Confessions of a Fetishist: the truth behind my obsession

[GluttonyGal CLIPS]

I may not be making videos or posing for photos, but I am still a slave to my fetish. 

I've had a lot of inquiries regarding where I've been and how I'm doing. So, this thread will be a space to talk about that. 

I will try and fill in the details of what's been happening but I will also use this space to answer questions and share my thoughts.

May be a little serious for the casual dabbler, but as always I promise to be truthful and blunt. But sometimes the real life details can be just as sexually enticing as the glitzy, beautiful,  or even fantasy stuff!

Here's me...right now as I'm writing this. Not dolled up and fancy. Just fat and hungry. 

Edited May 16, 2023 by GluttonyGal

[DanteSparda45]

Well, i think you look amazing even without makeup ❤️

[GluttonyGal CLIPS]

Just being back here...reading and responding to my messages, seeing all the fabulous post with bulging beautiful ladies, checking videos I've not yet seen full of gluttony, and peeking in on some of my favorite models...is driving me wild with lust and desire!!!

 

[anonfin]

38 minutes ago, GluttonyGal said:

Just fat and hungry

This line... 🥵🥵 The immensity of lust, beauty and desire summed up perfectly in so few words.

[DanteSparda45]

38 minutes ago, GluttonyGal said:

Just being back here...reading and responding to my messages, seeing all the fabulous post with bulging beautiful ladies, checking videos I've not yet seen full of gluttony, and peeking in on some of my favorite models...is driving me wild with lust and desire!!!

 

Guess you missed being on here more than you thought lol.

[extra_m13]

gluttony! please tell us about it. definitely the right place to be open about it

[wk2324]

Still fine as classic 🍷

[GluttonyGal CLIPS]

A History of My Weight...

My preteen and teenage years saw me weighing between 150 and 165 pounds. 

By 19 and after one pregnancy I was at 175. 

By 21 and a second pregnancy I was at 185.

This is all before binge eating became a known sexual passion of mine. 

After a divorce and 8 years alone, I became involved in a new relationship and briefly lost weight to hover right around 165.

But shortly after that I started realizing and pursuing my fetish, and a few years of stuffing and yo-yo dieting saw my weight hit 200. And there it stayed for a decade or more. 

I could binge eat until my belly was enormous a few days a week and diet like crazy the rest of the time. It stayed that way for years. And then as my body changed with age and my fetish became fully unleashed, I passed 200 for the first time. 

Weight started piling on after that. And in a few short years I was now 265 pounds. It was such a drastic gain that at first, I struggled to accept it. 

Those of you who have followed my journey for years know that though I love eating, and stuffing myself until I can barely move, and other people's weight gain, I did not want to get fatter myself! I hated it. 

And then, one day, I didn't. 

One day I just gave in and said to myself "You are fat, not the sort of fat you've always been, but honestly fat now." 

And I accepted it. 

And I always figured I would just keep getting fatter. I mean how could I not, my fetish was ruling my life and all I did was eat.

But life had other plans, and my weight is actually down quite a bit now. I haven't been on a scale lately but clothes that I was literally hanging out of are fitting again. My guess would be I have lost 20 pounds or more.

In another post I will get into what has changed lately that has brought on this loss, and also the story of outgrowing my clothes too maybe.

💋

[AthleteTurnedFatty]

Thank you for sharing. To me it’s always interesting hearing life experiences from people about what and how they became the person they are today. I’m sorry you struggled so much with this fetish it’s hard to accept something that is so strong within you and life always gives us curves we have to adjust to I’m definitely interested in hearing more about you. Even though life has changed and you’ve lost weight you’ll always be so beautiful no matter what 

[fatowl]

Thanks!!  for sharing your journey.  You have always been my favorite here as we share similar fetishes and journeys (except the pregnancies).  Your shape is the best, especially after a hearty binge.  Soon, you will be back embracing your fetish and bigger than ever.  Maybe 350?!

[extra_m13]

please continue to share, i think we all can be better by sharing. models, fa-s , ladies that come and go that gain and lose. just sharing. 

[GluttonyGal CLIPS]

I wish I were a cartoon character in a world without rules of physical restraint or limitations. I feel like my binge eating would make so much more sense in that fantasy world. My desires,  my hunger, my round belly; that's where they belong.

My desire to stuff myself more and more. Feeling my belly blowing up like a balloon. Bursting out of my clothes. Barely able to move. It deserves to be realized without the problems of judgement, physical limitation, and cost that the real world imposes. 

As a cartoon version of myself I wouldn't need to stop eating. There would be no running out of food, or money, or space in my belly. 

And no matter how much I grew, how unimaginably fat I got, I could always be drawn with a pretty little innocent face that appears totally unaware of what I have done.

 

[Guest JDA1911]

On 5/18/2023 at 11:09 PM, GluttonyGal said:

A History of My Weight...

My preteen and teenage years saw me weighing between 150 and 165 pounds. 

By 19 and after one pregnancy I was at 175. 

By 21 and a second pregnancy I was at 185.

This is all before binge eating became a known sexual passion of mine. 

After a divorce and 8 years alone, I became involved in a new relationship and briefly lost weight to hover right around 165.

But shortly after that I started realizing and pursuing my fetish, and a few years of stuffing and yo-yo dieting saw my weight hit 200. And there it stayed for a decade or more. 

I could binge eat until my belly was enormous a few days a week and diet like crazy the rest of the time. It stayed that way for years. And then as my body changed with age and my fetish became fully unleashed, I passed 200 for the first time. 

Weight started piling on after that. And in a few short years I was now 265 pounds. It was such a drastic gain that at first, I struggled to accept it. 

Those of you who have followed my journey for years know that though I love eating, and stuffing myself until I can barely move, and other people's weight gain, I did not want to get fatter myself! I hated it. 

And then, one day, I didn't. 

One day I just gave in and said to myself "You are fat, not the sort of fat you've always been, but honestly fat now." 

And I accepted it. 

And I always figured I would just keep getting fatter. I mean how could I not, my fetish was ruling my life and all I did was eat.

But life had other plans, and my weight is actually down quite a bit now. I haven't been on a scale lately but clothes that I was literally hanging out of are fitting again. My guess would be I have lost 20 pounds or more.

In another post I will get into what has changed lately that has brought on this loss, and also the story of outgrowing my clothes too maybe.

💋

Well sounds like you've had quite a journey there, and very detailed as well. Knowing you've accepted and embraced your curves is truly impressive. Should be quite a read when this is updated soon enough. Thanks for sharing

[GluttonyGal CLIPS]

I struggle with keeping my fetish under control. I can go weeks, even months if I'm really devoted, without it taking over. But of course that also means weeks of not having, or even thinking about, sex. That would obviously include self pleasure as well.

Then I just fall so hard once again. Whether it's something I see or hear that makes me horny, or maybe I or someone near to me eats too much...the triggers are really endless.

This weekend I attended a wedding. There was a rehearsal dinner, a buffet, open bar, two late night take out deliveries, cake, cookies...a weekend of food.

At first I was fine. I didn't even think about it. But once I began to see it, the people all around me just over indulging sooooo much, that switch flipped and I could not shut it back off.

I wanted someone to share it with. Not even really for just the sexual fulfillment but to TALK TO ABOUT IT. 

My partner, though his own gut was so bloated by the end of day 2 his buttons were straining when he sat, just doesn't understand.  He accepts it, thinks he gets it, but just DOESN'T. 

People all around me were, in there varying states of "tippsyness", talking about all they were eating and even making sounds of enjoyment much louder than they most likely usually would have. 

Everywhere I was tempted by...

"Mmmmm"

"Ohhhhhh"

"Yummmmm"

"Ooooooh"

It drove me mad. I was so horny and frustrated. I ate and drank more and more not for the enjoyment but out of the sheer resentment for feeling this way, for having this fetish. 

During the buffet I found it necessary to visit my room long enough to remove the tight and constricting girdle I had worn to fit into my dress smoothly. By the 3rd night I was in actual discomfort with the limited clothing choices I had brought being far too tight. I didn't anticipate a 3 day food orgy so I had brought respectable form fitting clothes, not my binge favorite fat pants.

My partner outdid himself and all I could do was ogle his massive belly, desire not being met, frustration growing. It felt like everywhere I turned people were just taunting me with their gluttony. I felt so out of control, and all I did was my typical go to depression move of stuffing myself. This of course just fueled my fetish even more causing a vicious circle.

After all was over, and having to hear everyone go home whining about having blown their diets and gaining a few pounds, I was at my breaking point. Once home and in comfortably fitting clothes I waited for the first opportunity I had and snuck out in search of a proper public binging to fulfill my needs.

I went to Taco Bell, using the drive thru since I wasn't sure I was up to doing it in the dining room. I ordered $45 worth of food. I parked within viewing distance of the employees as soon as I had my food. I even waived back to one kitchen worker as he walked past my car, he had made eye contact with me and smiled after I had ordered so much food. I'm sure he thought I was taking it home to share, not expecting me to sit right there and eat it all. 

I tried by the way, to eat it all. I did pretty well, but obviously didn't. 

Now I'm left with that defeated day after binging feeling. I feel huge and fat, sad and frustrated, and all alone.

But, I know that others struggle just as much. I know that living with a fetish can be horrible.  Don't get me wrong,  when I am enjoying my fetish, I ENJOY my fetish. But when in a relationship with someone with a "normal" sexual appetite it honestly SUCKS.

[GluttonyGal CLIPS]

[anonfin]

2 minutes ago, GluttonyGal said:

oh dear lord.... 🥵🥵🥵

[GluttonyGal CLIPS]

4 minutes ago, anonfin said:

oh dear lord.... 🥵🥵🥵

Well that certainly helps ❤️💋

[AnonymousAnomyn8tor]

4 hours ago, GluttonyGal said:

I struggle with keeping my fetish under control. I can go weeks, even months if I'm really devoted, without it taking over. But of course that also means weeks of not having, or even thinking about, sex. That would obviously include self pleasure as well.

Then I just fall so hard once again. Whether it's something I see or hear that makes me horny, or maybe I or someone near to me eats too much...the triggers are really endless.

This weekend I attended a wedding. There was a rehearsal dinner, a buffet, open bar, two late night take out deliveries, cake, cookies...a weekend of food.

At first I was fine. I didn't even think about it. But once I began to see it, the people all around me just over indulging sooooo much, that switch flipped and I could not shut it back off.

I wanted someone to share it with. Not even really for just the sexual fulfillment but to TALK TO ABOUT IT. 

My partner, though his own gut was so bloated by the end of day 2 his buttons were straining when he sat, just doesn't understand.  He accepts it, thinks he gets it, but just DOESN'T. 

People all around me were, in there varying states of "tippsyness", talking about all they were eating and even making sounds of enjoyment much louder than they most likely usually would have. 

Everywhere I was tempted by...

"Mmmmm"

"Ohhhhhh"

"Yummmmm"

"Ooooooh"

It drove me mad. I was so horny and frustrated. I ate and drank more and more not for the enjoyment but out of the sheer resentment for feeling this way, for having this fetish. 

During the buffet I found it necessary to visit my room long enough to remove the tight and constricting girdle I had worn to fit into my dress smoothly. By the 3rd night I was in actual discomfort with the limited clothing choices I had brought being far too tight. I didn't anticipate a 3 day food orgy so I had brought respectable form fitting clothes, not my binge favorite fat pants.

My partner outdid himself and all I could do was ogle his massive belly, desire not being met, frustration growing. It felt like everywhere I turned people were just taunting me with their gluttony. I felt so out of control, and all I did was my typical go to depression move of stuffing myself. This of course just fueled my fetish even more causing a vicious circle.

After all was over, and having to hear everyone go home whining about having blown their diets and gaining a few pounds, I was at my breaking point. Once home and in comfortably fitting clothes I waited for the first opportunity I had and snuck out in search of a proper public binging to fulfill my needs.

I went to Taco Bell, using the drive thru since I wasn't sure I was up to doing it in the dining room. I ordered $45 worth of food. I parked within viewing distance of the employees as soon as I had my food. I even waived back to one kitchen worker as he walked past my car, he had made eye contact with me and smiled after I had ordered so much food. I'm sure he thought I was taking it home to share, not expecting me to sit right there and eat it all. 

I tried by the way, to eat it all. I did pretty well, but obviously didn't. 

Now I'm left with that defeated day after binging feeling. I feel huge and fat, sad and frustrated, and all alone.

But, I know that others struggle just as much. I know that living with a fetish can be horrible.  Don't get me wrong,  when I am enjoying my fetish, I ENJOY my fetish. But when in a relationship with someone with a "normal" sexual appetite it honestly SUCKS.

I understand where you’re coming from, I have an intense love/hate relationship with this fetish, and I keep it hidden from everything I do. I often feel repulsed by myself.

[anonfin]

23 hours ago, GluttonyGal said:

when in a relationship with someone with a "normal" sexual appetite it honestly SUCKS

Such asymmetries are indeed terribly frustrating, them acting exactly like the other types of vicious circles described in the text.

Such a superb confession! Dark, very psychologically charged.

[OhRlyeh?]

23 hours ago, GluttonyGal said:

 But when in a relationship with someone with a "normal" sexual appetite it honestly SUCKS.

I feel this in my soul. My wife does not share this with me one bit. She's always been heavier and hates it even though she knows I love it. Recently, she's gained even more weight and resents that I love it. It's a bit isolating.

[GluttonyGal CLIPS]

On 6/27/2023 at 2:58 PM, AnonymousAnomyn8tor said:

I understand where you’re coming from, I have an intense love/hate relationship with this fetish, and I keep it hidden from everything I do. I often feel repulsed by myself.

Ohhhhhh the feels 😭

I know. ❤️ 

[GluttonyGal CLIPS]

On 6/28/2023 at 9:52 AM, OhRlyeh? said:

I feel this in my soul. My wife does not share this with me one bit. She's always been heavier and hates it even though she knows I love it. Recently, she's gained even more weight and resents that I love it. It's a bit isolating.

Oh sweetie,  I'm right there with ya. ❤️

[GluttonyGal CLIPS]

Everywhere I turn I'm tortured by people doing and saying everyday things that seem so innocent but drive me mad.

"I'm so full but it's so good I can't stop eating it."

"I've gotten so fat!" (adjusts waistband) "Everthing I own is too tight."

" I'm so bloated today" (pokes abdomen) "Feel this."

"I'm so stuffed I won't need to eat for a week."

(drains a can of beer) *buuuuurp* "Excuse me."

(loosens belt one notch) "Really delicious meal, I'm stuffed!"

(bends to reach bottom shelf) *groan* (stands with hands on back of hips) "whew"

"I am so cheating on my diet and ordering whatever I want."

"One more of these and I won't be responsible for what happens."

"Their gonna have to roll me outta here!" (pats gut)

THEY JUST DON'T GET IT

Every one of these things has been said in front of me recently. 

Come on universe, cut me some slack.

 

[GluttonyGal CLIPS]

I know there was a time that intimacy was a natural progression for me. A time before my fetish was central to my ability to be physical. I could be enticed by the standard oh so typical flirtations and foreplays. That, coupled with my need to please others for attention, and with the right combination of drinking or smoking to lower inhibitions, and certain targeted physical contact I would be all too happy to have sex.

I spent years on that path. Never happy, or satisfied. Always pushing the envelope and developing harmful habits as I followed a rather dangerous path. I hate to admit the lengths I would go to in order to try and achieve the feelings I thought I should be having sexually. 

There was never an inability to climax, simply an odd set of things tgat I needed to make happen. I found i could control the encounter enough to achieve pleasure but that i was then instantly no longer interested. Like a switch would flip after i had achieved satisfaction and I was pretty much repulsed by continuing with the charade. 

Then over time, things changed. I believe part of it was the simple realization that I wanted very specific things. Patterns began to become obvious to me. Lights were coming on in my mind, my memories, and in my body.

I did what I always do, I researched. I had to understand what was happening to me. 

And what was happening to me...

Let's see. I was become aroused by very specific porn or body parts. I was masterbating after binge eating. I was becoming obsessed with bloating my belly and then photographing or recording the results. I was drawing sexual cartoons involving binge eating.  I was writing sexual stories involving the same.

Then one day I had my first sexual encounter that directly followed a real life experience I had been fantasizing about. Inadvertently, a man I was having dinner with triggered what would be the beginning of the end for "normal" sexual stimulation for me.

After a particularly large meal and multiple carbonated beverages, this persons belly was very very swollen.  I had noticed yet mind you,  but as we went to get in the car he placed my hand on his gut to show me just how hard it was. To him it was innocent,  he was simply amazed that his body felt that way. Like a kid, just showing off something weird.

But for me, I was instantly hornier than I had EVER been. In the car on the way back to his apartment all I could think about was that belly. As soon as we were alone I had to see it, touch it, climb on top of it.

It was everything.  It was everything!  It was everything!!!

I wrote about it. Obsessively attempted to recreate it. Even went so far as to secretly force him to gain. I'm not proud of that point in my life. And though secretly fattening someone is the perfect fantasy, it is 100% wrong in real life. I get that. But I'm ashamed to say that I lived that life for too long.

Eventually, typical foreplay did nothing for me. Sex was merely something I had to do as a chore unless I could find a way to secretly involve something that having to do with food, or drink, or eating.  I began to resent having sex at all and in turn my partner. I spent way too much time in the fantasy world in my head and masterbating. That was my only pleasure.

My relationship deteriorated. I was cold and angry. And desperate. I gained weight. I hated it and became reclusive. But I also found sexual stimulation in it, and I took to seeking thrills by unusual public displays. Anything from outgrown clothing, binge eating, and self stimulation in a place I would not be recognized. 

I hit rock bottom, when i discovered that on the internet you could indulge any pleasure if you looked hard enough. I spent all my free time online watching fat fetish porn, reading fat fetish fantasy stories; such that they were back then. I started uploading my own work. I was obsessed.  Literally.  Truly. Obsessed. 

I hated everything about my real life and hid in my dirty little fantasy world for years. Eventually I found that I, being older than most people I was interacting with online, and that I was also a woman with a fetish, made me uniquely able to get folks to open up about their feelings. 

I began giving out an email address for those I was running into online, who like me, had no one to talk to about their fetish. I talked everyone who wanted to talk. And I studied everything i could find about the science behind sexual fetish. I learned a lot, not just about my own fetish, but any sexual fetish.  It fascinated me. And honestly, probably saved me

 

TO BE CONTINUED SOON

 

[Guest grateful]

I have been distracted and only hit and run here for a long time, and felt community, as we knew it, was long gone from the net.

I have always enjoyed your posts, but forgot how great they were and didn't know what I was missing!

I have not posted nor reacted in so long, just overwhelmed by a changing environment here.  There is so much content, like new buildings in my dear city of Los Angeles, that often I do not recognize where I am and it is overwhelming.

You seemed to have borrowed every thought from my head and given fabulous expression to it.  The fact that I am originally from Boston makes it feel like it goes all the way back to my core and foundation.

To you, and also to other greats on here, whom I am sure you enjoy and follow also, who have taken the time to share, express and discuss - thank you for keeping the light on and the door open for having the deep discussion on why we are the way we are and what males us tick.

I regard all your posts not as "fat fiction" but "FA non fiction",  as even your wildest fantasies are permeated with an undeniable and genuine love of fat and its expression in our own bodies as well as others and I do not think that can be faked.

Thank you!  ❤️

You may have given me new life here!