Anyone else frequently consider suicide?

[Queen Victoria]

Just wondering.

[gta]

Obligatory information for this kind of thread:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

1-800-273-TALK

There is always someone to talk to, please consider doing so if you actually are serious. Don't give up hope!

[gta]

With that being said...

I wonder what happens after death. I am not terribly religious, and I am fairly convinced of the "fade to black" theory. It's simultaneously terrifying and interesting since there is nothing I can possibly do in life to simulate such a thing. That being said, I have no inclination to speed up that process for the sake of curiosity. Life may suck at times, but I feel it's best to have life with some down times than no life at all.

[Batman]

Nope. I especially hate the idea of and pity those who end their lives because of a tormenter. Why end your life and give someone an ego boost and a moral victory?

[Queen Victoria]

Nope. I especially hate the idea of and pity those who end their lives because of a tormenter. Why end your life and give someone an ego boost and a moral victory?

This has nothing to do with any one person. I'm a little old and isolated for that.

And thanks for the thought, GTA, but talking to someone really isn't going to change anything.

[mothy]

Not since I was about twenty.  The trick for me was to be really busy/productive most of the time.  Inward reflection is a really good and important thing, but too much of it will take you somewhere pretty dark, which you probably already know.  Exercise helps.

[mickloud]

I wouldn't say that I think about it frequently, but often enough.  It usually comes about when I think about how futile most of my goals are, and how little drive I actually have to even come close to achieving them.  I wonder if I lie to myself about the things I supposedly really care about but do nothing to make happen (particularly in regards to writing music, which I went to school for).

I also came pretty close recently, for about two months, I thought I'd lose an entire year's salary due to a lapse in medical insurance caused by the incompetency of my insurance company.  It was the first time I was ever "angry suicidal." 

I don't believe in an afterlife, heaven/hell/valhalla, or anything supernatural.  I'm pretty confident that death is the end.  So I guess if I did off myself, I wouldn't really have the opportunity to regret the decision. 

That said, I think human consciousness is kinda specially.  I'm probably just biased, in that regard.  But that is how I feel.  Losing my religion made me a lot happier, but it put a lot of pressure on THIS life, and while I feel at times that I don't do it justice, I know that at the end of the day, I'm not willing to cut it short. 

[Jay Rock]

I've never actually thought of doing the deed, but there have been times where I thought I had no reason not to, that life will never get any better than whatever bleak scenarios was going on.

[vennie]

I frequently consider suiciding other people. Does that count?

[mothy]

I'm thinking you just might not be a great fit for the "Serious Discussion" board, vennie.   

[SayHelloToMyLittleFriend]

I never really understand how people are supposed to compare answers on this question. On the one hand, I'd say that the idea never enters my head very seriously; but on the other hand, it can't have entered your head much more seriously because you're still alive, for fuck's sake.

If I had to guess, I'd say there's a lot of people who find some solace by wallowing in the idea of killing themselves, but they're probably not any more miserable or likely to actually do it than the average joe. They just seem to default back to routine of self-pity more easily.

[Hoss Delgado]

No. Because suicide kills you and death is not very good for your health.

[Guest Atlya]

I frequently consider suiciding other people. Does that count?

This. Joking apart, I'd think about killing someone else way before thinking about killing myself (if at all).

And I doubt the person who thinks about suicide wonders what's after, because nothing would be good enough.

[Guest Archaic]

So far terrible answers in this thread

Yes, but it depends on how you define frequently. I'm 21, still a virgin, had an awful, terrible childhood, so ugly I can barely look at myself in the mirror, have almost no family or friends, and constantly fuck up every single opportunity I get. I spend all of my time on the internet because I have no social skills and being around people is thoroughly unsatisfying and uncomfortable. I spend more time fantasizing about what I wish my life was like instead of doing things to make it that way. I am a weak person in every sense of the word. But I keep going because being alive offers the potential for happiness. I want to kill myself because the challenges I am facing seem insurmountable, that I'm always going to be stuck in this state of self loathing and depression. That being alive is not worth the pain it brings. But this is not true. In our every day lives, we experience pleasures and comforts that make life living at least up to this point. These are different for everyone and the key is to focus on what you love doing.

For me, I love that with the internet, I can peruse the collective knowledge of mankind. It truly is a magical thing. Every single day my mind is blown by what exists in our reality. The sheer diversity of lifeforms that live on this planet the number of which so infinite you could find something every single day you've never seen before. Being able to learn about how the universe works, about the beauty and majesty of the cosmos that no words could adequately describe. Learning about all the strange and fascinating things that have happened throughout history. Being able to expose yourself to ideas you've never considered and being able to discuss whatever it is you're thinking at any moment. All of the art, music, literature the world has produced, free at your fingertips.

This is what makes life worth living. I like being a part of this experiment called Life and you should too because these are new and potentially exciting times we are living in. I am depressed because my life does not look like what I want it to. But that's because I'm too weak to make that happen. I CHOOSE to not make it happen. You can do anything if you want it badly enough, anything. Life becomes worth living because I can overcome my challenges, and the euphoria of growing as an individual and experiencing new things makes the pain worth it. Depression is a coping mechanism. We are comfortable being miserable and therefore we reside there. Get uncomfortable. Challenge pain head on. I have been homeless in the past and I just flunked out of school, which means the next few months of my life are going to be uncertain and chaotic. This is what life is about. Its about finding zen in the hurricane. If you want to get out of your rut, do something spontaneous. Be crazy, because you CAN survive it, even if you think you can't. You never realize how resilient you are until you've been tested. Try to look at life more as an experiment. Do some mushrooms, what you need is an epiphany. The first time I did 'em it changed the way I looked at life forever. What I'm saying is, stagnation leads to misery and struggle builds strength.

I hope that was all coherent enough I'm kinda drunk right now.   

[Heart and Mind]

Not at all..

[SayHelloToMyLittleFriend]

So far terrible answers in this thread

Yes, but it depends on how you define frequently. I'm 21, still a virgin, had an awful, terrible childhood, so ugly I can barely look at myself in the mirror, have almost no family or friends, and constantly fuck up every single opportunity I get. I spend all of my time on the internet because I have no social skills and being around people is thoroughly unsatisfying and uncomfortable. I spend more time fantasizing about what I wish my life was like instead of doing things to make it that way. I am a weak person in every sense of the word. But I keep going because being alive offers the potential for happiness. I want to kill myself because the challenges I am facing seem insurmountable, that I'm always going to be stuck in this state of self loathing and depression. That being alive is not worth the pain it brings. But this is not true. In our every day lives, we experience pleasures and comforts that make life living at least up to this point. These are different for everyone and the key is to focus on what you love doing.

For me, I love that with the internet, I can peruse the collective knowledge of mankind. It truly is a magical thing. Every single day my mind is blown by what exists in our reality. The sheer diversity of lifeforms that live on this planet the number of which so infinite you could find something every single day you've never seen before. Being able to learn about how the universe works, about the beauty and majesty of the cosmos that no words could adequately describe. Learning about all the strange and fascinating things that have happened throughout history. Being able to expose yourself to ideas you've never considered and being able to discuss whatever it is you're thinking at any moment. All of the art, music, literature the world has produced, free at your fingertips.

This is what makes life worth living. I like being a part of this experiment called Life and you should too because these are new and potentially exciting times we are living in. I am depressed because my life does not look like what I want it to. But that's because I'm too weak to make that happen. I CHOOSE to not make it happen. You can do anything if you want it badly enough, anything. Life becomes worth living because I can overcome my challenges, and the euphoria of growing as an individual and experiencing new things makes the pain worth it. Depression is a coping mechanism. We are comfortable being miserable and therefore we reside there. Get uncomfortable. Challenge pain head on. I have been homeless in the past and I just flunked out of school, which means the next few months of my life are going to be uncertain and chaotic. This is what life is about. Its about finding zen in the hurricane. If you want to get out of your rut, do something spontaneous. Be crazy, because you CAN survive it, even if you think you can't. You never realize how resilient you are until you've been tested. Try to look at life more as an experiment. Do some mushrooms, what you need is an epiphany. The first time I did 'em it changed the way I looked at life forever. What I'm saying is, stagnation leads to misery and struggle builds strength.

I hope that was all coherent enough I'm kinda drunk right now. 

So you say you're weak, but you preach about how you 'never realize how resilient you are until you've been tested'? An epiphany 'changed your life forever', but you're still suicidal, depressed, anti-social and a drop-out?

Sounds to me like none of your tips and advice have worked out particularly well for you so far.

[wilan]

I did consider suicide, many years ago;

As to why, I shall not say, since you don't need to know.

But in the end, the deed itself, that I couldn't do:

Life went on, the days and weeks, a fact I wouldn't rue.

[Guest Archaic]

So you say you're weak, but you preach about how you 'never realize how resilient you are until you've been tested'? An epiphany 'changed your life forever', but you're still suicidal, depressed, anti-social and a drop-out?

Sounds to me like none of your tips and advice have worked out particularly well for you so far.

First of all, I didn't say I was suicidal, I said that sometimes I think about it when things get overwhelming. Maybe I wasn't being clear. That's completely different from serious contemplation. When you've actually been to the brink, when you have attempted and failed by some miracle, you understand the difference. It's always an option but you know better than to go down that road.

By your own admission you said you don't understand how people could feel this way, so your opinion isn't useful at all in this discussion. Not everyone has been as lucky as you to have an easy life. This is for people who have been through shit and are working through it. Since you don't understand what depression is, let me explain it to you. Chronic, clinical depression is something we will most likely have to combat all our life. Depression is not circumstantial, we're not sad because we got dumped, we struggle to find the joy in things normal people take for granted. Some pain never goes away, you only get better at dealing with it. People go through their entire lives miserable, and end up offing themselves because they never understood what their problem was or how to deal with it. The very first step is acknowledging that all suffering comes from within, and then finding a way to change yourself. It's a lifelong journey, you don't suddenly arrive somewhere and then never worry about it again.

And yes I have had experiences that have changed the way I looked at the world. I went from literally having a deathwish to finding the value in keeping my own life even though I hated it. You've never been there so you don't understand what that means.

You know why I'm so miserable? My mom died of cancer when I was 5, my dad committed suicide when I was 17, I have a skin condition that has left me nearly disfigured, I grew up in a poor and dangerous neighborhood where people were getting shot outside my front door and gang members would sell drugs on the steps of my house, got fucked with mercilessly even to the point of having rocks thrown through my windows, and now I have to deal with the impending death of my grandparents who raised me who are the only family I have left. I still make mistakes and fuck things up every now and then. That is fucking life dude, the whole point I'm making is that you should focus on keeping your head above water when things are going badly for you because if you are clinically depressed it's easy to go from their and hang yourself. I have my moments of weakness, everyone does and I can admit that, but I've been through 10 times as much as anything you could ever handle. You're not being helpful so why don't you fuck off and stay out of discussions you have no place being in?

[SayHelloToMyLittleFriend]

In fairness pal, I only put a few of your own words side-by-side. I didn't try to impart much advice of my own, but if you want me to start then here's the first nugget of wisdom on the house: don't try to get into pissing contests with other people over who's suffered the worst in life.

[hiro]

Not frequently. Only when the pain was really bad. I couldn't do that to my family and friends. Also, even if I can't do anything more with my life, I will always be kind of curious about the future and want to read new books, see new shows, etc. Death is always an option, and I support it as a choice. Still, I think it is usually to put it off in case something interesting happens.

[Dr. Feeder]

I don't think I was ever close to suicide. But I did think about it quite a bit. It actually provided solace sometimes. I liked the idea that it was an option if things ever got bad enough.

Thankfully, they never did.

[Ayumi_Chan]

I did during High School. Contrary to what my friends believe, I had a lot harder childhood than what most would believe. There were a couple times after high school that I still considered what would have happened if I had actally gone through with it.

I used to cut myself however, many moons ago. All but a few have completely gone away, the others are so faint that you really have to look for them. I don't like that I did looking back, but at the time, it was the closest I could get to relieving the pain of my childhood without actually going through and offing myself.

I know it's not always a popular topic to talk about, but at times I think its kind of cathartic to let that out and know that you weren't the only one to have those thoughts in the past or to know that it's somewhat human nature to feel like life can be at times hopeless. I'm glad that a majority of you have been able to move past those thoughts and I hope that if you still have those thoughts that things get better for you. =) I know it doesn't always seem like it, but plenty of people out there care, sometimes it's not always apparant.

[Guest mx]

Just wondering.

Every sane person consider it every single day.

[Heart and Mind]

Every sane person consider it every single day.

Same thoughts everyday, same conclusion... kinda closer to insanity

[Major Minus]

We have a thread for panic attacks but I guess this would be for the general illness of depression and more specifically not wanting to live anymore. I'm ashamed to admit it but I've been feeling pretty awful lately myself.