LoyalParcel

Hi. I'm new to this, so apologies if this is a silly question or topic. I am a 12.6stone 5ft 5in woman. My bf has the feeder fetish, which is absolutely fine with me, nobody chooses their fetishes and no one should feel ashamed because of theirs. Earlier in our relationship we did give the fetish a go, stuff like him calling me "fat", asking if I'm going to get fatter for him etc. Unfortunately this just made me feel quite uncomfortable and body conscious (I have always had issues with my weight ie. my father calling me fat and commenting on my weight for most of my life). So we stopped using those words in sex and aimed for a more "normal" sex life (non-fetish). Jump forward a year or so, and my bf would rather watch fetish videos than porn (ie fully clothed eating etc) - once again that would be fine except he was doing this rather than having sex with me. In fact he would say he'd be going to sleep to me over text but in fact staying up for 2 hours watching fetish videos. He would choose fetish videos of messaging me, or asking for my nudes etc. This obviously made me feel incredibly inadequate and unworthy. Just to note I have sexual trauma in my past, so I might be the reason he doesn't want sex because I need slow and gentle sometimes to feel safe, the meds I'm on also can reduce my libido. I am a bigger girl, and want to loose a little weight, or at least become healthier ie able to run without getting out of breath etc. He's since explained to me he can get off ONLY on fetish videos. He can't get aroused by any sex act without a significantly larger woman in his mind. He struggles to get aroused by me doing sexual things, he more imagines me growing in size in front of him (which is literally impossible). The thing is, although it does nothing for me sexually I am happy to film eating videos for him, or lean into certain words (not fat though), and put his hands on my belly during sex but it still can't seem to quench his thirst for it. I am so scared that I will lose weight and in turn lose him. I don't really know what I'm asking for here, advice I guess. Thanks in advance.