I read this view on body positivity earlier [pretty off topic but don't really where else to vent]

[Miners666]

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It's so good to see that woman, thanks to role models like yourself, are finally being encouraged to be positive and proud about their bodies, as we're all different and we're all beautiful in our own way. What do you think can be done to increase body positivity for men?

Body positivity is for ALL bodies. Women bodies, male bodies, lbgtq bodies. All races, all genders, tall, short, fat, disabled… Every one struggles in some way and every one can use a bit of positivity.

I think that a lot of men imagine that women want to date a man that looks like he walked out of the movie 300. But the majority of women are emotional, not visual. Men write me and complain that they cannot find a woman because they are “ugly “unattractive” “not good enough” “nobody likes them”- But the only real limitation holding them? Is back is themselves.

Would I want to date someone that constantly complains about their looks and how ugly they are and how no one likes them? Nope. Are negative people sexy? Nope…. There is nothing sexy about a person that is unhappy and does nothing to change their outlook…. If that same guy was confident and charming and kind, would he be attractive to some women? Most likely yes.

Women are emotional. Men are visual.

I feel like body positivity can be so much easier for men because women do not place the same visual standards upon them. A woman could be the most amazing woman ever created… but 90% of men would not look twice unless she was attractive.

Does anyone else feel like this is total crap? Don't get me wrong I think a lot of this true but pretty sexist from a supposed progressive blog.

"90% of men would not look twice unless she was attractive", yeah except what is attractive is entirely and widely different to 90% of men too. How many women are 30/40/50/60 years old that have never been in a relationship compared to men? How many weirdly specific forums and subreddits are there for every kind of woman? Additionally dating research has shown that men have lower visual standards than women with women rating 80% of men below average. Further more, even if this was true, that a shallow and objectifying 90% of men ignore ~50% of women there are many ways you can boost your attractiveness; weight loss and exercise, or weight gain, or make-up, or surgery, etc, etc.

Of course women not finding men attractive is men's own fault, men need to be confident and not be negative. True. Is this easy to change? Not at all. However, it strikes me somewhat like victim blaming, in the same vein as suicide; "men don't talk about their emotions, it's their own fault" *brushes any and all other issues under the carpet.

Plus more research shows "8 out of 10 of women want their future husband to have a steady job, more than anything else. Men, on the other hand, seek a mate who has the same ideas", and others find "in order to get married and attract a wife, you have to earn more and be more entrepreneurial and work harder", that there "aren't enough men out there" because many women don't want to date down, with some women even freezing their eggs.

So basically men are just a stable bank account to many, they have to be confident and positive to most, and have to compete with at least an equal level of physical shallowness in dating. But it's not some women who are entitled and shallow it's men's own fault for not meeting women's expectations, why get down from her pedestal of privilege where she has value for simply existing when it's sooo much easier for men anyway 🙄.

Double standard that society needs to change to accommodate all women (despite forums like this that show that women of all shapes and sizes were already pretty accommodated) but it's men that need to change to fit society's mould, a confidence culture where if you don't fit you can get fucked, told it's your fault for being fucked over, and then to check your privilege.

I have depression, Asergers, a minimum-wage manual labour job, am a failed artist... but I guess I deserve to be alone and repulsive then. I mean, why don't I just lie down in a ditch and die, ffs.

[tha_lewd]

Yeah that's the exact issue my dude. How is anybody supposed to love you if you can't love yourself? Things might be rough for you and maybe you're not proud of who you are or where you're at, but if you won't find pride in yourself, neither will anyone else. If you're really, chemically, medically depressed, then I'm sorry for you, and you should try to seek out some kind of help. As dopey as it sounds to say, you get what you give, and if you're gonna walk through life thinking you'll always be unlovable, then that's how you'll be treated. The only person who can improve your self image is you. 

[Guest MUSEic]

Being unattractive doesn't make you a victim, and no one is entitled to a partner.

If it were really that difficult for unattractive men to meet women, millions wouldn't be doing it every single day over the last several millennia as they already are.