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About arch329

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  • Birthday August 13
  • Location New York, NY, USA

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    Understanding better the reasons I think the way that I do and how that affects how I do things, as well as why I feel the way that I do. I have been interested in women with overwhelming appetites since I was a little kid.

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  1. Warning! Morph alert. The image attached to this post has been morphed, although it is getting harder and harder to keep ahead of how big Shar is getting.

    So Shar recently posted a video that has her reporting about her current dilemma: She has gone to the doctor and he has told her that she is getting too fat too quickly and needs to start losing weight. As Shar ponders this instruction from a professional, she reveals what may be insurmountable problems: How is it even possible to lose weight if she has gotten too fat to be comfortable exercising and, what is she supposed to do when she gets hungry? She also notes that she does not take orders well and often will rebel. That is probably why she heads to the bakery to pick up an assortment of things to eat after being told to diet by her doctor. While at the bakery, the zipper on her very tight pants pops. She claims that she is hurrying home do to the popped zipper, but I suspect it is because she has a full bag of treat to devour. The video shows her eating a couple of the things that she has purchased, but it sounded like there was a lot more that she got at the store.

    The morphed picture shows where I think Shar will be arriving quickly, given, as she explains, it how exercise and dieting are not possible if you are fat and hungry. It rivals the question, "which came first, the chicken of the egg?" With the way Shar's hunger seems to be driving her, I think if I asked her that question, she would ask me where is the chicken and where is the egg? 

    Still as cute as can be, if a bit more chubby cheeked.

    Shar Morph 31.jpg

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Nifkin


      Yeah stop posting these crappy morphs! Who cares if you're having trouble 'keeping up', we'd rather see the real thing than your dumb pictures.

    3. kev1966


      beautiful..!  she will get there In a matter of weeks hopefully!  very sexy!  😍

    4. Feederindenial


      I've got to agree. Perhaps you could post these somewhere else like deviantart? People come here to see Shars content, not your wall of text. Sorry mate. 

    While I didn't really understand the purpose of the first 5 minutes, in which we hear Shar talking, but the camera is pointed at the ground while she is walking, this is a fun video that contains a number of interesting images. The introductory part that does not show Shar does swing around to show her broken zipper that seems to have given up the task of holding back her generous belly. She orders a number of things at a bakery, and then walks home. She is walking faster on the way back from the bakery, which I think she is trying to explain is because her zipper has popped, but I think she is also in a hurry to get home to enjoy her food. She films herself eating some of it and kills a good sized bag of chips, and good sized sandwich, and washes it down with Red Bull. The whole time she is shoveling in the chips (her hand is working quickly so that the next chip is ready to insert as soon as she as started chewing the previous chip), finishing by dumping the crumbs in the bag into her mouth, she is talking about the problem she now has: her doctor has told her that she gotten too fat too quickly and has to lose weight. She is clearly overwhelmed by the dilemma: How can she lose weight if she is too fat to exercise? It is a conundrum that surpasses the universal puzzle "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" I think, if I made that comment to Shar, she would want to know where the chicken and the egg are, since she acknowledges that another problem with her dieting is that she is always hungry. She asks the very sincere question: How can she eat less if she is hungry? Perplexing. She actually gets to the point of wondering how it is possible for anyone who is fat to lose weight since exercising is not possible when you are fat, and the chances are that, if your are fat, you are often hungry. She concludes that she does not take restrictions well and may end up eating more in defiance, simply because the doctor has told her that she is not supposed to. I had a girlfriend who experience that same problem, which I posted a short story about on Curvage as True Memory 2. The simple decision on her part to diet in an effort to lose weight would drive her to binge. Her name is Jeanette and she was very cute, but not really competition for Shar, who demonstrates so well that the added pounds are not interfering with her beauty. I particularly liked that, when she is sitting, her belly now forms several clear, thick rolls of fat. She reveals what the doctor told her she weighs, which surprised me, since I think she looks like she has gained more
  2. Morph alert! Warning this is a photograph that has been digitally enhanced.

    Laura asked me to try to estimate where she is headed in the next several months, if she continues to eat aggressively. Thin or thick, she has a great look. This is a guess.

    Laura Morph 1.jpg

    1. kev1966


      beautiful!  she is well on her way...and then some!!😍

  3. Thanks for the encouragement. I don't do illustrations, although I have done morphs. This story is a response to a request made by the Laura who is acdc34434. She is "writing" her own story in real life and the weight numbers I used are her actual gain so far. She is also providing her own "illustrations" in the form of photos and videos. I have seen deviant artists (that is the name of the site, not a comment on the artists) who do get into illustrating stories and I would be game if there is someone able who wanted to do that. A recent example was posted on Curvage in the Stories section by Conjohn as Haley's Gain. Eight chapters have been posted and it doesn't sound like Haley has finished her gain. @godo7, who I think posts on DeviantArt did the illustrations that start each chapter. My only critique of his illustration for Chapter 8 is that I would imaging Haley's FUPA to be more distinct under that sized belly.
  4. I guess in many ways it is based on true things that I have seen happen, but this is fiction. I wrote it for a competition that one of the Curvage models posted and it is based on her story as I have gleaned it from what she has posted, with some artistic license. For example, there is nothing that her boyfriend has posted that would suggest that he is surprised by how fat she has gotten, since I think it is him in the video force feeding her. She asked to be humiliated. I have a tough time with the idea of humiliating a women for her looks, particularly if it is her getting fat, but that was what Laura asked for. This is what she posted: "u guys are making me so fat, and I was so slim, Tease me about what a pig I have become, I will select one comment, and the winner will get the next video for free!!, I will decide the winner on Tuesday noon 💋" I doubt that I will win, since the closest I feel comfortable calling her a pig is a softer take. I am not big on the humiliation side of things. When I do morphs, it is to show how people like Shar and Carmen are still beautiful with added weight. Thanks
  5. Spring had sprung, and so did the button on Laura's jeans - her "fat" jeans. This happened right in front of her boyfriend, whose jaw literally dropped. These were the ones that she could wear after subjecting herself to a bout of gluttony, when her boyfriend would feed her until she could no longer move without discomfort and even breathing took effort. These were the pants that she bought so much bigger than they needed to be that they were fail safe for her to be able to wear no matter how much she had eaten the night before. And now her efforts to get them on had required laying down on her bed to get them buttoned. And then trying to sit up caused that button to give up the task. This left Laura with nothing else that could fit except for some dresses with accommodating waist bands, with the exception of a pair of sweat pants that were now so tight that they look painted on and even those dug in to her blubber balloon of a belly, creating two globular balls; a kind of upper belly and then her lower belly. Her boyfriend asked if she needed help, but he was late for work, and so she said she could handle it. It was that lower belly that was causing her the most difficulty lately. While it was true that this eating escapade had been her boyfriend's idea, she had exceeded both his expectations and his desires. When she had said yes to indulging to feed his fetish, he had hoped for her to gain maybe 50 pounds; enough to go from slim to officially overweight and just under obesity. But she had surprised him. Unleashed from her years of careful eating and exercise to maintain her slim figure at 125 pounds, Laura's weight exploded. At her last weigh in, she had seen numbers that surprised even her: 231 pounds. She had now exceeded the secret goal she had set for herself, which was to gain 100 pounds. She had sailed right past that goal, making it seem almost inconsequential. Now she was wondering what her goal should really be. Logic had immediately suggested the doubling of her original weight, making it 250 pounds, but was that really an ultimate goal, or merely a number along the way? She realized she didn't know. But that lower belly. She had learned how to manage being so much bigger with the way that she dressed, her current dilemma with nothing left to wear excepted. She had learned how to avoid long walks that made her inner thighs rub to the point of discomfort and stairs that made her gasp for air. She had learned to ignore the looks that she got from friends and family when she was taking that third serving, only made possible by first unbuttoning her pants. Even her boyfriend, the guy who had encouraged her to start on this journey, had asked, "Isn't having to unbutton your pants the signal that it is time to stop eating?" She had learned to ignore the looks that she got from strangers when putting bags of cookies and chips into her cart at the supermarket or ordering a large shake and a double cone at the ice cream store: she had learned that more scoops than two tended to melt too quickly and get messing. She had learned that her appetite was better satisfied by the cone followed by the shake. The fact that she would be consuming more than 2,000 extra calories simply made her confident that she would hit her goals, if she could figure out what they really were. And how she loved ice cream. It was almost the perfect food, since she could eat so much of it and only feel full for a little while, where binges of foods that were harder to digest could leave her feeling uncomfortable for hours afterwards. She had learned that ice cream allowed her appetite to return in half the time. But that lower belly and its accompanying FUPA were causing a problem that she had not been able to solve, and it was causing friction with her boyfriend. Yes, his fetish was well served by his being able to shake her ocean of belly fat, grab her back fat that had exceeded any definition of simply being "love handles," and holding on to her ass that was achieving impressive dimensions. But her lower belly was creating a problem. As her waist disappeared and was perhaps too quickly replaced by this balloon of blubber that wrapped around her midsection, new logistics in love making had been required. For the first 50 pounds or so, it was simply the fun of having something more to hold on to or rub and then something more to push against. The next 25 pounds or so started suggesting different positioning; finding that angle that was easier. The last 25 pounds to her goal, which now turned out to be the last 31 pounds and no longer the goal, had been different. The challenge now was finding ways to work around that belly. With her on the bottom, her belly had to be pushed up to get access, and mounded up so as to be out of the way meant that he really couldn't lay on top of her. He had learned that his body could do the work of holding it out of the way, if he positioned himself correctly, but it was a lot of weight and took effort. With her on top, it was better when she leaned back. This gave him a great view of her fat, jiggling body and avoided squeezing the breath out of him, as happened when she lay on top of him. Who would have thought that gaining only 106 pounds could make such a difference. Mounting her from the back was best when she stayed on her knees, since with her larger ass, access was a stretch if she was laying on her belly. As challenging as putting her weight on top of him could be, she had learned that, if she had eaten recently, which was pretty much the standard, even laying on her own belly could be difficult. Her boyfriend had always enjoyed going down on her, but he was finding her thicker FUPA and that hanging belly a problem. It just always seemed to be in the way. Having Laura have to hold her belly back interfered with her being able to focus on her pleasure. Her boyfriend had tried using his head to push her belly back, but that put strain on his neck. If she was kneeling over him, her hanging belly smothered him. They had even experimented with a form of bondage, creating a kind sling to hold her belly in position. She could tell that this extra effort in love making was taking a toll on her boyfriend. Their frequency had dropped and the length of sessions had shortened. She could tell that he was starting to wonder if this feeding his fetish had been such a good idea. After all, his desires had been well served with the first 50 pounds. He had expected resistance from her to gaining more. He was still into feeding her - that hadn't changed, but what he wanted to do after an eating session had changed. In the beginning it was foreplay for him. Now, with making love requiring so much more effort, he simply wasn't so quick to want to jump her when she was bloated to the point of that belly being taut and spherical. He did enjoy that her oral fixation included using her mouth on him and he was turning to that as his sexual release after feeding her more and more lately. Unfortunately, for Laura, that often left her feeling unsatisfied, which seemed at time to prompt her look for a snack after servicing him, despite the reality that she was still totally bloated. He even joked with her one time as she was heading back into the kitchen to get some cookies, suggesting that she have a very thin wafer, reminding her of the scene in the Monty Python movie that has Mr. Creosote literally exploding when he is offered a very thin wafer after totally gorging himself. However for Laura, in a kind of Pavlovian training, binging had become sexual for her. As she got fuller and fuller, she would get wetter and wetter. She had grown to love sex with her belly inflated to the point of pain. And as she grew and grew and was getting fatter and fatter, this meant a bigger and bigger belly. They had finally figured out that there was really only one position that worked when she was now in that condition, which had her belly approaching 60 inches around after a serious binge. They had measured. In their new position, Laura would lay near the edge of the bed with her legs over the side and spread wide enough to separate her thighs. If her thighs were still even partially on the bed, there was no way to keep them apart and they would flow together denying access. Hanging free, she was able to make room between her thighs. They would tie up her belly with the sling, to pull it away from her crotch. With pillows under her ass, she was at a height that enabled her boyfriend, standing at the edge of the bed, to slide into her without resistance. He did admit that he enjoyed being able to play with her belly in this position, but he also had complained that it seemed more like he was servicing her, instead of making love. Still, they were both able to get off this way. Laura had admitted to him that her full belly in this position seemed to pull up on her FUPA, creating a kind of tug and pull as he slid in and out that was a total turn on. The night before the button had popped off of her fat jeans, after making love this way, Laura had commented that, if her ass got fat enough, they wouldn't need the pillows. She thought that would have been fetish talk for her boyfriend, but he didn't say anything. She even thought maybe he had kind of shuddered at the comment. Laying in bed that night, she started wondering if she could be getting too fat. She fell asleep trying to figure out how models that she had seen on web sites handled sex with their larger bodies. Jaye was simply huge at more than 500 pounds. Boberry had actually recently crossed 600 pounds and Lainalia could even be flirting with 700 pounds. As she was drifting off to sleep, she was thinking how skinny she actually was. After all, she had hundreds of pounds to gain before she would be in that company. But that was not the real problem. It was with her lower belly for other reasons. This was a problem that only she had experienced and she found it too embarrassing to discuss with anyone else; even her boyfriend. When she and her boyfriend had started on feeding his fetish, it was him feeding her. They would arrange dates around feeding escapades. Sometimes this would be his buying things and feeding her at home to the point of discomfort. Other times it would be a kind of wandering smorgasbord, with him taking her to restaurant after restaurant and then to an ice cream store and finally to a bakery, so that it was a movable feast. This maintained an illusion that seemed almost normal at each place. They had experimented with all you can eat buffets, but found that these could be awkward, as he brought more and more plates to her, and then had to help her waddle out when it became hard to walk. She hadn't admitted it to him, but she had found the looks that they would get from the other people at the buffet a turn on. While this started as his fetish, it was quickly becoming hers as well and she was starting to think that nothing could embarrass her; not the comments from her family, or her wisecracking friends, or the stares and whispered of strangers. But as over eating and the feeling of being bloated had become her fetish, she had started binging on her own. She had not admitted this to her boyfriend and was actually careful to conceal it, although she wasn't sure why. She seemed to like it being her secret. She had perfected this to fit into their schedule so that she could pack in an extra meal picked up a fast food restaurant on the way home from work and still be able to be impressive with consumption at dinner two hours later. She carried wipes and breath freshener in her bag so that she could remove the signs of the extra meal. She had found hiding spaces in her closet so that she could conceal a box of cupcakes or twinkies and sneak them when she got the chance. After one of their feeding sessions, she had only been able to finish half of a coconut custard pie. In fairness, it was following a lot of other food. Still, that half a coconut custard pie was calling to her in the morning when she woke up. After she finished it, she realized that it would be something that her boyfriend would notice and she was trying to protect the illusion that he was the feeder and she merely accommodating him as his feedee. Disappearing half pies could be a clue to him that she was binge eating on her own. In a rare burst of energy, she hurried down to the store and picked up a matching pie. Of course, the deception was not yet complete. She then ate the half of the new pie so that there was the same half left. It was only because she had to get to work that she had the discipline to stop before finishing that pie, as well. Half pie left in the fridge ready for him to feed to her that night: deception complete. But the problem with her lower belly. The one that she found too embarrassing to discuss with anyone else, including her boyfriend. That large hanging belly, a victim of gravity, covered her FUPA. Even if she was laying down, it had gotten so big that it was hard for her to reach herself. When she would binge privately, blowing her belly up to the point that she was totally turned on, it had become difficult for her to pleasure herself. This made her aware of how fat she was actually getting and how much a slave she had become to food. She embarrassed herself that watching a television ad for the juicy flame broiled burgers at the fast food restaurant could get her juices flowing; even if she was sitting completed stuffed on the couch after a good feeding. It was as if her appetite was connected to a sensory condition that no longer involved her stomach. In fact, there were times now that it was her boyfriend who, when her belly would be so round that it looked like she could literally pop and her breathing had been reduced to shallow panting, would decide to not feed her more, even if she was claiming that she could still eat. She could tell that he was starting to get worried, and that was a little embarrassing. But that was not what embarrassed her the most on that morning when the button had popped off the pair of pants that she had intentionally purchased with the thought that they would fit her no matter how fat she would get. She decided that she needed to buy new clothes quickly, since she had almost nothing left to wear. She called in to say she would not be there, since she was not feeling well. Dressed in too, too tight sweat pants - pants so tight that you could see the cellulite on her ass and thighs, she called for an Uber to take her to the mall. After they pulled up, she wobbled her butt across the seat to the curb side door, which she could tell the driver was watching in the rear view mirror. As she struggled to get herself out the door, the strain proved just too much for this poor pair of sweats and the seam over her ass suddenly split wide open. The driver couldn't help himself and burst out laughing, which caused the group of skinny college bound girls standing on the sidewalk to glance over, just as Laura turned her ass away from the view being enjoyed by the laughing driver, so that it was pointing directly at them. Realizing that they were watching this pig in a girl suit, who had just burst out of sweat pants that any two of them could have put on at the same time, they burst out laughing. This of course called more attention to the scene and there was no where that Laura could turn that would not put her ass on display for somebody. If only she had not overeaten her way out of being able to fit into any of her underwear several pounds ago. After what was only 15 seconds, but seemed like an hour to Laura, a nice looking young man came to her rescue. He walked over to Laura and offered her his sweater so she could tie it around her waist to cover her ass. Standing there in full blush, with the sweat from the effort and experience dripping off her face, she thanked him. He asked if she would like to join him for breakfast in the food court. Startled at first, Laura regained her composure and told him that she would join him there in fifteen minutes, after she had been able to pick up a new pair of pants and change, so she could return his sweater. He agreed, but parted with a recommendation, "Make sure you get something that gives you some extra room. This mall has a great food court." Popping buttons off of pants in front of her boyfriend and splitting the seam on her sweatpants in public made her feel like an over stuffed pig. But her thoughts as she walked into the store to get something to wear was that it could make sense to pick up sweats in a couple of sizes: those for now, those for later, and then those for the future. After all, breakfast was waiting and she already knew that this mall had a great food court.
    This may be getting crazy. Shar is really getting big. She is thick and has an amazing buoyant, supple, bounciness. Chugging down her first weight gain shake of the day, her capacity is impressive. I almost started feeling sorry for that poor stool as she moved around. My only wish was that she would have gotten up and walked around so that we could really see her ass. Also, while I appreciate her measuring her belly and thigh, I so wish that she had measured those hips and that ass. She is so beautiful that, even with her cheeks puffed out with her mouth full of shake, she looks great. I am hoping that this video is a lead up to a weigh in. I suspect that she is closing in on 220. I particularly enjoy the fact that she is clearly not doing this for us. While she is fine with performing for us, she makes it clear that her gaining weight is something that she is doing for herself. She is an incredible woman challenging our cultures understanding of beauty..
  6. Shar has been catching up to my previous morphs, so I figured so provide an incentive to what she can accomplish in the future.
  7. Since Shar seems to have closed in on the previous morphs that I did, I decided to take three of her more recent pictures and see what could be in her future, if her appetites continue to dictate. I think it should be encouraging that, if she is already coming closer to 220, 250 could be on the horizon without a compromise of her beauty.



    1. Zues718


      your sexy 

    2. RemcoS


      Please stop posting your morphs

    Shar creates a kind of Eliza Doolittle character in this video. I am starting to think that she could be a good actor. If I were the director, I would have introduced a character for her mother-in-law trying to secure the back of that dress at the start, which would make Shar's impression of her hilarious, plus give us the enjoyment of watching her try to bring it together around Shar's thickened body. The multiple beers and scarfing down a cake will likely not help her trying to get into that dress for the big day.Her gain is starting to be more noticeable in her chin and cheeks. I don't know if it is affected by the botox, but she is starting to get chipmunk cheeks, particularly when she takes three or four bites out of the cake without a swallow or a breath. I think people at the wedding would be guessing that the reason for the way in which the dress falls on her figure is because she is a good seven months along. Thanks, Gem.
  8. Since I am 68 years old, I have been around for a while and have had a number of experiences with women who like to eat, are overpowered by a desire to eat, or who eat belligerently, sometimes as a way to punish themselves. Other times their eating has been a way to either punish others, an act of defiance, or a way to conceal themselves. The complexity of all of this from a psychological perspective means that I have gotten to know a good number of women who have combinations of these forces affecting their relationship with food, and then their relationship with weight. The women I have described in the four previous posts had issues going on that affected their relationship with food and weight. Weight gain was not an objective, and in several was something that they were trying to avoid. Trying to come up with something different, I have remembered one person who I got to know who gained a lot of weight, but was neither trying to nor eating with any agenda. In a way, she was a victim of circumstances, but not in a negative way, provided that going from 150 pounds to 300 pounds in a year and a half is acceptable. I was working for an architect in Manhattan who had been hired to renovate a brownstone into a mixed use building with two floors of commercial use for his film studio below three floors which would be renovated to be his home. The first step in the process was to measure the existing building. He was already using one of the floors for his studio and there were people working for him there, as well as lots of people coming in every day for meetings, filming, or something connected to what he did, which included creating trailers for movies. There was a good looking young woman who manned the main desk, who had been hired maybe a month earlier after graduating from college. While we were measuring, there wasn't much for her to do, so she helped us. That took almost three days, so I got to know her and, my being gregarious, I learned a lot about her. She had grown up in Ohio and attended NYU. She originally wanted to go into acting, but had shifted to more of an interest in the production side of the industry. Working as a receptionist for this film producer was her entry level to the film world. Amy was 22, tall, and athletically built. She wasn't really thin, but she looked lean, although her shoulders and hips were wide. She had played basketball in high school and had played for fun in college. We went to lunch together each of three days and I remembered her having a really good appetite. A big burger with bacon and french fries was an easily cleaned plate. She also really liked dessert and admitted that she had a sweet tooth. While we were working, our client made it a point to tell us that we were free to help ourselves to the buffet table, which was well stocked with coffee, teas, soft drinks, and a wide array of pastries and snacks. His philosophy was that he wanted the people working there energized and comfortable working ridiculous hours. Apparently, some of the projects that they would be working on could turn into 24 hour endeavors. One of Amy's responsibilities was to keep the buffet fresh and well stocked. Her desk was in front of the buffet, so she had easy access. When people came into work, it was standard procedure for her to offer them refreshments and she would make sure that they understood that they could help themselves whenever they wanted something. She also could take special orders, so if someone was going to be working late, she could arrange for take out and pretty much anything that would keep them focused on the work and comfortable. This was in September. I had to stop in a couple of times over the next two month to verify equipment, dimensions and the existing construction. It was always fun to see Amy and she always made sure that I grabbed some things from the buffet, even encouraging me to put together a box to take back to the office for the people that I was working with. This was down on Broome near Mott Street in Little Italy and she had gotten really experienced with Italian pastries. The other thing that she had gotten experienced with was that she also was responsible for having other things than food and drink available for the people who came in to work on projects. She led me down a hall to a lounge and asked me if I wanted to smoke pot. To keep the talent happy, after she had been there a while and was trusted, part of her job was to make sure that there were drugs available. While this was more than a decade after Warhol's Factory, it had that same strange combination of decadence and intense work. Amy's job was to fuel it. She explained that she had enjoyed herself in college, but had never really been a pot head. She admitted that it was very common now to be able to be stoned a lot of the time that she was there in the late afternoons and into the evenings. Part of the challenge of her job was to keep herself busy for long stretches when there wasn't much for her to do except answer the phone, but then ready when all of a sudden she would be asked to get what was needed, whether that was 7:00 PM or 2:00 AM. The last time I was checking dimensions we ended up going out to dinner. Her appetite had only improved, which was probably part of why she looked like she had developed a belly. She even commented that, while she probably didn't need it, she had a tough time turning down desserts, particularly since she got to use the company credit card for dinner, if she was expected to work late. They were very generous keeping their workers happy. I walked her back to the studio and she made a point of throwing some pastries into a box for me to take. I asked if they would be missed and she explained that I tough part of the job was having to toss anything that was left at the end of the day. She said she almost always got to bring a box home with her. Did I mention that she had developed a bit of a belly? The fact was that she had also thickened through the ass and thighs. At the time I remember thinking that, with her naturally wide hips, it all kind of fit together well. My office worked on the design and drawing, got everything done for approvals and then construction started. It got built and a year and a half later there was a grand opening. We were all invited. I hadn't seen or talked to Amy since that night we had dinner. I wasn't even sure that she was still working there. I went to the party and didn't see her anywhere. After I had been there maybe 30 minutes, a tall attractive women who was very thick came up and said hello. I made friendly conversation until she said, "Hey, it's me Amy!" I was startled because the woman I was talking to had to weigh at least 150 pounds more than the Amy I remembered, making her twice what she had been. She had cut off her long hair and had it styled the way that the art community was doing it in the Village back then. She had even changed the color. I used that as the big excuse, "Amy, you look so different! You changed your hair." She was weary a loose dress that floated around her body, but it was easy to see that her belly was enormous. I remember thinking that if I were to measure her around where here waist would technically be, she had to be almost 60 inches in circumference. She gave me a big hug, pulling me into her body, which was actually hard to reach all of the way around. She was so soft. We found our way to a table that was away from things so we could talk and catch up. She told me that she loved her job and had started getting to work in production, learning how to edit and even film shorts. I tried to avoid talking about food or anything that would bring up her weight, assuming that it could embarrass her. She told me about the work that she was doing and how much she was enjoying it. I told her about what I had been doing and that my first house design was about to be built. When the conversation lulled, she said, "Nice save with the hair comment when you didn't recognize me." I tried to act like I didn't know what she meant, but she just laughed. She pointed out that the combination of pot and endless pastries had taken their toll on her body. She admitted that she had gained a lot of weight, which apparently was a tendency in her family. Now, remember, I am on Curvage so I wasn't exactly neutral on the direction that Amy had taken. I asked her how she felt about it and she said it wasn't a problem. I started saying something about how I have always been partial to the generous figured woman. Amy smiled and asked if I was hitting on her. I said maybe. She said that she had always thought that I was cute, but she didn't think that her wife would like it. It was a fun party and I had a good time. We exchanged info and said something about keeping in touch. Unfortunately, I have never seen her or heard from her again. She is another one of those memories that I am thinking remains better as a memory instead of finding out the truth and being disappointed by reality.
  9. Someone e-mailed and and remarked, "One thing that amazes me is the women who start their gain early (like Sophia it seems) - My gf's best friend got married at 28 years old and is pushing 350 pounds. How on earth do young women get so obese so soon?" "So soon," is a relative term. There are a lot of reasons that people get fat. Sometimes they just love to eat. While I would like to think that this is Sophia, Susan, Jeanette, and Laura, the truth is that wasn't it for any of them. My guess for Sophia is that she was in a frustrating situation, working for her mom effectively as a servant for people who believed in the equivalent of a caste system. With the way things were in Westhampton Beach, Sophia was totally isolated. The adults treated her like a subordinate and the grand children were not really supposed to be in contact with her to the extent that I was. I am pretty sure that my getting to go to town with Sophia to go shopping was dismissive of me, since I was the grandchild there most often without their parents. My cousins mom ran the household. It is also important to understand that this was something that I got to do several times, it wasn't every day. I am sure she was a lonely 16 year old girl with hormones that were all over the place. The fact that her mother was on her for her weight probably encouraged her to eat as a form of rebellion. My cousin who was 14 at the time had food issues and was always careful about what she ate in front of people, although she wasn't heavy. Girls at that age are going through a lot of things. My cousin got into taking evening walks by herself on the beach, which turned out to really be her chance to fill the pocket in her windbreaker with Oreos so she could eat them without being seen. Sophia was always getting in trouble with her mom for things missing from the pantry, but I think some of it was really my cousin. Frustration is a very common cause of overeating. Anxiety is, as well. Boredom. Procrastination. How many times do I head to the kitchen at work to get a small brownie because I don't want to have to call someone to give them bad news? And there are woman I have known who got fat as a defense mechanism. There was a woman that I was friends with who talked about having gotten fat as a way to prevent men from paying attention to her. She was belligerently obese. I suspect that you may have watched Dietland, which was a recent TV series. That character ate for many reasons, not the least of which was to take herself out of circulation and to understand why she was not in a relationship, instead of having to deal with the reality of her issues. The sad thing is how these things can combine to be punishing to the person with the issues. Jeanette did like food and found it gave her satisfaction, but overeating was in sync with her abuse of drugs, alcohol, and sex. She was a woman of appetites that were often a kind of love/hate thing. She was emotionally out of control and not beyond doing herself damage. I know that she had a history of some kind of abuse as a kid with a friend of her parents and that factored into her trust issues. My refusal to sleep with her (same policy as with Laura) caused problems in the office. Her way to get even with me was to sleep with everyone else. She was never happy fat and when she would stop dieting, it was because she was giving up, feeling like she was a failure. Of course that was then offset by her overreaction to being denied when she was trying to diet. It was complicated. If I am honest, while I know I was a good friend, I was more of her facilitato, as a result in my fixation with women overeating. While I had admitted my preferences to her, I am not sure that she really understood that I wasn't just accepting of a chubby woman, but actually was emotionally captivated by a woman who overate. Don't forget, she was very attractive and accustomed to men lusting over her. When she acknowledged my attention, it was probably more because she assumed that I was looking at her breasts straining her bra than it was my riveted attention for the way her belly muffined over her too tight pants. Had I turned to her and said, "I love the way you are starting to get a crease where your back fat hits your love handles," she might of written me off as a weirdo. Have you noticed that the most overwhelmingly fat part of Carmen's body is where the fat forms large rolls over her too tight bra? Laura was in a bad marriage with some one who had relationships with other people. He liked thin women with large breasts. Maybe because of getting pregnant, but also maybe as a combination of feeling alone, anxious, and treated badly she had gained 100 pounds. After she had lost 40 pounds, she was still fat at 200 pounds. Her decision to exercise was post the break up of her marriage. I am sure that when she was at 240 she was not comfortable with herself. Our relationship was something that she hit along the way to her being thin. When I saw her thinner, despite having full knowledge of my preferences, she was showing off how much thinner she was with pride. When she was fat, her skin had a gorgeous quality and she was firm to the extent that it looked as if she was to prick herself with a pin, her creme filling would just ooze out. Her skin was tight on her firm fat. She was not flabby, as in loose, but seemed springy and resilient. When she would binge, her belly was so round and taught that it was harder to pinch a roll of fat. When she was thinner, she didn't have that over ripe appearance and actually looked fleshier, which was not an improvement in my opinion. There are women I have know who looked great as they got older chubby, but then made an heroic effort to get thin, only the then look haggard. There is no doubt that Laura had gotten fat because she was depressed. Her therapist attributed her losing weight to our friendship making her feel better about herself. Susan was the woman that I lived with for 13 years starting in my sophomore year in college. When I met her, she weighed maybe 145 and was 5'-6". She wasn't really fat, but she had a belly. I thought she looked good. We started living together without any real planning the night of our first real date. She was a singer who performed around campus and I told her I wrote poems that would work to music. She came over and we lived together from that night on. This was back in college and in a very different world. I obviously didn't know her very well. We would go out to dinner or grab breakfast together and she was always a disciplined, healthy eater with no indications of any back story. About two weeks after we were living together, I was walking down the street between classes and I bumped into her coming out of Baskin Robbins with a milk shake. There was no reason for me to think anything except that she was having a milk shake. Her reaction was different, however. She was clearly uncomfortable and started to cry. I didn't assume it had anything to do with me seeing her having a milk shake and felt like she was not willing to tell me what was going on, so I dropped it. I assumed that it had something to do with someone else, since I knew that she had been dating other people when we got together. She still had her dorm room, even though she was staying with me and she would go back almost every day to get clothes, books, or something else. She was a swimmer and would often go to the gym to swim laps. Several days later, I had some time and knew that she had gone back to her dorm room, so I figured I would stop by. I knocked on her door, and could hear that she was there, but it seemed like she was trying to pretend that she wasn't. I knocked again and called her name. I started getting the feeling like maybe she was there with someone else, and I guess there was tone in my voice. She finally opened the door and she was the only person there. I asked her what was going on and she started to cry again. We sat for a while before she started to open up. She admitted that she sometimes would binge on junk. She described hitting the vending machines and filling up on a combination of candy, twinkies, and ice cream sandwiches. This was what she would do after swimming laps, and it would be followed by her running up and down the stairs in the building, as a way of trying to burn off the calories. This was pretty early in my history with weight, but I had enough experience to talk with her about it. I asked her if she liked eating the junk. She admitted that she hated it and often felt sick afterwards. I asked about the milk shake and she admitted that she was totally embarrassed by my seeing her have ice cream in the afternoon. Obviously, while I really didn't know her yet, she also didn't really know me. I didn't spill my guts, but suggested that I was not judgmental about women having an appetite. That was back when I weighed 210 and played football. I was cut, which she interpreted as my being someone who would not be attracted to a woman with curves. So wrong. I explained that I didn't feel that way at all, but I was not honest about how I really felt either. I am sure that had I told that I would gladly help her gain weight I would never have seen her again. Instead, I explained that to the contrary, I was into people being who they naturally are. I explained that I like women with curves, particularly if that was how she would describe herself at that point. As I said, while she had some chub, she was not fat. We had a couple of follow up discussions about what she was afraid was a kind of eating disorder, which in today's world it probably would be. While she wasn't bulimic and didn't purge by throwing up, her exercising was very compulsive. I made a suggestion: I asked her what she was afraid of. She said that she was afraid that, if she lost control she would blow up. The way she said it sounded literal, as if she could really eat to the point of exploding. I guess the feeling that she had was that, when she binged, she was in her natural state, and the rest of the time she was preventing herself from binging. I suggested that it could be the opposite: her binging was when she was out of control and her natural state was healthy. I suggested that there was only one way to find out (and, yes, I am sure I was being a bit manipulative here, although I would never have admitted that at the time). I told her that, for the rest of the semester, she was not allowed to eat in secret. If she wanted ice cream we would go get ice cream. If she wanted to eat Hostess Cupcakes, we would get her Hostess Cupcakes. I told her that I found this interesting and, far from judging, wanted to help her get this resolved. She questioned what would happen if she got totally fat and I reminded her that the problem already existed, she was doing something that embarrassed her and that she felt bad about, and she was ashamed of her behavior. I pointed out that with four months left in the semester, the experiment didn't really give her the time to blow up. I also suggested that she should keep swimming, but as more of something that she did because she liked it, instead of something that she risked making a negative by tying it to her eating. She started out slowly with a few treats here and there and gained some confidence. I wasn't making fun of her. We got into an enjoyable pattern of having snacks around so she could eat when she wanted to and taking a walk to Baskin Robbins almost every night for a shake. We both gained weight and by the end of the semester she had put on fifteen pounds. Much of that was actually the result of my reminding her that she could eat whatever she wanted whenever she wanted it. There were a couple of big meals and I did take her out to Westhampton where I made her an obscene amount of spaghetti and took some photos of her that I wish she had let me keep. The results of this experience were that she gained a lot of confidence, learned that her natural appetite was not a fearsome force, and learned that eating could be fun. At around 160, she was wonderful, as far as I was concerned. When the semester was over, she followed me to Weshampton where I had the job painting our beach house. She was part of my crew. We didn't really change the program, but simply no longer made it a point to always have food around. She didn't miss it and over the course of the summer, she dropped down to around 140. Several years later, her natural weight stayed around 130. I admit that I still tried to engage her in some generous meals, but she was totally comfortable eating until she was full and then stopping. That was the nature of our relationship for the 13 years we were together. Maybe 6 years into our relationship, she found a collection of pictures that I had of chubby women, including Elizabeth Taylor in a bikini in Acapolco, which I still wish that I had. I tried to come up with some lame excuse, but it was my turn to be embarrassed. She had no interest in being any part of that idea. I am sure she had questions about the connections between her having been chubbier when we met, my encouraging her to eat as a "cure", and this collection of pictures that made her at her fullest still skinny, but she just dropped it. I was feeling awkward enough about it that I accepted that without complaint. We broke up in a weird way that was simply her deciding that she wanted to move back into the city, although that led to relationships with other people. We stayed friends until she passed away a year ago. We would talk, but the conversation never went very close to what she had accurately diagnosed as my fetish. I remember when she stopped by one time and Laura was working here. Her eyes were as large as saucers as she looked Laura over. I took her for a tour of some houses that I had designed and I tried to get a conversation going with her about Laura. She didn't want to go there. I pushed a little and said, "you know I have this fetish for chubby women," but she made it clear that had nothing to do with her. I asked what about when we first met and you got up to 160 pounds with a real gut. She responded, "Maybe in your fantasies. I have never weighed more than maybe 140." Despite everything, she chose denial to ever being really chubby. My point is that the issue of women gaining weight is a complicated one. Why is BigCuties Bonny trying to gain more weight? When Boberry hit 400 pounds, what made her think, "Wow, I need to put on another 100," and when she hit 500, what beckoned her to 600? If you look at the pictures of Lailania when she started out, she was a gorgeous woman at maybe 140, What made her think, "I need to gain 500 pounds?" How does a 150 pound woman end up at 250? Probably as the result of emotions about other things, coupled with opportunity to eat. Choices of food factor in and I am totally convinced that the combination of sugar and carbohydrates causes a craving for more of the same. People develop patterns that may be the result of anxiety, frustration, or boredom. Why did MadMen's wife take to sitting in front of the television scarfing down bags of chips until none of her clothes fit? Once someone crosses the line towards really being fat, all kinds of things can kick in, including reduced activity, which can easily be couple with more sitting around coupled with more eating, since you want to do something. I work at not crossing the 300 pound barrier, and when I get down to 250, I feel better, but that doesn't stop the weight from finding its way back. Another one that I would love to talk to is Muffinmaid. She was very cute as a tall thin woman, yet she felt that something was missing and entered into an effort that has her approaching 400 pounds. If would be great if some of these women would be willing to share. And look at Carmen. She has gotten to a point that moving is compromised. I can attest, it is difficult being fat. Tomorrow I fly to Chicago and my hope is that the seat belt fastens. The people who are flying me out asked my size, since they want to give me a gift of a jacket advertising their project. I learned a long time ago that it was never better to lie about size, and I straightforwardly answered, "2XL."
  10. I am 68. Note the long white beard.
  11. Someone asked me if I had kept in contact with people from the past, in part so that I would know how they faired in the world of weight. They wanted to know if I ever saw Sophia again. Following was my answer. No. The next summer my grandparents had different people working for them and, given that this was decades prior to the internet, there was no easy way to keep in touch. I was also a 13 year old kid following around a 16 year old. While I fit in with her working, I am sure that she had no interest in extending the relationship. One of the things that I have shy'd away from over the years is trying to find previous relationships. I don't attend reunions. My preference is to remember the people as they were and still are in my mind. Meeting a 65 year old woman, who was 25 the last time I saw her, has never proven fulfilling. I am not ageist. It is not how old someone is as much as the total difference. When you see someone frequently, it is not the same. I had a disappointment several years ago when I bumped into Laura, a woman who I started a relationship with, but then stopped. I met Laura when I was a volunteer coach for a youth football program. She was around 35 and had three kids. Her husband had divorced her and married another woman two weeks after the divorce was finalized. She said she had been around 130 when they met and she was a photo model. She couldn't do runway, since she was only 5'-6". She gained weight with each pregnancy and he stopped being interested in her, which caused her to eat out of frustration. When I met her, she was down to 200, having lost 40 pounds. She was looking for a job and I need an office manager. I have always been a sucker for someone in need and figured that I could help. She came to work and learned that she was not the worthless person her husband had convinced her that she was. She was and is very pretty and even at 200 pounds would be considered very attractive - actually to me she was perfect. She was working out while she was dieting, so she was actually very toned. I shut my office down between Christmas and New Year's every year, but there were some things that I needed to get done that she was working on, so we were working alone during that week. My office is attached to my house, disconnected except for one door. She came in on the Monday after the weekend I had a dinner party and had made beef stew. I had significant left overs and asked her if she wanted some for lunch. Normally, she would go home for lunch. Although I had some knowledge of her effort to continue to lose weight, I gave her a very generous serving, but not an absurd amount that would require an explanation. She finished and asked if there was more. I told her to help herself. She did. She refilled the bowl with another generous serving, flashing me a wonderful smile like a kid in a candy store being told to take whatever she wanted. We didn't talk about it that day. The next day, which was another one that had us in the office without any one else, she came in to my office and said that she needed to admit something. She explained that, when she had downloaded some of the files that I had on my computer for the work that she was doing, she did a little snooping and checked my history on google. She saw that I went to some sites that she also went to, like BigCuties and Curvage. She said that she also noticed that I had downloaded a number of videos of very chubby women. She said that she wanted me to know that she had done this, since she realized that she had done something wrong that could get her fired. I was a little embarrassed, but I asked her why, since there was no way that I would have otherwise known this, she would tell me. She said she was telling me because she wanted me to know that I could trust her. I thanked her and said that I had no problem with what she had done, although part of that trust had to be that she would not discuss it with anyone else. She said that was understood and we didn't talk about it further. New Year's was the next day. The next Friday, we were going over some charts that she had prepared and she put her hand on mine. I didn't pull away, but I suggested that we talk after work. When we were alone, I explained that my policy was that I never have relationships with anyone who works for me, for a whole lot of good reasons. I also reminded her that I was married with kids although my youngest was finishing high school I also pointed out that I was 15 years older than her and not really what she needed. She explained that, having ended her marriage of 15 years only a couple of months earlier, she also was not looking for anything permanent or serious. She said she was looking for friendship, someone to talk to, and fun. She also mentioned that she was obviously aware of my preferences, which she shared. I should mention that I am personally a victim of that very slow weight gain syndrome. When you only gain two or three pounds a year, I is easy to ignore it, but that had taken me from a very athletic 210 at the age of 20 to 290 at 50, where I have hovered since, with a few moments of sliding up towards 300 which makes me panic. I was still very muscled, but distinctively thicker, wearing 46 inch waist baggy chinos instead of 36 inch tight jeans. Because of the weight that I carried in muscle with broad shoulders, people often miss guessed my weight at around 250. I told her that, while I was a fan of chubby woman, I was not secure being so overweight. She laughed and claimed that she hadn't noticed. Yeah, right. Apparently, the second serving of stew was supposed to be a kind of signal to me. I asked, given that real sex was off the table, what was she interested in. I didn't indicate that I was available for anything, but said I was just curious. She explained that, while she was committed to losing weight in the long run, she still liked to binge upon occasion and found just the act of doing that with someone else to have a positive sexual edge. I confirmed that I knew exactly what she was talking about. She made it really clear that she would like to have a relationship and was willing to accept that it would have to stop short of real sex. She wanted to talk about weight, look at sites together, watch the videos that I had, and obviously eat. I told her that she already knew that I was attracted to her, but had to discuss with my wife, which I could tell freaked her out a little. I explained that there were reasons that it might work. I told her that I could not have a relationship that had me stepping out on my wife or being dishonest in our relationship. At that point in time, my wife and I were in a bit of a slump, not uncommon for people who have been together for 20 years. We both still loved each other, and had a very good mutually supportive relationship, but we had our different interests. I was around 240 when we got together and had gained 50 pounds. She, on the other hand, had been around 160 when we met, gained up to 190 with our last kid, but dropped down to around 135. She is very healthy and has given up a lot of things that I still eat. Before getting married, my wife and I talked about my interests and it factored a little into the beginning of our relationship. She was not in a good place when we met and part of her extra weight, with a distinctive belly, was the result of her doing things like coming home from work and sitting down in front of the TV by herself with a dinner consisting of a half gallon of ice cream and a bottle of wine. She was divorced at the time with a 7 year old daughter and had not had a good first marriage. She was committed to making things good for her daughter, but figured that her world had little positive for the future. She was 26 when we met and I was 33, which seemed a lot older at the time. In the beginning of my relationship with my wife to be, she was self conscious of having a belly and stretch marks. She had dated a couple of people, but felt insecure about her body. Obviously, with me, that wasn't an issue. She came to understand that, not only was I not turned off by her body, I found it very enjoyable. I convinced her to get a string bikini, although she would only wear it for me when we were somewhere that no one else could see her. Since her relationship with food had been a negative, our relationship helped her reset. As I have found in numerous relationships, I am cursed with being attracted to women with a tendency to overeat and be chubby because they punished themselves with food. Having a relationship with me enabled them to reunderstand themselves and get a healthier attitude towards eating. If I fantasized that this would result in them breaking loose and giving in to their appetites, which was something that usually did happen in the beginning, but then, unfortunately for my fantasies, the healthy relationship would help them feel stronger and more confident, which in turn would reduce their desire or need to overeat. My wife knew that I liked chubby women and actually had a guilty conscience about having lost weight and gotten healthier. As someone who loves her, I have always accepted and supported her; much the same way that I would have, had she gotten fat. I talked with my wife about Laura. A bit to my surprise, she was very accepting of my having some relationship with limits. Clearly, it could not involve intercourse, since she was not interested in me having kids with someone else, even if by accident, and it also had to be discreet. The way that she explained it was actually a bit depressing for me, but something that I figured that I could work with. If I was going to be taking Laura out to eat and talking with her about my interest in fat women, I wouldn't need to expect the same from my wife. It was like I was letting my wife off the hook. I presented this to Laura and she seemed totally into it. She said she understood the limits and reiterated that she had no interest in a more involved relationship. We started playing games like me dropping off groceries to her home that I claimed that she forget at the office, which was really me picking up some cakes and ice cream for her. Her mother lived with her and, having no clue about what was going on, started telling Laura that she was going to get fat again, eating like that and then no one would be interested in her. Laura and I would go out for lunch or dinner on a night that I had a meeting somewhere. We would do things like order a generous meal each, which I would just pick at and she would eat hers and most of mine. She didn't need me to gain weight, explaining that her preference was for a thick bodied men with muscles, which is what I was. The binge eating was something that got her off. We would make out and play in the car or somewhere private afterwards and she enjoyed having her belly rubbed when she was bloated. It was like high school again, making out, using hands and dry humping. While I am sure many would not find that satisfying, we were both enjoying each other. The first time I laid down on a floor and she straddled me (fully clothed) she remarked that she hadn't realized how thick I really was. She said she found it sexy. Who knows? Feeling her round, chubby belly was a real turn on. Again, think Shar. While she was binge eating with me, she was being careful to not overeat at other times, so she wasn't really gaining, although she did get from maybe 194 to 204. She had a tight pair of leather pants that she had been able to get back into before we started our thing. She wore them to work one day after she had put on a few pounds and they were cutting into her belly. We went out for lunch and she did a particularly good job enjoying a very full meal with two desserts. She was standing up at her desk and leaning back a little bit in a stretch when my wife walked through. Laura turned and smiled, maybe breathing in just enough to shoot the button on the pants across the room. My wife just shook her head, telling me later that Laura looked like she was in the third trimester of pregnancy. She really did. We had fun for about another month. I had to go out to Westhampton to visit a job site that Friday and I have a summer house out there. I invited Laura to go with me. I told my wife on Wednesday and I could tell that she was not taking it well. We talked that night and my wife explained that, while she didn't think she really could complain, since she had effectively sanctioned this relationship and I had respected all of her rules, she was having second thoughts and wanted me to know that she thought she had made a mistake to encourage me to do this. Since my wife is my wife, I explained to Laura the next day how my wife felt and that I needed to slow things down a bit. Laura did not take it well. She clearly was looking forward to Friday and I suspected that she had thoughts about trying to take things to a next level. She did not come in on Friday, claiming that she was not feeling well. On Monday, she gave me two weeks notice. I had her come into my office and closed the door so we could talk. She was very angry and felt that I had made a commitment to her, which I was breaking. I explained that my willingness to get involved to the extent that I had was based on my believing her when she said that what we were doing was all that she was looking for. The next two weeks were not pleasant and she took every opportunity to make her feelings known. We did not have contact after that for about a year, during which she was working at another office a couple of blocks away. I bumped into her one day and we talked. She explained that her anger had been because she was hoping that we would go further. She said that she thought everything through and even saw a therapist for a while, who apparently focused on how much I had done to help her feel better about herself. The therapist tried not to judge our kind of Bill Clinton definition of sex, and helped Laura see that all of it had actually been good for her, making her feel competent enough to take a job that she would never have previously even tried to get and feeling attractive and confident about her appearance again. Laura also showed off her slimmed down figure, telling me that she was down to about 170. I guess I would have to say that, in the way that Cosmo sees things, she was looking good. I, of course, felt a little disappointed. She asked me how I felt about what had happened. I told her that my decisions were based only on what I thought were right, not on what I wanted. I told her that I too had flirted about taking things further and worried about whether I was going to be able to stick to my rules. Telling her that clearly made her happy. I then admitted that sometimes, when I was having trouble falling asleep, I would think about her and her hips, and ass, and breasts, and cute little double chin when she dropped her head down, and of course her round belly that had the most wonderful bounce to it. She then asked if any of it ended up frustrating me. I admitted that it did. She then patted my belly, which at the time was pushing closer to 300 pounds, and said, "I figured maybe that was the case." She was laughing as she walked away. I saw her one time after that, which was at a village event. My guess is that she was then less than 150 pounds. I haven't seen or heard from her since. In my fantasies, she has gained all of the weight back, but then I get that disappointing image of that last time when I saw her trimmed down.
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