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Someone asked me if I had kept in contact with people from the past, in part so that I would know how they faired in the world of weight. They wanted to know if I ever saw Sophia again. Following was my answer. No. The next summer my grandparents had different people working for them and, given that this was decades prior to the internet, there was no easy way to keep in touch. I was also a 13 year old kid following around a 16 year old. While I fit in with her working, I am sure that she had no interest in extending the relationship. One of the things that I have shy'd away from over the years is trying to find previous relationships. I don't attend reunions. My preference is to remember the people as they were and still are in my mind. Meeting a 65 year old woman, who was 25 the last time I saw her, has never proven fulfilling. I am not ageist. It is not how old someone is as much as the total difference. When you see someone frequently, it is not the same. I had a disappointment several years ago when I bumped into Laura, a woman who I started a relationship with, but then stopped. I met Laura when I was a volunteer coach for a youth football program. She was around 35 and had three kids. Her husband had divorced her and married another woman two weeks after the divorce was finalized. She said she had been around 130 when they met and she was a photo model. She couldn't do runway, since she was only 5'-6". She gained weight with each pregnancy and he stopped being interested in her, which caused her to eat out of frustration. When I met her, she was down to 200, having lost 40 pounds. She was looking for a job and I need an office manager. I have always been a sucker for someone in need and figured that I could help. She came to work and learned that she was not the worthless person her husband had convinced her that she was. She was and is very pretty and even at 200 pounds would be considered very attractive - actually to me she was perfect. She was working out while she was dieting, so she was actually very toned. I shut my office down between Christmas and New Year's every year, but there were some things that I needed to get done that she was working on, so we were working alone during that week. My office is attached to my house, disconnected except for one door. She came in on the Monday after the weekend I had a dinner party and had made beef stew. I had significant left overs and asked her if she wanted some for lunch. Normally, she would go home for lunch. Although I had some knowledge of her effort to continue to lose weight, I gave her a very generous serving, but not an absurd amount that would require an explanation. She finished and asked if there was more. I told her to help herself. She did. She refilled the bowl with another generous serving, flashing me a wonderful smile like a kid in a candy store being told to take whatever she wanted. We didn't talk about it that day. The next day, which was another one that had us in the office without any one else, she came in to my office and said that she needed to admit something. She explained that, when she had downloaded some of the files that I had on my computer for the work that she was doing, she did a little snooping and checked my history on google. She saw that I went to some sites that she also went to, like BigCuties and Curvage. She said that she also noticed that I had downloaded a number of videos of very chubby women. She said that she wanted me to know that she had done this, since she realized that she had done something wrong that could get her fired. I was a little embarrassed, but I asked her why, since there was no way that I would have otherwise known this, she would tell me. She said she was telling me because she wanted me to know that I could trust her. I thanked her and said that I had no problem with what she had done, although part of that trust had to be that she would not discuss it with anyone else. She said that was understood and we didn't talk about it further. New Year's was the next day. The next Friday, we were going over some charts that she had prepared and she put her hand on mine. I didn't pull away, but I suggested that we talk after work. When we were alone, I explained that my policy was that I never have relationships with anyone who works for me, for a whole lot of good reasons. I also reminded her that I was married with kids although my youngest was finishing high school I also pointed out that I was 15 years older than her and not really what she needed. She explained that, having ended her marriage of 15 years only a couple of months earlier, she also was not looking for anything permanent or serious. She said she was looking for friendship, someone to talk to, and fun. She also mentioned that she was obviously aware of my preferences, which she shared. I should mention that I am personally a victim of that very slow weight gain syndrome. When you only gain two or three pounds a year, I is easy to ignore it, but that had taken me from a very athletic 210 at the age of 20 to 290 at 50, where I have hovered since, with a few moments of sliding up towards 300 which makes me panic. I was still very muscled, but distinctively thicker, wearing 46 inch waist baggy chinos instead of 36 inch tight jeans. Because of the weight that I carried in muscle with broad shoulders, people often miss guessed my weight at around 250. I told her that, while I was a fan of chubby woman, I was not secure being so overweight. She laughed and claimed that she hadn't noticed. Yeah, right. Apparently, the second serving of stew was supposed to be a kind of signal to me. I asked, given that real sex was off the table, what was she interested in. I didn't indicate that I was available for anything, but said I was just curious. She explained that, while she was committed to losing weight in the long run, she still liked to binge upon occasion and found just the act of doing that with someone else to have a positive sexual edge. I confirmed that I knew exactly what she was talking about. She made it really clear that she would like to have a relationship and was willing to accept that it would have to stop short of real sex. She wanted to talk about weight, look at sites together, watch the videos that I had, and obviously eat. I told her that she already knew that I was attracted to her, but had to discuss with my wife, which I could tell freaked her out a little. I explained that there were reasons that it might work. I told her that I could not have a relationship that had me stepping out on my wife or being dishonest in our relationship. At that point in time, my wife and I were in a bit of a slump, not uncommon for people who have been together for 20 years. We both still loved each other, and had a very good mutually supportive relationship, but we had our different interests. I was around 240 when we got together and had gained 50 pounds. She, on the other hand, had been around 160 when we met, gained up to 190 with our last kid, but dropped down to around 135. She is very healthy and has given up a lot of things that I still eat. Before getting married, my wife and I talked about my interests and it factored a little into the beginning of our relationship. She was not in a good place when we met and part of her extra weight, with a distinctive belly, was the result of her doing things like coming home from work and sitting down in front of the TV by herself with a dinner consisting of a half gallon of ice cream and a bottle of wine. She was divorced at the time with a 7 year old daughter and had not had a good first marriage. She was committed to making things good for her daughter, but figured that her world had little positive for the future. She was 26 when we met and I was 33, which seemed a lot older at the time. In the beginning of my relationship with my wife to be, she was self conscious of having a belly and stretch marks. She had dated a couple of people, but felt insecure about her body. Obviously, with me, that wasn't an issue. She came to understand that, not only was I not turned off by her body, I found it very enjoyable. I convinced her to get a string bikini, although she would only wear it for me when we were somewhere that no one else could see her. Since her relationship with food had been a negative, our relationship helped her reset. As I have found in numerous relationships, I am cursed with being attracted to women with a tendency to overeat and be chubby because they punished themselves with food. Having a relationship with me enabled them to reunderstand themselves and get a healthier attitude towards eating. If I fantasized that this would result in them breaking loose and giving in to their appetites, which was something that usually did happen in the beginning, but then, unfortunately for my fantasies, the healthy relationship would help them feel stronger and more confident, which in turn would reduce their desire or need to overeat. My wife knew that I liked chubby women and actually had a guilty conscience about having lost weight and gotten healthier. As someone who loves her, I have always accepted and supported her; much the same way that I would have, had she gotten fat. I talked with my wife about Laura. A bit to my surprise, she was very accepting of my having some relationship with limits. Clearly, it could not involve intercourse, since she was not interested in me having kids with someone else, even if by accident, and it also had to be discreet. The way that she explained it was actually a bit depressing for me, but something that I figured that I could work with. If I was going to be taking Laura out to eat and talking with her about my interest in fat women, I wouldn't need to expect the same from my wife. It was like I was letting my wife off the hook. I presented this to Laura and she seemed totally into it. She said she understood the limits and reiterated that she had no interest in a more involved relationship. We started playing games like me dropping off groceries to her home that I claimed that she forget at the office, which was really me picking up some cakes and ice cream for her. Her mother lived with her and, having no clue about what was going on, started telling Laura that she was going to get fat again, eating like that and then no one would be interested in her. Laura and I would go out for lunch or dinner on a night that I had a meeting somewhere. We would do things like order a generous meal each, which I would just pick at and she would eat hers and most of mine. She didn't need me to gain weight, explaining that her preference was for a thick bodied men with muscles, which is what I was. The binge eating was something that got her off. We would make out and play in the car or somewhere private afterwards and she enjoyed having her belly rubbed when she was bloated. It was like high school again, making out, using hands and dry humping. While I am sure many would not find that satisfying, we were both enjoying each other. The first time I laid down on a floor and she straddled me (fully clothed) she remarked that she hadn't realized how thick I really was. She said she found it sexy. Who knows? Feeling her round, chubby belly was a real turn on. Again, think Shar. While she was binge eating with me, she was being careful to not overeat at other times, so she wasn't really gaining, although she did get from maybe 194 to 204. She had a tight pair of leather pants that she had been able to get back into before we started our thing. She wore them to work one day after she had put on a few pounds and they were cutting into her belly. We went out for lunch and she did a particularly good job enjoying a very full meal with two desserts. She was standing up at her desk and leaning back a little bit in a stretch when my wife walked through. Laura turned and smiled, maybe breathing in just enough to shoot the button on the pants across the room. My wife just shook her head, telling me later that Laura looked like she was in the third trimester of pregnancy. She really did. We had fun for about another month. I had to go out to Westhampton to visit a job site that Friday and I have a summer house out there. I invited Laura to go with me. I told my wife on Wednesday and I could tell that she was not taking it well. We talked that night and my wife explained that, while she didn't think she really could complain, since she had effectively sanctioned this relationship and I had respected all of her rules, she was having second thoughts and wanted me to know that she thought she had made a mistake to encourage me to do this. Since my wife is my wife, I explained to Laura the next day how my wife felt and that I needed to slow things down a bit. Laura did not take it well. She clearly was looking forward to Friday and I suspected that she had thoughts about trying to take things to a next level. She did not come in on Friday, claiming that she was not feeling well. On Monday, she gave me two weeks notice. I had her come into my office and closed the door so we could talk. She was very angry and felt that I had made a commitment to her, which I was breaking. I explained that my willingness to get involved to the extent that I had was based on my believing her when she said that what we were doing was all that she was looking for. The next two weeks were not pleasant and she took every opportunity to make her feelings known. We did not have contact after that for about a year, during which she was working at another office a couple of blocks away. I bumped into her one day and we talked. She explained that her anger had been because she was hoping that we would go further. She said that she thought everything through and even saw a therapist for a while, who apparently focused on how much I had done to help her feel better about herself. The therapist tried not to judge our kind of Bill Clinton definition of sex, and helped Laura see that all of it had actually been good for her, making her feel competent enough to take a job that she would never have previously even tried to get and feeling attractive and confident about her appearance again. Laura also showed off her slimmed down figure, telling me that she was down to about 170. I guess I would have to say that, in the way that Cosmo sees things, she was looking good. I, of course, felt a little disappointed. She asked me how I felt about what had happened. I told her that my decisions were based only on what I thought were right, not on what I wanted. I told her that I too had flirted about taking things further and worried about whether I was going to be able to stick to my rules. Telling her that clearly made her happy. I then admitted that sometimes, when I was having trouble falling asleep, I would think about her and her hips, and ass, and breasts, and cute little double chin when she dropped her head down, and of course her round belly that had the most wonderful bounce to it. She then asked if any of it ended up frustrating me. I admitted that it did. She then patted my belly, which at the time was pushing closer to 300 pounds, and said, "I figured maybe that was the case." She was laughing as she walked away. I saw her one time after that, which was at a village event. My guess is that she was then less than 150 pounds. I haven't seen or heard from her since. In my fantasies, she has gained all of the weight back, but then I get that disappointing image of that last time when I saw her trimmed down.