Real life FA experiences

[Guest brattygirljess]

I've been wondering this for a while, as a fat girl on the internet I can get quite a bit of attention; however, this does not always seem to translate over in the real world. I know that the number of people that are attracted to bigger women is quite reduced because it is a niche fetish but even then, I will get people I know in real life flirting with me over social media but never in real life. I wonder if it is because I am just completely oblivious or if people in real life don't really find me attractive. For example, at the taco bell drive thru today, the employee was making quite intimate eye contact with me and was smiling a bit more than the normal taco bell employee. I am unsure if this is amazing customer service, or he might've thought I was attractive. 

What are some ways that you can tell someone is checking you out or attracted to you. I feel like since I've been fat my whole life, I can find it hard to distinguish between when people are being nice and flirting, I feel like no one ever does flirt with me lol! So if you guys could drop experiences or times you knew you were being admired or flirted with that would be so amazing! Thanks!

[Guest brattygirljess]

@carneasada Ooh thanks for the insight, how do you think I should flirt back or show that I may be interested lol?

[carneasada]

Well every situation is different, but in general you should show your interest with some good eye contact and smiles even when he makes the corniest jokes. Confident guys see that as a green light

[BostonBlubberLover]

I've been wondering this for a while, as a fat girl on the internet I can get quite a bit of attention; however, this does not always seem to translate over in the real world. I know that the number of people that are attracted to bigger women is quite reduced because it is a niche fetish but even then, I will get people I know in real life flirting with me over social media but never in real life. I wonder if it is because I am just completely oblivious or if people in real life don't really find me attractive. For example, at the taco bell drive thru today, the employee was making quite intimate eye contact with me and was smiling a bit more than the normal taco bell employee. I am unsure if this is amazing customer service, or he might've thought I was attractive. 
What are some ways that you can tell someone is checking you out or attracted to you. I feel like since I've been fat my whole life, I can find it hard to distinguish between when people are being nice and flirting, I feel like no one ever does flirt with me lol! So if you guys could drop experiences or times you knew you were being admired or flirted with that would be so amazing! Thanks!

This day in age the guy is probably just as nervous about doing it right as you are. If he’s too aggressive it’s unattractive but if it’s too subtle then it’s too easy to dismiss. Throw him a compliment… something simple. “I like your eyes”. If he compliments you back then you are good to go. If he just says thank you, it doesn’t mean that he isn’t interested but it might mean that he isn’t going to risk flirting to lose his job or maybe he is taken. He technically still could be taken, but as a customer you’ll have to usually take the first step in flirting. Otherwise you could sue for harassment etc.


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[Doe_Nylie CLIPS]

I feel like Customer Service employees are always hard to gauge. I'm a natural flirt so I usually end up doing some anyhow, and a lot of people mistake just being nice with flirting (but that's a whole other thing on its own). But I can also be denser than hell. I once had a barista flirting to hell and back with me ('You have a cat tattoo? I love cats! We're soul mates') and it wasn't until my partner at the time pointed out that she basically cold-shouldered him with any conversation he tried that I finally realized she had been more than just being a friendly barista 😂

I think with a lot of employee-customer situations, though, you don't want to end up saying/doing something that could put someone in an awkward spot. Maybe if it's a place you frequent and get to know them, then maybe you can broach the topic. I've gotten super friendly with a lot of my local fast-food joints, so I'd feel comfortable enough maybe asking them for a coffee date or just a hang-out when they're "out of uniform", but you'd really have to gauge what kind of rapport you've built over time. 

Though, if you're talking about encounters outside of that particular scenario? Eye contact is definitely a big one for me. Since I'm just naturally a little flirty, if they respond well to those comments and there's a bit of chemistry, I take it as a good sign. Usually they blind-side me though, like the time I was in a dollar store checkout line and the cashier asked if I was with someone and gave me his number. 😳

I've moved into a part of my life where I'm just comfortable and confident, and people really pick up on that. If you go about it with the mentality of "I'm the hottest shit, of course they'd be into me!" then I feel like the people who are interested tend to mirror that confidence and are more likely to approach you up front. 

[Aurel]

11 hours ago, Doe_Nylie said:

I feel like Customer Service employees are always hard to gauge. I'm a natural flirt so I usually end up doing some anyhow, and a lot of people mistake just being nice with flirting (but that's a whole other thing on its own). But I can also be denser than hell. I once had a barista flirting to hell and back with me ('You have a cat tattoo? I love cats! We're soul mates') and it wasn't until my partner at the time pointed out that she basically cold-shouldered him with any conversation he tried that I finally realized she had been more than just being a friendly barista 😂

I think with a lot of employee-customer situations, though, you don't want to end up saying/doing something that could put someone in an awkward spot. Maybe if it's a place you frequent and get to know them, then maybe you can broach the topic. I've gotten super friendly with a lot of my local fast-food joints, so I'd feel comfortable enough maybe asking them for a coffee date or just a hang-out when they're "out of uniform", but you'd really have to gauge what kind of rapport you've built over time. 

Though, if you're talking about encounters outside of that particular scenario? Eye contact is definitely a big one for me. Since I'm just naturally a little flirty, if they respond well to those comments and there's a bit of chemistry, I take it as a good sign. Usually they blind-side me though, like the time I was in a dollar store checkout line and the cashier asked if I was with someone and gave me his number. 😳

I've moved into a part of my life where I'm just comfortable and confident, and people really pick up on that. If you go about it with the mentality of "I'm the hottest shit, of course they'd be into me!" then I feel like the people who are interested tend to mirror that confidence and are more likely to approach you up front. 

This is a great post that really provides an answer to a recurring question on sites like these: fat folks asking whether FAdom is mostly a secret, online thing, and whether anyone in real life actually pursues full-figured people. Of course there are closeted FAs out there, but the answer to the question of whether FAs seek fat partners in real life is quite obviously “yes.” Many of the FA posters on here are explicitly with large partners IRL, for instance. 

Folks asking that question are probably in brattygirljess’s situation of not knowing how to read the signals. This is not an exclusively “BBW” problem by any means. I’m a reasonably slim fellow, reasonably attractive in conventional terms, happily married to a SSBBW for many years, but when I look back on my youth I’m struck by how clueless I was about flirtation. I really had no idea and I was too shy to effectively initiate. Fortunately my first GF simply saw what she liked and asked me out, LOL. 

By my mid-20s I had settled upon a principle that I’ve found to be almost infallible: if you think someone is interested, they almost certainly are. There’s a kind of underlying communication system combining body language and pheromones that makes this the case. Trust your instincts. But also remember, the person may be shy and unsure themselves. If you’re interested and your gut is telling you they are too, don’t be afraid to make the first move. Easier said than done, I know, but if more ladies were willing to make the first move, there’d probably be a lot more happy people out there in the world.

[W4E]

Like Aurel, I too was fairly unaware of when someone was flirting with me - and even more so when it came to me flirting with someone else. But I know most friends and the women I was attracted to were very much aware of my interest. There was no secret code or semaphore needed; I simply found myself talking to them, or working with them if it was in the workplace. Of course, being this forum, many were bona fide BBWs - or at least 'fat girls' by my fairly conservative area's standards - but not always. The heart knows what it wants and so on.  

To respond to the OP, however, there have been a few times where I have followed my FA predilections and made a bit of a fool of myself, to be sure. 

But for me, as someone lacking confidence though quite affable once I get to know people, I have found it is the physical cues - the second glance, the locked eyes, the smile and laughter across the room at a subtle joke told - that confirm a connexion, whether playful or deeper. On reflection, they are the forms in which flirtation seems to manifest for me with others. In some instances, it's almost as if we're reading each other's mind, which, to be honest, is a relief because, again, I am quite reticent to notice. Although there have been a few special moments of diffidence. In particular, when I was studying theatre at university, there was one woman whom I liked and was sure liked me.

We were in the thick of rehearsal week, and required to be at the theatre first thing in the morning. This meant many a bleary-eyed and unkempt undergraduate stumbling in after what seemed only hours (minutes?) since they'd left the night before. This also meant any rankling inhibition was gone as we'd worked so hard to create what was going to be a good show. While I had to travel only an hour to get there, the woman I liked lived further away and took closer to three hours. As such, and to my pleasure, she tended to favour whatever clothing she could throw on as she headed out. This was evident with her sturdy figure quite often not fully covered by her choices; her muffin top or love handles momentarily exposed as she stretched here, a button on her jeans undone there. When she noticed the button, however, she'd look to me, and I would smile, and she wouldn't bother with it. It was a lovely thing to behold, seeing her confidence grow. And I think she liked seeing my confidence grow, too, when she'd encourage me through her kindness in those theatre days. We didn't become romantically attached (I think all the world could see we were smitten, however) but seem to keep a special bond even though we're both a decade and thousands of miles away. 

Because of this experience I, too, have learnt to follow my instincts. Whether that means you feel compelled to compliment someone for their kindness towards others or anything you notice, really, even if it leads nowhere, you know you're helping to keep the whole world spinning. I think they are, but if other people are like those in this thread and their examples from real life, then few are just 'being kind' when they flirt with a fat person. They truly appreciate them for who they are. 

[Wishuwerebigger]

I spent a large portion of my life in the service industry. Fairly often as a BHM bartender, bouncer, or server, the flirting was for a purpose. They thought they could get a free drink, or into the club underage, or to establish themselves as a regular, to add value. That being said, there often was genuine flirting happening, women leaving their hotel room numbers, or insane tips, or just generally being handsy, or inviting me to meet them in the bathroom. For example, my absolutely breathtaking wife hit on me for months and I either missed it or failed to acknowledge it as flirting. I thought she just wanted more whiskey lol. I never said I was smart. 

Ironically, as a man who looks a little too much like Peter Griffin, I have a plethora of confidence. I would shoot my shot every single time. What’s the worst that could happen? In your instance, if there’s a sweet person with googly eyes for you at Taco Bell, go get some more Taco Bell. If you get the same response, compliment them. Odds are that you’re catching their eye for a reason. See where it takes you. Worst comes to worst, you get shot down and we need to find you find a new taco spot.