Admitting to your significant other

[gohawks13]

Told a significant other that I had a weight gain fetish and I asked if she would be down to kind of try out the fantasy in bed. She kind of got freaked out and said absolutely not. She had known that I liked bigger women but didn’t fully know that I was turned on by women who gained weight. She was currently dieting at the time and I fully supported that. I wasn’t trying to turn her into a feedee or anything and I expressed that. I just wanted to try and role play by having her wear some old clothes that she couldn’t fit in anymore and let me rub and kiss her belly while she talked about gaining weight. She definitely wasn’t cool with it…question is, did anyone have a similar reaction from their significant other? Did they ever bring it up again after a bad reaction? did that significant other eventually come around and end up willing to experiment? Just not sure if I should ever bring up the topic again or just leave it. Btw, I’m totally happy with our sex life and it’s not a deal breaker that she wasn’t into that sort of thing. Just kind of want to know what to do if anything.

[oatmeal]

Told my wife over ten years ago. She was not happy, 100% against it, called me a freak. We had several long discussions about it and she still brings it up a few times a year. She is about 50 lbs heavier now which is great but it's a doubke edged sword. She knows i love her body and has no pressure to diet. However, she also blames me for her weigh and about half of my sincere complements are written off because "i like fat people"

I'm glad she knows, it was bound to come out eventually, but it is a source of strife between us.

[gohawks13]

When I first met her she had admitted to me that she was a lot skinnier than she was at that time. I had told her when we were dating that I prefer big girls and she said “good, cuz if not we wouldn’t work out”. I thought she’d be into it after she said that. Sure enough I was wrong…opened it up all out there and she reacted like I explained above. Now we are scheduled for couples therapy..now idk if I’m supposed to admit everything to the therapist and if I do will she tell me how messed up it is that I am turned on by my wife’s weight gain? I 

[oatmeal]

Judgement is a real possibility. Cats out the bag so my advice would be to be truthful but not overly forthcoming.

Good: i like how you look now and the weight change is sexy

Bad: I fantasize about you being immobile

You have to fess up now but no sense in showing her how deep the well is if she isnt interested in drinking.

[Muckle]

I seem to have had a lot more neutral reaction than others from my now fiancée. I told her the second year of our relationship and was nervous outta my mind but she seemed very indifferent to it even saying that she already figured that I did. She made it clear that she would never intentionally gain weight and I’ve never asked her to since. We’re now in the fifth year of being together we’ll be getting married soon and we couldn’t be closer. I feel like admitting my fetish and preference has only made it easier to talk about other things in our relationship that could’ve been very difficult, and slowly more and more of my fetish has creeped into the bedroom naturally as she’s become more comfortable with it.

[Guest terranceandphillip]

I don't know.  I feel like oatmeal gives good advice.

I guess what I would say to this is that if she has curves you love, love her curves.  If you're satisfied right now with her body, that's a really good thing, and you can always make sure she knows that.  You can enjoy the reality as opposed to trying to live out a fantasy.  And from what you say, it sounds like you can, so that's great.

Of course, feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt since, although I certainly find a curvy girl attractive and find it very refreshing if she doesn't really care at all what/how much she eats, I definitely would not say I have a weight gain/feederism fetish, so I may not really understand where you're coming from.

Still, this is an interesting question, and I appreciate the discussion.  Props for being vulnerable with this.  Good luck, sir.

[Guest Jax-47]

Has anyone gotten an immediate negative reaction but eventual acceptance of the kink?

I've told two previous partners, one just gave me a flat "no" and basically never acknowledged it again for the rest of the relationship.

My other partner actually cried when I first told her about it because she took that to mean that I'm not attracted to her. She did eventually begin to put on weight as she considered it more on her own volition.

Anyways, I've been seeing my current partner for a few weeks now and she's already heavyset as it is and I think I'm going to tell her soon too, fingers crossed she can actually get into it given that she's already quite obese and loves to eat.

[gohawks13]

On 8/13/2021 at 1:08 PM, Jax-47 said:

Has anyone gotten an immediate negative reaction but eventual acceptance of the kink?

I've told two previous partners, one just gave me a flat "no" and basically never acknowledged it again for the rest of the relationship.

My other partner actually cried when I first told her about it because she took that to mean that I'm not attracted to her. She did eventually begin to put on weight as she considered it more on her own volition.

Anyways, I've been seeing my current partner for a few weeks now and she's already heavyset as it is and I think I'm going to tell her soon too, fingers crossed she can actually get into it given that she's already quite obese and loves to eat.

I definitely did from mine a week or so ago. She since has started to ask more questions about it and last night kind of opened up to me and said she would be down with putting all her weight back on but she is worried about her health. Which I said her health comes first obviously. 

[Darknessnecron]

Hello, 

sorry in advance for my bad english.

I think our fetish is like a "dark" part of us. We can't admit frankly elaborate it to our partner without take the risk to me considered as a freak like you mentionned above.

On my side, i'm 23 years old, and i am with my girlfriend for 8 years. i discovered my fetish in part because of my girlfriend. She was 80lb for 1,5 meter, so really skinny. Several mounths after i met her she told me that younger, when she was 13 years old she was skinnier but she put on 20lb in only 2 mounths cause their parents liked her to overeat given that before the puberty she barely ate nothing. 13 is young but to replace the context i just was 15 at this moment. Obviously she had already lost every pound she gained when we met. But the story was very troublesome for me. At this moment i understood that i was enticed my weight gain.

As she's very fond of food she couldn't keep her weigh that low. I've never encouraged her to eat more or to get fat but i've never want to her to give more attention to her weight that she did. I'm like a passiv feeder. I want to insist ont the term "passiv", cause i've never done anything to make her overeat. Today she's 120lb, she's chubby but i would like her to be chubbier but quickly even i'm pretty sure she will get chubbier without my help.

Once i take the risk to talk  to her about that. I just talked about the fact that i like girl who's gaining weight. I never told her that i wanted her to gain weight cause i'm pretty sure she would see me as a monster.

I think, sexually, for every fetish, it's necessary to keep that for us and to control us on that. The self-control on our impulse, our fetish, or drive is the difference between Humans and Animals. To my mind, probability to get  succesfully our partner in our impulse don't outperform the risk to destroy a beautiful relation. It's not funny. You can take pleasure on the internet but risk your relation is not worth it i think.

[Guest terranceandphillip]

On 8/15/2021 at 2:48 PM, gohawks13 said:

I definitely did from mine a week or so ago. She since has started to ask more questions about it and last night kind of opened up to me and said she would be down with putting all her weight back on but she is worried about her health. Which I said her health comes first obviously. 

@gohawks13  Glad to hear that things maybe are going a little better for you guys than from what it seemed like the other week.  Maybe a little honesty does pay off, after all . . .

I feel like as long as you put her first, you'll probably not have anything you'll need to regret.  Wish you both the best!  More power to ya, bro

[Corky]

I used to think that you needed to admit to your partner about our common fetish in the past. I used to think it was a great shame to be attracted to larger women,  weight gain, and mutual gaining. 
 

Now I can confidently say, there’s nothing to hide. Like don’t be flamboyant about your fetish and make it your identity, but if you’re attracted to your partner and their body, let them know. 
 

My ex-partner found out I was into women like her when I told her how much I loved her body and by seeing some of the accounts I follow on social media. When she asked me about the type of porn I watch, I told her. She wasn’t scared off. She stuck around and we actually gained weight together (80lbs for her, 50lbs for me) before she moved for work. 
 

Just be open with your partners, and don’t make a fantasy/fetish the focal point of your relationship. The bedroom is important, but how you communicate with each other normally is going to dictate how well you compliment each other in bed later on. 

[bangs15]

i've had 2 girlfriends that i tactfully  brought it up with. their initial reaction was "yeah- that's not happening" and then as it played around in their head, they got on board within 2 weeks.

 

my 2c

[extra_m13]

initial reaction for me has always been total rejection but... i concurr with some of the comments expressed previously in this thread. what has worked for me... its just saying that i like curves and that i find it sexy a lady who enjoys her eating and cleans the plate , enjoying life, and all there is, without worrying about looking skinny. and with time, they relax, and yes, weight gain comes more often than not, and it is a beautiful thing to witness 

[Thepenman12]

I admitted it to my girlfriend of just a few months, and she took it surprisingly well. Was into every aspect of the fetish except for the weight gain thing, but understood where I was coming from. So definitely couldn’t have gone better. 
 

I am curious how long people tend to wait before telling a partner. I like to rip off the bandaid right away, better to not waste anyone’s time. Unsure what everyone else’s opinion is on this. 

[Flabinator]

I told my now-wife very early on in our relationship after I noticed she gained weight. I was in high school, so it probably came out really offensive, but I told her that I think she's gaining weight, and that I like it. She took that pretty well and thought it was kind of amusing, but she does not like her body fat or her stomach. She puts up with it for me, but I think her weight is one of the big sources of depression for her, so it's really hard to get so much joy out something she hates to live with. If your s/o doesn't like your fetish, I don't think she ever will, but you she might tease you when she's in the right moods.

[me_uk_2k1]

I've been with my wife for nearly 20 years but I've not come out properly to her. She knows I prefer curvy girls, and if so she's honest, she knows I don't mind when she puts weight on.

However, I am 100% sure if I came out about enjoying weight gain, she would freak out, and make her more self conscious about her weight and more resistant against gaining anything in the future. And if she did, she would see it as my fault that she gained.

Everyone is different, but unfortunately I'm sure my wife would not be happier knowing. I like to fantasize that I tell her and a week later she decides to get into the kink and play up to me wearing tight clothes and eating more, but I don't think it would ever happen. And it's not important enough to ruin what we have together now.

[extra_m13]

of course it would be great to find a roxxie or a juicyjackie or a bigcutie lily or chloe or brianna, but that happens to be very rare if i am honest. 

[Guest ahorsewithnoname]

On 8/4/2021 at 11:30 AM, oatmeal said:

Told my wife over ten years ago. She was not happy, 100% against it, called me a freak. We had several long discussions about it and she still brings it up a few times a year. She is about 50 lbs heavier now which is great but it's a doubke edged sword. She knows i love her body and has no pressure to diet. However, she also blames me for her weigh and about half of my sincere complements are written off because "i like fat people"

I'm glad she knows, it was bound to come out eventually, but it is a source of strife between us.

Oatmeal does give very good advice here and in his other post.

And they're probably more resilient than me, because if my wife called me a freak after I let the cat out of the bag...I probably would have not been able to exist anymore. 

I strongly agree with the "let this cat out of the bag a little at a time" crowd. If you're like me and already have guilt over just the pure existence of your kink, then you don't want to expose all of it at once. And to clarify, the guilt isn't over strictly liking larger women or anything like that, I'm never embarrassed to have dated larger women or anything like that. To me, I overthink it and haven't fully been able to contain feeling guilty over the inherent influence you have over someone who loves you finding out about a kink they may not share. I've definitely been susceptible to liking stuff a partner has liked in the past only to realize later that I guess I wasn't all that into it but i was into the relationship. Since this kink isn't great for your partner's health, and my partner found out after we already knew we loved each other, I'll never know if they're ever okay with it because they just are or if it's because they love me and their judgment is clouded.

To anyone else who may be like this, I advise that you share this kink with someone before they ever know or say they love you. If they continue with the relationship after knowing and before they're too emotionally attached, then (to me) there's a strong level of conscious, uninfluenced consent. 

If they find out after they've become emotionally attached- well, we all know that humans engage in a lot of self-protective behavior. And the thing with weight gain is its insidiously slow nature sometimes. And given that 90% of dieters gain it all back eventually, every pound past their previous highest ever weight is one more pound that's likely to bring friends back to the party if they ever diet. So, they might engage with the kink out of love, put on a lot of weight, realize they want out, and now their life is somewhat forever changed.

Now...could you ever believe that people occasionally say I overthink things? Crazy, right?

[Thepenman12]

22 hours ago, ahorsewithnoname said:

Oatmeal does give very good advice here and in his other post.

And they're probably more resilient than me, because if my wife called me a freak after I let the cat out of the bag...I probably would have not been able to exist anymore. 

I strongly agree with the "let this cat out of the bag a little at a time" crowd. If you're like me and already have guilt over just the pure existence of your kink, then you don't want to expose all of it at once. And to clarify, the guilt isn't over strictly liking larger women or anything like that, I'm never embarrassed to have dated larger women or anything like that. To me, I overthink it and haven't fully been able to contain feeling guilty over the inherent influence you have over someone who loves you finding out about a kink they may not share. I've definitely been susceptible to liking stuff a partner has liked in the past only to realize later that I guess I wasn't all that into it but i was into the relationship. Since this kink isn't great for your partner's health, and my partner found out after we already knew we loved each other, I'll never know if they're ever okay with it because they just are or if it's because they love me and their judgment is clouded.

To anyone else who may be like this, I advise that you share this kink with someone before they ever know or say they love you. If they continue with the relationship after knowing and before they're too emotionally attached, then (to me) there's a strong level of conscious, uninfluenced consent. 

If they find out after they've become emotionally attached- well, we all know that humans engage in a lot of self-protective behavior. And the thing with weight gain is its insidiously slow nature sometimes. And given that 90% of dieters gain it all back eventually, every pound past their previous highest ever weight is one more pound that's likely to bring friends back to the party if they ever diet. So, they might engage with the kink out of love, put on a lot of weight, realize they want out, and now their life is somewhat forever changed.

Now...could you ever believe that people occasionally say I overthink things? Crazy, right?

You make a really good point, and it’s something I’ve tried to reveal relatively early on in relationships for that exact reason. If they’re still into you after you’ve told them, then I think you’re in a good spot.

[Guest LikeEmThicc2]

As others have said there are much smoother ways to go about it than saying “I'm a fat admirer". Like 95%+ of women, even if they're already fat, aren't trying to hear that. Say you love her curves, kiss her rolls or belly during sex, if she already has a good appetite, suggest certain foods she likes. Basically reassure her she's beautiful at her size or a few pounds bigger, but diving right into "yeah, I want you to get fat" is a recipe for disaster. Unfortunately shows like 600 pound life exist, and for a lot of women any suggestion of being part of this community turns into "so you want to feed me till I'm bedridden" which obviously a lot of us don't, but that's what they'll think.

Suggest things without being pushy, at the end of the day, you can't make someone change their body, or guilt them into it, so make a decision if you still love them, and are attracted to them, even if they never gain a pound

[gohawks13]

Little update, since I last posted the subject hasn’t really come up but she has definitely put on some weight these last few months. She orders cookies about twice a week as well. Our bedroom life has improved as she’s gotten way more comfortable. Seems like things are looking positive 

[Number21]

That's great! Keep us updated and let us know how it goes!

[hgee]

This creates so much stress in my life, but I'm constantly getting better at managing it. My wife found out by discovering a poorly hidden weight gain fetish video in the early years of marriage.  She was not happy and got the vibe I was some secret deviant.  I feel like she has never trusted me in the same way since.  It's frustrating because as any good therapist will tell you, you don't choose fetishes or kinks. You can't change them to something more mainstream if you just try harder.  It's not your fault society doesn't accept them as "normal" (unless of course they happen to be something that harms others or God forbid, involves minors)

You'd think these days when we're supposedly more empathetic to and tolerant of the differences of others, it would be more accepted. But, I have to keep in mind how engrained it is in western society that gaining weight is a big time sin, and that the individual should see it as one of the biggest indicators you've failed as a person if it happens to you (especially woman) . 

Maybe as we get farther along in the fat acceptance movement, acceptance of our fetish will also become more  tolerated?

[gohawks13]

So more updates. Wife has been putting on more weight and she threw this at me earlier today…asked me if I truly wanted her to get fat. I asked her what she thought about it and she said she’s unsure how big she’d want to get but if I truly was attracted to her when she’s larger then she would be a lot happier letting herself go. Was caught off guard so was unsure how to respond. Just told her I want her to feel beautiful no matter what she decides and she admitted she’s sick of dieting and being worried about her figure. 

[gohawks13]

I’m honestly thinking about just laying it all out there again and just telling her that I love her no matter what but I’m so turned on when she gains weight and that I really want to make weight gain part of our sex life. It back fired the first time but idk if I should just keep quiet about it or not especially since she’s started gaining it all back.