TheSoupNazi

It's several.. ones that he knew at their skinniest, so the weight gain, although isn't up to the 250s, he was able to get the full appreciation for. He's heard the casual conversation of "I'm getting fat, " etc from some of them. He didn't know me at my skinniest (115ish) and there's not many pictures of me at that time to do a side by side.. so I think of my weight gain from this point instead of the 150 when we met.

@Voluptuouslover That didn't come off wrong, and I think I needed fresh eyes on it. Where I really struggle with this whole thing is when I've notice him admiring fat on other women..on social media where I know the person. It just makes me self conscious because it almost makes it too real. I know he doesn't mean anything by it and he loves/adores me, it just cuts straight to my insecurities. Thank you for your perspective

@Voluptuouslover My husband opened up to me within the first year of our relationship.. so several years before marriage. He never had the expectation, just the hope that one day I would pack on some pounds. He has never pressured me to gain and has always understood my previous issues could be a hurdle. When we discussed the prospect of me gaining is when he told me what he would love if I got up to..but all of it depended on how I felt along the way and how I carried the weight if he/I would like more. We've discussed a lot: my potential reservations, goal weight, how I wanted to pack on pounds, etc.. I think part of the problem is when something is in front of you everyday you forget the transformation.. it's easier to see drastic before and after on forums/Facebook than what's sitting next to you every day, hence the spoken about confusion. The world we live in is one with the availability of all of this at your fingertips, I feel like it almost make you desensitized, but maybe that's just me.

So I married a FA which is totally cool with me, but I've had some hurdles as someone new to this whole thing. And would like some insight... I love not having to worry about my weight and even being encouraged to have extras, however I had an eating disorder as a teenager due to a controlling asshole boyfriend. I'm also in the medical field and it's always in the back of my mind the health implications. With that said we've done stuffings and had a blast, and there was a period of time that I was actively gaining. That was great.. but then I started to notice the health things which make me hessitate (I got up to around 200). Currently I'm around 185-190 which makes me able to breathe better (my job is very demanding... So that's kinda a necessity as I run around helping others) With that said I know he would love to have me up closer to 230-250... Depending on how it looks on me (average height). I just feel that since he told me that he's an FA unless I'm stuffing my face he's not as sexually interested. Keep in mind I'm a solid 40lbs heavier than when we first met... Which leads to my confusion. With all of this said I know he loves me no matter what.. etc blah blah blah .. but I'm just looking to understand better, because I know he's on forums/Facebook looking at pictures of 200+women which I've told him is fine.. as long as its not someone we know (too personal), but I feel semi neglected at home, because whenever I try to "show him attention" he's somehow always tired. Could someone please give me a different perspective/advice because I don't know what to do to spice things up in the meantime of me being not as soft as he would like.