Do these people really love fat or do they hate it?

[frimfrim]

For me, it's having some belly fat that I find most attractive, depending on your build that means straight-up normal to low end of overweight. So I empathize with seeing people not interested in gaining get bombarded with harassment in a community that's supposed to support them.

My perspective on feedism/gaining is a little different from yours, since I prefer what most people would still consider an average build. I'd be perfectly happy with meeting someone who puts on a little bit of "relationship weight" with no difference in lifestyle, and I don't have any qualms convincing them to do it because I feel like it wouldn't be a big change for most people. My current partner has lost weight since we started dating, but she's got a much healthier relationship with food and exercise now.

I also totally see where you're coming from - you respect and empathize with people, and it's really hard to imagine that other adults are the complete opposite.The nonconsensual humiliation or degradation I see in the FA community is the biggest reason I don't want to talk about the community. The dumb comments are more likely than not just people unable to control their urges without an actual adult punishing them, and I'm skeptical that many of them will ever learn. There's also a lot of different niches here, like seeing celebrities get "fat," a whole range of different size preferences, and overlaps with other fetishes. And that's fine. Normal, well-adjusted people don't push their fetishes onto others.

"This is what happens normally, just ignore them" is what I would have said if I was younger. I've had the same urges to just type out unfiltered comments. But I'm in my late-20s now and realizing that people who are supposedly more mature are setting shitty examples for the kids. Typing out your inner thoughts to someone is creepy at best, and borderline grooming if you're doing it in a "nice" fashion to a younger individual. Of course, they just say you should be grateful that you're getting attention or that it should be expected. I hate it, and I hate it even more because this is only the stuff people are saying in public.

I think there's two ways to deal with those people - either call them out like you're doing, or shrug and deal with it. The latter's really not an option for models and content creators. I imagine it's a big reason a lot of them leave.

I'm unhappy with a moderator saying that they can't do anything about assholes on their platform. Their role is to run the site and cultivate the community they want to see, not just hand-wave issues away with "boys will be boys" and nitpicking.

But that's the community we're in, and I also admittedly don't have the dedication (or time) to change anything here as a lurker.

 

I'm not going to straight-up defend the people who said "dumb people are gonna be dumb", but they're in a very different position from you. They're not the ones getting these shitty comments directly, and assuming they're men they probably haven't had to grow up worrying about harassment in the same way. I see it as a throwaway comment that reflects their personal experiences, but it's still an insensitive response to your request for well thought-out comments.

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Some of the comments I was like "hell yeah!" and others I was like "yikerrrrs"!

Also @gorJESS, I had the same response and wanted to quote you. You are amazingly diplomatic and I love your writing style. I'm tempted to look through your entire thread just to read your posts, dealing with serious subjects with a casual tone and full punctuation just exudes confidence and experience.