Hereisaduck Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 My wife is fat. She's been fat as long as I've known her. She's about 260lbs and 5'9" give or take. Her family has diabetes on both her Mom and Dad's sides. Whether skinny or fat. People in her family get diabetes it seems. My wife is afraid of diabetes but she's almost more afraid of losing weight to treat her diabetes and me no longer finding her attractive. And I'll admit I likely wouldn't find her attractive if she lost weight. At least not sexually attractive to the same degree as before or anywhere close even. But I'd support her nonetheless because I want her to be happy. Have any of you dealt with a similar situation? I'm not sure what to say to my wife. I told her that I'll always love her and be there for her and continue to be intimate and romantic but I also told her that I'm simply not attracted to women who are actively losing weight or who have lost weight or who are skinny. I can't control my sexuality. I just try to be honest. She understands but it frightens her. I told her there's perks to losing weight such as we can do more activities together that involve exercise. But she's upset that she has to change at all. And I'm worried too. I've never known her to be skinny. I don't want to not be attracted to my wife. I'm just not really sure what to do. I went into marriage thinking that attraction doesn't last and I told her that she could be a brain in a vat for all I care and I'd love her still. But she likes sex a lot and I get extremely turned off by a woman losing weight. It's not so easy to fake it when you're guy and have to keep yourself hard to have sex. Any advice would be appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guideline2 Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 I'll be candid. You'll probably find diabetic leg ulcers even more of a turn off, if things progress that far. loladeluna, finallyfat, KND101 and 2 others 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitGuy123 Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 LONG TERM HEALTH is wayyy more important than what gets you hard more quickly. loladeluna 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FitGuy123 Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 Here’s the tac, explain to her that you find women of ALL sizes attractive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sconesy73 Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 3 hours ago, FitGuy123 said: LONG TERM HEALTH is wayyy more important than what gets you hard more quickly. This. 100% this. Part of me thinks these sort of threads are a wind up. Are people really this shallow? I'd be delighted if my partner got bigger than she is, but if it was a choice between her health and my wanting to see her bigger, then it's not even up for debate! Cookie_BBW 💜, FitGuy123 and loladeluna 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ES-Draws Posted June 19, 2023 Share Posted June 19, 2023 Look, I don't even want to consider whether your wife should lose weight or not. Please don't discourage her from losing weight. Especially not in order to fulfill your sexual desires, especially at such a detriment to her health. So what happens if she loses weight and you no longer feel attracted to her? I think that comes down to how important sexual compatibility is to you. Is there any way you could still be satisfied or fulfilled with her losing weight? Are there any other things you could do in the bedroom instead? If not, do you feel that you could still be happy without having a fulfilling sex life? This is a struggle with any long-term relationship. People change, especially their appearance. In fact, people use the exact opposite situation as somewhat of a marital joke (oh no, my wife got fat after we were married). If you feel that you can have a happy marriage despite the changes in your wife's appearance, then a solution to your concerns will come. idfk21344, loladeluna and sconesy73 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extra_m13 Posted June 19, 2023 Share Posted June 19, 2023 i definitely understand... my lady is , bmi over 40, doesnt exercise, pushing 40-s, already resistant to insulin and likes to eat her sweets so chances are the party will be over at some point and weight loss is a key part of the equation but even without all of that. there is always a point in which the party is over, we all are going to get old, hopefully, and look like clint eastwood so, lets just try to enjoy every moment and if it comes to that, i say to her, we will have to learn new tricks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sconesy73 Posted June 21, 2023 Share Posted June 21, 2023 On 6/19/2023 at 5:12 AM, ES-Draws said: Look, I don't even want to consider whether your wife should lose weight or not. Please don't discourage her from losing weight. Especially not in order to fulfill your sexual desires, especially at such a detriment to her health. So what happens if she loses weight and you no longer feel attracted to her? I think that comes down to how important sexual compatibility is to you. Is there any way you could still be satisfied or fulfilled with her losing weight? Are there any other things you could do in the bedroom instead? If not, do you feel that you could still be happy without having a fulfilling sex life? This is a struggle with any long-term relationship. People change, especially their appearance. In fact, people use the exact opposite situation as somewhat of a marital joke (oh no, my wife got fat after we were married). If you feel that you can have a happy marriage despite the changes in your wife's appearance, then a solution to your concerns will come. Very good post. I'd also like to add to it from the perspective of someone that's been in a long-term (30+ years) relationship.. When I got together with my partner, I was incredibly fit, very toned, great stamina and a full head of hair. She obviously was attracted to how i was at 18. Now I'm knocking on the door of 50 and if I'm being brutally honest, I'm not the same as I was. But as we've grown older, we've grown closer and we've both accepted that we're older and our bodies are different but that doesn't mean we love each other less or find each other less attractive. It's part of being in a relationship. Compromise and acceptance is basically what I'm saying- that's what make relationships work rather than unreasonable or unrealistic expectations. ES-Draws, Buffet Belly Stuffer and Cookie_BBW 💜 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GetFatter Posted June 21, 2023 Share Posted June 21, 2023 You know in all my years of dating women, the fucking hot queens who you just wanna fuck all weekend, the catfish women who just wanna take your money and dick around, the lovers who might seem alittle more boring but fun to around. What's important is that YOU FIND someone you can live with, and someone you get along with, and if she's that person, i would support her health to help keep your happy relationship going. As you date someone, they age, you age, yeah you may not have that horny rage over your partner like you used too, but would you really give that up to see them not be healthy and in pain? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Greta G Posted July 14, 2023 Share Posted July 14, 2023 Not unlike your wife, diabetes runs in both sides of my family and I had to seriously think about it earlier this year when I too was diagnosed with it. You won't want her to start losing toes and limbs to it or eyesight. I made the decision to give up animal products --including eggs and dairy. I'm still big--no one would mistake me for being thin but that was enough to lower my cholesterol and get me back in the pre-diabetes mode. More than likely she won't get skinny--she'll probably drop about 20 pounds. But 20 pounds less of a big girl versus her dying young and miserable towards the end is a small price to pay. Encourage her to get herself healthy. Trust me, you don't want this disease. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IAmGivingGoodAdvice Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 Your wife's health should be far more important to you than her losing weight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loladeluna Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 But it really saddens me that there is a woman out there who cares more about your attraction to her than her health, like damn lady we are talking about a disease with serious consequences here, why are you even asking whether or not to lose weight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hereisaduck Posted March 4 Author Share Posted March 4 Thanks everyone. I am supporting her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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