Is it really a fetish?

[vpprof]

@Bleeker

So what? I presented the medical classification. You can check the validity of it for yourself in DSM-5. If you're interested in medical terminology, that is.

The post I was referring to was using these words kinda randomly, yet tried to convey some meaning, like:  if it’s X, it's a preference or kink, if it’s Y, it's a sexual orientation, if it’s Z that’s a fetish. — and that doesn't mean very much unless you make it clear what you mean by 'preference', 'kink', 'orientation', fetish'. Like, what's the difference and why is it important?

And anyway, these words are quite well defined already, they're by no means mutually exclusive, and so there's no point in redefining these terms and obsessing over what we should call things. What part of this is unclear to you?

[Guest grateful]

This is an old topic and one that can use dusting off now and again bc it is easy to hurl "fetish" like a stone, especially when we are not familiar with why anyone might have a particular preference.

For me FA'ism is a generalization, and certainly I feel heavier women look great, but it is always about people living the fat lifestyle.

I am not turned on by, nor do I require, a container of fat to get off and the fat is never "depersonalized".

Also, history (your mileage may vary) has shown me that size becomes "very important" if I am emotionally involved with someone and especially when "in love".

I love someone's fat as an extension of them.

The more attractive they are to me, the more beautiful their fat is.

If I am not involved with a person emotionally or otherwise, I don't care what they weigh and will support health and weight loss just like anyone else.

I do not know why this is so, but it is how I have been my whole life.

 

[vpprof]

On 2/26/2022 at 10:24 PM, grateful said:

The more attractive they are to me, the more beautiful their fat is.

If I am not involved with a person emotionally or otherwise, I don't care what they weigh and will support health and weight loss just like anyone else.

I do not know why this is so, but it is how I have been my whole life.

If a beautifully plump woman is nasty to you, what do you feel?

[Guest grateful]

8 hours ago, vpprof said:

If a beautifully plump woman is nasty to you, what do you feel?

That's a great question, there is little possibility that I would find her weight attractive as I would not be drawn to a nasty person.

If I had offended or misbehaved I might "clean up my side of the  street" and then see how it goes.

As mentioned above a big part of my attraction is I like the person first and their fat makes them even more beautiful to me.

A good person can make fat beautiful but not necessarily the other way around.

Your mileage may differ, but at social gatherings and conventions I sometimes met some real meanies, and their size did not eclipse their bad behavior and make them more attractive.

What a shock to me that not all fat people are nice! This very young FA at the time believed otherwise.  Thanks for your question!

 

[vpprof]

On 3/3/2022 at 5:15 AM, grateful said:

That's a great question, there is little possibility that I would find her weight attractive as I would not be drawn to a nasty person.

their size did not eclipse their bad behavior and make them more attractive.

Yup. What about a fat girl being reaaaaally glamorous and all, but not being into being fat? What do you feel towards her?

Or take a really voluptuous cute fatty, who's into weight gain, but who's not into you, and talks to you for a bit but then goes home with another guy? What do you make of her fatness in that situation?

[Guest grateful]

Not interested in associating with "size tolerant" folks who expect "tolerating the condition", not enjoying it ---

Was in a car the other day with a couple if industry types and I made some comment that curves are good (meaning some support that  the occasional pound or two that may afflict these women,wasn't unattractive).

"Oh that's just a guy thing" one of them said, like she's seen it before and it is ridiculous.  😂😮🙄

I was at a size event once and a USBBW at our table mentioned that she was never going to date an FA.

(are the lowest of the low?) --- there's a lot of diverse psychology out there.

Many people have not worked out who they are on many levels, and in this world (where most are in the meat grinder these days), they may not have gotten around to their body yet.

 

[vpprof]

On 3/6/2022 at 9:09 AM, grateful said:

Not interested in associating with "size tolerant" folks who expect "tolerating the condition", not enjoying it ---

Yes, I know, but I'm specifically asking you to try and decipher what your inner self is saying in these moments. Like, is it a waste that such a fatty isn't satisfied or willing to be a fatty anymore and goes on a diet? Because I'm trying to go beyond the looks, which — as you said — aren't everything. So, I claim, there's more to the attraction to fat people than just enjoying fat bodies. And fat bodies in themselves have a meaning, which goes well beyond esthetics.

On 3/6/2022 at 9:09 AM, grateful said:

Was in a car the other day with a couple if industry types and I made some comment that curves are good (meaning some support that  the occasional pound or two that may afflict these women,wasn't unattractive).

"Oh that's just a guy thing" one of them said, like she's seen it before and it is ridiculous.  😂😮🙄

Yeah, so I think people don't read each other's minds, and I think if both of them use some sort of code-language on top of that, these cryptic communications are inevitable  

Like instead of saying, "I like chubby girls", "Oh right, I hate fat and I'm trying my whole life not to be fat", both of you said something cryptic, right?

On 3/6/2022 at 9:09 AM, grateful said:

Many people have not worked out who they are on many levels

Yup 👍🏻

On 3/6/2022 at 9:09 AM, grateful said:

I was at a size event once and a USBBW at our table mentioned that she was never going to date an FA.

Did anyone ask her why?

[Guest grateful]

@vpprof all fabulous, thank you for taking the care to express your impressions and ask great questions!

I am a "hit and run" citizen here these days so my time is spotty. Today I realize this is exactly the kind of exchange I miss these days and glad I found this edge of the board.

Hope this type of discussion continues and others join in on a variety of topics.

Meanwhile the job is jealous and I have to go RN.

Two things came up for me just for this moment --- I think that I have been overwhelmed during some of these experiences or may have been more comfortable just witnessing what was said and not carrying it further.

Open discussion on most things that connect to our passions can be challenging.

I was present at that table with  well known SSBBW and we were both struck dumb, but very aware the world is populated by folks who have been wounded in a variety of ways and how they strategize against pain can take many forms.

These days I am hoping to be a better listener, allowing the person to unfold more of their story in whatever way is comfortable for them.

If indeed it isn't all about weight, my personal belief tends towards life providing me what I need through the agent of other people and it may take a while for me to integrate and appreciate the gifts that others bring.

In the rear view mirror, it all looks perfect on a good day.

The challenge, as you brought up, is now.

Thanks you for your posts!

 

 

[vpprof]

On 3/8/2022 at 12:39 AM, grateful said:

I think that I have been overwhelmed during some of these experiences or may have been more comfortable just witnessing what was said and not carrying it further.

Open discussion on most things that connect to our passions can be challenging.

If you mean overwhelmed by discussing anything here, then sure, that's OK and you need not respond to everything  If you mean discussions IRL, yeah, I suppose when other people are present and watching, that's a lot of pressure to handle.

On 3/8/2022 at 12:39 AM, grateful said:

I was present at that table with  well known SSBBW and we were both struck dumb, but very aware the world is populated by folks who have been wounded in a variety of ways and how they strategize against pain can take many forms.

True. Sometimes however, people are quite willing to open up and this makes them feel at ease. The only prerequisite condition is that their story be met with understanding or compassion, instead of judgment or invalidation, so for instance: "Why wouldn't you ever date an FA?" "Oh, 'cause they're only after sex and completely ignore me as a person." → if this is met with "But, I'm different" or "But, you can't generalize", "But, sex is important" etc. (all of which might be true on some level, mind you), then the conversation changes from please-let-me-know-you-better type to imma-prove-you-wrong type and that's unpleasant for people who are carrying some kind of hurt in themselves.

[goxem36190]

What about the fact that we as humans were looking for bigger women to... you know, have more b**s? Could this set an aesthetic trend? Isn't it just a repercussion of our nature? To be more precise I'm not talking about force feeding-constraints.
It is also true that peer pressure and society are interfering... and we tend to avoid pain
Lemme know

[vpprof]

On 3/13/2022 at 4:29 PM, goxem36190 said:

What about the fact that we as humans were looking for bigger women to... you know, have more b**s? Could this set an aesthetic trend?

I think this is part of the attraction, certainly. Fat and its distribution are so-called secondary sexual characteristics. What this means for us here, is that a fat girl's figure is a rough estimate of how much sex hormones she has and how fertile she is. Breasts and their shape also carry such information, you're right. 

But I wouldn't overestimate this hypothesis — it sheds light on a fragment of the picture but not the whole picture. First of all, we find girls with huge bellies and small boobs also attractive (don't we?? 🤨). And secondly, stuffing, growing bigger and all that is a part of this kink and I don't see why it should be so, if the kink was only motivated by wanting a healthy, fertile girl. 

[Tom Aquet]

On 3/15/2022 at 1:33 PM, vpprof said:

First of all, we find girls with huge bellies and small boobs also attractive (don't we?? 🤨).

Whom is the “we” supposed to include?

[vpprof]

On 3/19/2022 at 7:03 AM, Tom Aquet said:

Whom is the “we” supposed to include?

The people who agree with my opinion.