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When is “the point of no return” and acceptance?


Guest Rtwoit

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What is the general weight when a partner completely gives up? My gf has gone from around 145 lbs to 250 during the pandemic and has gone up several dress sizes. She’s sold all of her old clothes. I’ve come out as an FA to her (she is neutral/positive) and constantly tell her she’s hot and she’s suddenly become woke about body positivity ex stopped being friends with her skinny mean friends and basically only kept and (later befriended) women  fatter than her. She tried exercising in the first months of the pandemic and soon gave up and hasn’t touched her gym membership since. She probably gets fast food two or three times a week. But she still doesn’t identify as a fat girl and acts like she’s not become the same size as her friends lately. Thoughts?  

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Point of no return is definitely over 400lbs. Only way MOST women would ever consider losing weight is with bariatric gastric bypass. That can still happen in the 300s( some have done it in the 200s...) but the point of just giving in and embracing your new identity is around 400.

This is going from what I've seen personally though*

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I don't believe it has anything to do with a specific number. From my experience; it's purely the social aspect.

It's when it's finally verbalized to friends and family that she's "fat", "heavier now" got a "mom bod". This most often comes in some form of a self-deprecatory joke on her part about her gain or cracking a joke about her new "big ass" or needing new clothes, etc. But the moment when the "cat is out of the bag" and she no longer feels that burden of keeping the secret, trying not to pig out in front of family/friends, avoiding photos, feeling like everybody is always comparing her to her old self – it then will become simply ubiquitous that she's one of the chubbier girls of the group.

It's often also when she casually buys new clothes. This is critical: most women draw a mental line in the sand with clothes. They're expensive, they have very limited closet space and the personal contract they typically hold to themselves is "I'll let my figure slide BUT I will diet once I can't fit into _____".  Therefore it's a giant emotional leap when she can guilt-free shop and move up in sizes. Once that acceptance is experienced, it's much easier for her to really let go and move into the 'no turning back' camp.

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I agree with the above comment. There is no specific weight at which there is a point of no return. It's a mental barrier that must be crossed in the mind of the person wearing the weight. When I saw my wife getting rid of a bunch of shirts that she has had for ages and then she ordered new jeans a size up from what she has worn for quite some time, I knew some kind of mental barrier had been crossed.

It's the point where a decision is made to either change her body to fit her clothes or change her clothes to fit her body. My wife kept the belly and bought bigger clothes. I still wouldn't call that the point of no return though. Some women may gain 50 pounds, sizing up clothes wise several times, then decide enough is enough and lose it all.

Wether she admits it to herself or not(calling herself a fat girl, over eating and bragging about it) It sounds like your gf has crossed that line several times already, and has even changed her group of friends to ones that are more fat-friendly. Unless something in her life drastically changes, I suspect she'll maintain or keep gaining. 

 

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that is a good topic for conversation... there may be different things to note. ill try to come out with 4, possibly 5. 1 definitely not just getting bigger clothes but giving away the old and smaller, not keeping it for after the diet... 2 considering a new base level, stop all talk about those past memories of a lighter weight. 3. dropping the diet and the gym effort and conversation from the casual talk, no need to, this is a new baseline. 3. even admitting the gain, eating freely is definitely an acceptance of the new baseline. which is of course very hot. oh well, i fell short ! but those are some that i think are definitely a good sign for us

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  • 5 months later...
Guest Weight gain schadenfreude

I know this is an old thread and the OP is no longer hear, but I think it's an interesting conversation. I don't think there's a particular weight either. Judging by my own experience with my GF, it's the point where in her head the idea of being the weight she used to be doesn't seem realistic, because she likes eating too much, because she can't see herself working out every day or beause she's far too heavy. My GF is not even fat yet (more sloppy-chubby) and she's pretty much given up jogging (she used to stop after ten minutes or so because she was too lazy/tired). Now she's abandoned all pretense and we just go for a long walk. When she bothers going to the gym at all she will run 5-10 minutes on the treadmill. She says it's to "warm up" (not that she does much later either). Another big one is giving away old clothes that no longer fit her. It's an admission that she'll never be that size again.

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On 2/4/2022 at 8:11 AM, BindsThatTie said:

The obligatory joke is "when she resizes her ring". 💍😂

My wife just mentioned this. Not resizing per se, but she’s been wearing those cheap elastic wedding bands. And when I asked her if she ever wears the one I actually got her, she told me she would if it actually fit!

The rest of this convo is great, and it’s interesting to consider that my wife has met many of these qualities. She no longer runs, she’s kind of given up on getting back into her skinny clothes and has even given many of them away, she actually no longer wears jeans and only wears stretch pants (and recently saw her wearing old paternity shorts), and she’s kind of given up the idea that she’ll be as skinny as she once was. She also has openly acknowledged to friends and family that she’s fat, although this is still a rare thing.

I think one other indicator might be when friends and family give up on trying to push weight loss on them. In this regard, she’s not quite there, but I can see it happening in maybe a year or two. Then I think she truly would be at a point of no return as there won’t even be any pressure among people she knows best

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23 hours ago, Nankdatank said:

My wife just resized her engagement and wedding ring up two sizes. 
She is about 60-70 lbs up on when we got married 8 years ago.

I was with my ex from my sophomore year in highschool to age 22. I got her a cheap "promise ring" somewhere around our junior year. She had it resized once after gaining about 50 pounds. When it started to not fit again we sent in to get resized again, but it came back so thin that it broke in half about a month later. We decided it wasn't worth trying again 🤣 I don't think she ever wore rings again after passing 350. 

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Guest noreaster

letting go and giving up on fitness is such a hot thing. What were some of the lazy differences that you noticed?

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1 hour ago, workoutguy1 said:

letting go and giving up on fitness is such a hot thing. What were some of the lazy differences that you noticed?

My wife has slowly been giving up on fitness this summer and it's been great to witness.


The first thing she gave up was running, which she last tried to do about a month ago. Even then, she was doing it very sporadically-- maybe once every other week and only for a mile at most. Unlike summers before, she wasn't making any progress or incorporating it into her daily routine. And then she just said, "I'm done running." Apparently it was causing her too much pain, which kind of makes sense given how big she already was. In particular, she complained of knee pain and I can now see why. When she stands up, her thigh fat now extends out past her knee cap, which is definitely a first and I can see how it would cause pain there.

Regardless, she still wanted to lift weights (at home, not a gym). She has been keeping up with that a LITTLE more consistently,, although I would say it's been about a solid week since she's done any lifting and I feel like that might fall by the wayside soon, too.

With the heat of the summer, she's been getting exhausted just from being outside for short periods of time. She hasn't spent more than an hour at a time outside except for a hike we did last weekend. And it was rough on her. Not only were her clothes WAY too tight on her, she just didn't have the stamina. And she was dripping in sweat. But that seems to happen any time she's outside. When we went to festival with some family, she was the only one drenched in sweat (her bra was soaked in sweat). 

So instead of being outside and working out, most of the summer has been spent indoors... and snacking. Simply put, she loves food and has trouble controlling her intake. So the trend has been 3 big meals and plenty of snacks in between. She especially likes snacking before bed (me, too). She even admitted that she recently had a bowl of ice cream with 5 peanut butter cups added. Some nights she'll put away 3 bowls of cereal before going to sleep.

 

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Guest noreaster
6 hours ago, Charms7 said:

My wife has slowly been giving up on fitness this summer and it's been great to witness.


The first thing she gave up was running, which she last tried to do about a month ago. Even then, she was doing it very sporadically-- maybe once every other week and only for a mile at most. Unlike summers before, she wasn't making any progress or incorporating it into her daily routine. And then she just said, "I'm done running." Apparently it was causing her too much pain, which kind of makes sense given how big she already was. In particular, she complained of knee pain and I can now see why. When she stands up, her thigh fat now extends out past her knee cap, which is definitely a first and I can see how it would cause pain there.

Regardless, she still wanted to lift weights (at home, not a gym). She has been keeping up with that a LITTLE more consistently,, although I would say it's been about a solid week since she's done any lifting and I feel like that might fall by the wayside soon, too.

With the heat of the summer, she's been getting exhausted just from being outside for short periods of time. She hasn't spent more than an hour at a time outside except for a hike we did last weekend. And it was rough on her. Not only were her clothes WAY too tight on her, she just didn't have the stamina. And she was dripping in sweat. But that seems to happen any time she's outside. When we went to festival with some family, she was the only one drenched in sweat (her bra was soaked in sweat). 

So instead of being outside and working out, most of the summer has been spent indoors... and snacking. Simply put, she loves food and has trouble controlling her intake. So the trend has been 3 big meals and plenty of snacks in between. She especially likes snacking before bed (me, too). She even admitted that she recently had a bowl of ice cream with 5 peanut butter cups added. Some nights she'll put away 3 bowls of cereal before going to sleep.

 

oh wow! that sounds so sexy and exciting for you, you must love it right? How big has she gotten lately? And if ok to ask, have you been able to talk supportively about the eating and noticible size difference?

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2 hours ago, workoutguy1 said:

oh wow! that sounds so sexy and exciting for you, you must love it right? How big has she gotten lately? And if ok to ask, have you been able to talk supportively about the eating and noticible size difference?

Yeah, it’s been great. I still feel like I need to pinch myself because it’s almost hard to believe. I’ve always wandered what it would be like if my wife (even when she was my gf) gained a lot of weight. And one day recently I realized— hey, she’s gained a lot of weight!

She’s never been one to talk about how much she weighs, and she doesn’t even weigh herself that often, so I can only guess how big she is. She claims that she was her heaviest in Spring of 2021 and that she got up to 205. It’s obvious she is significantly bigger than that now. When I compare pics, she looks chubby in 2021, even though that was her already at an obese BMI.

Today, she looks much bigger. Conservatively, I would guess she weighs 220. Or at least, that’s what I thought at the start of the summer. Now. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was just over 230 now. 
 

I opened up to her earlier this year about really liking BBW and specifically how much she had grown. Shes grown to accept that but it doesn’t mean that she has totally embraced her size. However, there have been signs that she is slowly coming around to acceptance. I think she feels confident that I’m serious when I say that I like her no matter how big she gets, and this in turn may have put her more at ease with loosening her diet. She’s always kind of struggled with weight, but now I think she feels comfortable that she doesn’t have to worry about all that.

 

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On 8/1/2022 at 9:48 PM, Charms7 said:

Yeah, it’s been great. I still feel like I need to pinch myself because it’s almost hard to believe. I’ve always wandered what it would be like if my wife (even when she was my gf) gained a lot of weight. And one day recently I realized— hey, she’s gained a lot of weight!

She’s never been one to talk about how much she weighs, and she doesn’t even weigh herself that often, so I can only guess how big she is. She claims that she was her heaviest in Spring of 2021 and that she got up to 205. It’s obvious she is significantly bigger than that now. When I compare pics, she looks chubby in 2021, even though that was her already at an obese BMI.

Today, she looks much bigger. Conservatively, I would guess she weighs 220. Or at least, that’s what I thought at the start of the summer. Now. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was just over 230 now. 
 

I opened up to her earlier this year about really liking BBW and specifically how much she had grown. Shes grown to accept that but it doesn’t mean that she has totally embraced her size. However, there have been signs that she is slowly coming around to acceptance. I think she feels confident that I’m serious when I say that I like her no matter how big she gets, and this in turn may have put her more at ease with loosening her diet. She’s always kind of struggled with weight, but now I think she feels comfortable that she doesn’t have to worry about all that.

 

Play around with asking her to weigh in in front of you. Even if you have to roll with it as a “joke”…you might be pleasantly surprised. This is a HUGE turn on for me - it’s both scary and exciting. 
 

this is what really set me over the edge and there’s no better way to get me excited for some action right after that vulnerable act of standing on the scale in front of my man!!!!

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On 1/31/2022 at 2:36 AM, Guest Rtwoit said:

What is the general weight when a partner completely gives up? My gf has gone from around 145 lbs to 250 during the pandemic and has gone up several dress sizes. She’s sold all of her old clothes. I’ve come out as an FA to her (she is neutral/positive) and constantly tell her she’s hot and she’s suddenly become woke about body positivity ex stopped being friends with her skinny mean friends and basically only kept and (later befriended) women  fatter than her. She tried exercising in the first months of the pandemic and soon gave up and hasn’t touched her gym membership since. She probably gets fast food two or three times a week. But she still doesn’t identify as a fat girl and acts like she’s not become the same size as her friends lately. Thoughts?  

Bro I’m literally in the same boat from 125 to 205 at 4’11 but she’s kept her skinny friends and her skinny clothes because she thinks she’s going to fit into them again.

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7 hours ago, happenedsofat said:

Play around with asking her to weigh in in front of you. Even if you have to roll with it as a “joke”…you might be pleasantly surprised. This is a HUGE turn on for me - it’s both scary and exciting. 
 

this is what really set me over the edge and there’s no better way to get me excited for some action right after that vulnerable act of standing on the scale in front of my man!!!!

I think she might get there eventually but she’s not quite there yet. Stepping on the scale for her right now would pretty much just be terrifying. I think the last time she weighed herself was the last time she lost any weight, so she probably was around 180 then. It would be a huge shock for her to step and see that she’s now 40 pounds fatter (my guess).

Maybe it’s better that she stays away from the scale, even if it means I’m always left guessing. The ultimate fantasy would be for her to wait so long that when she eventually does get on the scale— after months or even years of letting go and putting on pounds— she’s over 300. At which point, she’s given up on trying to lose weight and realizes she’s gone too far anyway

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11 hours ago, Charms7 said:

I think she might get there eventually but she’s not quite there yet. Stepping on the scale for her right now would pretty much just be terrifying. I think the last time she weighed herself was the last time she lost any weight, so she probably was around 180 then. It would be a huge shock for her to step and see that she’s now 40 pounds fatter (my guess).

Maybe it’s better that she stays away from the scale, even if it means I’m always left guessing. The ultimate fantasy would be for her to wait so long that when she eventually does get on the scale— after months or even years of letting go and putting on pounds— she’s over 300. At which point, she’s given up on trying to lose weight and realizes she’s gone too far anyway

This is true!!! Maybe I’m different but even the shock of seeing that huge # that I didn’t think I’d ever hit (250…280…300…350…399) as much as I wanna say it did…didn’t stop me from the habits!!! Once you hit that point of no return, as hard as you try…it’s just packing on the lbs

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1 hour ago, happenedsofat said:

This is true!!! Maybe I’m different but even the shock of seeing that huge # that I didn’t think I’d ever hit (250…280…300…350…399) as much as I wanna say it did…didn’t stop me from the habits!!! Once you hit that point of no return, as hard as you try…it’s just packing on the lbs

This is good news and I think it’s true for my wife (and a lot of other people, tbh). She’s noticed before that she’s gained weight (at least 70 pounds since we’ve gotten married— and not including this year’s gain) but that hasn’t significantly changed her habits. She’s tried to exercise and diet, but those efforts never lasted too long or just weren’t enough to outpace her caloric intake. Essentially, any time she’s lost weight, she’s always gained at least twice as much weight back.

She actually *barely* qualifies for surgery. I feel like that’s another point of no return moment. Once you qualify for surgery, it’s a pretty big hole you’re already in

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My Wife was thin growing up and was probably 125 lbs in high school. In college her weight increased but not substantially. When we met 13 years ago she was probably around 185. We started dating and we were very happy. I told her early on that I was into weight gain and her getting bigger. She wasn’t judgmental or anything but she was not looking to gain. However, “happy” weight as we dated starting coming on fast and she probably went from 185 in 2009 to like 205 two years later. She’s like 5’6” and It was great. She wasn’t trying to gain but I wasn’t bugging her to gain either. I also wasn’t dissuading her from losing if it ever came up. I’d support her knowing that her love of cheese would never die and that she’d give up on a few weeks. 
 

However, the point of no return is that she loves eating. I jokingly say it’s her favorite habit, ha! She likes to eat. She likes to eat a lot of food. She likes fatty foods like ice cream and peanut butter and she doesn’t exercise much. After having kids her weight topped out at about 220ish and I was overjoyed but she was unhappy so she lost some weight and she get better. She hovers between 202-209 these days. However, she never says anything about getting below 200. “My goal is to weight 200 lbs by this date…” is what she often says and that lasts for a few weeks and then she is door dashing a bountiful amount of Greek food like she did tonight. So while I most likely won’t see her gain to the levels I would like (she’d look stunning in the 260-285 range) she maintains at a sexy weight and I’m thankful.  But yeah… she loves to eat and that will never change. 

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On 8/1/2022 at 5:19 PM, Charms7 said:

My wife has slowly been giving up on fitness this summer and it's been great to witness.


The first thing she gave up was running, which she last tried to do about a month ago. Even then, she was doing it very sporadically-- maybe once every other week and only for a mile at most. Unlike summers before, she wasn't making any progress or incorporating it into her daily routine. And then she just said, "I'm done running." Apparently it was causing her too much pain, which kind of makes sense given how big she already was. In particular, she complained of knee pain and I can now see why. When she stands up, her thigh fat now extends out past her knee cap, which is definitely a first and I can see how it would cause pain there.

Regardless, she still wanted to lift weights (at home, not a gym). She has been keeping up with that a LITTLE more consistently,, although I would say it's been about a solid week since she's done any lifting and I feel like that might fall by the wayside soon, too.

With the heat of the summer, she's been getting exhausted just from being outside for short periods of time. She hasn't spent more than an hour at a time outside except for a hike we did last weekend. And it was rough on her. Not only were her clothes WAY too tight on her, she just didn't have the stamina. And she was dripping in sweat. But that seems to happen any time she's outside. When we went to festival with some family, she was the only one drenched in sweat (her bra was soaked in sweat). 

So instead of being outside and working out, most of the summer has been spent indoors... and snacking. Simply put, she loves food and has trouble controlling her intake. So the trend has been 3 big meals and plenty of snacks in between. She especially likes snacking before bed (me, too). She even admitted that she recently had a bowl of ice cream with 5 peanut butter cups added. Some nights she'll put away 3 bowls of cereal before going to sleep.

 

Sounds like my wife, constantly sweating and exhausted in hot weather and now avoids any prolonged periods of walking. 

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