Hot take: there’s nothing wrong with enabling your girlfriends appetite

[Plumpnesslover]

Unless they have an actual eating disorder, there’s nothing wrong with keeping fattening food around your girl or any girl for that matter. If they can’t control their bellies it would have happened whether you put that donut in front of them or not 

[FitGuy123]

We literally have 6 jars of candy, a freezer full of ice cream, I bring home bakery stuff, and wife stays small.

[Plumpnesslover]

Well my gf is chubby, lazy, and devours every bit of candy and sweets i give her so she fattens up easily lol

[ES-Draws]

Man, I'm conflicted on this one.

If you put food in front of someone and they don't ask you to stop, then it feels like there's nothing wrong there. Like you said, if they haven't made any effort to tell you not to, or to stop themselves, then it sounds like it's all consensual. Plus, I think it can be a positive thing. You're offering someone food that they enjoy, that they want, that makes them happy. It's a loving thing to do, even if you don't consider the feedism side of things. 

Here's why I hesitate - my partner knows I like her chubby, but she is conflicted about her weight. Sometimes, she tries to lose weight. She won't explicitly diet, but she will try to watch what she eats, and how much. She knows and expects me to support her wants and desires for her own body.

So, is it bad if I give her desserts with her lunch? Is it bad if offer her fries, or chips, or candies?

I don't know where the line is. If they know that you are into feedism and don't ask you to stop, is that consent? If you know that they don't want to get fat, but you offer them fattening foods, is that wrong?

[GoddessGlutton CLIPS]

50 minutes ago, ES-Draws said:

Man, I'm conflicted on this one.

If you put food in front of someone and they don't ask you to stop, then it feels like there's nothing wrong there. Like you said, if they haven't made any effort to tell you not to, or to stop themselves, then it sounds like it's all consensual. Plus, I think it can be a positive thing. You're offering someone food that they enjoy, that they want, that makes them happy. It's a loving thing to do, even if you don't consider the feedism side of things. 

Here's why I hesitate - my partner knows I like her chubby, but she is conflicted about her weight. Sometimes, she tries to lose weight. She won't explicitly diet, but she will try to watch what she eats, and how much. She knows and expects me to support her wants and desires for her own body.

So, is it bad if I give her desserts with her lunch? Is it bad if offer her fries, or chips, or candies?

I don't know where the line is. If they know that you are into feedism and don't ask you to stop, is that consent? If you know that they don't want to get fat, but you offer them fattening foods, is that wrong?

Dang, am I ever with you on this one. 

One one hand, if someone doesn't ask you to stop, if they enjoy eating whatever you bring, and they're well reassured that they'll be all kinds of supported if they do gain... That can totally be a way to show love and affection through good food. I had an ex who knew I felt like I "should" be skinny, so I was loosely dieting - HOWEVER - whenever I came to see him and he offered to get the extra side and dessert, the extra heavy wine, the extra snacks for once we were home, I always happily agreed. I loved every second of letting him win me over and then stuffing ourselves stupid together, with the reassurance in the back of my head that whether I gained or lost I was still secure in my relationship. That's often the fear for folks - that they'll gain and then they'll get broken up with.

On the other hand, I think supporting a partner in their eating choices, whatever they may be, is required and is one of the most fundamental forms of respect that you can show another person. Let's say they stress eat because of depression, being heavier worsens their body image and depression, they actively work hard to keep sweets/snacks/soda etc out of the house, then you knowingly still choose to bring home their favorites and leave out temptation? Suddenly that sounds pretty uncool and unsupportive to me. 

Definitely a heavily context dependent kind of thing, to me.

[Plumpnesslover]

20 hours ago, GoddessGlutton said:

Dang, am I ever with you on this one. 

One one hand, if someone doesn't ask you to stop, if they enjoy eating whatever you bring, and they're well reassured that they'll be all kinds of supported if they do gain... That can totally be a way to show love and affection through good food. I had an ex who knew I felt like I "should" be skinny, so I was loosely dieting - HOWEVER - whenever I came to see him and he offered to get the extra side and dessert, the extra heavy wine, the extra snacks for once we were home, I always happily agreed. I loved every second of letting him win me over and then stuffing ourselves stupid together, with the reassurance in the back of my head that whether I gained or lost I was still secure in my relationship. That's often the fear for folks - that they'll gain and then they'll get broken up with.

On the other hand, I think supporting a partner in their eating choices, whatever they may be, is required and is one of the most fundamental forms of respect that you can show another person. Let's say they stress eat because of depression, being heavier worsens their body image and depression, they actively work hard to keep sweets/snacks/soda etc out of the house, then you knowingly still choose to bring home their favorites and leave out temptation? Suddenly that sounds pretty uncool and unsupportive to me. 

Definitely a heavily context dependent kind of thing, to me.

I think the thing is, people have agency. And if they wanted to lose weight in a serious way they’d establish boundaries with food on what kind of treats you bring them and such. Somebody that gives in so easily at the sight of food was never seriously entertaining the idea of doing the work to lose weight or even maintain where they’re at

[Milhause]

On 3/30/2023 at 12:46 PM, ES-Draws said:

Man, I'm conflicted on this one.

If you put food in front of someone and they don't ask you to stop, then it feels like there's nothing wrong there. Like you said, if they haven't made any effort to tell you not to, or to stop themselves, then it sounds like it's all consensual. Plus, I think it can be a positive thing. You're offering someone food that they enjoy, that they want, that makes them happy. It's a loving thing to do, even if you don't consider the feedism side of things. 

Here's why I hesitate - my partner knows I like her chubby, but she is conflicted about her weight. Sometimes, she tries to lose weight. She won't explicitly diet, but she will try to watch what she eats, and how much. She knows and expects me to support her wants and desires for her own body.

So, is it bad if I give her desserts with her lunch? Is it bad if offer her fries, or chips, or candies?

I don't know where the line is. If they know that you are into feedism and don't ask you to stop, is that consent? If you know that they don't want to get fat, but you offer them fattening foods, is that wrong?

Great points here. Im currently going through this. My wife knows my preferences and she recently went back on weight watchers. I supported her efforts to eat healthier. She was counting points and I respected her wishes by keeping treats or the suggestion of treats out of the house. 
 

Two weeks later she did the grocery shopping and brought home candy bags. Then she was asking for takeout and more desserts again, so I obliged. Is it wrong to enable that despite knowing she wanted to diet? I struggle with that. But I also offered to do the grocery shopping if the temptation was too much and she said that wasn’t necessary. So I gave her the choice and she she knows the support is there. I feel it’s best to let her take the lead in that regard and I’ll support her in whatever she chooses, dieting or not. 

[sconesy73]

1 hour ago, Milhause said:

Great points here. Im currently going through this. My wife knows my preferences and she recently went back on weight watchers. I supported her efforts to eat healthier. She was counting points and I respected her wishes by keeping treats or the suggestion of treats out of the house. 
 

Two weeks later she did the grocery shopping and brought home candy bags. Then she was asking for takeout and more desserts again, so I obliged. Is it wrong to enable that despite knowing she wanted to diet? I struggle with that. But I also offered to do the grocery shopping if the temptation was too much and she said that wasn’t necessary. So I gave her the choice and she she knows the support is there. I feel it’s best to let her take the lead in that regard and I’ll support her in whatever she chooses, dieting or not. 

Great answer. 

Similar situation with my partner. I know she's got a weakness for anything sweet so I'll buy her donuts/ chocolate/cake etc. She'll put up a token protest but will happily eat whatever I bring home..

The thing is, she's remarkably intelligent and knows the effect eating 2 large donuts will have on way her but still eats them...

If she ever asked me to stop then I would but so far she's happy to continue 😊

[Plumpnesslover]

18 minutes ago, sconesy73 said:

Great answer. 

Similar situation with my partner. I know she's got a weakness for anything sweet so I'll buy her donuts/ chocolate/cake etc. She'll put up a token protest but will happily eat whatever I bring home..

The thing is, she's remarkably intelligent and knows the effect eating 2 large donuts will have on way her but still eats them...

If she ever asked me to stop then I would but so far she's happy to continue 😊

This is exactly what i mean, they’re not dumb, they know they’re eating themselves fat

[Joliat]

On 3/31/2023 at 5:56 PM, Plumpnesslover said:

This is exactly what i mean, they’re not dumb, they know they’re eating themselves fat

Yeah, I think the idea that it’s up to a man to regulate or curtail his woman’s weight is incredibly patriarchal. 

I do agree that if she is sincerely trying to lose weight, keeping all sorts of fattening treats around isn’t cool.

Other than that, though, “enabling” a partner to be fat is only problematic if fat is bad. I don’t see how FAs can seriously argue that fat is bad. 

I’m not a feeder per se but I am a classic enabler. That dynamic was set almost from my very first date with my wife: she made it very clear that she loved to eat and loved treats, and I was only too happy to provide them, encourage her to go for seconds or thirds if she wanted, etc. Her nature as a real “fat girl” was part of her appeal to me, and my nature as a FA who would embrace her foodie-ness and fatness was part of the appeal to her. That’s still our dynamic many years and many pounds later. If she wants chocolate cake or something, I go out and get her some. If she is feeling self-conscious about ordering dessert, I do it for her. If a booth looks a bit tight, I pull the table toward me. If she’s struggling with shoes or boots, I help. I don’t coax, I don’t pressure - I just provide a 100% supportive environment for her to be the very fat gal she is and eat as much as she likes.

[Plumpnesslover]

4 hours ago, Joliat said:

Yeah, I think the idea that it’s up to a man to regulate or curtail his woman’s weight is incredibly patriarchal. 

I do agree that if she is sincerely trying to lose weight, keeping all sorts of fattening treats around isn’t cool.

Other than that, though, “enabling” a partner to be fat is only problematic if fat is bad. I don’t see how FAs can seriously argue that fat is bad. 

I’m not a feeder per se but I am a classic enabler. That dynamic was set almost from my very first date with my wife: she made it very clear that she loved to eat and loved treats, and I was only too happy to provide them, encourage her to go for seconds or thirds if she wanted, etc. Her nature as a real “fat girl” was part of her appeal to me, and my nature as a FA who would embrace her foodie-ness and fatness was part of the appeal to her. That’s still our dynamic many years and many pounds later. If she wants chocolate cake or something, I go out and get her some. If she is feeling self-conscious about ordering dessert, I do it for her. If a booth looks a bit tight, I pull the table toward me. If she’s struggling with shoes or boots, I help. I don’t coax, I don’t pressure - I just provide a 100% supportive environment for her to be the very fat gal she is and eat as much as she likes.

this is what i mean. Women aren’t children, they’re fully aware and keeping treats around when they’re not actually making a serious attempt at weight loss is completely fine. There’s a pretty clear line between enabling and sabotaging