Sometimes I think my weight gain and chubby fetish is destructive

[ILuvThickChicks86]

You read a little too much into what I said. I was simply stating that him saying that his actions are CAUSING women to gain, is exactly like a drug dealer saying his actions are CAUSING people to use drugs.

Women who want to be fat will gain no matter what. Drug addicts will do drugs no matter what. It doesn't matter what we do.

The only difference is with women who gain FOR their boyfriends. That's a different story, which I mentioned in my argument. I also mention that SSBBWs are in a different category as well, because when it comes to health, there's a big difference between being 50lbs overweight and being immobile.

I was just letting him know that it's not black and white. There are considerations that have to be made which complicate things. However, in general, there's nothing wrong with cheering these women on for the most part.

[serenity]

To me, the thing that makes all of this way less fucked up than bulimia is that the girls are happy in both the before and after. Being bulimic and anorexic comes hand in hand with depression, self-harming, a feeling of worthlessness, and an unobtainable ideal against which everything else seems unacceptable.

I've never met anyone involved in the various FA/feedism fetishes who feels any of this because they're not fat enough or whatever. So yes, it may be a risky sexual perversion, but at least the people engaged in it are psychologically balanced on the whole and are simply willing to gamble that the pleasure outweighs the potential downsides.

Not sure I follow you?? Sure some of these females look happy but deep down there is also the possibility of depression and narcissism.... Why else post photos on a public page unless you want attention. Wether it is good or bad it is still attention the feeds ones ego. Starting that all who partake in this is no different they saying all who murder or rape have had horrible traumatic upbringings? Yes some do but others do this simply because of attention. Please don't mistake this. I am not writing that those who stuff themselves have been traumatized or are serial killers.... Just saying you shouldn't lump everyone together.

[naranja]

I only like a girl to get a soft around the middle and chubby arms, legs etc. I don't know how damaging that is to health. I'm not into girls that are like 500 pounds of rolls. I suppose by that logic, it makes me think I'm not too bad with the whole 'fetish'. Though I do find myself checking girls facebook pages I know now and then to see if they've gained. So I've clearly got a problem.

[extra_m13]

i understand you perfectly... but the key is to match individual preferences.

you like girls to tend to weight gain... then find a girls who enjoy overeating and has no problem with being overweight. dont look for a fitness rat that will on tears at the first pound she gains

[Guest jim enchilada]

Hello,

This is actually  my first time  posting  on this website in over 2 years. I've been a member for who knows how long now...but never posted anything or tried to be a part of this community because of how conflicted I've always felt about my gainer fetish. I like many other members on here am not into the sssbbw stuff...I just enjoy seeing an attractive skinny girl becoming softer. 200 pounds is even a bit to big for me.

But anyway to get to my point...through out all my time on this website I've never found a conversation like this one that truly gets to the heart of the problem. So...I'd like to thank you guys for actually talking about this stuff. It's somewhat put my mind and ease from the conflicting feelings and thoughts I have on a normal basis.

One thing I can't seem to get past is the guilt I feel for finding my girlfriends weight gain to be so attractive when I know she doesn't enjoy the way her body looks. I know she wants to be healthy and fit...simply because both of us are the active adventuring type at heart and being unhealthy or fat would make that difficult. So...deep down I want her to be healthy and I want her to feel attractive. And I tend to turn to this website for my gainer fantasies....simply because I don't know if I want to contribute to her unhealthiness. But then of course I feel awful and guilty for the fact that this website can pleasure me in ways that feel forbidden in my relationship.

I want to make it clear that by all means she's hardly unhealthy at this point. She probably only weighs 125lbs. But that's ten pounds more then she was a year ago and well...honestly I would love to see her gain more but I just wish it didn't feel wrong that I want that. And I can't dismiss  the fact that it does. Also I myself have been skinny my whole life and recently have started to gain a bit and I can't deny that I enjoy playing with my slightly pudgy tummy.

I guess I'm writing all this because I'd love some advice and we'll simply an outside perspective of my situation.

Are my fantasies wrong to feel?

Is my fascination with my own weight gain...simply because I can't fully enjoy hers without feeling the guilt?

Is this guilt that i feel something I should try to dismiss?

Or...should I be listening to my guilty side...and try to move on with my life without my fantasies? Which is easier said then done.

Also If this was the wrong place to post all this I apologize! Haha

[wilan]

Hello,

This is actually  my first time  posting  on this website in over 2 years. I've been a member for who knows how long now...but never posted anything or tried to be a part of this community because of how conflicted I've always felt about my gainer fetish. I like many other members on here am not into the sssbbw stuff...I just enjoy seeing an attractive skinny girl becoming softer. 200 pounds is even a bit to big for me.

But anyway to get to my point...through out all my time on this website I've never found a conversation like this one that truly gets to the heart of the problem. So...I'd like to thank you guys for actually talking about this stuff. It's somewhat put my mind and ease from the conflicting feelings and thoughts I have on a normal basis.

One thing I can't seem to get past is the guilt I feel for finding my girlfriends weight gain to be so attractive when I know she doesn't enjoy the way her body looks. I know she wants to be healthy and fit...simply because both of us are the active adventuring type at heart and being unhealthy or fat would make that difficult. So...deep down I want her to be healthy and I want her to feel attractive. And I tend to turn to this website for my gainer fantasies....simply because I don't know if I want to contribute to her unhealthiness. But then of course I feel awful and guilty for the fact that this website can pleasure me in ways that feel forbidden in my relationship.

I want to make it clear that by all means she's hardly unhealthy at this point. She probably only weighs 125lbs. But that's ten pounds more then she was a year ago and well...honestly I would love to see her gain more but I just wish it didn't feel wrong that I want that. And I can't dismiss  the fact that it does. Also I myself have been skinny my whole life and recently have started to gain a bit and I can't deny that I enjoy playing with my slightly pudgy tummy.

I guess I'm writing all this because I'd love some advice and we'll simply an outside perspective of my situation.

Are my fantasies wrong to feel?

Is my fascination with my own weight gain...simply because I can't fully enjoy hers without feeling the guilt?

Is this guilt that i feel something I should try to dismiss?

Or...should I be listening to my guilty side...and try to move on with my life without my fantasies? Which is easier said then done.

Also If this was the wrong place to post all this I apologize! Haha

You can't help what your fantasies are, so you can't be wrong to feel them. Likewise, you don't need to feel guilty for enjoying your girlfriend's gain as long as you are supportive if she decides to actively lose weight. And coming to this site isn't bad either; many of us have weight gain fantasies that probably won't happen in real life.

[passingby1000]

I always think it's very strange to even call fat admiration a fetish; most western women are overweight in some shape or form. What can you be ashamed of really? Finding most women attractive? I don't think any of this is wrong at all, if anything it's just plain compassionate.

It's another thing to try and actively sabotage a lover's self-esteem though, it's incredibly important to not put your own sexual desires, which (again) don't really matter in the grand scheme of things, before someone else's qualitative well-being. You have to take a person as they are and not as you want them to be. If you know someone would be uncomfortable with a few extra pounds, then why would you ever want them to gain weight? It's a morally apprehensible thing to do.

[wilan]

I always think it's very strange to even call fat admiration a fetish; most western women are overweight in some shape or form. What can you be ashamed of really? Finding most women attractive? I don't think any of this is wrong at all, if anything it's just plain compassionate.

I agree with you up to the last word. Compassionate? Remove the 'com', then I'm with you all the way.

[Guest jim enchilada]

Thanks guys! I appreciate the replies!

[SayHelloToMyLittleFriend]

I don't think any of this is wrong at all, if anything it's just plain compassionate.

I think that's a morally dubious way of looking at it.

[passingby1000]

There's nothing dubious about it -- what I'm saying is pretty clear. The value judgment to celebrate the human body's various shapes, even if you think one is better than the other, is a straight-forward thing to do. It's also normal to have a particular preference.

I doubt it's significantly more or less healthy to be a size 4 or a size 10. But more American women are a size ten. Why shouldn't a woman feel loved no matter her weight?

Anyways, as I've already said, I'm not the type of person to encourage another person to be overweight. But if someone is already, I'm not going to pretend I don't find them attractive if I do.

[SayHelloToMyLittleFriend]

First, a sexual fetish isn't an objective platform to base moral judgements on. If it happens to coincide at certain times with actions that might superficially appear moral or compassionate, it's just that - a coincidence. A fat fetish is just as likely to make us act immorally, so pretending there's some emotional advantage is deceitful.

Also, compassion is a two-way relationship whereby there's a victim and someone who appreciates the victim's suffering. The only truly compassionate act that one can have toward a fat person who doesn't want to be fat, therefore, is to wish that they get what they want - namely, to not be fat anymore. And if you say 'hey, what about fat girls who are happy being fat?' Well then there's nothing to be compassionate about because they're happy, so it's a misuse of the term.