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balh

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  1. balh

    Are we all just extremely sick? (trigger warnings)

    Man, I know I have mental illnesses. I live with them. I was mentally abused for over 17 years and stuck in a cult for most of my adult life without knowing. Guess like me gaming became an escape. I do feel bad for some girls who gain a ton of weight. Hell i was obee n trying to slim down because at 25 I was a week away from having a heart attack. I also was misdiagnosed about it too which when I went to hospital I was shocked. I do like fat curvy girls to see n fantasy but in real life outside my home, regular to skinny girls. Hell when my last girlfriend was naked I was not attracted to her body, but could get off to images on the Internet.
  2. After reading all the pages. well most i feel like I have a problem with what has been said.. the only difference is I don't see porn. Yes seen some nudity but try and stay away from the FULL BLAST Porn, for personal reasons. Sad to say my family has problem with alcohol, so my family has a tren to get addicted to things. Its interesting about what some of you said. I did have childhood problems, but I stumbled by masturbation by accident. Funny enough Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory was when my "Feitsh" began with violet. Its like I wanted to be like that . But loved bigger girls after that movie. Than after that, I was wondering how it felt to be big, so i started stuffing and such, but my self confidence never let me get too big like i dreamt . I've had days of not Masturbation before, but my dreams would be almost about the feitsh. Or when I have strong urges of getting huge and feeling really FULL, i masturbate and dont have the urge. Personally wish I could stop, and not have the feeling like a smoker to do something. Don't want to be a slave to it. Don't know if how some said childhood problems and mind is fixing. I wish it would be fixed up . In real life, I would rather be with a skinny girl, but in online be a Fat Admirer. But still think like wow that fat girl looks nice. I don't know what the problem is or what. Hope someone here can understand or help figure bout myself. I'm 21 also a virgin, and no girlfriend. But I don't want to have sex before marriage, its a moral choice and I really wana keep it, so pleaes dont say go get laid or w.e. not help. But I do have Bad self confidence issues dont know how badly that is making things worse, Thanks. Normal i don't post but this topic making me come out of shell. a bit.
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