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Showing results for tags 'body image'.
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So, as a lot of you know, I'm a very open individual when it comes to talking about my weight or myself, and that's something I doubt will ever change. So in keeping that spirit alive, I wanted to share some thoughts on something I haven't really been able to talk about a lot, and that's things I've personally experienced in my weight gain and loss, along with trying to re-evaluate my own thoughts of who I am and how I view myself as an individual and personal attractiveness. Something I've been dealing with, in my very extended absence, was how I viewed myself and who I am. I've recently come to realize that I am, agender. I know some people may or may not subscribe to that, however that's who I am. I don't mind being called she/her, or they/them. To me I've always never really felt full on "Female," but rather, just "me", if that makes sense? Traditional female things that were forced upon me never really felt 100% like my identity. Granted I didn't feel unease about it, but it didn't really ever resonate with me in the sense of "Oh this IS me." I bring up the Agender thing because of the fact that this has been a small part of my struggle in finding myself and how I have viewed my attractiveness. I think in a lot of ways, trying to see how I "fit" in a constrain of physical attractiveness has been really hard after being on this forum for as long as I was active. I say that because once I started losing weight, my mindset was still very much stuck in the notion that I still would choose to buy things at a larger size. I felt really unattractive because clothes didn't fit like how they used to, and also struggling with my own identity has made it so much harder to accept myself physically. Even at this lower weight, I almost feel uncomfortable wearing tight clothing anymore. I think something that comes with gaining weight and then losing, is that you never really get the mentality of being a thin person anymore when you lose weight. This is how I can come to understand how people with eating disorders may have a hard time seeing themselves at a healthy weight despite their own internal voice shouting otherwise. Currently I know I'm at about 140lbs, but Mentally, I don't really see myself as that. I still feel like I need to buy XL clothes and larger bras when really, I don't have to. Because of that, it's also made it hard for me to even want to go out and shop for clothes. There is a certain perk of having communities like Curvage to really support and view individuals who are larger as being attractive. However, even for myself and having been with someone who liked my larger weight, there was a thought that was in the back of my mind that would wonder, "how much of this is driven by the fetish aspect of his desire?" At the time it wasn't something I pondered a lot about, but in some ways, looking at it from an outside perspective, it kind of does skew the sense of attractiveness when you're trying to find yourself attractive. I completely understand and get that attraction comes from a sexual place, and that's absolutely okay and I myself can't really say anything against it because, hell, we all have different things that get us going and all of that. Though, for someone who's trying to find myself attractive - as is, the sort of things where you wonder if someone finds you attractive due to a fetish, can be hard mentally. It makes it hard because of the fact that you wonder about your own worth of self in some ways. I know there's people who viewed me as being attractive for not just what I offered physically, but also for what I offered in conversation and the presence I had. However, for the ones who I knew were purely attracted based on the fetish aspect (I.E. getting asks on tumblr to inquire about my weight and singularly for that,) It really kind of makes you feel like you, as an individual, aren't cared about. Which, considering at the time that I was dealing with a lot mentally, it wasn't really that helpful in some regards. This isn't to say that I detest people who really are more into the ladies here just for means to get off. I get that, it's part of the fantasy and being able to have a place to explore this lifestyle and preferences in a way that you're not able to in a society that doesn't view it as being "normal." However, I want to raise awareness that it's important to look at the individual as a person behind the images they show you and the weight they gain or lose. I think having some respect for that person and taking consideration in them really does go a long way. Overall, I have come quite a ways from when I first really started feeling badly about myself and my body. I will also admit that, it has been nice to see the reception I've gotten in not just my return, but the pics I posted, because who honestly doesn't like being told they're attractive? I really did enjoy knowing that I could bring joy and excitement into a lot of people's lives whenever I'd post pics and such for many other's enjoyment! So please do not think that I secretly disliked doing all of the photosets and videos. I wouldn't have done them if I didn't enjoy it. I think that's one of the things that may sound like a contradiction to a lot of what I've said, but at the end of the day, I'm still human with a lot of complex thoughts, needs, and emotions. I know this was long, but I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to myself to not be open and talk about something that I would normally be open to talking about. Thanks for reading guys and feel free to discuss or ask any questions you may have!
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Hi! I'm not exactly sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes: Despite suffering from an eating disorder since I was a child, I have always been fascinated with weight gain and found indulging in the experience surprisingly erotic. I do enjoy gaining weight, but it also terrifies me. Coupled with anorexia, it's caused a lot of confusing feelings and has led me to relapse in the past. In spite of this, I feel like the enjoyment I get from gaining has helped me come to terms with becoming a healthy weight and loving my body. Anorexia and bulimia have ruled my life for the past year and I got very sick as a result. In a bid to try and turn things around, I have made a huge effort to recover over the past few months. Inevitably, I've gained weight due to recovery and eating normally, and am currently feeling very anxious about the gain. Part of me wants to enjoy it and even continue gaining with more intention. However, I also feel like I want to succumb to the disorder as I felt more in control and less confused when my only aim was to be as small and unnoticeable as possible. I'm not entirely sure how to deal with how I feel and don't really feel like I have anyone I can talk to about this stuff. I'm wondering if there is anyone here who shares similar experiences or has suffered from an ED in the past?
- 14 replies
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- weight gain
- eating disorders
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About 6 months ago I [M27] meet this amazing girl [F28] and we hit it off and we really well. Since then we've both fallen in love, we discussed getting married, moving in together, even having kids. In many ways, she is the girl of my dreams, both looks and personality. She's a larger girl (upper bbw range), and I should specify that I'm pretty much exclusively attracted to women in the upper bbw-ssbbw range, its been this way ever since I hit puberty. I tell her everyday how beautiful she is and how much her curves turn me on. I try to shower her with compliments and make her feel confident and beautiful. Unfortunately she has very low self esteem from her previous partner (its a long story but her old partner wanted to transition into a woman and I came in the picture right after they broke up) so I tried to be as supportive, patient, and encouraging as possible. She hates her body and hates being fat, and I told her that I loved her body and personally I didn't want her to loose weight. But I understand that its her body, her choice and I have absolutely no right to force her to be fat. And I have no desire to force it on her because I want a girlfriend who is happy being a bbw/ssbbw. I was also clear telling her that I respect her wish to be healthy but that I don't think she's unhealthy at all. She's very active and we go on walks often. But knowing she's miserable in her body is devastating to me because I adore how she looks now. She flat out asked me if I'd still be attracted to her if she lost weight and I tried to be honest and said that I wouldn't be AS attracted to her physically but would still be attracted to her emotionally. She basically shut down and said she doesnt see how this is going to work, because she wants to loose weight and be skinny and I want her to be fat. I feel horrible because I truly love her and care about her so much. But I feel like she wants to fundamentally change how she looks and I don't want to date a skinny or "normal" sized girl, I want a bbw/ssbbw who is proud and happy being big. At the same time I realize how self-centered I'm being, and I wish I could re-program my brain to find skinny girls attractive. My girlfriend is the best thing that's ever happened to me. She's my best friend and I really do love her. I don't want to lose her because she wants to change her body but I'm afraid the attraction I feel for her now will go away once she loses weight. Has anyone else here struggled with this issue? Can you offer any advice on how we can work this out? TL;DR I'm exclusively attracted to bigger women (its just my preference) but my gf hates being fat and wants to lose weight. I'm afraid if she does I'll no longer be attracted to her.
- 27 replies
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- weight loss
- relationships
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(and 1 more)
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