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Fattening Up Your Vanilla Partner, Is It Realistic?


Guest Jax-47

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Guest Jax-47

I apologize if "fattening up" is somewhat crass, but I don't know how else to word it.

I'm wondering how successful some of you feeders have been in introducing your partner(s) to Feedism and having that translate into them gaining a desirable amount of weight.

I wouldn't say my own experience introducing a previous partner to Feedism has been successful because while she put on about 15 lbs, she was definitely doing it for my sake rather than getting much into it herself.

So with that in mind, I've given up on the dream (or is it a fantasy) of having a skinny girl eventually reach 300 lbs. and instead I'm purely seeing women that are already in my preferred weight range.

One final note, I'm currently seeing someone who is already quite fat and I plan on telling her about Feedism, not with expectations of her,  but simply because it is a core part of my sexuality that she should know about if we keep dating; so if she is already fat and enjoys eating, is this perhaps an indication that potential experimentation with weight gain may be successful this time around?

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oh boy, the million dollar question. personally... i can relate to what you are saying. at the beginning i was looking for good looking ladies no matter skinny or chubby... because i could convince them to intentionally gain weight. so i failed and realized that i really cant. nor should really. it is something that has to happen or come from their side of the table. so after that, i stayed on looking for at least chubby girls who liked to eat. that tends to generate a good scenario for gain weight, and when that happens, you will have a nice situation to deal with, buy bigger clothes, maker her feel sexy etc 

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Feedism is a pain in the ass, isn't it?  It is a difficult subject to address because it makes people feel uneasy more often than not.  I have read too many articles or online posts from women wondering how to avoid "the feeders" if they sign up for a plus size dating website.

I would personally have a difficult time convincing someone to get fat.  It is a turn-on for me when it is a turn on for them.  It makes the most sense to just find someone fun with a body type you are attracted to, or try your luck finding local women at the few feedism sites like this one.  

If you are wondering about my success rate...I have only dated four plus size women.  One was trying to lose weight, so I never addressed the topic.  After we split up she ended up putting on a ton of weight.  The second did not want to gain weight because she was not into it.  She, too, put on a lot of weight after we stopped seeing each other.  The third I had no intention of wanting to change.  She was just so curvy and happy and fun that I was saturated with endorphins, but we stopped seeing each other for other reasons.  The fourth, and final, I was in a long-term relationship with for a few years.  I never brought feedism up because she was very gossipy and judgmental, but she was well aware of the type of women I liked and dated and I did my best to communicate my attraction to her body.  She ended up losing a lot of weight while we were together and she would do something I never understood.  She would get **, we would go to bed, and as soon as the lights went off, she would ask me if she was thin enough for me.  I was baffled and could not convince her to the contrary.

I am approaching my five-year break from dating.  I spent a lot of time in school and I worked way more than I got paid for, so I wanted time to take care of me.  I am waiting to see when I will feel like dating again.

 

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On 8/13/2021 at 3:45 PM, Jax-47 said:

I apologize if "fattening up" is somewhat crass, but I don't know how else to word it.

I'm wondering how successful some of you feeders have been in introducing your partner(s) to Feedism and having that translate into them gaining a desirable amount of weight.

I could tell you, but it's a secret.

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  • Curvage Model

Coming from the perspective of someone who had no idea about this community and was on the opposite end of being very concerned about my weight getting too high here is what my husband did to help me. It was obvious to him that I wanted to indulge in "bad foods" and just eat what I wanted but when we first started dating I would be careful about what I ate regardless of that. He would simply gently push for me to just get whatever I wanted when we were grocery shopping or out to eat and when I did get what I actually wanted not only was I super happy, but he also showed his support at me eating in a way where I would definitely gain weight. He would also always make sure I knew it was never a big deal if I skipped working out. Over time as we got more comfortable he admitted to me that he was into thicker woman and while of course he was always attracted to me he could tell I wasn't happy with my body image as I still judged myself and obsessed over weight. He encouraged me by saying things like "hey you gained weight, but guess what you look absolutely gorgeous" and also pointing out how much happier I was not caring about my weight and just enjoying life eating what I wanted. As for getting the to the point of him saying he was into feederism it took a while to get comfortable enough to tell me but when he finally did he was completely understanding of any and all questions and misunderstandings I had and just patiently explained the entire community and what actually goes on in it. And now here we are with me being active on this site and us living our happiest marriage seeing as I am a million times happier with my self image and he in turn is also getting what he wants. I hope this helps in some way!

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The consensus among sexuologists is that if you don't have a paraphilia (fixation on fat, blood, crawling ants, leather boots, amputees, cross-dressing, diapers, trees, tears, urine…), you can't acquire one.

So to answer the original question literally:

  • causing your partner's weight gain is realistic
  • causing your partner's acquisition of the paraphilia is not realistic
  • your partner's being happy with the gained weight in the absence of the paraphilia is not realistic
  • your happiness in a relationship is not absolutely dependent on having a shared paraphilia. 
On 8/13/2021 at 9:45 PM, Jax-47 said:

so if she is already fat and enjoys eating, is this perhaps an indication that potential experimentation with weight gain may be successful this time around

No. Existence of weight gain fetish in an individual is independent of the individual gaining weight.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 8/15/2021 at 3:18 AM, KupcakeKat said:

And now here we are with me being active on this site and us living our happiest marriage seeing as I am a million times happier with my self image and he in turn is also getting what he wants.

I know I'm new in town so to speak, and I hope this okay to ask. Have you found that feederism has become sexual for you as well? No worries if you would rather not answer.

I've had two experiences as the initial partner who was into the kink, and both times the other person seemed really into it sexually, one the very first time we used it sexually. I can never ask to know with those two people at this point, but I was always curious to know how much they were really into because they became really into it and how much was because they were really into me and I was really into it. Or maybe they both were into everything and anything and that was just the specific thing I brought them.

I know being with both of those partners permanently changed -- or at least permanently expanded! -- what I'm into. In the sense that I now seek out those things. But maybe I'm also just into everything and anything given the chance!

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Jax-47
On 8/17/2021 at 7:38 AM, vpprof said:
  • your happiness in a relationship is not absolutely dependent on having a shared paraphilia. 
 

damn, put quite blunlty but I respect the fuck out of you for saying it.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Weight gain schadenfreude
On 8/17/2021 at 4:38 PM, vpprof said:

The consensus among sexuologists is that if you don't have a paraphilia (fixation on fat, blood, crawling ants, leather boots, amputees, cross-dressing, diapers, trees, tears, urine…), you can't acquire one.

That would imply you're born with a paraphiilia, which seems quite questionable to me.

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Considering that you can form phobias at any time in life with the right stimulus, I suspect philia can also form at any time with an appropriate stimulus just a easily. There have, over the years, been anecdotal stories to this effect from many gainers & feedees in the community who didn’t develop their preferences until later in adulthood and/or as a result of being introduced to them by others.

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Yes, well, I became a mutual gainer a few years ago myself… Notwithstanding, my opinion is that all this FA thing is mostly masochism and while it's plausible that if you're a masochist in the first place, you might over time change the symbols (weight gain, strength, high heeled shoes, money, …) that you associate with it, I'm not sure if you can make a masochist out of someone who isn't one.

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Guest Weight gain schadenfreude

It's all about managing expectations. Meeting a Miss World, making her your partner and feeding her to morbid obesity might be a sexy fantasy, but it's hardly realistic. On the other hand, women do tend to put weight at times and that's something you can relish. Also women tend to have a special relationship with food so you can toy woth that and incorporate it somehow into your common sexuality. Similary, with your help she can feel that gain makes her more feminine, or it can make her feel libarating. She could also enjoy the taboo aspect or even find it humiliating and arousing at the same time.

In the end women are people, not computer programs or robots. It's like trying to teach someone to get it on. I feel there are many people in this community who are in the so-called spectrum and are very inflexible. Find someone you like at any weight (even though that's a high ask for the inflexible set). And play. Sexuality is about play. It's not about solving a puzzle or cracking a code.

By the way, "vanilla" women might be shy or conventional, but they're still sexual, and they have their kinks. Whether they're shared by both of you or not is a different matter.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Speaking from personal experience it is difficult to meet someone who’s stereotypically “attractive” and get them to go along with feedism and enjoy it themselves. The fact that she gained 15 pounds for you alone is impressive in itself!.

I had a long distance relationship when I was about 18, She was already chubby when I met her and was pretty down with “letting herself go” as she put it.. I think it suited her because she enjoyed food and I enjoyed the results!  Sometimes I’d go weeks without seeing her and getting off the train to see her bursting out her work clothes was definitely a sight!..

Anyway, My partner now has been heavier than she currently is and she clearly wasn’t happy with it, Which isn’t great for anyone in a relationship. Fortunately this kink isn’t the be all and end all for me so her happiness comes first not matter what I’d like. Although her sister gaining over the years is a nice sideshow haha!

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On 11/15/2021 at 12:08 PM, Dietsaboteur said:

Anyway, My partner now has been heavier than she currently is and she clearly wasn’t happy with it, Which isn’t great for anyone in a relationship. Fortunately this kink isn’t the be all and end all for me so her happiness comes first not matter what I’d like. Although her sister gaining over the years is a nice sideshow haha!

Have you considered finding someone who's into the kink? I mean, your needs are just as powerful as anyone's and so why not try fulfil them…

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6 hours ago, vpprof said:

Have you considered finding someone who's into the kink? I mean, your needs are just as powerful as anyone's and so why not try fulfil them…

Yea of course, at the start at least! But it’s not the be-all and end-all for me..

As going off my previous relationship that was the only thing that kept it going for me towards the end, Which isn’t very good haha!  

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