I'm with a girl, but she's too skinny for me to stay hard.

[Harbinger654]

Title basically says it all. I've known a girl for years, we've been great friends and in terms of conventional beauty she's gorgeous and out of my league. A little while ago she told me she had feelings for me, which I do reciprocate in an emotional sense.  I honestly have very strong feelings for her and we've started seeing each other, but the few times we've had sex since, I've struggled to stay hard. It seems like everyone thinks I should be absolutely thrilled, but honestly this whole situation just stresses me out. I'm not even into very large women, just chubby or slightly overweight girls, but she's so skinny that it does very little for me. Honestly I've been looking into pharmaceutical help just so I can continue the relationship, I like her that much. What do you guys think I should do? 

[woldock]

Hm it’s a bummer. But it’s better to be upfront about it, tell her how much you appreciate her as a human and don’t wanna hurt her but you’re sexually attracted to women who are a bit chubby. 
i mean she’s gonna be hurting either way so better about the truth than a lie.. and you have nothing to lose, because if you build this up on a lie, you just postpone the inevitable.

[vpprof]

5 hours ago, Harbinger654 said:

and out of my league

What do you mean by that?

[Guideline2]

I've been in this situation and understand your feelings. Try imagining her chubby, or put her in positions where her belly folds or bulges or something so she looks a little softer than she is. Everything turned out okay in the end for me as she ended up getting fatter without me saying or doing anything. 

[extra_m13]

right now i can remember to ladies i dated... both lovely, beautiful face, nice smile, bright eyes... fun to be with but, on the skinny side. and i tried, i used to grab them where there was something to grab or where it was a bit soft, there were skinny-fat as they did not exercise but it was clearly not enough. never to gain, they ate little, it is a difficult task and to me it was very difficult to overcome to be honest 

[Aurel]

Honestly, if the chemistry is not there, it’s not there. Wishful thinking and pharmaceuticals are not the answer, unfortunately.

[JustinTocheck]

On 1/5/2022 at 12:22 AM, Harbinger654 said:

Title basically says it all. I've known a girl for years, we've been great friends and in terms of conventional beauty she's gorgeous and out of my league. A little while ago she told me she had feelings for me, which I do reciprocate in an emotional sense.  I honestly have very strong feelings for her and we've started seeing each other, but the few times we've had sex since, I've struggled to stay hard. It seems like everyone thinks I should be absolutely thrilled, but honestly this whole situation just stresses me out. I'm not even into very large women, just chubby or slightly overweight girls, but she's so skinny that it does very little for me. Honestly I've been looking into pharmaceutical help just so I can continue the relationship, I like her that much. What do you guys think I should do? 

Unless you're like 40, you don't need pharmaceutical help, you need to stop jerking off and stressing yourself over it. The former is more crucial, really. 

That's literally all you need to do. 

[Nankdatank]

On 1/5/2022 at 6:55 PM, Guideline2 said:

I've been in this situation and understand your feelings. Try imagining her chubby, or put her in positions where her belly folds or bulges or something so she looks a little softer than she is. Everything turned out okay in the end for me as she ended up getting fatter without me saying or doing anything. 

Same thing happened for me so I got medical help and over time my wife gained weight to a point where I didn’t need the help anymore.

Hang in there and you can possibly stay with her and get through this.

But you probably also need to be at least somewhat honest with her otherwise she may never gain weight.

[paralepsis2016]

On 1/4/2022 at 6:22 PM, Harbinger654 said:

Title basically says it all. I've known a girl for years, we've been great friends and in terms of conventional beauty she's gorgeous and out of my league. A little while ago she told me she had feelings for me, which I do reciprocate in an emotional sense.  I honestly have very strong feelings for her and we've started seeing each other, but the few times we've had sex since, I've struggled to stay hard. It seems like everyone thinks I should be absolutely thrilled, but honestly this whole situation just stresses me out. I'm not even into very large women, just chubby or slightly overweight girls, but she's so skinny that it does very little for me. Honestly I've been looking into pharmaceutical help just so I can continue the relationship, I like her that much. What do you guys think I should do? 

I think I can share some thoughts. First, there's nothing wrong with being unable to keep it up. It happens to lots of people. If you keep having sex with her, I think you may find you develop an appreciation for her body type, especially if sex is emotional for you, which might make that problem go away on its own. I think the person above who suggested no masturbation might be on to something. I think if this becomes a serious, committed relationship, I think will have to tell her eventually. At the very least, the stressing out and pressure of hiding the explanation for your "performance issues" from her would be gone. The emotional vulnerability of sharing that could deepen your intimacy, too. Plus surprising things happen in sharing kinks and fetishes. It's not likely she'd be down to gain weight, but she may, or she might be down to role play. Anything might happen! You could watch porn together, too. This next idea is kind of radical, but there are plenty of loving couples who practice ethical non-monogamy, and if this kink is something you need, that may be a good outlet for you, and perhaps an outlet you could share.

Regardless, if you're going to have a chat with her, it might be good to find a trusted friend and practice with them. And be honest with yourself about what you want for yourself of this relationship and what you'd be okay with.

I wish you good luck!

[King_Schultz]

Been there. Sorry, it's just the way it is. I met this wonderful girl I few years ago, and he could talk for hours and hours, and we had so much fun together... but whenever we tried taking it step further, it never happened. I just had to come clean, tell her it was me. She was "traditionally pretty", and slim. I just couldn't be sexually attracted to her.

We're still friends! But I have accepted that, weight-wise, I have a limit. A lower limit. 

[Guest ExponentialGrowth]

On 1/8/2022 at 12:01 AM, JustinTocheck said:

Unless you're like 40, you don't need pharmaceutical help, you need to stop jerking off and stressing yourself over it. The former is more crucial, really. 

That's literally all you need to do. 

I have to agree with this poster. Try this first, cut down on porn and stop jerking it and see how that goes. That's step #1

[Guest CherryCheesecake]

I was married to porn addict when I was skinny. His addiction lead to some pretty dark places, including exploring homosexuality.- not once or twice - but PREDOMINANTLY! Yet he was very homophobic. Porn hurts. Not just you but your relationships with others. Be well!

[vpprof]

The question is of course, which was first, chicken or egg. Does porn choose to instill dark things in us or do we choose porn because we want an outlet to explore them…

[Guest CherryCheesecake]

3 hours ago, vpprof said:

The question is of course, which was first, chicken or egg. Does porn choose to instill dark things in us or do we choose porn because we want an outlet to explore them…

It's a valid question. However, Harbinger, or the person who originally posted the thread, seems to say that his relationship with his girlfriend is suffering because she is just not the right amount of plump for him, to paraphrase. In my experience, both as someone who has viewed porn regularly in the past, and as someone who has been in a relationship with someone who used porn consistently, enough just is never enough, and porn damages relationships. There are studies on the effects of pornography and the brain. As humas, we're not wired for porn, but for intimacy, relationship and community. I view curvage a different because it is not a porn site and is truly a community.❤️

To the person who 1st wrote the post, if you're still reading this thread, best of luck in your relationship. If she's no the one for you, tell her and find the one who is. But talk wth her. She might just be willing to travel down this path with you. Be well, stay safe! 

[vpprof]

5 hours ago, CherryCheesecake said:

as someone who has been in a relationship with someone who used porn consistently, enough just is never enough, and porn damages relationships

Has he tried cutting down on porn? What were the effects?

5 hours ago, CherryCheesecake said:

As humas, we're not wired for porn, but for intimacy, relationship and community.

Hell yes! Some people however have a great deal of fear around all these three things. For them, pornography could serve as their substitute. Why do you think people spend so much effort interacting with models who create clips on various sites? 

I don't think a happy person could be persuaded to compulsively watch porn but it's an interesting thought experiment

[Guest CherryCheesecake]

8 minutes ago, vpprof said:

Has he tried cutting down on porn? What were the effects?

Hell yes! Some people however have a great deal of fear around all these three things. For them, pornography could serve as their substitute. Why do you think people spend so much effort interacting with models who create clips on various sites? 

I don't think a happy person could be persuaded to compulsively watch porn but it's an interesting thought experiment

I couldn't agree more. In my past, well, even now, I am quite submissive and a people pleaser by nature. In a past relationship I watched porn with him because he wanted me to, and to gain his approval. It ultimately did not lead to happiness for me. I realized that I had a hunger beyond catering to others and needed to begin to find boundaries that worked for me...

Just my experience, for what it is worth!😊

[vpprof]

OK! Thanks for sharing your story, I'm always very interested in knowing people's stories and motives and thoughts. Not splitting hairs but:

7 minutes ago, CherryCheesecake said:

a people pleaser by nature

— actually, that's nurture

7 minutes ago, CherryCheesecake said:

I watched porn with him because he wanted me to, and to gain his approval. It ultimately did not lead to happiness for me. 

😕 that's kinda sad, isn't it? How did it make you feel, seeing his attention directed at porn?

7 minutes ago, CherryCheesecake said:

I realized that I had a hunger beyond catering to others and needed to begin to find boundaries that worked for me...

👍🏻👍🏻

Wouldn't you say he already had a problem to begin with, or did porn change him mid-way during your relationship?

[Guest CherryCheesecake]

I found out when we split that he had a serious problem with porn WAYYYY b4 I knew him and that he'd been sleeping with tons of other people - even men and transexuals- to keep upping the anty in his addiction, I think you'd call it. I feel sorry for him now. Once I walked in on him trying to electrocute himself just for some "added stimulation." But where he began isn't where he ended up. He started just like anyone else trying to replace emotional, mental, spiritual and physical connection with something that, as human beings, I don't think we're made for...

Yeah, kinda sad then but I'm learning to be at peace in my own skin now, and am at peace with my past. I learned a lot from the relationship, including the fact that I need to set boundaries in relationships, in my own life about what works for me and what doesn't. 😊

[vpprof]

Sure, it's very important to set boundaries and communicate if you're dissatisfied with something or angry about it. As far as I'm aware of, the main problem with porn is that the partner feels like pornstars are being given more attention than the partner is. Like, "if he's watching porn, does he even find me attractive?" "Why isn't he giving me the attention I deserve as his gf?" "Why am I being ignored?" Is that something you too felt personally or was it different in your case?

[Lake Terror]

3 hours ago, vpprof said:

Sure, it's very important to set boundaries and communicate if you're dissatisfied with something or angry about it. As far as I'm aware of, the main problem with porn is that the partner feels like pornstars are being given more attention than the partner is. Like, "if he's watching porn, does he even find me attractive?" "Why isn't he giving me the attention I deserve as his gf?" "Why am I being ignored?" Is that something you too felt personally or was it different in your case?

Constantly asking her questions is getting away from the topic don't you think?

Maybe private message her?

As for this topic, express your desires OP, supress them and attempt counseling on how to deal with things, or end it.

All three are incredibly difficult and hard to put into words in reality. You should do something now because in a world where you would maybe marry her one day it won't be good to keep this a secret from her.

[vpprof]

Wel, the guy who started the topic is as disinterested as you can get, so I thought I might have an interesting conversation on the side. Anyway, the girl deleted the account so it doesn't matter anymore.

[Lake Terror]

2 hours ago, vpprof said:

Wel, the guy who started the topic is as disinterested as you can get, so I thought I might have an interesting conversation on the side. Anyway, the girl deleted the account so it doesn't matter anymore.

Yeah she did. Just know for next time if a conversation goes into someones past, and it's uncomfortable for that person, don't push for more info.

[vpprof]

Oh no! Who am I to push for more info! What are you going to do, burn me at a stake? O.o @Lake Terror

Hinting I'm responsible for someone deleting their account, which in itself means nothing, is asinine to the point of insanity, I hope you do realize that.

No, I refuse to believe you're being serious dude

[danger]

I spent years and years thinking that the only woman I could be with must be at least 300lbs. I had tried sleeping with skinny girls in denial about my prefferences, and couldnt get it up. My first marriage ended because she consistently gained weight, and I loved it, and she didn't. Consistent through that marriage was my relationship to porn. Jerking off to 500lbs women, and my 250-300lbs wife was freaking out about being so fat, whilst in my mind she was not fat enough. The fatter she got the more turned on I got but the more she didn't want to have sex That was not a healthy relationship.

Two years after that break up, I met a girl who was not by any means a BBW. No folds, no wobble, no rolls, small boobs. Really pretty. Sexy. Blonde. Curvy in the conventional sense, not the Curvage sense! She was tall though, taller than me.  I always thought that I needed to have a girl that was shorter than me. Anyway, we dated, liked each other, and one night we went to bed together. At first I was freaking out thinking I wouldn't get a hard on at all. I told her upfront there and then that I have a fat fetish and that I might struggle to get it up. I told her this because I realised that if she rejected me for this, she is not for me. In the end, we did have sex and it was wonderfully intimate. I felt so much more connected making love with her than any BBW I had slept with because the fat was not the centre of the focus. I learned to discover and love the parts of her that were squishy enough to satisfy my touch. Squeeze her bum, he hips and thighs. We had so much sex in fact that i totally lost interest in BBW porn. All my infatuation with fat diminished and subdued. PORN IS THE PROBLEM. It creates unrealistic expectations and primarily visual based and completely addictive and unfulfilling.  Two years on from that encounter, and I am delighted to say that we are now getting married to that non BBW, and I could not be happier. It was like a breakthrough. I thought the BBW fat thing was all that existed of my sexuality. I had to push myself out of my comfort zone to discover more with THE RIGHT WOMAN who understood me and accepted me. What is also awesome is she knows if she puts on weight I will actualy like it! She subsequently did put on quite a few lbs, and when she said she would loose it, I freaked out, but told her about it. I did not want to tell her not to, I told her I would face my fears. She did then loose the weight, and I hardly noticed. I feel like she healed my addiction and obsession with super obesity.

The moral of the story here, if there is one, is if you think you want to explore a relationship with this girl, be completley open with her. There is no point not being honest, as already not being yourself is being untrue to yourself and her.

I do however, still have the occasional wank over Boberry and Big Cutie Chloe... and my new partner knows I do occasionally as a kind of stress releif outlet, as my porn addiction was developed as a coping mechanism. She smokes when she is stressed, I wank to SSBBW porn. She doesnt care. And when we have sex, every part of her wonderfully smooth womanly, non-BBW body, totally thrills and satisfies me.

[PreyToGod]

On 2/20/2022 at 6:27 AM, danger said:

I spent years and years thinking that the only woman I could be with must be at least 300lbs. I had tried sleeping with skinny girls in denial about my prefferences, and couldnt get it up. My first marriage ended because she consistently gained weight, and I loved it, and she didn't. Consistent through that marriage was my relationship to porn. Jerking off to 500lbs women, and my 250-300lbs wife was freaking out about being so fat, whilst in my mind she was not fat enough. The fatter she got the more turned on I got but the more she didn't want to have sex That was not a healthy relationship.

Two years after that break up, I met a girl who was not by any means a BBW. No folds, no wobble, no rolls, small boobs. Really pretty. Sexy. Blonde. Curvy in the conventional sense, not the Curvage sense! She was tall though, taller than me.  I always thought that I needed to have a girl that was shorter than me. Anyway, we dated, liked each other, and one night we went to bed together. At first I was freaking out thinking I wouldn't get a hard on at all. I told her upfront there and then that I have a fat fetish and that I might struggle to get it up. I told her this because I realised that if she rejected me for this, she is not for me. In the end, we did have sex and it was wonderfully intimate. I felt so much more connected making love with her than any BBW I had slept with because the fat was not the centre of the focus. I learned to discover and love the parts of her that were squishy enough to satisfy my touch. Squeeze her bum, he hips and thighs. We had so much sex in fact that i totally lost interest in BBW porn. All my infatuation with fat diminished and subdued. PORN IS THE PROBLEM. It creates unrealistic expectations and primarily visual based and completely addictive and unfulfilling.  Two years on from that encounter, and I am delighted to say that we are now getting married to that non BBW, and I could not be happier. It was like a breakthrough. I thought the BBW fat thing was all that existed of my sexuality. I had to push myself out of my comfort zone to discover more with THE RIGHT WOMAN who understood me and accepted me. What is also awesome is she knows if she puts on weight I will actualy like it! She subsequently did put on quite a few lbs, and when she said she would loose it, I freaked out, but told her about it. I did not want to tell her not to, I told her I would face my fears. She did then loose the weight, and I hardly noticed. I feel like she healed my addiction and obsession with super obesity.

The moral of the story here, if there is one, is if you think you want to explore a relationship with this girl, be completley open with her. There is no point not being honest, as already not being yourself is being untrue to yourself and her.

I do however, still have the occasional wank over Boberry and Big Cutie Chloe... and my new partner knows I do occasionally as a kind of stress releif outlet, as my porn addiction was developed as a coping mechanism. She smokes when she is stressed, I wank to SSBBW porn. She doesnt care. And when we have sex, every part of her wonderfully smooth womanly, non-BBW body, totally thrills and satisfies me.

That’s an inspiring story, but a few things 

1) Let’s be honest most women aren’t going to respond well when a guy tells them they have a fat fetish upfront because they will either interpret that as saying that you’re not that attracted to them (if they’re thin) or you’re only with them because they’re fat. I’ve tried a few times and it backfired. You got very lucky there

 

2) I’ve been into thinner girls with bellies since I was 9 years old, when my teacher gained weight,  before I ever visited a porn site. So, you could say it’s a core part of my sexuality, and trying to overcome it would be like telling a gay guy to try sleeping with women. Well, not quite that extreme, but if a girl is really thin and toned with a flat stomach I don’t find myself being sexually attracted to them in that way. Emotional connection is very important but so is physical attraction. Maybe this can be shifted over time but it’s not easy 
 

3) Its a big gamble - staying with someone in the hope that you become more attracted to them or the hope they gain a few pounds. They deserve someone who finds them sexy when they’re thin and I would be asking myself why I didn’t just try to find someone chubbier. 
 

In saying that I agree that porn is problematic and I want to challenge my sexual attraction  because it’s so restricting.