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Trying to understand more about being an FA


Guest inowhenitsnotbutter

Men, what is your bmi?  

126 members have voted

  1. 1. Men, what is your bmi?

    • <18.5
      21
    • 18.5 - 22
      50
    • 22-25
      39
    • 25-30
      25
    • 30-35
      14


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Guest inowhenitsnotbutter

I'll start by saying that it seems to me that a lot of the men on here are relatively fit and active, this obviously being in contrast with the type of woman they prefer.

With regards to this, I have started to wonder whether FAs are more conscious of fat and of being fat, and therefore take more care over their own body image. Of course it's difficult to examine yourself in a way that is very scientific, but I would say that this could easily apply to me - my family are very conscious of people being fat and we literally can't drive past a really fat person on the street without either my parents or my younger brother commenting on it (although it seems pretty clear that his attitude towards fat is massively influenced by them). Everyone in my family is very fit: my parents and sisters all do a lot of running and my dad does a lot of biking as well (as do I), and my brother is only 7 but he is very conscious of not wanting to be fat.

Additionally, could this possibly be part of why I became an FA? I'm no psychologist or anything but it could be some sort of weird subconscious rebellion...

Anyway, I would be interested to hear your views on the subject.

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It's an interesting theory you have there, the point about rebellion. I honestly dunno, I don't think my own sexuality is rooted in my family's tendency to be healthy. I've always liked what I've liked and my parents were pretty open in raising me, never forcing me down any path of what I should find attractive.

As for FAs not being fat themselves, I think that is similar to many sexual tendencies out there. Some people are attracted to tattoos and body piercings while they remain fairly vanilla themselves. You have people that like to be dominated and do not want to dominate (and vice versa). I personally do not seek to achieve my own sexual preferences; it does not arouse me when I talk about my own weight or put on some pounds. Eating can be arousing, but I think a lot of people enjoy that endorphin rush without being into the whole FA scene.

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Guest Atlya

Well, I'm fat (bmi just above 30), always was heavier, parents not health freaks (dad heavier because of accident in his youth).

Sorry to piss on your parade! :D

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So, I never post here. Ever. I made an account just to lurk as you can see via my name, but your question caught my eye and I often think about this myself. I'm very fit, always have been. My BMI is probably somewhere around 10 and it's probably less than that. I can remember since I was a child that I had a strange obsession with fat. Long before I even understood sexuality, I knew that I was strangely attracted to fat. That being said, I will never be fat, I'd sooner be anorexic myself.

I think the reason I feel this way is because I've grown to associate extra weight with femininity and, because I'm male, it would be traumatizing to my own body image if I were to gain weight. I know these things aren't true, but that's how my mind has come to understand them.

As far as your question about rebellion, I've only ever met one other person who was remotely interested in this culture and it was a girl. She was an FA of men however she wasn't super skinny. I was told her mother would often get on her case about her weight and I do believe that it had something to do with rebelling against that. However when push came to shove, her belly button was her turn on spot and I think that's more of something you're born with.

Because of the way that I discovered this part of my sexuality, I believe wholeheartedly that this is something you're born with. I think it's a genetic trait that I inherited from my mothers father.

I hope that helps, I'm going to go scuttle back into the shadows and resume my lurking.

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I'll answer this with some questions:

1. If FAs are really "more conscious of fat and of being fat" than men who are not attracted to fat women, why would their positive feelings towards fat on a woman's body be reflected in a stronger desire not to be fat themselves? And I stress the word stronger.

2. Why, indeed, would FAs "take more care over their own body image" than men who like slim and fit women? Given the prevailing negative attitudes towards fat people, wouldn't it be more logical to assume that the opposite is true?

3. If your becoming an FA were a "subconscious rebellion", wouldn't that imply that if you had grown up in a fat-positive family, you might have subconsciously rebelled in the opposite direction by being attracted to slim girls? But can sexual attraction be influenced in this way? In other words, can the kind of body a man finds attractive be a reaction against how he was raised?

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Guest inowhenitsnotbutter

OK so some pretty interesting replies, and I'm looking forward to seeing what the poll shows because I would kind of expect it to centred on the higher and lower bmis rather than the middle. I should really look up the worldwide statistic on it to compare it to, but I'll wait to see if I can get any more data from curvage users before then because at the moment it would be fairly hard to compare it to anything...

Anyway, I'll try to reply to as much as I can:

gta, it sounds like your parents were much freer about it than mine, and given the example of yourself and atlya, it looks like I'm going to have to accept that certainly not everyone's preference was caused in this same way (I'm gonna avoid the word fetish cos I saw that it sparked a pretty lively debate on another thread which kind of distracted everyone from what was quite an interesting topic).

However, I maintain that it could be the case for some people, myself included. Perhaps the word rebellion was misused in this case, I think it was more down to the fact that my family were almost obsessed with fat without being turned on by it, and then when I was growing up I was surrounded by this obsession and just adopted it in a different way, although a way which was possibly purposely contradictory to their views on it. Or not, whatever.

I like TheLurker's idea that being fat makes you associate your body with femininity: I'd never thought of that, but it's actually the same for me. While I was at times contemplating gaining weight, I'd never get past the stage of like 2 pounds before bailing out, and I think your theory could explain why, or at least be a contributing factor.

As for wilan's questions:

1: Is it necessarily stronger? I think my attraction to curvy women is not necessarily any less strong than my willingness to stay skinny. My point with the statement you quoted was just that while a lot of people might not spend that much time thinking about fat, FAs obviously do and as such are conscious both of their own fat and that of other people.

2: I would give the same answer as I did to the first question.

3: Yeah I suppose it might mean that, but as I said earlier in this comment I certainly don't think that this cause is going to apply to everyone. As for whether sexual attraction can be influenced in this way, it doesn't seem completely illogical: sexual tastes are greatly influenced by your experiences during adolescence, and that is often a phase during which people rebel against their parents etc. I certainly think the kind of body a man finds attractive can be a reaction to how he was raised, although not necessarily a reaction against how he was raised. As I've said, perhaps I misused the word rebellion.

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My response to your answers:

I obviously failed to make it clear that my first question was: why would FAs have a stronger desire not to be fat than non-FAs? Which, in turn, led naturally to my second question. Your answer really just repeats what you said in your original post without addressing my basic point: why would FAs be more conscious of their body image than non-FAs? As for the third question, while it may not "seem completely illogical" that sexual attraction could be influenced in that way, I think it much more likely that such a reaction would manifest itself in attitude and behaviour rather than something as fundamental as sexual attraction.

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Guest killershark

So, I never post here. Ever. I made an account just to lurk as you can see via my name, but your question caught my eye and I often think about this myself. I'm very fit, always have been. My BMI is probably somewhere around 10 and it's probably less than that. I can remember since I was a child that I had a strange obsession with fat. Long before I even understood sexuality, I knew that I was strangely attracted to fat. That being said, I will never be fat, I'd sooner be anorexic myself.

I think the reason I feel this way is because I've grown to associate extra weight with femininity and, because I'm male, it would be traumatizing to my own body image if I were to gain weight. I know these things aren't true, but that's how my mind has come to understand them.

As far as your question about rebellion, I've only ever met one other person who was remotely interested in this culture and it was a girl. She was an FA of men however she wasn't super skinny. I was told her mother would often get on her case about her weight and I do believe that it had something to do with rebelling against that. However when push came to shove, her belly button was her turn on spot and I think that's more of something you're born with.

Because of the way that I discovered this part of my sexuality, I believe wholeheartedly that this is something you're born with. I think it's a genetic trait that I inherited from my mothers father.

I hope that helps, I'm going to go scuttle back into the shadows and resume my lurking.

* you mean you BMI is 20 ? If you have a BMI of 10 or below then you'd be anorexic

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I don't know if I associate fat with femininity, or gender at all really. When I hear someone talking about how fat a person is and I don't know their gender, I actually assume male before female.

I regarded fat as an interesting concept long before women even interested me or I even knew what it meant to be aroused. I remember growing up that I always liked cartoon episodes where one of the characters would get fat. It wasn't until I was an early teenager that I connected sexual attraction with fat on women. The thing that stumps me most is that I also find an average-sized woman attractive too, but that developed in my late teens. So it was only for my teenaged years that I could only be attracted to larger women.

Hmm, looking up a BMI calculator here... that puts you at 6 feet tall and, um, 73 lbs?

* you mean you BMI is 20 ? If you have a BMI of 10 or below then you'd be anorexic

Now now, he probably meant body fat percentage.

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Guest Atlya

O. Thank you. I did mean fat percentage. I'm 5'10"ish and 160 Pounds with a 29 inch waist.

That's a bmi of 23.
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While it's natural to try to understand why you are an FA, I remain unconvinced by the "subconscious rebellion theory". I can easily see how a boy might rebel against his fat-phobic parents by deliberately getting a plump girlfriend, just as a boy with racist parents, for example, might get a black girlfriend, but I can't see how "subconscious rebellion" alone would be enough to make a boy attracted to fat girls rather than slim ones.

Given that sexuality is determined by a complex mix of factors, I don't think it's necessary to try to find an explanation for why you are an FA, any more than, in my case, I need to explain why I'm also attracted to slim women or, say, why I like Eastern European women.

This probably won't satisfy you, but I doubt we will come up with anything better than: "You like what you like."

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While it's natural to try to understand why you are an FA, I remain unconvinced by the "subconscious rebellion theory". I can easily see how a boy might rebel against his fat-phobic parents by deliberately getting a plump girlfriend, just as a boy with racist parents, for example, might get a black girlfriend, but I can't see how "subconscious rebellion" alone would be enough to make a boy attracted to fat girls rather than slim ones.

Given that sexuality is determined by a complex mix of factors, I don't think it's necessary to try to find an explanation for why you are an FA, any more than, in my case, I need to explain why I'm also attracted to slim women or, say, why I like Eastern European women.

This probably won't satisfy you, but I doubt we will come up with anything better than: "You like what you like."

Indeed, the reasons for one's sexuality will likely be so nebulous and abstract that it couldn't be summarized in a book, let alone a paragraph.

The rebellion theory is transparently bullshit, because I suspect about half of all people - FA or not -  would describe themselves and/or their family as being either anti-fat or at least pro-fitness. On top of that, it would imply that there'd be a correlation between siblings raised in the same house, and people from societies more prone to exercise. None of which is the case at all.

The only thing that might cause a slight correlation is that people who are attracted to something don't usually like to see it on themselves; I don't want to be fat any more than I want a pair of breasts, so I exercise.

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I unfortunately can't fit the amount of thought I've had on this subject in a book, so it'd be hard to do it in a forum post. I think most psychological summaries will cover half of us at best, with everyone having their own reason. For many it's just nature, for others it seems to be a path.  It was definitely a change for me, starting in my early teens. Thanks for posting this I hope a lot of good conversation comes out of it, I'll add more later.

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Hello!  Thin guy here.  This is a great question to ask and, honestly, one that I've been thinking about myself for a while.  I'm a bit of a literal guy so please excuse me if I get too caught up with definitions.  I'll start by saying that I'm not exclusively attracted to bbws.  I would say that the constant in my attractions is what's on the inside (e.g. humor, chemistry, likeability, etc.).

Growing up, I've been very active with athletic activities, so I kind of had no choice but to be conscious of being fat (I'd say that it involved conscientiousness of control over functionality rather than image per se).  However, I feel that even if you were to control for that I would still be pretty self-conscious about it.  I've actually tried gaining at one point but found it a bit too uncomfortable for my liking.  My thighs felt like they were on fire from chafing, I couldn't think as quickly or clearly as I normally did, and worst of all was a general lack of balance in my posture and when walking (all that extra weight made it so that the slightest lean toward one direction would send me toppling over!).  Although there are some health problems associated with being too far overweight, I think overall women's bodies handle weight gain MUCH better than men's.  That should be no surprise since much evidence supports that women's bodies are built to be generally healthier (i.e. longer lasting) than men's.

I've thought about the phenomenon in which some women feel some attraction to "bad boys", and I think a similar dynamic might be at work here (at least for me).  Perhaps it's because I've been so active throughout my life, but if I had to look deep down, I'd say that I have always seen a spare tire hanging over a woman's waistline as sort of a big "F You" to the rest of the world.  And unlike smoking, drinking, run-ins with the law or things of that nature associated with "bad boys/girls", any potential downsides of having a fat partner are virtually harmless.

I didn't think any less of overweight girls as people, but I found the added padding interesting, intriguing.  I think initially the thoughts I had we're something along the lines of "I wonder why she just doesn't exercise more or eat less.  It doesn't seem that hard to me."  Eventually I just accepted that these women were fat, and they were either perfectly fine with it or we're trying their best to lose weight.  Whatever it was it was well beyond my ability to control (I believe this is what psychologists call "radical acceptance").  Once I accepted the fact, I started to wonder more along the lines of "I wonder what it must be like jiggling around like that?" and "Wouldn't it be fun to just pinch a little bit of it in my own fingers?" It reminds a bit of the stress ball psychologists use to help relax.  I was totally mesmerized and pretty much have been ever since!  Eventually thoughts of "pinching" gave way to "squeezing" and "rubbing".  Then I guess the concrete attraction to bbws just fell into place like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle.

So that's what I think, and I hope that personal explanation helps you come upon your answer!

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5'7", 170 lbs. Between working long hours and not exercising as much, a messed up knee, and my love for heavier beers, I am twenty pounds over what I want to be. I am hoping deployment will change that!

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5'7", 170 lbs. Between working long hours and not exercising as much, a messed up knee, and my love for heavier beers, I am twenty pounds over what I want to be. I am hoping deployment will change that!

Blah blah blah excuses excuses all i hear is you're fat. :P

Deployment? Where are you going?

And yeah, it can change that.. losing a leg or two will rid you of some weight ;D

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Okinawa, Japan! If I were keeping the Celica and the Z, I would be having a field day at the junkyards out there...

And I am fat girl status right now. It's fine to have fat on her, but me? Not a so much, eh?

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Huh..

5'7, 170 lbs is just fine for a girl, I'd say..  8)

But not me! :P

Original poster, you are over thinking this. You either like big chicks and you are fine with it, or you don't. If you aren't fine, leave those girls to guys that are. Closet Chubby Chasers aren't needed in our place in society. People accuse me of it all the time, considering Melinda is not a stereotypical fatgirl. Her thighs are still bigger than my waist, and her boobs are still bigger than my head, and I am fine with that. What matters far more to me is her level head and kick ass personality. If you live your life being "George Washington weighs a ton and wrestles honey badgers for fun" awesome, the cool chicks that come your way will be awesome, and physical attributes won't matter.

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Okinawa, Japan! If I were keeping the Celica and the Z, I would be having a field day at the junkyards out there...

And I am fat girl status right now. It's fine to have fat on her, but me? Not a so much, eh?

Okinawa you say? Can be a fun place. A lot of people from my class didn't like it. It is what you make of it. If you have liberty head for Nago, more to do around there.

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