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>_< 0_0

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About >_< 0_0

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    Phat Poster
  • Birthday 01/10/1994
  • Location Stafford, VA, USA

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    Drawing, writing, reading, hiking, driving, video games, clubbing, drinking, history, philosophy, foreign policy, nuclear technology, military stuff -- and chicks.

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  1. Full story is pending approval in the Curvage Store 👌 It's only $1.99 -- and it's more than twice the length of what's already posted!
  2. >_< 0_0

    The Thicc Tribe

    *Pics are just some samples I found on google 🤷‍♀️ So this is a story about Chelsea. She's a college student interning with her mother to study uncontacted tribes all over the world. She's gone on several expeditions in her college career already, but Mom's next expedition is the most ambitious yet: traveling to North "Black" Sentinel Island, a tiny, 25 square mile spot of jungle in the Andaman Islands inhabited by a mysterious tribe -- who attack every visitor they see! Their plan is simple enough: swim to shore and wear armoured scuba suits so that no spear or arrow can hurt them. But much to their surprise, it's not spears and arrows they are met with: it's food -- enough to feast from dawn till dusk! But even as they make themselves comfortable amongst their warm, inviting guests, a problem arises: the food never stops, and Chelsea's suit starts to pinch. She can't help but wonder if they're being fattened-up on purpose, and if so, why? There is more to the island than meets the eye, and it seems only Chelsea's got a mind to find out why.


  3. Hey 😏

    Just finished the next story! I’ll post it in the store when I leave Starbucks.

    Also, did I mention that I got a job in Kuwait? Yeah, the China job never got started because they stopped all flights. I’m not sure what Kuwait’s internet laws are (or the base regulations where I’m going), but I’ll let you know.

    Ooh, I’m going to be richhhhh

  4. This is gonna be tricky, because 1) I'm just happy when a girl spends time around me, and 2) I'm genuinely attracted to weight gain, so you could say I'm telling the truth when I say I don't have a favourite "body type" 🤣 Gender: Girl! Shoulders: Strong and firm, arms plumping over time. Chest: Boobs don't matter so much, but they're nice to hold on to, especially if they get bigger 😗 Waist: Abs are a turn-on, but so is a belly-pooch. Both are fun to massage. Hips: Wider than the waist, I hope. Legs: Thicc legs of all shapes are fun for several reasons. Also, if the ass sticks out but the legs are twigs, that's super suspicious. Every ass deserves two legs thicc enough to support it 🥰🍑 Skin tone: (plz lord 🙏) Hair: Cornrows, dreads, Senegalese Twists, and braids plz. Oh! And also those little metal clasps that girls put on their braids. Eye color: Do yellow pupils exist? I'd love to meet someone with yellow eyes.
  5. Goodnight Moon 🌚; goodnight world ahaha 😂 Okay I need to sleep.
  6. Hashishan is what you say when you say assassin with your mouth full. I think
  7. I didn’t expect Shiva to be immune, but I should’ve known! Now I sense that she’s an important plot element 🧐 Also, there’s only one country between the stans and the Emirates. It’s Iran 🇮🇷 which is pretty close to where the assassin came from. I’m a little bit sad we didn’t get to witness Talia’s transformation, but I suppose I’ll have to write one instead. Oh, actually, I had this awesome idea for Catwoman and Poison Ivy which I’ll write first.
  8. Milfs! Pick the milfs milord! I feel like Lord Farquad. “Captain, assemble your finest men! We’re going to have a milf chapter!”
  9. I’ll be free soon 🤞
  10. Before I forget, I’d like to make a note of how terrifying parrot fish are — because the incident Chelsea had actually happened to me irl
  11. Ooh, it’s even better? But they haven’t even started gaining yet! Well... they haven’t gained much is what I mean.
  12. An overflowing bra is like a fat burger that barely fits in your mouth 😍
  13. Here's another free chapter! I wanted to give everyone a taste for what's to come. In the next chapter, I guarantee nothing -- except the girls are going to get BIG haha 🥰 Chapter Two Just my luck, when I reached the makeshift dressing room, Brad was already halfway done dancing. He glanced shyly over his shoulder as I descended the stairs, his black skin bulging with lean muscle and his hands frozen over his fly. I’d interrupted him when he was most vulnerable – not that I cared. “Um,” he angled himself away from me. “Hi Chels.” “My name’s Chelsea, Brad,” I scoffed. “Can you do me a favour and point yourself at the wall while I change?” “Sure, sure,” he sidestepped away from my striding feet as I made a beeline for the nearest crate. “But –” “Just change, already. Also, don’t look away from the wall until I tell you to, alright?” “Got it. But Chelsea –” “Just shut up and be quick, okay? The other girls will be down here soon and this will be easier if you finish suiting-up and leave before that happens. Okay? Okay. No peeking.” He didn’t dare reply back after that, so I supposed that I’d subdued him enough. Was this what Mom felt like when she barked at me? It was honestly exhausting; I’d never want to be this bitchy all day. But hey: desperate times call for desperate measures. As quickly as I could, I stripped myself of my outer layer of clothing and left it in a folded pile in the corner of the room. After all, who knew when I’d be wearing it again? All I had left was my orange, two-piece bikini, which covered just enough so that Mom wouldn’t lecture me about being racy and oversexualized. Honestly, with Brad stumbling in his suit just behind me, all the exposed skin just gave me the shivers. “Chelsea?” “Not now. I’m changing.” “Okay…” Next came the scuba suit. I pulled it from the crate before me, admiring its grey-white patterns. Best of all, the armour plating stitched into its elastic fabric was light as hell, so none of us would have any trouble swimming, even if we carried our gear ashore. Hence, I shrugged to myself and started stuffing my legs in. The suit was looser than I expected, but that was probably because the plating left some breathing room. Also, I’d been doing a keto diet for a whole month, so I was probably a few pounds leaner than when I was measured. My abs were rock hard. Should I take my belly ring off? I guess it was too late now that I was zipping myself-up. The waist fit loosely once it got past my hips. Oh yeah… it was definitely the keto diet… the chest was a little tight, though… “Chelsea!” I turned to see my Mom storming down the stairs, already stripped-down to her white one-piece bikini. As I braced myself for the inevitable tongue-lashing, I reflected that when it came to Mom’s body, she was basically a more mature version of myself. I had a pretty hot bod to look forward to when I got older. “What are you doing?” she glowered, eyelashes fluttering madly. “I just finished dressing-up?” I pulled the zipper to my throat as I tried to shrug the shoulders into place. “Look at the crate you’re in front of – that’s Brad’s suit!” Quickly, I looked down to see Brad’s name written on the crate I’d just opened. “Oh.” “I tried to tell her,” Brad explained, turning from the wall to face my mother (and still wearing only his trousers). “Get yourself out of that.” “But Mom! Brad’s –” “Now!” How could she do this to me? Forcing me to tease down in front of her while Brad watched behind her? “Ugh!” I shrugged free of the suit, letting it slip down my thighs so I could kick it towards Brad. “This is so awkward!” “You’ll need to get used to it,” Mom proceeded to open her own crate, her wrath sated. “This island’s hot; do you expect to be wearing your scuba suit the whole time? Once we gain the natives’ trust, we take the suits back off.” “Here,” Brad handed me my suit, adjusting his swim trunks with one hand to hide a very obnoxious boner. “Thank you,” I said coldly. “So Mom? Why can’t we just pack our clothes?” “Weren’t you listening to the brief? We’re not taking these crates. We’re wearing backpacks with everything we need, and they’re not big enough to hold your laundry. Don’t you remember the Amazon expedition?” “Yeah…” Sighing, I resigned myself to suiting-up once again. This suit was skin tight, and I actually had to focus pulling each leg into position without tripping. Even the waist was a snug fit; maybe the keto diet wasn’t as much of a breakthrough as I thought. Once we got back home, I’d have to make a note to skip breakfasts if I wanted to run any faster in track. Maybe I could run laps on the beach? Only time could tell. Just as I got my arms through the sleeves, Talia came into view, casually walking down the steps wearing… wait a minute was she naked!? No wait, it was just a skin-coloured bikini. “Everything’s ready up-top,” she flicked her bob of brown hair away from her face. “Once your ready, just grab a backpack and backflip over the portside railing. “Got it,” Mom replied calmly as she grabbed her flippers and edged past her. “Thank you for that. I’ll be waiting for you all in the water. We’ve got no time to lose.” Swimming in the ocean was one of my favourite hobbies, but even so, as beautiful as this coral reef around us was, it always creeped me out. If something chases you, you can’t run away underwater. The seabed beneath us was a series of jagged rocks, coated with coral and barnacles, all interspersed with stretches of rocky sand. Lucky for us, of all the hundreds of fish swimming in all directions, none of them were brave enough to swim towards us. All I had to worry about was swimming through the gaps in the rock without letting the waves push me into them. Talia swam in front of me, glutes flexing with every flick of her strong legs as she found the easiest route between the rocks. The waves were getting stronger now; just a few dozen metres more before we broke the surface. She found another gap in the rocks just barely below the waves, the water frothing about it. She waited for a wave to crest over the gap before slipping through, letting her body get pushed by the current. I paused before following suit, enough that Mom and Brad pushed past me, but there was no getting around it – I’d have to muscle through. At last, I grasped either side of the hole and shoved myself in, feeling the edges scrape my thighs. Knock. Knock. The fuck was that!? It sounded like a god-damn knock on wood! What kind of thing made that noise underwater? Knock. Knock. There it was! There was the fucker! A giant fish – as big as a dinner plate – was biting coral with its beak like a troll eating rocks. It had to be a parrot fish. Oh shit, those things were territorial as fuck! It was trying to look at me! Shit, it was only an inch wide? Its eyeballs were sticking-out of its body like – Oh no, oh god, the waves were pushing me! The waves were pushing me into the parrot fish! Panic gripped my soul and I let loose a gurgled scream as I dodged away from the monster fish. My arms flailed almost uselessly as I made for the outline of my partners’ legs. They were already wading ashore. I had to reach them! The parrot fish was behind me – it had to be! At last, I burst free of the sea, gasping and coughing saltwater as everyone gave me weird looks. “Be quiet,” Mom snapped mercilessly. “There was…” I wheezed. “A giant –” “Hush! Look in front of you.” Still coughing the last few drops of saltwater from my throat, I craned my neck up from all-fours and felt my skin riddle with goose-bumps. About a dozen women were staring at us from the beach, and they were all almost completely buck-naked. We’d made contact. It wasn’t the first time I’d met a tribe, so it wasn’t the nudity that surprised me, rather, it was the blackness. These girls were as black as a Hot Topic employee’s clothes. They were so black that the sweat on their skin shone like polished obsidian. Their skin was so black that their curly, black locks looked brown. As for clothes, they had no cloth, but they each held various stone tools and lengths of sticks, with roughly-hewn bands and belts girdled round their hips to hold them with. Some of them wore collections of bracelets and necklaces made of seashells, but not all. “No sudden moves,” Mom stretched an arm past Brad’s torso. “Chelsea, be careful.” “I know.” “Talia?” she continued, ignoring me. “You ready to give their language a go?” “As ready as I’ll ever be,” she shrugged. “Then let’s get started. Everyone walk slow with your hands outstretched. Talia, you go first.” As the rest of us started walking, I eased myself to my feet and brushed some sand off my forearms. “Here goes nothing,” I muttered. “Don’t forget to smile,” Mom added. “I am smiling,” Brad replied. “I wasn’t saying you weren’t but – here they come. Act casual!” The girls were talking to each other in their own tongue – a quick, sing-song chatter that seemed candid and casual to me. So far so good. One of them was quicker than the others, stepping into the ocean and striding towards us with a blinding-white smile, arms reaching out… …straight into Brad’s unsuspecting arms. As I watched, his face scrunched nervously before giving way to an awkward smile. It was then that I realized that he was the only man between the both of us. “Figures,” I muttered to myself. “They seem to like you,” Talia said as her prospective audience gathered around the intern. “Perhaps,” Mom held her chin thoughtfully. “It is because out of all of us he’s the one who looks the most like them?” “Because he’s black?” I quipped. “Of course,” Mom said casually. “Well, they haven’t tried to shoot us,” Talia rubbed the ball of her foot into the sand dejectedly. “That’s what matters most.” “Let’s play this out,” Mom nodded as the natives stroked Brad’s scuba suit. “They’ll probably take us inland sooner or later, so go ahead and pull your fins off. Brad… be yourself.” Brad just stood there, blushing stupidly. It wasn’t long before we were guided into the jungle. We walked in single-file, with each of us separated from each other by a naked native. The girl in front of me was surprisingly tall and healthy for someone who grew-up in the wilderness. Having met two other tribes before, I was used to being a head taller than everyone around me, the natives’ growth stunted by sporadic periods of malnutrition and famine. But this tribe was different. These girls were big – not fat, of course – but very healthy. Come to think of it, their teeth were as clean as mine ever were. All in all, not bad for an island tribe. “Be sure not to raise your voice,” Mom hissed at me from behind my back. “For sure,” I shrugged as I stepped over a fallen log. “This is serious Chelsea,” she insisted. “Remember, this is an uncontacted tribe. They’ve never met foreigners, seen our clothes, or heard our language. For all they know, we’re aliens. That’s why we need to act as casual and calm as possible.” “Got it,” I rolled my eyes as I leaned slightly sideways to peer past the native woman’s hips. “Talia? Can you hear me?” “Yeah,” she replied from just out of sight. “How’s the translating coming?” “It’s coming,” she said as the women around her giggled. “Once we stop, I’m going to learn how to count by using fingers. Should be easy enough.” A sudden pang of fear overcame me at the stray thought that materialized in my mind. “Um… Talia? Where’s Brad?” “Brad? Huh… he was walking ahead of us with the girls a moment ago…” “Mom?” I felt my skin chill. “Mom, the intern’s missing –” “I told you, Chelsea. Be quiet!” “But –” “Shush! We can’t afford to panic right now. There’s too much at stake.” “But what if… what if they’re going to eat him? What if they’re going to eat us?” “You’ve got to hold faith in him. As long as he keeps wearing his armoured scuba gear, he’ll be fine.” I shut up after that, more because I was lost in my own thoughts than because my Mom said anything useful. Brad was definitely gone, along with three or four tribal girls. Obviously, they’d separated him from us – but why? I’d met people who believed cannibalism was a myth, but if anyone knew better, it was me. I’d travelled the world with my mother, professionally and otherwise, and I’d witnessed cultures so isolated and obscure that not even National Geographic would visit them. There were still cultures in the deepest jungles of the Congo who ate human organs to gain superpowers. Sometimes they only ate the deceased; sometimes… they didn’t. Fuck it, I didn’t care what happened to this expedition! I was going to find Brad whether it Mom liked it or not, and if that ditsy idiot needed saving, well, so much the better. Not that I had feelings for him… I was just a good person. Deep within the island jungle, shielded from the sky by a shimmering canopy of thick leaves, was a little circle of six huts. As good as tribal villages go, I was really impressed with how well-constructed the structures were, for considering that there were no precious metals on the island to make tools with, the locals had been able to make pretty big dwellings with a mixture of dried mud, palm tree thatchery, and deadwood. Wooden racks and hangers were everywhere, overladen with a surprising bounty of skinned fish, fried clams, steamed crabs and lobsters, and even a few birds and vermin I didn’t recognize. Intricate baskets were everywhere, exotic fruits of all colours stacked high within them. It was everything a pre-civilized society could ever dream of. Our new friends guided us into the midst of the little village, towards a smouldering campfire. I did a double-take of it, for I wondered if we’d be cooked alive. The campfire was far wider than I first thought – nearly two metres wide – wide enough to accommodate a husk of human-sized meat. Smoke trailed from piles of heated, white ash like a dormant volcano. From the size of the ash pile, I could tell that it had been burning for weeks – months even. Did they ever put the fire out? Come to think of it, did the locals know how to start a fire? If they did, wouldn’t there be a lot less trees on this little island? Perhaps, I thought to myself as we gathered around it, they merely used the flames from lightning strikes and kept the embers burning until monsoons snuffed them out. That would explain why the campfire looked so well-put together. It was surrounded by a raised double-row of smooth rocks, arranged in a perfect circle. The rest of the inhabitants began exiting their huts and pausing their various projects and errands. They were about three dozen in number, all of varying size and age, and all of them were staring at us like we were zoo animals, chattering happily amongst one another. Oh gawd, I really hoped they didn’t try to cook us. “Truly remarkable,” my Mother grinned as she looked each local in the eye. “No culture is like another. This is going to be a very productive trip.” “Any idea where they took Brad?” I asked, nervously leaning closer to the pile of ash and giving it a curious sniff. “We haven’t seen him in – hang on. You seeing what I’m seeing? Where’s the dudes?” “What was that, Chelsea?” Mom asked, distracted by a crowd of girls fawning over her skin-tight suit. “The dudes. Where’s all the men? All these people are girls.” “Fascinating,” Mom rambled as she held her arm out to let her adoring fans to stroke it. “It’s possible that they are all out hunting and fishing – but that would not explain why the young boys are absent as well, would it? It’s clear then: this is a woman’s village.” “A what?” “They have segregated themselves by gender.” “Like the ancient Arabs?” I remarked with distaste. “I think so, except instead of separate tents, these people have separated themselves even further – even more than the Spartans, even.” “Lovely.” “You should be happy, Chelsea. Now we know why Brad isn’t with us – he’s been taken to the men’s village.” “But we still don’t know where that is.” “No matter. Talia? How goes it?” “We just counted to ten!” Talia beamed as she sat on a log near the campsite surrounded by four girls. “The old finger-trick works every time. Now I just need to count other things with them to verify – oh! What’s this you’re giving me? Shrimp? What do you call it? Ooh, how many shrimp? Let’s count them, then…” As I watched, Talia was bestowed a gift: a small basket laden with a couple handfuls of plump-looking fried shrimp. She was already counting them as they placed them into her hands, one at a time. To my surprise, she began eating them, counting in their language between muffled bites. “They’re super good,” she mumbled in my direction as she sucked her finger clean. “You should try them.” “I don’t think I –” I paused, noticing that two women were already bringing food to me. “Oh. Thanks.” “You should accept their gift, Chelsea,” my Mom told me. Already, she was chewing on a ripe-looking white fruit. “We need to do our best to be as accommodating and agreeable as possible.” “Yeah…” “And be sure to take note of their diet. When we write our notes, we need to be as thorough as possible.” “Got it,” I said quickly. A woman was already standing in front of me, leaning close with a wide smile as she offered me a basket filled with cooked fish. To be honest with myself, I didn’t feel ready to make the switch from American burgers to dubiously-cooked local cuisine. I mean, did they actually know that they needed to cook the meat all the way through? I guess I was worrying about nothing, though, because tribal populations were small, so they didn’t really have many diseases at all, and it’s not like I had a choice. I’d have to eat the local food sometime or other. It’s just that I’d rather find Brad than sit down and eat. “Go ahead, girl,” Talia said encouragingly. “They actually cooked these all the way through. I’d say it’s somewhere between medium and medium-well-done – ooh, another one? Fruit? Thank you…” “Eat,” Mom glared at me, chewing furiously. “The mission depends on you eating. Be a good guest.” As she turned her attention back to the white fruit, I gave my offering of fish another look. Each slice was nearly a foot long, and it did look well-cooked. Come to think of it, it was the same size as that damn parrot fish that was going to bite my finger. I wondered what that fucker tasted like? Fuck it. I plucked the meat from the basket and took my first, pensive bite. Delicious. Tasted like vengeance. My host smiled at me as I enjoyed her cooking, and took a seat by my side, rubbing her hand over my back as I continued to eat, no doubt admiring the fit and texture of my suit. In any other situation, I’d be creeped-out, but now I supposed it couldn’t be helped. Who knew what customs and courtesies belonged to the Black Sentinelese? The sun sank deeper towards the horizon, and the sky burned a glorious orange. It wasn’t long before the forest grew gloomy, and a group of women began to stack kindling and driftwood atop the ashes, stirring the embers back to life. Soon, the sunlight was replaced with glow of a modest fire, lighting our surroundings and making the shadows of our bodies dance against the walls of the huts. And the food just kept coming. Oh my gawd but the food just kept on coming! Ever since we’d arrived in the village, they offered us basket after basket of food. I tried to pace myself as best I could, but even now, there were three small baskets between my feet, each laden with fish vertebrae, clam shells, a spare lobster tail, and fruit pits. Meanwhile, there were two girls on either side of me, one fondling my arm, and the other resting her head on my shoulder – and now there was a third girl approaching with a fresh basket of berries? How long had this madness lasted? I instinctually checked my wrist only to curse once again for forgetting to bring my watch with me. Should I ask Mom what time it was? Forget that! She’d never stop chiding me for not checking the gear list! “Talia…” I groaned as I leaned towards her. “What – urp – what time is it?” “What was that?” she turned away from her new friend, a tall woman with her hair sheared close to her scalp. Apparently, she was already sparking conversations in the native tongue. “Sorry Chelsea, I didn’t hear you.” “Hush!” I glanced nervously toward my mother, but thankfully, she was too busy with her own friends, laughing on the far side of the flickering flames as they lifted a sack of liquid to her lips. “I just wanted to know what time it was.” “Does it matter?” Talia snickered. “You don’t have an – hic – appointment, do you?” I rolled my eyes. “Funny you should mention that, but have you forgotten about Brad?” “What about him?” “Aren’t you worried about him? I just want to find him so I know – so we know that he’s okay.” Talia paused before answering, but only because her friend was softly tugging her chin back to her smiling face. As Talia smiled back at her, the woman slipped a colourful treat past her lips. It was enough to raise anyone’s eyebrow, but I raised both. Was she really going to be like this while we had a missing intern? “Talia,” I said again. “The time?” “Sorry,” Talia said something to her friend as they stared at her ticking watch together. “It is… 2125.” “About nine-thirty? Good to know.” “What are you planning?” Talia asked as her friend snaked her arm around her waist and gave her stomach a squeeze. “Ah, hey! Easy, Milka! Easy! You’ll make me – urp.” I couldn’t answer because one of my girls was holding a berry in front of my mouth. My suit was starting to get real tight around my waist, so I was going to tell her off, but when I opened my mouth, another belch escaped me and the berry just slipped right in. “Fuck,” I grumbled, smacking my lips as I chewed the juicy snack. “You can’t just keep feeding me… what do I call you?” The girl holding my arm on my left had sidled herself close to me, until our legs touched from hip to knee, while the girl on my right was giggling to herself as she watched me talk. “Snuggles and Snickers,” I gave each one of them a casual glance. “That’s what I’m calling y – hey! What are you doing Snickers?” Snickers just giggled more as her hand gave my right boob a playful squeeze. Was this normal behaviour for this tribe? Normal or not, what could I do? Getting on their bad side was the last thing I wanted to do. Come to think of it, there was one thing I could do… “I can’t even with you, Snickers,” I muttered. “It’s fine. It’s – urp – whatever. I get it. Small tribe… everyone’s friends… what if I did this,” without warning, I grabbed hold of one of her boobs and made her yelp. “See? See how it feels?” To my dismay, this just made them more excited. If it weren’t enough that Snickers was groping me, Snuggles started rubbing my stomach. They seemed fascinated by my body, but then I realized why: it was my armoured scuba suit. Clearly, they’d never seen anything like it. Perhaps they were wondering if it was part of me? Such things had happened before; the Aztecs thought the conquistadors’ horses were part of their bodies. “Do you like that?” I asked as they tapped their fingers against the unyielding fabric. “Pretty cool, huh? You can touch it all you want; you’ll never hurt me! My mother’s laughter boomed suddenly. I could see her laughing through the flames, holding the sack in her hand as the women around her fawned over her body. She was only like this when she was tipsy. Note to self: be wary of the drinks. “So,” I said to myself as Snuggles popped another berry into my mouth. “It’s nine-thirty. Mom’s getting buzzed and Talia’s – urp ­– busy, I guess. Everyone should be going to sleep soon. That’s when I’m going to do it. That’s when I’m going to find Brad.”
  14. I think I’m in love with this commercial 


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