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About litmus

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  1. Nice to have a woman's perspective. How do you feel about fat shaming vs. body positivity?
  2. We have a less active lifestyle that revolves around cars, screens, and prepared foods. We have also had 50 years of yo-yo diets that have only made us fatter. The cars reduce walking. The screens are a technological development that has reduced activity levels. Prepared foods are a response to two income families that have less time and energy for meal preparation. It only takes a small change in calorie input/output to make a huge change in weight over time. A 100 calorie imbalance per day can lead to a 50-100 pound gain over 5-10 years.
  3. Not everyone here seeks humiliation or power over a partner. I want to build a woman up, rather than tear her down. I love encouraging or empowering a woman who may have struggled with food or body image issues to feel more confident and sensual. I want her to feel free to experience the pleasure of good food and to reject diet culture. I want her to know that she can eat what she wants, when she wants, and if she does gain some weight it will only increase my attraction. I realize that others have different arousal responses. I am just saying those who are in to teasing and especially humiliation should only aim those type of comments at partners or models who have made it clear that they share that kink.
  4. Body Positivity is an aspirational movement. It seeks to challenge the dominant view that only slim, lean bodies should be considered beautiful and sexually attractive. Body Positivity asserts that all body types have value. Here in the US where the average woman is a Size 14, body positivity overlaps a great deal with size acceptance. The fact that this movement doesn't always succeed in it's aims, or the fact that individual women may have ups and downs in terms of body confidence doesn't mean that the concept is "hypocritical". The fact that individuals may use the movement as an excuse for personal eating or exercise habits has nothing to do with its basic merits. Those of us in the FA community should not buy in to the stereotypes and memes of the dominant culture. Overweight people are not necessarily lazy, sedentary, un-healthy, nor out of control. You don't have to binge eat daily to be overweight. Eating as little as 100 calories per day over your metabolic burn rate can lead to 10-15 pounds of weight gain per year over 5-10 years that can easily lead to a 50-100 pound gain. Millions of years of evolution with food insecurity and frequent famine has left us with bodies that make it easy to gain weight and extremely difficult to lose it and keep it off. Repeated studies confirm that 97% of all dieters gain back what they lose within 5 years. Repeated yo-yo diets tend to slow metabolism and increase weight set-points by convcing the body that it is under threat of famine. The point is that most people in a modern food abundant society are inclined to gain weight. We should stop shaming people for that. We should stop insulting them, stop humiliating them, and stop assualting their self-esteem.
  5. Thank you for a thoughtful response. First off I agree that my response here was rather aggressive. I was trying to avoid hijacking the KC thread and ending up with more fodder for the Abyss. After posting this comment, I decided to post a more general comment about Fat Shaming vs. Body Positivity in the Lifestyle Forum. I would welcome any contribution you want to make to that discussion. I appreciate your link to your attempt to explain what you find arousing. We are coming from very, very different places. I like adoring a larger woman and making her feel proud, confident, and sexy. In particular, I love empowering a woman who has struggled with food and body image issues and who has likely been dieting most of her life, to feel free to eat and enjoy the pleasure of food and to know that gaining weight can make her even more beautiful in my eyes. I find watching a woman's body and self-esteem blossom to be the ultimate aphrodisiac. Why do you think seeing someone lose confidence is arousing to you? If you love someone, don't you want them to feel good about themselves? I have struggled for most of my life with feeling "shame" for liking something out of the mainstream. I have had enough of sexual shame, and I don't want to shame others. Curious as to your thoughts?
  6. So who claimed to be here as a "social activist"? I am here because I am very attracted to larger women and that attraction is very central to my sex life. But I am also a human being, and I recognize that the women I know in my own life, as well as and the models I enjoy here, are human beings too. I give a shit about their feelings, individually, and I care about whether our daughters and wives are comfortable in their bodies or struggle with debilitating self-esteem issues or dangerous eating disorders. I don't think expressing empathy makes me "pious" and "self-serving". I would hope that it reflects decency and concern for the impact of my actions on others. I am attempting to start a conversation. I don't understand those who are aroused by shaming and humiliation. From my position as someone who does not share that particular kink, it appears deeply mysogenistic. Being aroused by insulting or humiliating someone seems to reflect some sort of deep seated hostility. This seems different than affectionately calling someone's partner a "cute little piggy". That is a term of endearment. Why are you bothered by "body positivity"? To me it seems natural for those who are attracted to larger women to embrace a movement that values all types of bodies and affirms their attractiveness.
  7. A lot of the fat shaming I am referring to has been in the Katie Cummings thread in the General Video forum. I have seen other comments directed at public figures in the Fat Celebs forum. There are several posters who are quite militant about shaming any woman who gains weight, even college girls who gain a few pounds. I believe these members are a minority, but not sure how many share that aspect of this kink. If a woman digs being teased, or if partners use terms like pig or cow as a form of endearment, I have no problem with that. I occasionally whisper little comments like that to my wife. I am more referring to reinforcing negative stereotypes about fat people.
  8. For some time now, I have been bothered by the prevalence of "fat shaming" and "humiliation" in our community. I frequently see posters repeating the fatphobic memes of the mainstream culture. Larger women are referred to as "pigs" or "cows". It is assumed that anyone who is overweight is lazy and their appetite is assumed to be completely out of control. Even women who are only slightly larger than the mainstream ideal or who have gained a small amount of weight are subjected to these kinds of remarks. I recognize that a significant subset of folks here, both men and women, get off on this stuff. They are aroused by teasing and fat shaming. In particular, there seem to be a lot of men who are turned on by directing humiliating comments at women's bodies. I think this deserves discussion. On one hand, whatever 'floats your boat" should be fine as long as there is mutual consent and no one is harmed. On the other hand, I think these comments reinforce a lot of ill-informed stereotypes about food, health, body image, and are corrosive to the self-esteem of larger people. As a practical matter, making these kinds of comments seems self defeating to our online community. Receiving a stream of fat shaming comments can only discourage most models from wanting to post here. I am probably particularly sensitive to these issues because of a long friendship with a beautiful curvy woman in recovery from bulimia. Because of her struggles I did a lot of reading about eating disorders. Pressure to be thin is a primary driver of eating disorders. Young women who restrict their food intake in an attempt to conform to the overly narrow "beauty standard" end up throwing themselves into eating disorders that are incredibly dangerous, far more dangerous than being moderately overweight. Recovery is often an extremely difficult process that can dominate an E.D. sufferer's life for decades. Rather than reinforcing our culture's fatphobic stereotypes, I would very much like to see this community embrace "body positivity" and support finding beauty in a broader range of body types. I think that would make it easier for fat women to feel good about themselves and allow more men to have an easier time with their attraction to larger women. These topics aren't simple or easy. Most of us who are here have struggled to come to terms with our own sexuality. I don't want to condemn others. But I do think it is worth discussing why humiliation is arousing to many and how those urges can be redirected or at least expressed in a more constructive manner. I hope this thread can promote some respectful discussion. Thanks!
  9. Dude, I saw your comment in the Katie C thread and traced you back to here. I remember your old name very well. If you want to know why so many models hate FAs, or why someone like KC stops producing fetish oriented material, look at the s**t you post 🤪! You called KC, "Hopelessly obese". Can't you see how offensive that is? She is obese, but she is far from helpless. Most women in the US are overweight. Evolution has made it easy to gain weight, and difficult to lose it. Most who are obese, especially those like KC who get regular exercise, have no serious health problems. You are open about the fact you get off on humiliation. Why? To me it seems completely mysogenistic. You want to make fun of the very same women you think are hot? WTF? If a woman gets off on it too, fine. You two can sit around all day telling her what a pig she is. But making fun of women who don't enjoy that in a public forum seems mean and cruel, not to mention counter productive. You are discouraging content creators from posting here. I remember you as a smart, articulate person. Do you ever think about why you get off on humiliation? Do you ever think about how hateful that must feel to women who don't share your kink? I think we should encourage body positivity and try to normalize the beauty of larger women, rather than repeating the fatphobic memes of our culture. I am hoping we can have a constructive conversation and you can help me understand your point of view.
  10. I love watching the changes as a women gains. So my ideal isn't a number, it is a slow gain. For example, my two current favorites are Cherries and Katie Cummings. I have followed each for many years. Each has gained over a hundred pounds and I think they both just keep getting more beautiful. Cherries is mostly belly with thick thighs and wide hips. Katie is big boobs, huge booty and thick thighs.
  11. Hi,.I have a very intimate friendship with a woman who is in recovery from bulimia. She is short, strong, thick, and very beautiful. She has struggled with body image issues since adolescence. Ours has been an interesting friendship. She lives in mortal fear of getting extremely obese like most of the other members of her large half German/half Mexican family. I am a guy with a fat fetish and a lifelong fascination with weight gain. I did a lot of reading about ED recovery in order to support my friend. I would strongly recommend a book titled Brain over Binge by Kathryn Hansen I would also recommend Health At Every Size by Linda Bacon. I think it is fine to be moderately fat and reasonably healthy. I think it is great to enjoy food and take pleasure in eating. I think being compulsive and out of control about any behavior is not healthy and is not a recipe for long term happiness. Finding a happy medium is key. You don't need to be stick thin to be sexy or healthy. You don't need to get sucked into diet culture. But consistently eating beyond fullness and feeling unable to stop is something to be concerned about. EDs are really tricky and sneaky. I would be happy to refer you to other resources if you are interested. Also happy to chat further if you think it would be helpful. I wish you the very best.
  12. Looking so sexy! Would love to rub that soft tum!
  13. So a few thoughts: performance anxiety is a real thing. Once you start worrying about getting an erection it can completely inhibit your response. Your partner's reaction is putting you under a ton of pressure and making the situation far worse. Any sex therapist would tell her to do the exact opposite of what she is doing. She should tell you it is fine when you are having trouble, you should cuddle, and it is great for you to use other methods to please her: manual stimulation, oral stimulation, vibrator, dildo, whatever floats her boat. I am decades older. I learned early on that being skillful at oral sex made everything else work better in bed. Most women are much more responsive to oral stimulation, perhaps accompanied by a dildo or a finger in her vagina stimulating her g-spot. She wants to be satisfied, and that is a reasonable demand, but her unwillingness to try to accomplish that in other ways is unreasonable and is likely making matters worse. Second, you may have physical issues that are inhibiting your response. Are you overweight or diabetic? Getting your T level tested is a good idea. I would encourage you to ask the doctor for a sample prescription of Cialis. Eating as little as 3-5 mg should give you a much stronger erection. Once you have had some success and gotten your performance anxiety issues a little more under control you can try taking smaller and smaller doses. There is a book I would encourage you to look at, it is called Come As You Are. I can't remember the authors name. She is a sex therapist and the book is primarily about female sexual response but it may help you please your partner and the section about pressing the brakes and the gas at the same time may very well explain what is going on in your own head. Finally, your partner's response is concerning. It suggests a general lack of empathy and understanding for others. It seems very self-centered and possibly narcissistic from your description. Is she like this in other areas of your relationship? If so, I really caution you. Trying to have a relationship with a partner who lacks empathy and often puts their own needs first is not healthy. Perhaps she is just young, inexperienced, and insecure. If so you should be able to talk to her about how her reaction makes things more difficult for you. If she can't see that, I would see that as a bright red flag that she is not a healthy partner who is going to be able to love and support you. Don't allow yourself to be emotionally abused. If she is toxic, your penis may be saying "no thank you" as a form of self-protection. Some of us have dicks with a conscious that don't work well when they are put in unhealthy situations. Best of luck! Keep us posted.
  14. Have you actually read either book? You dismiss them as "hacks" without providing any argument or evidence. Linda Bacon has three Masters degrees in Nutrition, Biology, and Psychology. I'm not saying that there aren't different points of view, but you can't just dismiss the extensive scientific evidence presented in these books with a wave of your hand. I didn't purposely ignore anything you said. I thought my friends personal experience helped illustrate some the points I was trying to make. I acknowledged that you did qualify your comment about BMI. But BMI as a measure of fitness or health is deeply flawed. My friend was extremely unhealthy when she weighed #150 and was struggling with bulimia. She is far more healthy at #195, restricting less, and training more. The same is true for many people who are better off getting off fad diets and relearning to listen to there body's hunger and satiation signals, even if they gain some weight. I have tried to engage you in thoughtful exchange of ideas, that is how we all learn and grow. So far you have responded with closed mindedness, personal attacks, and almost no substantive response to any of the arguments I've made. It seems to me that this "discussion", if you can call it that, is a perfect illustration of how our politics has gotten so screwed up. Everyone has a right to there own opinion, but they are not entitled to there own set of facts. Facts matter. Reasonable people with different points of view should be able to talk about important subjects with civility and mutual respect. But instead, clinging to our pre-existing opinions seems to be more important than actually trying to have a meaningful exchange of ideas.
  15. Let me share a little more about my friend. You are right that she is unusually muscular for a woman. But it isn't just a matter of muscularity. She is far from lean. I'm sure her body fat percentage is quite high, higher than most BMI proponents would find "acceptable". My point is that trying to be "thin and healthy" made her very sick. She is much healthier now that she restricts less and has gained nearly 50 pounds during three years of recovery. Hers is not an unusual case. There are many people who are not genetically predisposed to be thin. If we fat shame all these people into trying to force their bodies to be thin, these folks often end up fatter and more unhappy than if we just let them be.
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