Has anyone spoken to a sex therapist or professional about their feedism fetish?

[PreyToGod]

I just read an article about how fetishism can virtually mimic any other form of addiction in the brain (for some reason I never made that association) and that explains a hell of a lot about my situation.

Over the years I’ve also chatted with probably 100+ feedees and it seems unanimous that this kink can and will consume your life unless you exercise extreme restraint and set immutable boundaries. 

I’m sure we’re all familiar with the cycle; the fetish starts to dominate too much —> take a step back and distance yourself —> fetish comes back more extreme —> quit and tell yourself you’ll never engage with it again —> stay away for a few days or weeks or months —> urges return so extreme that you almost feel possessed —> indulge in it heavily —> self disgust etc. —> try to find a way to enjoy it in moderation —> starts to dominate too much.

It’s literally like being addiction, and it leaves you feeling powerless to your urges.

Ive decided that this has gone on long enough, so I want to speak to a sex therapist about it and I was curious whether anyone here has done so?

If you have, is there any advice that you can offer about how to try and moderate it? 

Im a bit skeptical about how much help they can really provide but I guess I should find out.

 

 

 

 

[PreyToGod]

It’s great to see that this inspired a discussion. Here’s A few notes based on the many responses;

 

- I think there’s truth in the idea that it’s not the kink that’s the issue necessarily it’s that it’s part of a maladaptive response to stress and issues in ones life etc. When I’m feeling like shit or feeling powerless in life I’ll often find myself double down on fetish content - at least that will deliver a rapid hit of dopamine when nothing else can right? 
I’ll find myself looking up fetish stuff when procrastinating about a job application or something for instance. 
Au contraire when things are going well and I’m busy I don’t think to indulge in it as much, and it’s less of a necessity and more of a bonus I guess. 
Plus from talking to feedees - when they were engaging with it most heavily it was usually during low points when they were feeling bad about themselves. 
I think that’s an extremely important point.

- This community lumps too many fetishes together. It’s not about dominance or power with me. I’m just attracted to girls with bellies and to an extent stuffing. Even if the girl eats a normal amount of calories and exercises and lives a normal life, if she has a belly I’ll be into her (assuming she’s cute enough in other ways) - which may as well be part of a different fetish to the extreme forced funnel feeding tied up wearing a pig nose shit that I think is more about the power dynamic than anything else. Im literally just into the physical and actually I would want to be equal with my girl as much as possible.

- I understand that therapists don’t need to be familiar with feedism to offer helpful advice since it’s just another of the many fetishes out there - but I couldn’t personally see the utility in it. What could they do that I couldn’t do myself?

To me it would seem that the therapist would take me down either of 2 routes;

1) Treat it like an addiction and try to Abstain completely and replace it with other hobbies and interrupt thoughts about it with other thoughts and so on so over time the urges should abate or I’ll force myself to find pleasure in other avenues of life ( perhaps sexually as well). It will never disappear but it will become much less dominant. This would be extremely difficult though. 

2) Accept it so you’re not full of self hatred ( a lot of feedees are) and find a way to indulge in it moderately in a way that doesn’t detract from your life in any significant way - don’t resort to it when you’re procrastinating, don’t allow yourself to fantasise about it as often, try not to allow it to impact your romantic and sex life.

So I can see how you could moderate it in your day to day life but if girls with bellies are essentially what I’ve always been attracted to - should I really expect that to change if I did one of the above or would I just be setting myself up for disappointment? bearing in mind that just dating a girl with a belly isn’t a great option either long term because firstly it’s really rare and restrictive (I mean who tf really has a belly outside of this kink unless they’re like a middle aged Latina mum) , secondly she probably doesn’t want you drawing any attention to it and thirdly... if she wants to lose it, then what? Break up? 
 

I already had to break it off with a great girl I was dating because she started working out intense when I met her and wanted abs. I just thought... we want very different things so it’s not fair on either of us to be together. I was honest with her about how I like chubbier girls and so she deserves someone who can appreciate her body more - I thought she might take it as a compliment if anything but she didn’t take it very well. I felt like shit. It’s hard not to be angry at yourself and your sexuality in a situation like that. 
But self hatred does not help. 

 

[PreyToGod]

23 hours ago, Verlorener said:

Um, if you’re from the west, then there’s a ton of fat girls, so I’m not sure what you mean about it being rare to find a girl with a belly.

Second, I assume you did the right thing breaking it off with her even if she took it badly. Those are boundaries that have to be set early on. I mean, you should be tactful about these things, but we live in a culture that’s always pressuring women to lose weight, so if you’re not attracted to smaller girls at all, then the girls you date needs to know that and respect that. I’ve never had a girlfriend so don’t take my advice though.

It’s one thing to have really strict standards for your partner, but something that non-fat admirers don’t get is (at least in my case) that fat is the thing that makes the body attractive to me. So skinny is for me what morbidly obese is to the average person, i.e. it completely lacks anything that sexually entices me at all. And my range is wider than that of a normal person; I very much prefer women in the mid to upper 200s, I think, but I can get off to a huge SSBBW or a smaller chubby woman if they have the right shape. The difference between the fattest woman I would fuck and the thinnest woman I would fuck is like 200 lbs. Not many people can say that. I wouldn’t date an SSBBW because the health issues are just way too guaranteed, but that’s a different matter entirely. 

 

I’m in the west.... of Australia, arguably the fittest and most body conscious demographic I’ve ever seen. I mean look at me, I can’t exactly talk either. But it’s basically anti feedism. You can’t hide it because it’s sunny and warm 9 months a year so everyone wears shorts and singlets and stuff. 
 

I did feel bad as I have when I turn down other thin or muscular girls with good personalities because I start to question how shallow I am. I also once had a date with this feral girl I met on a dating app who I had no connection with and actually disliked... simply because she had a body that I found sexy, and thoroughly unenjoyed it and told myself j would start putting personality first...but this kink is so strong I feel like I’m not being true to myself by going for thinner girls 

 

I’m sort of the same - I do find a nice long pair of legs and tanned skin and nice eyes and stuff to be hot.... but they’re not nearly as sexually appealing as say a belly and boobs are. I wish I were like you - there are some big girls around here but I’m not into fat legs or fat rolls and stuff - I’m mainly just into the look of a hot girl who gained weight and got a belly and a bit of softness all over. 
Unfortunately I would always search and jack off to girls like that online so it became normalised for me - despite being a very rare and unusual body shape (and usually just short term too). That’s why I was worried what would happen if I met a girl who decided she wants to lose weight and hit the gym, and that’s why I felt like this kink is kind of unsustainable. 

[PreyToGod]

On 11/11/2020 at 12:06 AM, vpprof said:

Exactly! 👏

The sexual activities provide an escape. When you have to do something unpleasant, like filing a job application, you resort to doing something more pleasant. But it's more than just pleasurable chemicals in the brain. It's about wallowing in this feeling of powerlessness, reliving that trauma.

I must say I envy your physique and can't wait until gyms reopen.  What made you take up bodybuilding and how do you feel when exercising?

 

I agree. There is a scientific paper "Feederism in a woman", which I currently sadly don't have, which argues that this kink in women is a form of masochism (self-degradation). 

Equal meaning…? Why would your girl be unequal to you and in what ways? Can she be "on top" as well?

Also, have you thought what the fatness may symbolise? Why is it arousing to see a woman gain weight? Would it be arousing if a person that you're not attracted to (elderly gentleman) were gaining weight?

Help you see how the things you say are interconnected. Say, this is an extreme example and I'm in no way comparing you to these individuals, the pick-up artists from the infamous reddit misogynist communities hold two antithetical beliefs. One, they want to be venerated by a woman. Two, they despise women to a great extent. Sidestepping the fact that if you despise someone, it's going to be a hard job hiding it and coercing them into admiration, the question remains, why they would seek validation from someone whom they value so lowly. Yet these guys will never see this connection on their own.

Don't be angry at me but I think a good therapist would do neither. (Good = not some useless unconnected degree owner who did a 3-month course on therapy.) Firstly, he would ask you, what the specific issue that is bothering you is, be it sexual or another. Then he would try to coax you into imagining what exactly your ideal life would look like, to help you make your desires more concrete. Maybe you don't have a problem with the fetish. What is your job? Are you doing the thing you like doing? Why then are you apprehensive about applying for a job? When do you procrastinate? Do you feel strangled in your relationships? Can you afford telling the truth to your partners? Etc etc etc.

Yeah so I think it’s crucial to overcome the addiction side of it regardless of whether you’re able to indulge in your kink in real life or not.

Thanks, bodybuilding was just something I fell into because my dad was into it too - and I got sick of being scrawny. I’m not sure whether to call it a hobby or a lifestyle but all I’ll say is that I support people to take it up but know that it can become an unhealthy obsession quite easily as well. I don’t actually find it enjoyable per se but I feel good after for doing it and I guess the endorphin rush isn’t bad. So I can understand why girls are getting more into it these days - it has mental benefits too if you’re reasonable with it. 
 

that’s true and it’s sad to see girls who clearly don’t have a feedism kink they’re just mentally ill or masochistic yet they get encouraged all the same under a guise of support and compassion. 
 

equal as in an even power dynamic. 
I’ve talked to some feedees who genuinely referred to themselves as being human pigs and their feeder was instilling that in them. To me that’s just perverse. Especially when it leaves the bedroom 

 

I guess I’m litterally attracted to the shape - I used to be into pregnancy when I was younger and luckily that turned into bellies because pregnancy is an even worse kink to have. Plus the greed aspect like a girl thinks she can get away with eating what she wants - so there’s some fantasy there as well. 
 

I wouldn’t say pick up artists hate women necessary but the lack of respect for women I think is a projection from themselves in many ways. Certainly it is with the incel culture but even in guys I know who do well with girls many of them are troubled and incapable of holding down a relationship - so they have this paradoxical anger at how women only seem to want them for Sex not for more than that even though that’s all they go for. I think a lot of them would benefit form therapy as well. I think everyone would really 

 

The thing that’s bothering me is that’s I feel like I won’t ever be fully sexually satisfied because of this obscure kink and I’m angry at myself for passing so many opportunities as well and for allowing the fetish to dominate a lot of my time and thoughts. I do have a problem with the nature of the kink too but I agree that I need to stop using it as an escape from other things I find boring or unpleasant 

[PreyToGod]

On 11/14/2020 at 11:51 AM, vpprof said:

@gorJESS I can see you're following the discussion but you said you can't speak about the fetish. So you don't have the fetish or you just didn't think about its roots or… I think we're all missing the feminine perspective here, it'd be great to know what you think  

What do you think of girls who are into bodybuilding though?  I mean specifically those hulk-sized pros who engage with the so-called schmoes, who pay them for their "sessions". I'm not aware if you're familiar with that kink?

Well, that's the masochism I was talking about! Also, often the fantasies about gaining (in girls having the kink) involve someone inflicting the gain on the feedee, some agent who has power over her — that's masochism as well. 

Well, me, I was into boobs when I was little  

OK, so a girl can get away with breaking the tacit rules. That means she's powerful, doesn't it? Not only does she have the nerve to do so but also she's not afraid of being shunned or ostracised, do you agree?

Do you think you can gain insight into it and make it less obscure? Would that help?

Yes. But if it is an escape, then it's futile to fight it instead of fighting the things you're trying to escape from, don't you think?

Muscular girls are literally my least attractive body type besides huuuuge women, altho I don’t mind if they’re somewhat muscly yet soft like a bulk - but mainly I like the “I’m naturally thin and I’ve never exercised look”

I guess I find it the most elegant/feminine. 
 

I can see how the dominance aspect plays only the feedee feeder dynamic - the base of which is a very common desire in most girls I’d say, but it’s taken to the extreme here basically giving someone control over ones body.

Deviating from the societal beauty norms doesn’t necessarily indicate strength or self assuredness though - like you wouldn’t say a cannibal is mentally strong for eating a baby despite the odious nature of indulging in such an act - I think it just reflects the intensity of the sexual urges. Or the masochistic urges. 
however I’ve noticed especially in older feedees a sense of triumph and resolution which has led them to decide to just indulge in their fetishes in spite of any social opprobrium it might attract. So I think you could rightly call that strength. 
 

I feel like I have about as much insight into this fetish as anybody in history does at this point, I’ve tried to understand where it may originate and the nature of fetishes and stuff and it helps me not feel so guilty but it doesn’t really me deal with it directly really. 
 

it is an escape (sometimes) and I am working on improving my life overall, but the fragile and difficult nature of it is still my biggest issue with it.