ifeedthickens

Me and this absolute cutie have been together for the better part of 6 years. She's 5 foot 1 and roughly 140 pounds. Shes known for a while of my interests and has humored me by letting me feed her burgers while we make sweet sweet lovin, but last night i told her the extent of what turns me on. I told her that i want to see her gain and break free from the shackles of other peoples prying eyes. Shes always been extremely self conscious and easily swayed by peoples rude opinions. Like, get this. We were face timing in the shower and Recently shes put on 20 freaking pounds in the last 3 weeks, its incredible. I show her how excited it got me and she seemed to enjoy the newfound attention to those areas of her body but literally the day after sent me photos of her running and counting calories. I was pissed but i kept it to myself. I really opened up to her about the true extent to which I find feederism attractive and she wasn't exactly excited but at the least she was understanding. what then proceeded next made me yell out loud in rage after the call ended. SHE REPLIES BY TRYING TO BE CUTE AND SAYING SHE WANTS TO GET A SIX PACK. Im fucking suicidal at this point (not really dont worry lol). This obsession has robbed me of experiencing sex in any social capacity. I've been isolated in my interests for my entire life. When I was very young, Id always catch myself staring at the fattest woman in the supermarket and Id be getting strange feelings from it which at the time I couldn't explain but I know now what my body was trying to tell me. Id even be embarrassed to watch cartoons with friends if the episode had anything to do with weight gain because of the strange feelings it gave me. So its safe to say Ive had this social curse for as long as I can remember and it has nothing to do with any 1 childhood event. Its just always been there. Anyways sorry about rambling but im getting back to the point. I told her all of what I just said about how its a deeply ingrained part of me and I really spilled my guts to her pretty hard that helping her get fat (to whatever weight shes comfortable with) would be my ultimate fantasy lived out. All these years ive only dated slightly chubby girls except for one off and on fling I had with an amazingly sexy 400 pound girl. she had blonde hair and blue eyes with most of the weight being in her hips, tits, thighs and ass. I felt like I died and went to heaven. I broke it off because I awoke from my lustful bliss and realized me and her really weren't socially compatible. This was extremely hard to do but I had to be true to myself. Im glad I left her as we really had no spark, and if I would've stayed I would have never been able to marry my beautiful wife who is considerably smaller. I am so distraught over this. It just seems I cant win In life. I meet a fattie on par with early foxxie roxxie who is totally okay with gaining and it turns out we arent compatible. But then I meet my wife and we get along so well Youd think we have been friends since kindergarten... but she doesnt understand how repressed my urges are and that i feel like necking myself when she says "I want to get a six pack"... Im really lost here and I dont know what to do. Im not going to leave her over this, that would be silly, but I cant hold back what I truly like all my life, Ill build resentment that way and dont want to take my anger out on her just because she doesnt want to gain for me. Help...