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  • Curvage Model

So. Simple start to this;

My partner of 7 years is very vanilla. He isn’t into bdsm, or fat fetish of any kind. He loves me obviously but he isn’t like… into my belly? He isn’t against it he just… doesn’t notice it. It’s odd. He truly doesn’t have a preference for thin or fat chicks. Just likes pretty….

But I am very into bdsm & I’m trying to explore different aspects of the fetishes related to fat & food that I have…

What do I… do? Idk. I’m not even sure what I’m asking, I just want to talk about it I guess?

How do I be with someone who doesn’t have any of the kinks I do?

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A lot of women cheat, and their guy never finds out about it *shrugs*

I know because I'm that guy they try it with. I'm a virgin though cuz I'm hella sensitive and a schizoid. Pic very related. I'm not saying they're bad people. One chick said her husband is unhappy about her weight gain. Another had a short fat boyfriend. Many are just bored after the same guy for many years. The reasons are many. The point is I learned commitment is foolish, but people do it because it's hard to find.

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15 hours ago, HoneyBun_TV said:

He isn’t against it he just… doesn’t notice it. It’s odd.

The thought that struck me is, maybe he just keeps schtum about it so as not to annoy you?

 

13 hours ago, chucklehead2 said:

A lot of women cheat, and their guy never finds out about it *shrugs*

I know because I'm that guy they try it with. I'm a virgin though

Interesting. Has it crossed your mind that maybe the things that you interpret as "almost cheating" are normal expressions of interest (not necessarily romantic) that might not even end in anything sexual if you pursued them? Like, if you two ended up in bed and just when you were about to put the condom on, you said "Nah, not this time" — then granted, that's cheating. But if she just said "I want you to take me to the movies" then… well… women do be like that sometimes.

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  • Curvage Model
2 hours ago, vpprof said:

The thought that struck me is, maybe he just keeps schtum about it so as not to annoy you?

 

Interesting. Has it crossed your mind that maybe the things that you interpret as "almost cheating" are normal expressions of interest (not necessarily romantic) that might not even end in anything sexual if you pursued them? Like, if you two ended up in bed and just when you were about to put the condom on, you said "Nah, not this time" — then granted, that's cheating. But if she just said "I want you to take me to the movies" then… well… women do be like that sometimes.

These are all nice points. Specifically the first one. It actually makes a lot of sense that he would be into it but just not talk about it.

But I’m scared to ask because like……. What if he doesn’t? 

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17 hours ago, HoneyBun_TV said:

So. Simple start to this;

My partner of 7 years is very vanilla. He isn’t into bdsm, or fat fetish of any kind. He loves me obviously but he isn’t like… into my belly? He isn’t against it he just… doesn’t notice it. It’s odd. He truly doesn’t have a preference for thin or fat chicks. Just likes pretty….

But I am very into bdsm & I’m trying to explore different aspects of the fetishes related to fat & food that I have…

What do I… do? Idk. I’m not even sure what I’m asking, I just want to talk about it I guess?

How do I be with someone who doesn’t have any of the kinks I do?

I empathize a lot with this (my partner is asexual, so she's not into much of anything along these lines). I think it can work, but it takes a lot of communication and I feel like a lot of the onus is on the person with the kink to 'lead the way'.

Some ideas/questions to ask yourself:

  • The obvious one: does he actually know about these kinks, and that you're into them? Even if you've been hinting at it, don't underestimate how oblivious a lot of people are :p
    • I think this is especially the case with fat fetish stuff, because people spend their entire life being trained not to draw attention to their partner's weight - I definitely would feel awkward about doing so if it wasn't crystal clear it was okay with them!
  • What do you actually want from him? If these aren't his kinks, it's pretty likely that he'll feel a bit lost trying to figure out exactly how to satisfy them. Maybe put together a list in your head of "things you'd like him to do" (and/or "things there's a chance in hell he would do"). Then start with the small stuff and see how receptive he is.
  • Think about what stuff would be a dealbreaker for you - contrived example, if he said he wouldn't feel comfortable doing bondage stuff, could you live with that? If not, would you be able to open the relationship?

I think there's a pretty good chance he'd be open to indulging some of this stuff even if it's not something he's particularly into himself. BDSM isn't that niche a thing to be into, and it's a fairly broad spectrum, so there's probably at least some parts he'd be okay with even if there's others that are a no-go for him. And clearly he doesn't have a problem with fat girls/weight gain, otherwise he'd have been long gone :p

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17 hours ago, HoneyBun_TV said:

But I’m scared to ask because like……. What if he doesn’t? 

Well, you answer that :) What is it specifically that you fear will happen? Also, some good advice has been given in this thread already.

Also, @chucklehead2, I don't know if that was your intention but I sense strong "Chad" vibes now that reread your post 😁 good on you, bro

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2 hours ago, vpprof said:

Well, you answer that :) What is it specifically that you fear will happen? Also, some good advice has been given in this thread already.

Also, @chucklehead2, I don't know if that was your intention but I sense strong "Chad" vibes now that reread your post 😁 good on you, bro

Lol oof to that 

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