sweetie

you are so gorgeous *o* welcome!

tia

*peeks in* *sneaks off~*

greetings, chums! first of all, my hat goes off to soylentlilac for starting a thread for me over yonder and introducing my humble chunk of youtuby internet to my newfound peers. my name is sweetie. as soylent explained, i have been diagnosed with anorexia. i mention it right off the bat because 1) most people would automatically assume i have an ED (eating disorder) after seeing my photos, and 2) it has, unfortunately, played a major role in my life over the past few years. i am 100% determined to do what it takes to absolutely, positively, completely crush the nasty guts out of my ED, and i feel that one word and one phrase are my weapons: "chubby" and "fat n happy!" farfetched? maybe. but it feels right. and i'm rolling with it. i completely understand why people would be doubtful. that's ok. i'm often doubtful myself. but this truly feels like, if anything, it will help me push through this shit and get me on the path of honest-to-goodness self-love. that's all i want! i've been denying myself something i'm so passionate about, something i adore...food...but why? why don't i deserve love? i love everyone else, so what makes me so special? i've been through the gamut of traditional treatment - acute hospitalization, intensive inpatient treatment, medications, outpatient group therapy, individualized therapy with a psychiatrist, counselors and dieticians - and although i have been able to physically meet weight goals a few times, i always slipped back into my ED. i've tried to tell myself to make "normal and healthy" my goal, but it ends up backfiring - my ED side tells me to be "just a little better/fitter/healthier" than average, and it spirals out of control. so...i'm making my goal...big! i've often yearned to know what it feels like to be a chubster, to be much bigger than i've ever been, and i'm now attempting to use that alongside websites like curvage as a means of inspiration and recovery and starting up a normal, happy life. my mom, sisters and friends have all been incredibly supportive! i'm not as close with my dad, so i haven't told him yet - i imagine he'll make fat jokes here and there, but deep down i'm sure he'll simply want me to feel good about myself. as for me, i'm mainly worried about my cute clothes not fitting anymore ;( but strangely, over the past year or two i've subconsciously been buying clothes that are a few sizes too large, and then sewing them so they're slightly fitted. i prefer fitted, yet loose clothes, so i can always take out the diy seams as my body plumps up. i'm also slightly worried about appearing (to the public) as flabby/gross/unfit, but nuts to 'em. i'm certainly ghoulish enough at the moment, so i might as well be made fun of while enjoying a darn good donut ;D some of my favorite words: pneumatic, voluptuous, chubster, smushy a few of my inspirations: rebel wilson, fat monica from friends, josie and mary beth from my old workplace, marilyn monroe, a good friend's artwork i like big butts. i will be tracking my gnoshings here: http://sw00tie.imgur.com/ http://sw00tie.tumblr.com/ thank you for reading ^o^