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Well ehm, I've been putting the idea of asking for help on and off the past 4 month's. I'm having trouble gaining the weight back... That's why I'm making this a separate thread from my weight gain updates, I know not everyone wants to know the story and just wants to enjoy imagery - and there's nothing wrong with that! But I actually want some opinions, theories, experiences or just anything really as I feel like I've tried everything within my knowledge. Hi I'm Maria Alive and started my weight gain journey by the end of 2016. A brief summary of the month's prior: before getting into the shadow 'fetish realm' I worked 30 hours a week in a supermarket, did heavy lifting/stocking up the shelves and used it to pay for college. I also did weight lifting from the ages 16 to 23, cycled 10 miles everyday from age 11 - 18 and was also into part time modelling since the age of 18. Lastly.. I was also vegan for almost 4 years but look where we are now. I was always super slim and could eat anything I want without gaining until I started bulking/lifting accordingly and got to 65 kilo's / 143 lbs ( and stayed that way for 2+ years. ) Suddenly more photographers said it wasn't flattering on camera... So, I decided to lose weight cause modelling was something I enjoyed and wondered if they were perhaps right. I lost 10/22 lbs within 2-3 month's a little before becoming 'Maria Alive'. I did it the 'healthy' way - ate 1800 calories a day, exercised once a day, sometimes twice and got more photo-shoots as a result - but I've never been unhappier with my own body and never felt more TIRED - so I quit modelling and wanted to start something on my own. The result - I weighed 54 kilo's / 121 lbs at the beginning of my gaining journey, I got professionally measured at a clinic and had a measly 16% body fat. Since I pretty much crash dieted myself into losing the weight I bounced back within a few month's to 65 kilo's / 143 lbs... ....especially as I stopped doing cardio and started lifting again 3 times a week. Then the sudden plateau came and people started questioning my legitimacy as I openly talked about exercising as well as eating a mostly vegan diet. I quit exercising and started to introduce animal products back into my life. A part of me still thinks that not only because of the crash diet, I was able to gain as quickly as I did..but I do wonder if I continued weight lifting if it's maybe the push that I need? A part of me likes the lazy piggy lifestyle, eating, living in sweat pants and tiny shirts but so far that lifestyle doesn't help me gain at this point. And you can't gain muscle without gaining fat in the process. By the end of 2017 I gained up to 69 kilo's / 152 lbs and finally had a healthy amount of body fat - 25%! What I noticed my first time gaining is that it's actually not thattt difficult to get from 122 lbs to 143, once I hit 143 I get stuck at that weight and have a hard time going higher then that. I had to eat almost 5000 calories a day to upkeep 71 kilo's/ 156 lbs and I've never been able to break this curse. Back to 2018, I got incredibly sick which caused me to go from 71 kilo's / 156 lbs to 55 kilo's / 122 lbs within a span 6 weeks. I got super emotional about my loss as I worked incredibly hard to get there, giving up my passion for cycling, weight lifting and spending a lot of time, money and effort everyday to upkeep. Once I lost the weight I didn't recognize myself, my movements were foreign to me and every time a mirror would pass me by I'd get a little emotional. I wouldn't go as far as body-dysmorphic but I felt like a big girl stuck in a skinny twig's body. - recent thumbnail at 120 lbs I enjoyed every step of the way of my weight gain journey or I'd have never done so in the first place, I feel a lot more confident, sexier and just the person I expect to see in the mirror once I'm above 143 lbs - my ultimate goal would be 200 lbs but I don't dare to dream of it now. I was always excited to hop unto the scale or to measure myself in the morning/during video's. I also enjoyed getting degrading comments from work, friends, classmates and even family. I remember my aunt commenting every time I'd grab food during Christmas, saying that my thighs were already too big and that no men with self-respect would enjoy an ass as big as mine 😶 I got news for her but ehm.. let's continue! I've been trying to gain again since September 2018 as I started to feel better, my lowest weight this summer was 116 and got up to 127 by the end of October but..sadly, I was just ( TMI; constipated ) from getting used to bigger portions again. Now my body is used to the bigger portions, I'm eating about 3500 calories a day, sometimes it's more or a little less if I've been busy. I do stuffings during the weekend and have supporters that sometimes send me extra food in exchange for pictures during the week. So my current problem is: I've been trying to gain non stop since September 2018 and this morning I was back at 120.3 lbs with 18% body fat even though I've been eating nothing but extra take-outs the last 6 days and getting an average of 3900 calories a day. I feel stumped, what am I not doing correctly? Calories in vs calories out has never worked for me and I'd love insight from whoever has an idea. To give a summary of my current daily intake (on a budget) Breakfast: Soy yoghurt 150 grams, muesli 60 grams, raisins 40 grams. Shake: 4 large banana's ( roughly 600-700 grams ), strawberries 100 grams, blueberries 100 grams, flax seeds 15-25 grams, almond milk 250 ml. Lunch: 2 cooked eggs, 4 slices of whole wheat bread with 60+ grams of hummus. Shake: 2 kiwi's, 1 orange, mango 40 grams, 2 banana's ( about 200-250 grams ) and avocado 90 grams. Dinner: potatoes 500+ grams, broccoli 300 grams, champignons 150 grams, mozzarella 25 grams, kidney-beans 90-160 grams, fish-sticks ( 7-8x 75 grams) Snack: I'll often have a whole Tony Chocolonely bar, Milka, Reeses, eggs waffles with Nutella, salted nuts 😏, take off; burrito, quesadilla, taco's, fries but it depends on my mood 🤷♀️ That was one of my diary entries this week, my breakfast is always the same, lunch changes up a little but I'll most often have a vegetarian option so I won't feel too heavy/sleepy if I have to go anywhere/have to work. Dinner changes everyday, but the general idea is that I have that amount of carbs, protein and fat and when I'm eating out for dinner I'll just have as much as I please/can afford. This is what I can do for now, I'm also slowly adding more meat into my diet and hope that speeds thing's up. This is also mostly how I've started gaining, I've tried a lot of thing's along the road to speed it things up: Fasting: I tried 20 hours fasting with 4 hours eating windows and I've tried a couple of 3 day-water fasts to see if it could possible slow my metabolism. Results: It was horrible and actually caused my metabolism to go overdrive instead of slow down and made me feel plain miserable. Macro-nutrient focus: I'd mostly focus on getting more protein, or more fat-based or even mostly carb/sugar based to see where my trigger was. Fat/protein based created an illusion of gaining but, just got me feeling icky/constipated and carbs made me feel good but didn't add anything significant to the scale either so I continue to stay sort off..balanced? Schedule + meal prep: I did this for a quite some time, I'd meal prep my dinners and most of my lunches on Sunday and prep my breakfast/shakes every night before bed. I even went as far as setting timers on my phone to remind me if I was still a little full from my previous meal and I'd take a cool-box to wherever I was heading. It did help but the results weren't baffling enough to continue the effort + eating only 1-2 different meals gets very boring, I know a lot of people are like 'Just drink cream or olive oil every night or chug vanilla ice cream.' but thing's get boring quickly if you do eat them. every.single.day with no change - try it! Protein shakes: I got pretty sick off them and like I said above even had to throw away a full batch because asbestos was found in a lot of protein powder brands in the Netherlands. I remember whenever I'd drink them I'd keep having hiccups, burps that I couldn't control.. it was embarrassing to say the least :') at home it's all good fun and once i find a safe option I'll jump on the bandwagon again. Supplements: I've tried, fenugreek, maca, and I used to have some kind of tea that'd stimulate your appetite but it's been so long, I can't remember.. I had a good experience with all 3. I think fenugreek was the most effective and had the least disgusting taste. It just wasn't a major difference in weight but I did notice my chest being slightly fuller. Allergies + sensitivities: I'm very sensitive to milk, cream and raw butter. I can handle most cheeses, ice creams and yoghurts without a problem but I try to not make them a big staple in my diet. Of course I'll have pizza, cheese burgers or a big tub of ice cream once in a while but, realistically it's not something I can do day in day out. I'm interested in apetamine but due to some health issues and medicine being based on 'healthy DNA' I have about a 99% chance of having side effects. They're not too bad as I've read but I'd love to hear real experiences from anyone and if it's worth the possible temporary discomfort. Lastly, I try not to eat 2 hours before I go to bed, I used to do that a lot but I actually damaged my teeth from silent reflux - so that was an expensive mistake during my first round of gaining! Other possibilities ? I'm seriously open to try anything. Like I said I'm slowly getting my body used to more meat again, hoping heavier proteins, saturated fats and added hormones will help. I'm motivated to try anything as long as it's within my given boundaries. I know it isn't ideal and I'm probably crazy for trying to get all my micro's in whilst gaining, I just hope it's a way of maintaining any form of health while simultaneously destroying it with my kink . Weight gain is never healthy, unless you're underweight or you're adding muscle mass - but even then there are limits to what's healthy. Conclusion I'm a whiny little b**ch but believe me when I say that I'm dedicated. I know I don't eat as much junk food as most feedee's/bbw's. I try to save that for most of my video's or special occasions as 1. It should be achievable with healthy foods and the same amount of calories 2. I get bored quite quickly, as easy as that 3. I used to have really, really, really bad cystic acne until I changed up my diet at 16 and 4. I'm hyper-mobile and gaining weight is heavy on the joints ( hello extreme lumbar curve~ ); I hope by maintaining my micro-nutrients/energy levels that I can maintain a good posture and strong bones. I just want to be my fat plump self again but have enough energy to go about my day. I never got to the point where my belly was sticking out naturally but got massive thighs and a 42 inch booty instead. I miss being a 85-D (EU) and I miss having chubby cheeks. I also had very chubby upper arms and non-existing elbow, but I loved every inch of myself and.. actually never truly felt like a part of the community because so many said I was nowhere big enough and not gaining as fast as I should. I want to be chunky Maria by the end of 2019 and to whoever took the time to read this massive rant, thank you for listening and I hope we can find a way around this! Feel free to ask for any additional information. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NOTE: I'll openly answer every question people have as I hope it'll not only help me but others who are also struggling to reach their goals. But if there's something you might want to share with me and wouldn't feel comfortable having it out here - feel free to dm me. PS: Sorry for the wall of text but I wanted to get everything in here PPS: To anyone who's still questioning my legitimacy on gaining, if I wasn't into this I'd hop on the bandwagon of selling foot- fart- or any other fetish that has a bigger customer base, but I want to show thing's that I actually enjoy. There's nothing more miserable then watching a model do something they're not genuinely getting off to IMO. TLDR; I'm the worst feedee ever, help me gain plz.
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Maria just finished eating at an all you can eat buffet...she couldn't resist bringing home the leftovers of ice cream, and decided to surprise you with it in the shower... She undresses slowly and reveals her plump but curvy looking figure, and 3 plates worth of food in her tightly packed 'n round belly. Maria definitely takes you for a spin into a new world of sensual eating.........$10
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