modraneth

It was belly fat mostly. She hated her belly fat. So just an update on this. Things are going well so far. The reconditioning seems to be working. Avoiding the weight gain literature has helped as suggested because it is no longer feeding my fantasy that she will get larger. And surprise surprise, it has made me want her more. When she isn't competing with sexual fantasy it actually becomes a lot easier to accept things and the attraction is still there. It won't be easy, especially with summer coming, but I think I just have to keep at it. Anyway, thanks for the advice all.

The only advice I can offer is try not to make your weight a theme of the relationship. The focus on that through my relationship and now my marriage has definitely strained things. Ultimately, you need to be comfortable in your body. You shouldn't be gaining for him or to keep your relationship going. If you are comfortable gaining the weight, then by all means go ahead. Honestly, what you are going through sounds a lot like what I went through with my wife. When she would go to the gym or lose a little weight, I would be honestly resentful because she was taking away something that I enjoyed. That's selfish because really it was up to her. It is her body, and it was putting too much emphasis on her looks. It sounds like you are headed down the same path that I was although maybe you are a little more open to the weight gain than my wife because that has never, ever been on the table.I give this advice knowing that I am still going to struggle in my marriage because of my preference, so please take it with a grain of salt. I'm just speaking from my specific experience. I'm glad though that you can see that there is an importance in a relationship beyond simply the physical because that is really important. If you can't connect with your boyfriend on a level beyond your looks, then you will probably have trouble down the road. And as for my wife, yes, it is extremely hard on her too. She is judged more now because of her weight (never when she was bigger). To the point where a clerk who was hemming her pants told her, "Do you even eat?" (that is actually the right quote). Her family is pressuring her, and her husband too to gain weight. But she is so against the concept of gaining that it goes against all of her programming to even consider it. So yes, I can see where you are coming from because I've seen it in my wife too. Thanks for sharing your story. Hopefully things work out for you.

She recoiled at the touch because she doesn't like the feel of the hip bone. It sort of juts out. I've started to avoid it entirely, and as another poster suggested, just focus on the parts of her body that she and I are comfortable with. We had the same issue when she was 160 lbs, and I would touch and massage her belly. It made her feel self-conscious. The other parts were OK. Still, it was hard to avoid the area since it was such a turn on for me. It's been an on-going issue in our relationship with her being uncomfortable with her body. But weight gain to her is such an anathema that even though she isn't happy with her current weight she won't gain on purpose. It is just completely against how she has been programmed. I think the best strategy at this point is to wait it out because of the strain it is putting on things. Yes, there are obligations in a marriage. I've kept myself in shape in a way that she likes, and while I would love for her to put on weight on purpose, it's just not going to happen. The way she looks at it is that this is my problem, not hers. She doesn't understand why looks matter so much. I can't explain it on my end beyond the simple fact that I used to find her more attractive. I mean reading this thread, it is obvious that i am not the only one. Thanks for your advice. If you like I can update the thread to let you know how things are going.

Can you take this to the Abyss or where ever else non-relevant chatter goes? You said your piece above about what you think I need to do which is fine. I would like to avoid my thread, where I am requesting legitimate advice on an issue that is impacting my marriage, turning into a rant space for your views. Thanks in advance.

She isn't going to gain weight on purpose. We had the discussion when I had touched her hip bone, and she said it felt gross. We started talking about her gaining weight to fall in a more normal range. There have been a few incidents. She had her pants hemmed and the clerk asked, "who even wears pants this small?" She feels far more judged now. Her own sister also told her that she should put on some weight. However, she just bought a bunch of new suits for work so she doesn't want to gain on purpose. I think we have both accepted that she will probably gain over time, but for now she isn't going to gain weight purposely. As for the doctor, he said that if she loses any more weight then she should come back to see him. The doctor didn't seem concerned now that she has stabilized.

It actually does work to a certain extent. With going cold turkey on any images of curvy or plump women, I'm no longer comparing my wife to them. So that has helped. I had stopped looking at any porn for a little while, but I went through a difficult period and bouts of depression and I fell off the proverbial wagon. I still read weight gain stories, which probably doesn't really help. You are probably right that I should stop entirely again. As for Mr. Mansplain, I'd rather not even go there. My wife and I are young professionals and we both provide for our children.

I've been working on reprogramming my brain. I've stopped entirely looking at any curvy or plump women (no more Curvage/Dimensions/Fantasy Feeder). Going to the gym too, I've been exposed to many different body shapes, so I see more fit and thinner women there. Not inundating myself with pictures from Curvage I feel has helped because I am no longer comparing these women to my wife. Have I dated a thin woman where I had a positive experience? No. Not really. One woman I dated said that I must be gay because I didn't want her thin body. That there must be something wrong with me. That is actually where Curvage really helped me to see that I wasn't a freak. I just wish I hadn't trained my brain with thousands of images that only a certain body shape is really attractive. I have definitely been focusing on the parts I still enjoy when we are intimate. So that's good advice too. Thanks.

My wife is 5'4". I told my therapist the whole story regarding my preference and how it has become a theme of our relationship. I think the issue I had with the anecdote he provided is that most women simply don't want to gain weight. So in the example, both the husband and the wife ultimately wanted the wife to lose weight. The wife felt resentful at first about it, but she eventually lost the weight, making both of them happy. My situation is not the same. As I said above, I don't know a single woman in my life that does. I also think you are absolutely correct that it isn't likely that she will stay at that weight forever, but my concern is that in the meantime, a lack of intimacy will further damage our relationship. But you are right. I do need to tell her that she is beautiful and make her feel wanted.

Hello everyone, This is my first post here. I have been on Curvage for as long as it has existed in this incarnation and even before that on Fat Celebs when it was exclusive to Yahoo. I loved the fact that there was community out there of men and women who embraced size acceptance. It actually helped me come to grips with my preference. So anyway, I've been lurking for a really long time, and it's a shame that this has to be my first post, but I am looking for some advice from those who have a preference for curvier women because I think it is seriously damaging my marriage. I've known my wife for 14 years, we've been married for five of those years. When I first met her, I thought she was perfect. Smart, career-oriented, funny with an incredible body. It was basically exactly what I wanted in a woman. When we first met, she was about 145, but her weight fluctuated throughout our time together. In university, she decided to diet and lost about 15 lbs. Initially, I supported her in this, but I didn't like the result in the end. She ended up gaining the weight back (although it wasn't something I pushed), but her weight has been a running theme in our relationship. I used to hate when she went to the gym (until I started going myself and learned how hard it is to gain weight), and while I didn't tell her this, my passive aggressive attitude likely told her what I thought. Putting that bit of asshole behaviour aside, this running theme of her weight came up on several occasions. When clothes didn't fit or when she was feeling unattractive, I always told her that she was beautiful. I hoped that she would accept, that she would eventually see in herself what I had seen all along, and there were times when I got through. But she always had issues with her body. This is a girl whose grandmother told her that her thighs were fat at 5 years old. But still i tried to make her feel comfortable in her body with varying degrees of success. I should note that she never hated her body, but there were always things that she wanted to change (like pretty much every person on the planet). She also wasn't trying to diet all the time and lose the weight. She was just someone who wasn't entirely happy with their body. With kids, she gained some weight (up to 160 when we were married) and then back to her regular weight. However, a year after our second child was born, my wife lost about thirty five pounds (she is now about 110-115). It wasn't through anything she was actively trying to do (wasn't going to gym excessively or really dieting). It had everything to do with a food intolerance test and some wacky post-pregnancy hormones. The weight tumbled off of her and with that her curves too. After this happened, we went through a very, very difficult patch, going to counselling both couples and private. My therapist told me that if I just told my wife that I loved her, that she was beautiful, and that I showed her that then things would work out. He gave the example of a man whose wife had gained a significant amount of weight. Eventually, the wife started being active again with the support of her husband and everything turned out fine. Those of us with this preference know that most women, however, don't want to gain weight. I have never known a woman who wanted to gain weight beyond these forums basically. Is my wife happy with her body? No, of course not. Like when she was 145, she still doesn't like aspects of her body. My therapist told me that basically I had to 'grieve' my wife's old body, and that once I did and came to acceptance that things would be OK. I honestly feel like I am still grieving her body a year later. I've done my best to accept it, to show interest in her (even though I can't hide the fact that I am just not nearly as attracted to her as I used to be). I miss her curves, and the excitement that they would elicit when I would massage her legs or just touch her body. I find myself having to avoid areas on her body like angular hips and collar bones and the fact that she barely has a chest. I don't look at her the same way, and I am not a person who can hide these things. She knows that I used to love touching her body all over, and I just can't any longer. I honestly hate this preference because I feel like no matter how hard I try I can't get over how she used to look (can't look at pictures of her from before the loss) and how her body felt. It is why I stopped coming to Curvage or looking at any curvy women on the net. I hadn't been on the site for anything except research for my problem for over a year now. I am a shallow asshole who is basically putting far too much emphasis on looks, and it has seriously impacted our relationship. My wife doesn't understand why I put so much emphasis on how she looks, why I care. So I'm asking, does it get any easier? Is this something that I will come to accept for someone that I love? Can you suggest any ways that I can deal with this? She is not going to gain weight on purpose, but she does feel guilty for losing the weight, but she is also very resentful because she doesn't feel as wanted anymore. She said that she could gain the weight, but she would resent me for it, and I certainly don't want that. I feel too though that even if she does gain weight just over time that she will still resent me for it because suddenly I'll be a lot more interested because her weight has been a theme of our relationship. I think for me, I just need to keep at it. Move toward acceptance, remember who my wife is, remind myself that I love her and just accept her body as it is. I understand that it is her body, and that it is her choice. I shouldn't push her in a direction to suit my preference. At the same time, how do I do that and be sincere in my intimacy with her? Sorry for the length of this. I hope at least a few people read it and know where I am coming from.