you can "settle" for (1) + (2) the world is still largely your oyster IMHO.

Funny that you say this. I’ve noticed that there is a semi-official, standard response to the question of confessing FAdom to a partner - and it’s that we should always, always be honest about our preference. The problem is, most women don’t like being fat, and for this reason, telling them you prefer them fat can create all sorts of red tape in the relationship. If you have something about you that you want to change, and a partner is attracted to that very quality, that generates a lot of dissonance. Heck, I’ve read many BBWs over the years posting about not liking FAs who “want them because they’re fat.” I always found this ludicrous, like a woman with big breasts not wanting to date a boob man - like, why the heck not? But it exemplifies the weirdness that still accrues to this preference. When I tried admitting to my very first GF, who was BBW, that I preferred bigger girls, she reacted as though I told her that I prefer leprosy. I was bizarre, like some sort of sexual freak. And she proceeded to lose weight through the course of our relationship; she was already determined to lose and my confession (which I quickly retreated from) made no difference. Who knows, it may even have compounded her determination to lose weight. Every person and every relationship is different. But I’d say that, unless their partner is an open-minded sort, FAs are wise to proceed with caution. Your advice about telling a gal how hot/beautiful she is is definitely the safer play.

I’m a pessimist on this…I think it will be bad news for us, unless the drugs turn out to have harmful side-effects.

Oh, I enjoy it! I mean, it’s not a big deal, something I seek out, or anything like that, but I do find it fun when it happens. So we’re both lucky, from that POV 😉

I picked a partner who was already maybe 30-40 lbs overweight, BMI around 32 or so. Being FA rather than a feeder, that was what first got my attention when we met at work. However, I also noticed that she loved food and was very uninhibited about it - always going for snacks, having a big lunch with dessert, etc. She just seemed unconcerned with, or oblivious to, the idea that a single girl in her 20s was supposed to be “watching her figure.” I didn’t fully understand my own preferences at the time, but I was certainly half-consciously fascinated by the fact that she had a real “fat girl” mindset vis a vis food. When we started dating I played the friendly encourager, enthusing over food, bringing lots of treats, offering seconds, etc. I gradually eased off on deliberate encouraging as she internalized the idea that I was a safe and supportive partner around whom she could freely indulge to her heart’s delight. She’s a huge foodie who needs no real encouragement. While she is not a deliberate gainer, at least not explicitly, she knows she can overeat as much as she wants and that I will be a safe, loving partner no matter how obese she becomes. The result was that I got to enjoy years of consistent weight gain as she is now about 180 lbs overweight (BMI of 60).