What Cassie Wants

[iod9963]

The first part of a new series about a young woman's opportunity to find what it is she really wants. If you like this, then consider checking out some of my other work at https://www.deviantart.com/iod9963. 

 

Part I

         “Hey, Cass! Dad wants to know if you’re ready for dinner?”

            Cassie looked up from the box she’d been searching—full of junk, like everything else in the attic—and saw an unruly mop of dark hair sticking out of the trap door. Her younger brother Jake, always so full of energy, was practically bouncing on the ladder.

            “I thought she’d never ask,” Cassie said, standing up as she stretched out her back. “Lead the way, Jake.”

            Jake practically ran down the steps in his haste. “She’s coming, Dad!” Cassie heard him call. “Order the pizza!”

            Moving more slowly than her younger brother, Cassie took the time to raise the ladder and close the trap door before she followed Jake down the stairs. She heard Jake burst into the kitchen, but she instead turned towards her late grandfather’s study. The room was still a mess, with less than a third of its contents boxed up. Cassie sighed.

            “I told you to let me handle this,” she said to her mother, though she didn’t seem to hear. Winnifred was sitting behind the large oak desk, toying with a fist-sized orb made of some dark red stone. Cassie rolled her eyes and planted her fists on the desktop. “Mom. Mom!”

            The older woman started as though taken by surprise, her eyes slowly focusing on her daughter. “Wh…what did you say?”

            Cassie sighed again. “I said you should have let me handle Grandpa’s office.” She gestured around the room. “I got most of the attic done, while you’ve barely scratched the surface in here.”

            Winnifred shook her head. “I need to do this, Cassie. My dad, he…” She started blinking furiously as her eyes grew moist. Cassie held up a staying hand.

            “It’s okay, Mom. I know.”

            “There’s a lot of memories in this room,” she said softly, more to herself.

            Smiling, Cassie sat down on the edge of the desk—her usual spot in the office. “Tell me about them,” she said. “Like that.” She pointed to the stone next to her mother’s hand. “What’s the real story behind that thing?”

            “What? Your grandfather never told you?”

            “He told me something about an expedition to Marrakesh,” Cassie smiled. “I believed him when I was a kid, but the older I got, the sketchier it seemed.”

            “You’d be surprised,” Winnifred said. “Dad went everywhere taking photographs, though not as much after Mom died.” She suddenly squeezed her eyes shut. It was several long moments before she continued, and then her voice sounded strained.

            “But you know your grandfather. Always teasing.” Winnifred smiled wistfully. “You know, I saw something like this at a tourist trap in Phoenix when your father and I went there a few years ago. Dad’s smile looked so…guilty, but he still insisted on the Marrakesh story.”

            “He was a character,” Cassie said.

            “Yes, he was,” Winnifred said, chuckling softly. Cassie couldn’t help but smile. It was the first time she’d heard her mother laugh since before the hospital. “I am going to miss him.”

            “Me, too,” Cassie agreed.

            Winnifred gave her daughter a watery smile. “Thank you, Cassie,” she said.

            “For what?”

            “For reminding me that other people loved my dad as much as I did.” With a sigh, she pushed herself out of the desk chair and straightened. “So, why don’t you see what you can do in here, and I’ll go pick up dinner with Jake?”

            Cassie nodded encouragingly. “I think that’s a good idea, Mom. You could use some fresh air.”
            Winnifred said nothing, giving her daughter a pat on the cheek as she came out from behind the desk and walked out the door. Cassie watched her go, then crossed behind the desk to take her place in the now vacant chair.

            The worn leather felt warm to the touch and the seat creaked softly as she sat down, but she barely noticed any of it. She was lost in a wave of memory as she sank back into the chair, breathing deep the scents of musk cologne and old paper—her grandfather’s smell. It almost made her feel like a little girl again, sitting at his feet and coloring while he’d pored over his work.

            “Find anything interesting?” a deep, rumbling voice said. Cassie jumped, her eyes opening to find the imposing figure of her father Jonathan standing on the other side of the desk. He was a large man—solid and well-built, though with a paunch. His customary grin, baring just a hint of his teeth, was plastered across his face.

            “Geez, Dad. You scared me!”

            “Sorry, kid,” he said, pulling a chair over from the edge of the room. He sat down gingerly, though it still creaked ominously beneath his bulk. Once he was settled, he gave her an encouraging smile. “So…find anything interesting?” he asked again.

            “Not really,” Cassie said. “Attic was a bust. Is Mom gone yet?”
            “A few minutes ago. I’m glad she went. She needs to get out of here, even if only for a little while.”
            “Yeah,” Cassie nodded. “I can’t imagine what she’s going through right now.”

            “It can’t be easy,” John agreed. “I remember what it was like when my dad died, though we weren’t nearly as close as your grandpa and your mom are…I mean, were.” His smile faltered, though he managed to get it back in place quickly enough.

            “Anyway, I think it’s time we had a talk.”

            Cassie narrowed her eyes. “About what?” she asked suspiciously.

            “College.”

            Her cheeks grew hot. “Uh…what about it?”

            “Are you serious right now?” he asked. “You didn’t think I’d find out?”

            She gave him a guilty smile. “I guess I was kinda hoping you wouldn’t?” Her father dropped his smile. “Sorry,” she said meekly.

            “Why are you dropping out?” he asked.

            “I don’t know. I guess…” She shrugged helplessly. “I don’t think it’s for me anymore.”

            John growled dangerously under his breath. “Cassandra West, that is the absolute wrong answer. You are one year away from graduation, and you’re pulling the plug? All because you don’t think it’s for you anymore?”

            “Well, I also applied for a job,” she said. “Good pay, and they didn’t care about a degree.”

            “And did you get it?”

            “Uh…no.”

            “You at least had an interview before you dropped out, right?”

            “Well…”

            John sighed. “Look, Cass, I know the last few years have been hard. Your boyfriend.”
            “I dumped him,” she said.

            “Allison,” he said, as though she hadn’t spoken.

            “That wasn’t my fault.”

            “And how many times have you switched your major?”
            She shrugged. “I don’t know, Dad. I just want to find the right thing for me.”

            “That’s the problem, Cass. You keep looking for the ‘right thing’, but I’m worried you keep moving further and further from what you want.”

            Cassie scowled. “I’ll know what I want when I find it, Dad!” she said angrily. “I promise."

            For a moment—just a moment—Cassie felt something flash warm under her fingers. Looking down, she realized her fingers were resting on the stone orb her grandfather had kept on his desk, the one he’d claimed had come from Marrakesh. It was cool to the touch. Whatever she’d felt, it must have been her imagination.

            “You okay, Cass?” her dad asked, looking concerned.

            “I’m fine,” she told him. “I just…I think I need to go lie down for a while.” She got out of her grandfather’s chair and started walking towards the door.

            “Wait. What about dinner?”
            “I’m not hungry.”

*          *          *          *          *

            Cassie ran, her arms pumping, her legs throbbing. Her lungs burned within her chest as she struggled to suck in a breath. She didn’t understand where she was or what she was doing. The last thing she’d remembered had been lying down in the spare bedroom, and…

            “Run, Cassie!” a woman screamed. “Don’t give up now! You’re in the lead!”
            Cassie looked over and saw an older woman that she recognized, though she didn’t remember who it was. The woman kept waving her hand, encouraging Cassie to run. Gritting her teeth, Cassie focused on a point ahead of her and picked up the pace.

            The world seemed to fill in around her as she moved. Beneath her feet, Cassie felt the textured surface of a track. There was grass to one side of her, while on the other was rising set of bleachers filled with cheering people. Above her was blue sky, with white clouds scudding across it like ships.

            The stadium, she realized, finally recognizing her surroundings.

            Cassie spared a glance downward and saw something familiar—a stylized top and loose shorts. It was a uniform; the same one she’d worn as a member of her high school track team.

            Of course, I’m wearing my track uniform, she thought incredulously. I’m at a track meet! What else would I be wearing?

            It wasn’t just a track meet; it was the first of her senior year. Cassie had been ambivalent towards participating this year, but had ultimately decided to give it a try. And if she really was in the lead…

            Keep running, Cassie! she thought to herself, echoing the woman she recognized but did not know. Don’t give up now!

            There was no one ahead of her on the track. A brief twist of her neck showed her several people coming up quickly on her left. They wanted to win, and we’re going all out to make sure they did. But Cassie’s spirit was up, and she wasn’t going to let them beat her.

            Keep running! Don’t give up now!

            She followed the curve of the track, maintaining her lead over the other competitors. Her heart thundered in her ears, eclipsing the cheers from the crowd. Cassie let a smile slip onto her lips. One more turn, and then the homestretch. She could practically taste victory.

            Cassie took one step, then another, then another. It felt off the moment she put her foot down, and the world seemed to slow as it slid out from underneath her. She went sprawling, throwing out her hands to cushion the fall she knew was coming, but it wasn’t enough to stop her momentum.

            She hit the ground with a thud, the impact driving all the air from her as she rolled along the ground. Somewhere in the midst of her motion, she felt more than heard a crack in her wrist, followed by another in her lower leg. When she finally came to a stop, eyes to the sky, they were both starting to throb. Pain was on the way, horrific and intense in a way she’d never known before.

            Mercifully, the blackness took her first.

*          *          *          *          *

            Cassie jolted awake, her chest heaving as though she actually had been running. She could feel a dull ache in her wrist and ankle, but both pains were already fading to nothing. It was just a dream, she told herself. Only a dream. But even as she tried to convince herself, she knew there was more to it than that. It had been real once, or at least, a version of it had been real.

            Closing her eyes, Cassie could picture it in her mind. The day had been warm, the last vestiges of summer clinging into autumn. It had been the first track meet of her senior year, though she’d been less excited about it than previous season. Her enthusiasm had started to wane after she turned 18, falling to a level where she’d almost decided to quit. In fact, if not for her injury, she probably…

            Wait! What injury?

            Cassie snapped her eyes open, thoughts whirling as she tried sorting through the jumble of memories. She distinctly remembered scraping a win in that meet, despite her growing dissatisfaction with running. She’d even gone on to make state that year, if just barely. It had been the best season of her high school career, though that wasn’t really saying much compared to her previous years.

            But there was another part of her that remember going down hard, breaking both her wrist and ankle. She’d sported double casts for months as her body had been slow to heal. While frustrated at first due to her restricted mobility, she’d soon grown used to her limitations. Even enjoying them. Plus, it had been a convenient way to get out of track without disappointing anyone.

            Cassie shook her head, but to no avail. Nothing changed. The two sets of memories existed side-by-side in her brain, and she was certain each of them was real. But that was impossible—only one of them could have happened.

            Right?

            A sudden knock on the door startled Cassie from her reverie. She reflexively jerked the covers up to her chin. “Uh, yeah?” she called.

            “Time to get moving, Cass,” her father said, his voice a deep rumble that almost seemed to vibrate the wood. “I’m making breakfast, and then we’ve got to get over to your grandfather’s house. Okay?”

            She groaned softly. “Alright, alright. I’m getting up.” Seemingly satisfied with the response, Cassie heard her father’s heavy footsteps leading away from her bedroom. Yawning, she pushed back the covers and started maneuvering herself into a sitting position. It was difficult, her movements awkward and uncoordinated.

            Grunting with the effort, Cassie pushed herself to her feet, muscles protesting the effort. Oh, man, she thought. Yesterday must have really taken it out of me. I haven’t felt like this in a long time.

            Yawning again, she picked her way towards her closet, carefully threading her way through the clothes scattered across her floor. Her hand was just reaching for the knob when she paused.

            How did I get home?

            Cassie stood like a statue, trying to remember anything from the previous day that would explain why she was in her own bedroom. She remembered the attic, the conversation with her dad, then going to lie down in one of the spare rooms. After that…

            I…I guess I was just really tired and don’t remember. She nodded to herself. Yeah, that must be it.

            Though not entirely satisfactory, it was enough in the moment. She pulled her closet open and began looking for something to wear. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see herself reflected in the mirror hung on the inside of closet door. Something about it bothered her. She started to turn her head to check, but something—an unaccountable fear—held her back.

            Don’t be ridiculous, Cassie, she scolded herself. What’s gotten into you?

            With an effort, Cassie broke through her paralysis and turned her head. What she saw was herself, the same reflection she always saw. She started to laugh, wondering why she’d been so worried in the first place.

            That’s when she saw it: the bulge at her midsection, distending what should have been a flat surface. It was stressing the t-shirt she’d worn to bed, pushing it up slightly to reveal a sliver of pale flesh overhanging the strained waistband of her sleeping shorts. Mouth dropping open, Cassie poked it with a finger. It was soft and malleable, the first join of her finger easily disappearing.

            “What the…?”

[iod9963]

Part II

 

            Cassie stared at the mirror, unable to tear her eyes away from the reflection. Her brain felt numb as she struggled to process what she was seeing. She knew with absolute certainty that she hadn’t looked like this yesterday. Yet even as she thought it, there was another part the didn’t understand her own confusion. Hadn’t she looked like this since high school?

            That’s not possible! she thought.  I would remember!

            Except she did remember. Unbidden, images rose from the depths of her memory, validating what her eyes saw. She remembered the pain of her track mishap, and the casts she’d sported for months after. They’d made getting around such a challenge that she’d spent more and more time not bothering to try. That had inevitably led to gaining a few pounds, then a few more pounds, until she’d graduated from high school a full 50lbs heavier.

            No! Cassie thought, shaking her head. That’s not how it happened!

            But her denials didn’t change her reflection. So, she just kept staring, trying to make some sense of the dissonance in her mind.

            Someone knocked on her bedroom door, bringing her back to herself. “Cassie?” her mother said as she turned the knob. “You okay?”

            “Don’t come in here!” Cassie yelled, but it was too late. The door swung wide, revealing Winnifred standing just out in the hallway. Her mother gave her an odd look.

            “What’s the matter with you, Cass? You act like I’ve never seen you in your pajamas.”

            Cassie felt her mind go blank, and she struggled for the right words. “I…uh…they’re not fitting right,” she finally blurted.

            Winnifred arched an eyebrow. “They look fine to me,” she said. “The same as it’s been since you graduated. Now, are you coming down for breakfast or not? We’ve been waiting for you for half an hour!”

            “I…I’ll be down in a minute,” Cassie managed. “Just got a little distracted.”

            “Well, I’m hungry and your dad refuses to start serving until you come down, so maybe get a little less distracted and a little more dressed.” Then, with a shake of her head, Winnifred left the room, closing the door behind her.

            Cassie stared at the door, trying to process what had just happened. Her mother had seen her bulging out of her clothes and acted like it was normal. The same as it’s been since you graduated, she had said.

            Reaching down, Cassie grabbed her midsection with both hands, pinching the flesh between her fingers. Was it possible she’d been she been deluding herself for the last four years? Her mom seemed to think so, and she couldn’t imagine why Winnifred would lie about it.

            Cassie wasn’t sure what to think anymore, though staying in her room for the rest of the day wasn’t an option. Reluctantly, she started combing through her wardrobe, hoping to find something that was at least a little concealing. Her mom, and maybe even the rest of her family, might not think twice about her soft shape, but she wasn’t quite there yet.

            It took nearly ten minutes before she found something that was good enough, though it was still much tighter than she would have preferred. Her jeans were surprisingly loose through the thighs, but clung to her hips and butt. They had been almost impossible to button, and only by moving them below the swell of her middle had she been able to fasten them.

            The squeeze of her waistband did make Cassie look unaccountably round. It made her small belly pooch over the front before spreading into a pair of soft love handles, one over each hip. She’d only found one shirt that was long comfortably long enough to cover it, though it did nothing to disguise her shape. She also quickly learned than any quick motion would cause it to ride up, exposing soft, pale skin.

            Gonna have to watch that, she told herself, examining her look in the mirror. She wasn’t entirely thrilled with it, but considering the circumstances, it was good enough. Taking one last moment to pull her black hair into a quick tail, Cassie stepped out of her bedroom and started heading towards the kitchen.

            The air was filled with the smell of pancakes and bacon, which only grew stronger as she got closer. She started to hear the low rumble of her father’s bass as he sung quietly to himself, the sound mingling with sizzle of something frying.

            “Can’t I just have a piece of bacon?” Jake said pleadingly.

            “Not until your sister comes down,” Winnifred said, her tone full of annoyance. “We eat as a family. You know the rule.”

            “But I’m starving!”

            “Quit whining,” Cassie said, stepping into the kitchen. “I’m here.”

            “Finally!” her brother exclaimed. “Took you long enough!” He bustled over to the stack of pancakes and started helping himself. Winnifred looked like she was going to follow, then hesitated and stepped over to Cassie.

            “Are you okay?” she asked. “You seem…”

            Fat? Cassie thought.

            “Distracted,” her mother said instead.

            Cassie shrugged. “I’m sorry, Mom. I guess I didn’t sleep very well.”

            Winnifred gave her a sympathetic smile. “Why don’t you take it easy today, then? Maybe take a nap. You’re going to need all the rest you can get once you get back to school.”

            “Yeah,” Cassie said uncomfortably as her mother turned to get her breakfast. “School.”

            Cassie got a plate of her own, lost in thought as she ate. After cleaning her plate, she helped her dad clear the everything away, then took a step back as the rest of the family made ready to leave.

            “Why does she get to stay home?” Jake complained.

            “Really?” Winnifred arched an eyebrow. “And how many times did I catch you playing on your phone yesterday when you should have been working?”

            “I was working,” he said defensively.

            “And today you’ll work some more,” John said, clapping his son on the shoulder. Jake winced. “It’ll be fun. Now.” He put a hand on Jake’s back and gave him a firm, but gentle, push. “To the car with you, boy.”

            “Fine,” Jake grumbled. He left, glaring at his sister from the corner of his eye. John rolled his eyes, then gave Cassie a one-armed squeeze as he followed Jake out.

            “Call if you need anything,” Winnifred said, giving Cassie a quick hug. “And take a nap. You’ll feel better.”

            “Thanks, Mom,” Cassie said, waving her out.

            Alone at last, Cassie looked around the kitchen, not sure what to do with her newfound independence. There were a lot of things she could do, but as she stood there, more and more she started to realize that her mother might have made a good point. Everything else could wait. A nap would be best.

            Decision made, she wandered into the living room and laid herself out on the couch. She turned on the tv and found something not too objectionable. Not that she was really going to watch it—it was more background noise than anything else. It wasn’t long before she felt her eyelids growing heavier. Taking a deep, contented breath, she let them slide shut.

 

*          *          *          *          *

 

            Cassie walked down the dormitory hall, favoring her right leg slightly as she counted numbers along the way. Though months had passed since the accident, her leg still didn’t’ feel completely healed. It’s why she’d asked for a new room—she’d originally been assigned to one on the fourth floor. She just didn’t think she’d be able to manage all those stairs every day.

            But maybe I should try, she thought, giving the hem of her shirt a tug. It might have helped me lose some of this weight.

            Adjusting her shirt had become automatic, an assumption that she needed to pull it back down over the swelling curve of her stomach. Not that her belly had gotten all that big, even after gaining 50 pounds since the accident. She’d just been so skinny to start with that her body had been able to absorb the hit. She could even still fit into most her clothes, though the effect wasn’t exactly flattering.

            Cassie’s thoughts quickly moved away from her weight. Normally a touchy subject, today it wasn’t enough to dim her excitement. Today was the start of her college journey, and she was about to walk into her college dorm for the very first time.

            “Let’s see,” Cassie mumbled, comparing the number of the closet door to the one written on the note she carried. She smiled. “That’s really close!” she said. “That means…” She turned around, checked the number, and let out an excited squeak. Stepping up to the door, Cassie took a deep breath, gave her shirt once last automatic tug, and turned the knob.

            The room on the other side was small, bland, and square. Its bare walls were made of cinder block painted generic white. Harsh, unflattering light filled the room, revealing every chip in the linoleum flooring. Barely larger than her own bedroom at home, most of the free space had been given over to the furniture—two beds, two dressers, two decks. Yet, as cold and sterile as it felt, Cassie was still grinning like mad. This was her dorm, her room…

            Her home.

            A sudden noise interrupted Cassie’s reverie. Her eyes fell upon a figure kneeling in front of one of that beds that she’d first overlooked. It was a blonde girl, grunting with the effort of slowly pushing herself up. As she got to her feet, Cassie couldn’t believe she’d missed seeing her first.

            Holy crap! She’s enormous!

            At first blush, the girl looked vaguely like an ice cream cone. From dimpled knees, her legs steadily grew wider as they rose to her soft hips. As wide as they were, her belly was still larger—even through the girl’s halter dress, Cassie could easily see the outline of it drooping over like a melting scoop of vanilla. Compared with that, her breasts looked small despite an imminent threat over spilling out of the dress.

            Yet, despite her size, the girl seemed absolutely at ease in a dress that seemed to show more skin than it covered. Her arms—nearly as thick as Cassie’s thighs—were on full display, as were her thick shoulders, the straps looking almost laughably thin. The dress’s lower hem barely touched the top of her thighs. Cassie suspected it had been designed to cover more, but the girl simply had too much belly in the way.

            With great difficulty, Cassie tore her eyes away from the girl’s body, trying to focus on her round, cheerful face. It wasn’t easy. This girl might just have been the fattest person Cassie had ever seen, and she felt an almost morbid fascination. But if anything showed on her face, the blonde didn’t seem to notice.

            “Well, hello!” she said enthusiastically. “My name’s Maggie, and if you’re coming in here, I guess that makes us roommates!”

            “Uh…yeah.” She reached a hand out to the blonde. “My name’s Cassie.”

            “Cassie, huh?” Maggie gave her a smile. “You need help moving your stuff in?”

            Cassie looked dubiously at the enormous girl. “Uh…sure. I mean, if you’re offering, right?”

            Maggie proved surprisingly helpful in getting Cassie moved in. Despite her size, she moved easily enough, and could carry much larger loads than Cassie could. It only took a few trips to bring everything from the car, then less than an hour to get her things situated. When they’d finished, Maggie dusted her hands off on her dress and smiled.

            “So…food?”

            Cassie couldn’t stop her eyes from dropping down to Maggie’s massive gut. For just a moment, then she managed to look back up at her roommate’s face. “Uh…sure, I guess. What’s good around here?”

            “I’m not sure,” Maggie said. “How about we go find out?”

            Not long after, the two girls found themselves at a greasy spoon near campus, staring down enormous plates of breakfast food. Cassie looked down at her plate doubtfully. “I don’t know if I can eat all this,” she said.

            “I think you’ll manage,” Maggie said. “You look like a girl with an appetite.”

            Maggie dug into her meal eagerly, but Cassie put her own fork down on the table. One hand went to her belly, resting on the soft bulge pushing over her waistband. It felt warm to the touch, mirroring the warmth in her cheeks. Several long moments passed before Maggie realized something was wrong.

            “You okay?” she asked.

            “Yeah,” Cassie said gloomily. “I’m fine.”

            Maggie looked at her shrewdly. “Was it what I said?” she asked. Cassie couldn’t find the words, and so looked away. Maggie gave her a lopsided smile. “Look, Cassie, I’m sorry if I said something that upset you, but I promise I didn’t mean anything by it. You do look like a girl with an appetite. But you know what? So do I.” Grinning, she gave her enormous belly a shake. “This is part of who I am—I’d be crazy to ignore that. But it doesn’t define who I am, you know?”

            “I wish I had your confidence,” Cassie said softly.

            “It wasn’t easy,” Maggie said. “But I’ve had my whole life to work on it. You, I’m guessing it’s a recent change.”

            “Just this last year,” Cassie nodded.

            “Wanna talk about it?”

            Cassie almost said no, but something about Maggie made her feel at ease. So, she started telling her the whole story, starting with the accident and going right up through the end of the school year. She didn’t leave out a single detail: the concern from her teachers, the disgust from her former teammates, the pity from her friends.  

            “That was the hardest part, the pity. Like I’d caught some incurable disease.”

            “Well, the good news is that doesn’t matter anymore.” Maggie gave her a smile. “Something my brother Oliver told me after his first semester of college. Whoever, whatever you were in high school, it doesn’t matter. None of these people know your story. College is your chance to wipe the slate clean.”

            Cassie frowned. “But that doesn’t get rid of this,” she said, glancing down at her middle.

            “No, it doesn’t,” Maggie agreed. “But no one here knows any better. Besides, I think…how much did you say you weighed?”

            “I…uh…” She blushed. Maggie rolled her eyes.

            “How about this?” she said. “I’m 434 pounds. Whatever you are, it’s not even in the same zip code as me.”

            Cassie took a deep breath. “I’m 180,” she said quietly, her cheeks coloring a little.

            “And it looks good on you,” Maggie said. “A little too good, maybe. You’ll be fending off dates with a stick.”

            Cassie couldn’t help the grin that blossomed on her face. “Thanks,” she said. “I appreciate that.” With her fork, she scooped up a bite of food from her platter, then realized with some surprise that the plate was now empty. It was only then that Cassie recognized just how tight her stomach felt.

            “Oh, man,” she moaned, leaning back against her chair. “I didn’t realize I’d eaten so much.”

            “I’m actually kind of impressed,” Maggie admitted. “I didn’t actually think you could keep up with me.”

            “Thanks, I guess. Let’s just not make a habit of it, okay?”

            Maggie laughed. “No promises.”

 

*          *          *          *          *

 

            Cassie felt an insistent vibration from somewhere near her head slowly dragging her back to consciousness. Groaning softly, she flailed around until her hand closed on her phone. She touched the screen, then held it up to her ear.

            “Hello?” she said sleepily.

            “Hey, Cass,” her mother said. “We’re taking a break for lunch, and I wanted to check how you were feeling.”

            Cassie rubbed her eyes. “I’m fine,” she said. “Just taking a nap.”
            “Oh, I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

            “It’s okay. I probably should get some lunch myself.”

            “You want me to bring you anything?”

            As if on cue, Cassie felt her stomach growl hungrily. “That’s alright, Mom. I don’t really want to wait. I’ll just get something out of the fridge.”

            “Well, if you’re sure. Let me know if you change your mind.”

            “Thanks, Mom. Love ya.”

            “Love you, too.” She hung up.

            Cassie’s stomach rumbled again, but she ignored it. Despite her obvious and immediate need to eat something, she still felt too lethargic to get off the couch. It was like a physical force, weighing her down into the soft embrace of the cushions. Since breaking free would take more energy than she had at the moment, she decided to check her phone first.

            There were a number of social media notifications that she pushed aside for later. A few emails that she completely ignored. One missed call from her mother. And an urgent-looking text message from…

            Maggie?

            Cassie’s heart started to beat a little faster. She didn’t know anyone named Maggie, except for…

            “It was just a dream,” she whispered. “My Freshman roommate was Allison.”

            But even as she said it, the words sounded completely ridiculous. How could Allison have been her roommate? She’d had a room on the fourth floor, all to herself after Cassie had switched because of the lingering weakness in her leg.

            The change had been good for all of them. Cassie didn’t know Allison all that well, but she had always seemed a little toxic. Maggie, on the other hand, was warm and sweet, and it hadn’t taken long for the two of them to become best friends.

            No, Allison was my best friend. Until she…

            Cassie blinked in confusion. Until she had…what? Cassie couldn’t remember. She knew something had caused a rift between the two girls, but she couldn’t remember any of the specifics.

            Am I losing my mind? Why am I remembering things all wrong?

            But there was another voice in the back of her head. What if you’re not the one who’s wrong? it seemed to whisper. Cassie felt herself shiver, then shook her head.

            “That’s just crazy!” she told herself forcefully. “It’s stress, that’s all!”

            Her phone vibrated again, indicating another text message from Maggie. Operating on instinct, Cassie unlocked her phone and read.

            Are you there? Why aren’t you answering me?

            There was another message above it: Are you seriously thinking about dropping out? Call me, Cass! We need to talk about this!

            Cassie stared at both messages, not sure how to respond. She knew this girl—late nights, study session, snack runs—but she also remembered a life where Maggie simply didn’t matter. It was all so confusing. She didn’t know what to do.

            Her stomach growled, more insistently than before, and Cassie knew the answer. She felt unaccountably ravenous and didn’t trust herself to make any decisions on an empty stomach. She was going to eat first, then figure out her next move after that.

            Cassie unsuccessfully tried to sit up, getting only a few inches off the couch before she flopped back onto the cushion. She didn’t understand—was something sitting on her, keeping her from getting up? She lifted her head a bit, trying to get a better view of herself. That’s when she saw it.

            “Oh, no!” she moaned. “Oh, no, no, no, no, no!”

            Beyond the peaks of her breasts, she saw a larger dome, rising like a flesh-colored mountain. It looked soft and yielding, shifting with her every motion. From her slightly elevated vantage, she could see lines of faded red coursing down the pale skin.

            Tentatively, Cassie reached a hand down towards the swell. She hesitated, then lightly pressed against the surface. It was pliable, like uncooked dough, but warm to the touch. She felt it beneath her fingers, but with a thrill of horror, realized she felt her fingers against it. In that moment, she knew what it was. She knew what she was.

            She was fat.

[iod9963]

Part III

            Despite her best effort, Cassie’s eyes started sliding shut and her chin began drooping towards her chest. It was only when she felt herself slowly drifting sideways that she suddenly jerked awake. The desk chair creaked in protest as she abruptly shifted her mass, heaving herself onto her feet.

            “Gotta stay awake!” she whispered fiercely as she started pacing. “Gotta stay awake!”

            It had been well past 1 in the morning when she’d last checked her phone. Her eyes felt gritty and her back ached. She desperately needed rest, but she didn’t dare. Not after what had happened the last few times she’d fallen asleep.

            Cassie followed the well-worn path through her bedroom, hoping movement would stave of exhaustion long enough to figure out a solution. But the more tired she became, the more her thoughts wandered. She tried to focus but kept getting distracted by subtle things—the exaggerated sway of her hips, the brush of thigh against high, the slight ripple that passed through her with each footstep.

            She stopped walking and looked down at herself. The heavy swell of her belly was pushing down on the elastic waistband of her shorts, completely eclipsing her lower body from view. A faded network of stretchmarks crisscrossed its surface, a testament to the speed at which it had grown.

            How did this happen to me?

            The question kept running through her mind, echoing with each step. She struggled to find an answer, but the problem wasn’t that she didn’t have one—she had two.

            Along one path, she remembered the 50lbs she’d gained during senior year, followed by another 40lbs as a college freshman. A few years had passed since then, and she’d grown used to it. But then there was the other branch, where all of these changes had happened in just the last day and a half. Only one of them could be real, but she was increasingly unsure which it was.

            The dreams, Cassie. Remember the dreams.

            She hadn’t imagined those dreams. Probably. Dreams so real that they felt like memories, altered versions of what had actually happened. Dreams that had somehow, impossible though it seemed, changed the course of her life. And if her dreams had the power to do that, she absolutely could not let herself fall asleep. Not until she figured out how to fix things.

            If that were even possible.

            Taking a deep breath, Cassie started pacing again. It was enough to keep her awake, but it couldn’t distract her from the base impulses of her body. Not just how tired she was, but the hollow in her middle.

            As if on cue, her stomach growled loud and insistent, reminding her that she’d skipped dinner. And lunch before it. In fact, she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast, and now she was starting to feel the need. It was a powerful urge, just as adamant as her need for sleep. But, unlike that, pacing didn’t make it easier to ignore.

            Her stomach rumbled. She shook her head, trying to deny it, but that only seemed to make it more intense. “I’m not gonna do it!” she growled under her breath. “So stop!” Predictably, her words had no effect. Her stomach growled again.

            “Oh, for heaven’s sake!” She reached down and grabbed her belly with both hands, then gave it a shake. “I’m not eating anything! I’m fat enough as it is!”

            But her stomach didn’t care. It wanted food and wouldn’t accept excuses. Another loud rumble, and Cassie threw up her hands.

            “Okay, fine!” she snapped. “Just stop!”

            Heaving a sigh, she walked over to the door and eased it open just enough to make sure the coast was clear. Seeing no one, she slowly eased out into the hallway. The house was dark and silent, the rest of her family asleep. That made her feel better for some reason. No witnesses for what was about to happen.

            She made her way towards the kitchen, navigating the dark hallway by trailing her hand along the wall. Going for a midnight snack was a novel experience, but one she also remembered doing countless times before. She even knew where not to step so as to keep the floor from creaking under her weight.

            Don’t think about it, she said, pushing the contradiction to the back of her mind. She didn’t want to worry about any of that right now. She just needed a snack, something to take the edge off.

            She pushed the kitchen door open and smiled. There was a hint in the air of dinner. It smelled like her mom’s chicken potpie, with a hint of something sweet, too. That meant there was dessert somewhere, too. Her mouth started to water. She opened the fridge.

            In that first moment, Cassie realized she’d made a mistake. She told herself to turn around and walk away, to go back to bed, but it was already too late—her brain was no longer in control. She could only watch with morbid fascination as her hands snagged a fork from the drawer, then she reached for the leftover potpie.

            There was still a lot left—her mom must have made extra. Or maybe it’s because she’s got a daughter like me. The thought seemed to come from somewhere else, as separate from herself as she was from her body. She sank down onto the floor, adjusted her shorts to sit more comfortably across her belly, and began to eat.

            Even though it was cold, the first bite tasted heavenly, a medley of salt and garlic in a creamy broth. She could practically taste her mother’s love in the crust, along with a healthy dose of carbs. It felt like a long time since she’d last eaten something this amazing, but that might have had just as much to do with her raging hunger as it did with the actual food.

            She felt her mind drifting, only vaguely aware of the food she was eating: scoop, chew, swallow. It wasn’t until she was scraping the last remnants out of the tin that she came back to herself. She blinked in surprise. Had she really eaten it all?

            “Oh, man,” she said, setting the empty container aside and massaged her stomach. It was soft to the touch, with a barely perceptible firmness beneath the surface. She felt comfortable sated, or at least she wasn’t ravenously hungry anymore. If she had any control, she would have picked herself off the floor and gone back to bed.

            But she wasn’t the one calling the shots.

            Cassie spotted the familiar bowl tucked behind a pitcher of water. Smiling to herself, she grabbed it and peeled off the lid. Inside, as suspected, she found the remnant of her mother’s fruit salad. Despite the name, this recipe called for more marshmallows and whipped cream than actual fruit. Certainly not healthy, but that wasn’t going to stop her. Taking a moment to exchange her fork for a spoon, Cassie dived in.

            The fruit salad was everything she remembered—sweet, delicious, and a perfect companion to the potpie already filling her belly. Each bite should have been her last, but Cassie couldn’t help herself. She was firmly on this path, and it would not end until she had scraped every last trace of cream out of the bowl.

            Some time later, Cassie set the empty bowl to the side. With some difficulty, she maneuvered herself back to lean against the cabinet. Her belly was tight, filled to bursting. She laid her hands on it as lightly as she could, but even that modest pressure was enough to elicit a small belch.

            “Too…too much food,” she panted softly. Putting her hand to her taut belly again, she began trying to massage some of the pressure away. Once she relieved enough of it, then maybe she’d think about heaving herself off the floor and going back to bed.

            Then her eyes fell on the gallon of milk, and a smile slowly blossomed on her face. She was more stuffed than she’d ever before, her bloated stomach pushing out between shirt and shorts, easily overpowering both. She couldn’t possibly have room left for anything else.

            That still didn’t stop her from leaning forward, inch by painful inch, to grab the jug. Twisting the cap off, Cassie lifted it to her lips and began taking slow, deep swallows. The milk was cold, a ribbon of ice snaking its way into her packed gut. She felt its twin running down her chin, her neck, her chest, and begin soaking into her shirt. But she didn’t care. All that mattered to her was more—more milk, more pressure, more pain. Especially the pain, a pain so exquisite that it bordered on ecstasy.

            What’s wrong with me? Cassie wondered. But the question was gone as soon as she thought it, washed away in a flood of milk.

            “What are you doing?”

            Cassie dropped the jug and swung her head around, milk spurting out of her mouth as she searched for who had spoken. It was hard to see from her position on the ground, so she put her hands underneath and tried hoisting herself up. The heaviness of her stomach made it all but impossible, and she only managed a few inches before she collapsed back onto the floor. The sudden jolt forced out another belch, loud and echoing into the night.

            Blushing furiously in the dark, Cassie put a hand over her mouth. Her breath—short and shallowed—echoed against her palm. I hope no one heard that, she thought.

            “Is this what you really want, Cassie?”

            She froze, straining her ears for any trace of someone else. Other than the pounding of her heart, the room was silent.

            “Hello?” she asked softly, tentatively.

            The quiet persisted. Cassie found herself begging whatever power might be listening that it wasn’t her mom. The voice had been feminine, and very familiar.

            “Is someone there?”

            She heard a footstep, followed by another, and another. Someone was walking towards her, rounding the counter. Cassie tried to push herself away, to hide the evidence of what she’d been doing, but she was too stuffed to get very far. She could only sit there, waiting for her mother to see her like this.

            The person who walked into view was of medium height and slim, with dark hair curling around her shoulders. Her body shape was definitely a woman’s, though not very well-endowed, but her features were obscured by the darkness. Cassie thought she knew this person, but was only certain it wasn’t her mother.

            “Who are you?” she demanded. Though she tried to sound threatening, she sounded more scared. “What are you doing in my house?”

            Cassie saw a twitch of motion in the shadows, then a flash of white. The figure was smiling at her, and it didn’t look friendly.

            “Leave me alone!” Cassie yelled, but the shadow didn’t turn back. Instead, she started walking forward, slowly inching into the wan light of the open fridge. The glow fell on slim legs, lean hips, a flat stomach. A few more steps, and the figure was stood completely illuminated. Cassie’s mouth dropped open.

            “What the…”

            “You’d better watch it, Cass. You’re starting to look a little fat.”

            It was her. At least, it was her as she used to be. Should have been. Or…something. A Cassie who hadn’t gained nearly 100 pounds since high school, one who had a look to her that demanded respect.

            Cassie—the real Cassie—shook her head, trying to make sense of things. But when she looked again, the figure was gone. Vanished, as though she’d never been there. Cassie stared at the spot, then swallowed hard.

            I’m seeing things, she decided, touching her head, then her belly. Too much food. My mind’s playing tricks on me.

            Grunting, Cassie barely managed to heave herself to her feet. Swaying a little, she started with one lumbering step towards the kitchen door, then another. Her eyes started closing as the beginnings of a food coma came on.

            In that moment, nothing sounded half as good as collapsing onto her bed and going to sleep. Somewhere in the back of her brain, Cassie felt something resist, crying out for her to stay awake. She knew it was important, but couldn’t remember why. Finally, she decided to stop thinking about it.

            There would be plenty of time for that in the morning.

 

*          *          *          *          *

 

            Cassie pressed the submit button, then leaned back in her chair with a groan. “Why did I ever let you talk me into this,” she said with a sigh.

            “Talk you into what?” Maggie giggled. “The M&Ms? Or the brownies?”

            “All of it,” she grumbled, pushing herself forward just long enough to snag a handful of candy.    She began popping them into her mouth, one by one. “The snacks. The study sessions. Heck, even just declaring the same major as you.”

            “I needed a study partner,” Maggie said dryly, grabbing a few M&Ms of her own. “Besides, I thought you liked computer science.”

            “I do. It’s just…” She shook her head. “I don’t think I can keep this up. Do you have any idea how much weight I’ve gained since the start of the semester? And that’s on top of the 50lbs from last semester.”

            “Whatever. You’re still tiny compared to me.”

            “Yeah,” Cassie said dryly. “Compared to you. Mags, you’re easily the fattest person on campus. Sometimes it feels like you’re trying to make me a close second.”

            Maggie grinned. “I just know how to live life to the fullest. And by the look of you, it seems like you’ve really taken my lessons to heart, too.”

            “Well, I wish it would stop. I’m not sure how much more ‘learning’ my clothes can take. Most of my t-shirts are looking more like crop tops these days.”

            Maggie rolled her eyes. “Oh, please, Cass! Just buy some new clothes and stop complaining. Jeez, you act like you’re the only girl on campus to put on a few pounds.”

            “A few pounds?” Cassie grabbed her belly and gave it a shake. “Does this look like a few pounds to you?”

            “It looks like you finally figured out how to enjoy life,” Maggie said. “And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be fat and happy, than skinny and miserable.”

            Cassie sighed. “Are those really my only two choices?”

            “Let me know if you figure out otherwise,” Maggie smiled. “Now, how about we move onto our next assignment?”

            “Sure, but…” Cassie grabbed the bag of M&Ms and turned it upside down. “This one’s empty. How about we go get another one before we start?”

            “Now you’re speaking my language.”           

 

*          *          *          *          *

 

            Cassie woke with a groan, feeling as though she’d been hit by a truck. Her head was pounding, her stomach churned, and she wanted nothing more than to roll over and go back to sleep. But then an image came to mind, seen as though from outside of her herself. A fat young woman—black hair swept back from her face, dark eyes glazed over, already large belly impossibly bloated—leaning against the counter and surrounded by the remnants of enough food to feed a small family.

            Did I really eat all that? Cassie thought. No wonder I feel like garbage.

            She put a hand to her belly, hoping to quell some of the roiling. From the moment she touched it, she knew something was off. Her middle felt wrong. Bigger. Rounder. More than one midnight feast, no matter how indulgent, could account for.

            Cassie raised her head a few inches to look down at herself. Her eyes fell first on her breasts. They were fuller than she remembered, straining her stained t-shirt. Beyond them, rising nearly twice as high, was her gut, looking just as soft and flabby as it felt. The strain of holding her head up was sending small ripples through the fat, making it quiver.

            Closing her eyes, Cassie let her head flop back onto the pillow as her mistake of last night came flooding back. Not the excess, though she probably shouldn’t have don’t that. “The dream,” she whispered. “Damn it!”

            If any part of her hadn’t believed, this ended the debate. Even as part of her adamantly maintained that she’d been this size for several years—ever since following Maggie into the computer science program—she was convinced those were false memories, implanted by whatever force was changing her past. But while that explained what was going on, it didn’t touch on how it had started, or why it happening to her.

            With some difficulty, Cassie rolled to her side, put her feet on the floor, then managed to pull herself up into a sitting position. Her large belly settled across her thighs, creeping towards her knees as she leaned forward. It felt so strange, though a voice in the back of her mind tried convincing her it had been this way for several years.

            Don’t think about that now, she told herself. She started rubbing at her temples, hoping to focus her thoughts through the headache.

            Less than two days ago, her life had been normal and she had been 130 pounds. Now, after three hyper-real dreams, everything was in constant flux and she was fat. Twice as fat, if these false memories were to be believed. Looking at herself, she could easily believe she was 260 pounds now.

            “Let me see,” she whispered, closing her eyes. “One dream last night. Another dream yesterday. And one the night before that, after…”

            After spending the day at Grandpa’s house!

            Cassie took a deep breath, then started heaving herself off the bed. She knew what she needed to do now.

[iod9963]

Part IV

 

            Cassie absently wiped a thin trickle of sweat from her forehead. Someone—probably her father—had turned the A/C off, and she had no idea how to turn it back on. With the late summer afternoon sweltering outside, the attic had grown hot and stuffy, making it hard to focus. It didn’t help that she was carrying an extra 130lbs of personal insulation.

            “Come on, come on!” she growled under her breath, sifting through yet another cardboard box. But nothing stood out to her as she reached the bottom. Groaning, she shoved it away and looked towards the neat stack of boxes she hadn’t searched yet, all just out of reach.

            “Break time,” she said, shifting from kneeling to sitting. “Just a few minutes, then back at it.”

            As she settled back, Cassie couldn’t help but wonder if maybe she’d been wrong. It had all made so much sense this morning—whatever was making her fat had something to do with her grandfather’s house. But after spending all day trying to find an answer, she had nothing to show for it.

            Sighing, Cassie looked at the boxes surrounding her, both the open ones close to hand and the neat stacks that were just out of reach. By her best guess, she was less than halfway finished, though hours had passed since she’d first heaved herself up the attic ladder, each step creaking ominously beneath her bulk. She would have thought she’d be done by now, but the hunt had gone much slower than she’d anticipated.

            Because I didn’t factor in this, she thought, running a hand over the soft curve of her belly. She was unused to carrying around such a heavy weight, and it had slowed her pace considerably. At least she’d stopped trying to keep it covered, not that it saved her much time. But her shirt had kept riding up, and constantly tugging it back into place had been a lost cause.  

            “Well,” Cassie sighed. “I really should get back at it.” Even as she said them, she knew there was no conviction in them. She just sat there, hands slowly moving down her skin until she was cradling her belly with both hands. The weight of it was surprising, yet it was also comforting in a way she couldn’t quite express.

            Maybe it’s not so bad. I mean, if I can’t find a way to fix this…

            Cassie shook her head furiously, pushing back the complacency creeping through her. While some part of her might be okay with being fat, the rest of her—the real Cassie—would not be so tranquil. She would solve this problem, which meant finding what had caused it in the first place. And that meant getting back to work.

            “I can do this,” she told herself. “I can do this.”

            Cassie put both hands on the floor and pushed herself forward with a grunt. It was hard work, her muscles straining against her weight, but she felt herself winning the battle. She soon got back on her knees, then heaved herself into a standing position. Panting with the exertion, she swiped a hand across her forehead and trudged over to the stack of untouched boxes.

            “What are you doing up here?”

            The voice made Cassie jump. Yelping, she spun around, nearly losing her balance in the process. Her eyes immediately snapped to the head poking up through the trap door, and for one horrible moment, she thought it was the shadow she’d seen the night before. Then her brain caught up with her racing instincts, and she realized it was just her mother.

            “You trying to sweat yourself to death, or something?” Winnifred asked with a grin.

            “Uh, no, Mom,” Cassie said, struggling to get her breathing under control. She still hadn’t caught it from the exertion of getting up, and this sudden shock had only made things worse. “I was...uh…just looking for something.”

            Winnifred raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were done up here already.”

            “I was,” Cassie said, scrambling for an explanation. “But…I…it’s something I misplaced.”

            “Really,” Winnifred said as she cast a disapproving look over the attic. “Well, I hope you’re planning to fix this.”
            “I am,” Cassie promised. “When I’m finished. Probably should get back to work, then.”

            “Wait a minute,” Winnifred said. “I thought you might be hungry, so I brought dinner. Why don’t you take a break and come eat.”

            Cassie started to smile before she could stop herself. “I don’t know,” she said, looking back towards the boxes. “I’d really like to finish before—”

            “Eat first, Cassie,” Winnifred said, enunciating each word. “Whatever you’re looking for will still be up here later, and you’ll have a better chance of success with a full belly.” Not waiting for a response, she started to descend the ladder. “Get a move on!”

            The young woman looked between the boxes and the ladder, trying to decide what she should do. She was anxious to keep working, worried she wouldn’t find her answer before it was too late. But her mother also had a point. Plus, she was hungry.

            “I’m coming!” she called, starting towards the ladder. As before, the wood protested as she moved down it.

            “Yeah, yeah, I know I’m fat. You don’t have to be so dramatic about it.”

            Pausing only long enough to close the trap door, Cassie hurried towards the kitchen. An enticing smell already filled the air, making her mouth water and her stomach growl. It sounded almost annoyed. Not that Cassie could blame it—she’d skipped breakfast because she’d still been so full from her midnight snack, and lunch had been whatever she’d been able to scrounge up.

            No wonder I’m so hungry.

            “I got pizza,” Winnifred said as Cassie entered the kitchen. “I hope that’s okay.”

            “That sounds amazing,” Cassie replied enthusiastically. “Thanks, Mom!” Winnifred positively beamed.

            “Have a seat, Cass. Don’t let it get cold.”

            Cassie walked over to the table, pulled out a chair, and settled into it. A moment later, her mother slid a paper plate in front of her with four massive slices on it. Cassie’s mouth dropped open as she looked down. “Uh…Mom?”

            “What?” Winnifred looked over. “Oh, I’m sorry, Cass. You want another piece?”

            Cassie gaped at her. Another piece? What was her mother thinking?
            A sudden growl made Cassie look down. She probably thinks I’m a big, fat pig, Cassie realized with a blush. Her midriff was on full display now, the button of her shorts barely holding it together as her stomach oozed towards her lap. It wouldn’t take much—even as little as breathing too deeply—to send that button flying across the room. The thought made Cassie’s cheeks grow hot.

            “It’s nothing,” she mumbled, pulling the plate closer. She’d only have one piece, just enough to sate her hunger and hopefully avoid an awkward conversation about her appetite. But, just like the night before, it was already too late. As much as she might want to maintain control, Cassie knew after just one bite she wouldn’t be able to stop herself. The pizza—with its gooey cheese, spicy meat, and garlicy crust—was almost intoxicating. Cassie practically shoved the entire piece into her mouth, already reaching for a second before she’d even swallowed the first.

            So good! Cassie thought, lost in a haze of flavor

            “Good thing I got the extra-large,” her mother said dryly. Cassie blinked in surprise, then looked down at her empty plate. Her cheeks still bulged with the final slice.

            “Uh…yeah,” she said, swallowing. “Good thing.”

            “You want some more?” Winnifred asked, hand resting lightly on top of the box.

            Cassie chewed thoughtfully on her lower lip. She wasn’t hungry anymore, not really, but she wanted more pizza. Logically, she knew that wasn’t a good enough reason to keep eating, yet that didn’t stop her from giving the pizza box a longing stare.

            “Go ahead, Cass,” Winnifred said gently. “No judgment from me.”

            She hesitated only a moment before reaching across the table and pulling the box closer. “Thanks, Mom,” she said, grabbing another slice. She took a bite, far more measured than any before, when she realized her mother was staring at her. “Uh…is everything alright?”

            “I was going to ask you the same thing, Cass. Is everything okay?
            Cassie’s mouth suddenly went dry. “What do you mean?”

            “It’s hard to explain,” Winnifred said. “You’ve just been so…different lately. Since your grandpa…since he…” She looked down and cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I wish I could explain things better.”

            Cassie looked at her pizza for a moment, then set it down and wiped her hands on a napkin. “Can I ask you about something, Mom?”

            “Sure,” Winnifred said. “I’m all ears.”
            Taking a deep breath, Cassie opened her mouth. She wished there was a better way to do this, but nothing came to mind. “Mom,” she began, then hesitated. Winnifred nodded encouragingly.

            “When did I first start gaining weight?”

            Winnifred looked almost disappointed. “What does this have to do with your plan to drop out of college?”

            “My plan…what are you—” Realization dawn, and Cassie shook her head. “This isn’t about that.”

            “So, your dad was right. Maggie did convince you to stay in school after all.” She smiled. “Bless that girl.”

            “Just listen, Mom!” Cassie growled. “This isn’t about school! I just want to know when I started gaining weight!”

            “Wait. Are you being serious?”

            “Yes!”

            Winnifred shook her head in confusion. “High school. After your accident. Why are you asking me about it?”

            Cassie ignored the question. “And you’re sure about that?”
            Winnifred gave her daughter a flat stare. “Cass, I’m the one who cooks your meals, does your laundry, and at least tries to keep you modest.” Her gaze momentarily flickered down to Cassie’s exposed belly before returning to her face. “Trust me, I noticed pretty early on. The only thing I don’t know is why we’re talking about it now.”

            “Because that’s not how I remember it,” Cassie said.

            “Well, I…” Winnifred suddenly stopped talking, her mouth opening and closing soundlessly for a few moments. “Um…what did you say, Cass?”

            “I don’t remember gaining all this weight,” Cassie said, squeezing her ample belly with both hands. “That’s not what happened.”

            Winnifred really seemed at a loss for words as she struggled to understand what her daughter was saying. “But, Cassie,” she began gently. “You…um…” She gestured helplessly toward Cassie’s exposed midsection.

            “I know what it looks like, Mom,” she said. “And I know this is going to sound crazy. But this only happened a few days ago.” She started to talk, a hesitant trickle that grew into a torrent as the entire story spilled out. By the time Cassie finished, the last few slices of pizza had long since grown cold.

            The two women sat in silence of a moment—one staring off into space as she digested the narrative while the other waited for her response. Winnifred finally nodded and met her daughter’s eyes. “Okay. Let’s see if I understand this. You started…changing a few days ago, yes?”

            “The day after we started cleaning out the house.”

            “And it happens at night. You go to sleep normal and wake up different.”

            Cassie nodded, feeling her cheeks grow a little warm.

            “So, everything I remember from these last few years, that’s all in my head?”

            “I know it sounds crazy,” Cassie mumbled, looking down at the table. “Especially when you say it like that. But I swear it’s true.”

            “It does seem a little farfetched,” Winnifred agreed. “But I believe you.”

            Cassie’s head snapped up, mouth opening in shock as she stared at her mother. As far as she could tell, the older woman seemed completely genuine. “You believe me?”

            “I do,” Winnifred said. “Because it reminds me of something my father once told me.”

            “What was it?” Cassie asked, leaning forward eagerly.

            “I’m sorry, Cass,” she smiled apologetically. “I don’t remember all the details. This was years ago, when I was a kid.”

            “Oh,” Cassie said, the momentary hope she’d felt starting to wither.

            “But he probably wrote it down. Dad was fastidious about keeping his journal.”

            “Grandpa kept a journal?”

            Winnifred laughed softly. “Haven’t you ever paid attention to his office?” She pushed back her chair and stood up. “Come with me.”

            Cassie got up and followed her mother out the room. She struggled to keep pace with Winnifred, and by the time she reached her grandfather’s office, Cassie was out of breath.

            “You alright?” Winnifred asked.

            “I’m fine,” Cassie managed, still panting. “Just a little out of shape, I guess.”

            Chuckling, Winnifred rounded the large oak desk and paused before the crowded shelves behind it. “This is the first one,” she said, resting her fingers on a soft leather spine. “He started it when he was a boy.” Trailing her fingers down the row, she stopped at another book. “And this is the last. Never finished, unfortunately.”

            Cassie stared at the collection with an equal measure of awe and trepidation. There were more than 50 volumes—all of them thick. The information she was looking for surely had to be in one of them. But she was not blessed with an abundance of time, and finding what she needed would take a miracle.

            I guess there’s only one way to find out.

            Setting her jaw, Cassie marched behind the desk, grabbed a journal at random, and pulled out her grandfather’s chair. It protested as she sat down, but she ignored it as she opened the book to the first page, covered in neat, concise script.

            “How about I start from the other end,” her mother suggested, gathering a few from the bottom of the shelf. “I’ll be in the living room if you need anything.” Cassie flashed her a grateful smile, then turned back to the journal in front of her.

            This is it, she told herself. It has to be. I just have to keep moving and not let myself get distracted.

            It was going to be a long night.

           

*          *          *          *          *

 

            Marching wordlessly into the room, Cassie threw herself onto the bed, buried her face in a pillow, and screamed. She kept at it, pouring all of her anger and frustration into the pillow until her lungs ached. Then she sucked in another quick breath and screamed again. By the time that was over, she had nothing left.

            “Your date must have really sucked,” Maggie said dryly. Cassie extracted her face from the pillow and turned to her roommate.

            “You have no idea.”

            “Wanna talk about it?”

            “Not really.”

            “Understood,” Maggie said with a knowing smile. “I’ll get the ice cream.”

            Cassie watched as the other girl hoisted herself out of her chair and waddled over to the minifridge she’d brought at the start of sophomore year. As Maggie bent over, Cassie couldn’t help eyeing her roommate’s enormous backside. It had definitely gotten bigger since they’d first met, though Maggie was already so fat that most people wouldn’t have noticed.

            Not as much as mine has, though, Cassie thought miserably. While Maggie had been—and still was—the larger of the two girls by far, the amount of weight she had gained over the last year and a half was nothing compared to the way Cassie had positively ballooned in that same time.

            Which, as much as she hated to admit it, was why her date had been so bad.

            “Alright,” Maggie said, handing Cassie a pint and settling down on the floor with one of her own. “Tell me everything.”

            Cassie maneuvered into a semblance of a sitting position, ripped the lid off, and spooned some ice cream into her mouth. “It was a disaster from start to finish,” she said, words muffled because of her mouthful. “He started off saying he didn’t realize I’d be so fat.”

            “Really? What a prick!”

            “That was just the start,” Cassie said, taking another bite of ice cream. “It only got worse from there.”

            “How so?”

            Cassie sighed, then held up a finger. “He kept trying to make me go faster when we were walking, like he was ashamed to be seen with me.” She added another finger. “Then he asked for a booth in the very back of the restaurant.” A third finger. “He kept insisting I order a salad instead of the pasta.” A fourth. “And when the waitress asked if we wanted dessert, he gave me a lecture about the importance of a good diet!”

            “That’s…a lot,” Maggie said, staring at her friend’s hand.

            “And that’s not even the worst.” Cassie raised a thumb. “After all that, he still tried to get me to go back to his dorm with him. Kept implying that he was doing me a favor, and I should be grateful.” She rolled her eyes.

            “What a jackass! What’d you do?”

            “I started to cry,” Cassie admitted. “But then I slapped him. He started calling me a bunch of names, so I slapped him again and came home.” She sighed, then took another bite of ice cream. “I really should have known better. I hate blind dates.”

            “I told you it was a bad idea,” Maggie said. “Nothing good has ever happened when Allison’s involved.”

            “Fine. You were right.” Cassie stuck her tongue out at Maggie. “Happy now?”

            “Not really,” Maggie said. “I hate seeing you so miserable.”

            Cassie gave a sarcastic laugh. “Not sure I’ve got a lot of other options,” she said. “Guys don’t exactly line up for a girl who’s doubled her weight in three years.”

            “You’ve just got to find the right guy,” Maggie said. “And speaking of that…”

            “No!” Cassie said firmly. “I’m not going on a date with your cousin!”

            “Why not? He’s perfect for you.”

            “It’s just weird! You’re my best friend.”

            “So you can trust what I tell you about him.”

            “But he’s a senior!”

            “So?” Maggie asked dismissively. “Seniors date sophomores all the time. And like you said—it’s not like you’ve got a lot of other options.”

            Cassie glared at Maggie, but still felt herself wavering. Something of her thoughts must have showed on her face because Maggie gave her a knowing smile. “He can cook,” she said.

            Cassie went for another spoonful of ice cream, only to realized she’d finished off her pint already. Regretfully, she set the empty container aside and wiped her hands on her pants. “Okay. If I agree to go on a date—one date—you have to stop throwing him at me. Understand?”

            “I won’t have to,” Maggie said confidently. “You’ll be too smitten to let him go.”

            Cassie groaned. “Okay, for using the word ‘smitten’ you now have to get me another pint of ice cream.”

 

*          *          *          *          *

            Cassie could hear birdsong from somewhere nearby, shrill and annoying. The high-pitch sounds penetrated her skull, intruding on her dream. Even as it faded, she felt the humiliation of that night as though it were still fresh. But, as horrible as the experience had been, she would have gladly suffered it a hundred times over because it had ended with her meeting Oliver.

            As promised, Maggie’s cousin had been perfect for her, or very nearly. Handsome, charming, funny—even now she didn’t quite understand what he saw in her. But she was indeed smitten with him, and had accepted his attraction to her at face value.

            I wonder what he’s doing now, she thought.

            It had been more than six months since they’d last seen each other. That’s when he’d started his new job, taking an offer that was worth more money but put more than half the country between them. Secretly, she’d been hoping he’d take the other offer, less lucrative but closer to home. But she also understood his choice. He had to look out for himself.

            Cassie shifted on the couch, feeling the stiff cushions give beneath her weight. Something slid off her chest and hit the floor. Curious, she looked over and saw a leather-bound book lying open on the patterned carpet. Beside it was a stack of similar looking books. The top of the page was dated in neat handwriting, citing a time some fifty years earlier.

            A journal, she realized. But what…oh, no!

            Realization hit as she remembered everything that had happened the day before: her search, the conversation with her mother, a seemingly endless collection of her grandfather’s journals. She’d read for as long as she could, until her eyes itched and her back ached. Then she’d moved to the couch, hoping a more comfortable position might give her the energy to keep going. Instead…

            Stupid, stupid, stupid!

            Holding her breath, Cassie pushed herself off the couch and got to her feet. She looked down at herself, trying to spot the difference. To her great surprise, she couldn’t see one. Her outfit from the day before—a tank top and tight shorts—fit much as it had the day before. The only thing she really noticed was the button of her shorts had popped open in the middle of the night.

            Must have been the pizza, she thought, reaching down to fasten it. But try as she might, there was just a little too much belly in the way, and no amount of tugging on the flaps or sucking in her stomach made any difference. Sighing, she gave up and went in search of a new perspective on her situation.

            A few moments later, Cassie entered the master bedroom, where her grandmother's beautiful full-length mirror still sat in the corner. Feeling a bit anxious, she stepped up to the glass and studied her reflection. The young woman looking back at her was either familiar or alien, depending on which set of memories she focused on. She was growing more and more accustomed to the dichotomy of those memories, of having two lives in her head.

            But she also knew that one of them was becoming increasingly dominant, while the other half—what she still thought of as her real self, her life as it had been before—was starting to grow fuzzy, fading like a dream. Strangely, that thought didn’t scare her as it might have once.

            Pushing that out of her mind, Cassie instead focused on her reflection, trying to spot any variances there might be. It was difficult—despite what her memories said, she really wasn’t all that familiar with her current girth. But as her eyes traced the width of her hips, the roundness of her belly, and the fullness of her chest, she thought she could see the difference.

            It was subtle, really only noticeable in the way her shorts didn’t quite fit around her waist, or the way her breasts just slightly overflowed her bra. This latest episode had changed her, as the others before it had done, but the difference was so small that no one else would probably notice.

            Cassie let out a relieved breath. For once, something seemed to be going right. But a thought intruded a moment later, one that froze her to the core: this wasn’t over. Yes, she may have dodged a bullet this time, but there was no guarantee she’d be so lucky the next time. Meanwhile, she was no closer to finding a solution. She’d have to double down, start moving through the journals at an even faster pace. With any luck, she’d find something, anything, before it was too late.

            With one last look at her reflection, Cassie turned back towards her grandfather’s office.

[iod9963]

Part V

 

           With a frustrated sigh, Cassie dropped the journal onto her grandfather’s desk and leaned back in the chair. She put fingers to both temples, trying to massage away the growing ache she felt. It had been hours since she’d started this project, and she’d long since lost track of exactly how many volumes she’d read with nothing to show for it. All she knew was the stack she still needed to examine never seemed to get any smaller. 

            Just like something else, she thought ruefully, resting a hand on her stomach. Despite what her memories tried telling her, it had been completely flat five days ago. Since then, it had kept growing until now it was a massive gut that readily sagged over her waistband. Even now she could feel its weight resting on her thighs, a sensation that was both strange yet comforting. 

            Groaning, Cassie pushed herself out of the chair. She knew she should keep going—she still had so many journals to get through—but her thoughts were too jumbled to focus. She needed a break to stretch her legs, and maybe a snack.

            Just a few minutes, she promised herself. Then back at it.

            Heaving herself out of the chair, Cassie started towards the kitchen when she paused, suddenly more aware of her body than she had been sitting down: her shorts pinching at her waist, her thighs rubbing together with each step, the heavy weight of her belly that almost seemed to compel her forward. 

            Damn, I really have gotten fat, haven’t I? she thought to herself, reaching down to her stomach. It hung so low that it seemed as though she could barely get her hands around it, and it felt surprisingly heavy when she tried hefting it. But it was also supple and soft, like a luxurious pillow. 

            “Stop it!” she hissed to herself, jerking her hands away from her belly as though it had burned her. “I’m not supposed to be fat! I don’t want to be fat!”

            Don’t you?

            Cassie whipped her head around, looking to see if someone else had entered the room. The words had come almost like a whisper in her ear, yet she wasn’t entirely convinced she hadn’t imagined them. The fact that she was definitely alone told her it had probably all been in her head. Still…

            “Hello?” There was no answer. Licking her lips, Cassie slowly walked back towards the desk, going up on her toes to see if someone was hiding on the other side. No one was there. Sighing, she absently picked up the stone orb sitting in its holder and gently rubbed her thumb along its surface as she tried to sort through what had just happened. 

            “It’s all in my head,” she decided. “It’s all in my head.”

            I don’t think you believe that, the voice said again. Cassie started. Not a sound, but she’d still heard the words. Her heart starting to beat a little faster, Cassie licked her lips. 

            “Who are you?” she whispered, looking around. 

            An agent of change.

            An agent of chaos!

            Cassie jumped as a second voice intruded on the first, like a roar compared to the quiet whisper of the other. She stumbled backwards, barely managing to keep hold of the orb.

            “What the hell was that?” she moaned. “What’s going on?”

            Trust—

            No! You will be led to ruin!

            Cassie touched her head. Was this what a total mental breakdown felt like?

            I can help if only—

            Do not listen! Know who you are and what you want! Only then can you be led from the brink of disaster! Only then will you know—

            The orb slipped from her fingers with a loud crack. The voice cut off mid-sentence. Cassie looked down and saw the stone orb had split into two identical halves. Her heart grew cold as she realized one of her grandfather’s most treasured possessions had been broken. She wanted to cry. 

            “I need some sleep,” she said aloud. “I feel like I’m losing my mind.” She waited for a response, but none came. 

*          *          *          *          *

            “I hope you’re hungry, Cassie!” 

            Oliver came out of the kitchen with a steaming casserole dish in hand. Grinning, he set it on a padded trivet, then wafted the scent towards her. She leaned closer, sniffing at the air.

            “It smells good,” she said, “but I though you were making green beans.”

            “Green bean casserole,” he said, pointing to the dish. 

            Cassie picked up the serving spoon, experimentally lifted a dollop, then let it drop with a splatter. “Did you cook them in lard?” she asked.

            “Cream of chicken, actually. Along with some milk, some butter…a few other things.” He shrugged. “It may look a little suspect, but I promise it tastes amazing.”

            “I don’t doubt that, Oli,” she said, putting the spoon down. “It’s just…well, it’s not very healthy, is it?” She waved a hand over the table. “None of this is: fried chicken, rolls, mashed potatoes. If I didn’t know any better I’d swear you were fattening me up on purpose.”

            “I like cooking,” Oliver said. “It’s how I show my love.”

            “Well, thanks to your love, I’ve gained 30 pounds since we started dating.”

            “Really?” he said, trying to sound nonchalant. “I hadn’t noticed.”

            Cassie shook her head. “You’re so sweet, but such a terrible liar.”

            He offered her a guilty smile. “Okay, I noticed,” he admitted. “But I promise I’m not complaining. You know I like big women.”

            “I know. And you like to see them get bigger.” She shook her head. 

            “You said you weren’t going to worry about your weight anymore.”

            “That was before I hit 300 pounds! I swear, ever since I broke my leg in high school, my just keeps climbing higher and higher.”

            Oliver opened his mouth to say something in response, but Cassie didn’t hear him. Just as he started to speak, she felt something pull her attention towards the hallway. The room was dark, but she thought she could see something within that was even darker: something that was slim, feminine, and vaguely human-shaped. Anger seemed to radiate off of it in waves. 

            Know!

            The single word seemed to thunder in Cassie’s brain, pushing out all other thoughts. She squeezed her eyes shut as the sound echoed inside her skull, praying for it to end. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the noise died away. Oliver was standing over her, looking concerned. 

            “I’m okay, Oli,” she said. I just…” She looked back towards the hallway. The shadowy figure was gone, but she could still feel the remnant of its fury. 

            Know, it had said. Know who she was and what she wanted. But did Cassie actually know any of that? 

            Of course, I do! I want to be who I was before. I want things to go back to normal.

            Cassie suddenly understood what that being had been trying to tell her. The ability to set things right was not dependent on some outside force. It was her choices that would lead her back, away from what the overpowering voice had called chaos. 

            “Oli, we need to talk…”

*          *          *          *          *

            Cassie bolted upright in the bed, her chest heaving. The dream, like all the others, had been so vivid, like a memory. It had been a memory. Even now, in the dark of the bedroom, Cassie could remember that dinner, and how a conversation with her boyfriend Oliver about eating healthy and trying to lose weight had quickly descended first into an argument, then into a fight, and finally culminating in a breakup. 

            Freed from Oliver’s enabling, Cassie had since managed to drop some weight. She wasn’t back to where she’d started—she wasn’t even close—but she was making excellent progress.

            With a luxuriant sigh, Cassie lay back down on the bed, satisfied that when she got up in the morning, she would be well on her way out of this nightmare. 

[Zappy]

Awesome story so far. Great stuff