how to love my body

[wholelottarosie]

Hi! I'm 19. I've not liked my body really ever. I remember hating my thighs as age 12 and telling my dad i want liposuction on them. I've also been bullied my whole life for it in school n all. I'm also very interested in the 60s including the models/fashion, and i feel bad when i see no fat girls who were models and how most 60s clothes (actual ones you can buy online, not remakes) doesn't have my messurements. Also, i hate being the joke in the movies/tv. like married with children. I love this site bc it shows there's guys who like me. But i still feel bad about being fat. any tips?

[vpprof]

People here are very welcoming and will give you lots of good word no doubt but if you really want an honest, scientifically proven answer, then you need to learn the psychology behind the problems you talk about. 

The main issue is that our fantastic brains are very good at solving things but also equally good at obscuring things. So we invent superficially plausible reasons for our actions and beliefs, reasons that show us in a good light and that we're fond of, but the real reasons remain hidden. 

Problems with self-hate in any form or intensity indicate other emotional problems. With authority figures, with egodystonic qualities of one's character (egodystonic = "I hate this fact about myself but won't talk about it"), with relationship styles. These emotional problems manifest in a variety of different ways in different people, for instance, in myself they manifest as hypochondria. Years ago I'd run from one doctor's office to another to "finally" get the "correct" diagnosis for all my diarrheas, skin rashes, bouts of everyday vomiting, fevers etc. Now that I'm more experienced than I used to be, whenever I get these symptoms, I carefully go over the last few days and try to discern the thing that unnerved me. Works like a charm but you have to have mastered the skills. That's why people work with professionals (psychologists). It looks something like this, actually if you have the time, I encourage you to watch the video. 

What would your dad say to your idea?

[wholelottarosie]

12 minutes ago, vpprof said:

People here are very welcoming and will give you lots of good word no doubt but if you really want an honest, scientifically proven answer, then you need to learn the psychology behind the problems you talk about. 

The main issue is that our fantastic brains are very good at solving things but also equally good at obscuring things. So we invent superficially plausible reasons for our actions and beliefs, reasons that show us in a good light and that we're fond of, but the real reasons remain hidden. 

Problems with self-hate in any form or intensity indicate other emotional problems. With authority figures, with egodystonic qualities of one's character (egodystonic = "I hate this fact about myself but won't talk about it"), with relationship styles. These emotional problems manifest in a variety of different ways in different people, for instance, in myself they manifest as hypochondria. Years ago I'd run from one doctor's office to another to "finally" get the "correct" diagnosis for all my diarrheas, skin rashes, bouts of everyday vomiting, fevers etc. Now that I'm more experienced than I used to be, whenever I get these symptoms, I carefully go over the last few days and try to discern the thing that unnerved me. Works like a charm but you have to have mastered the skills. That's why people work with professionals (psychologists). It looks something like this, actually if you have the time, I encourage you to watch the video. 

What would your dad say to your idea?

He wasn't okay with it and said he'd rather we excersize together.

[vpprof]

And has he convinced you?

[wholelottarosie]

14 minutes ago, vpprof said:

And has he convinced you?

no, not really. i like being pudgy, but it swings. i'll feel okay with myself, and then i'll look at a skinny girl or a old ad with a skinny girl in it or something bodyshaming. Something that makes me kind of sad is that if you search fat cringe on yt you get tons of results but if you search skinny/anorexia cringe you get nothing.

[extra_m13]

i am sure that you are beautiful, life is to be lived and enjoyed, that is all i have to say for now

[wholelottarosie]

1 minute ago, extra_m13 said:

i am sure that you are beautiful, life is to be lived and enjoyed, that is all i have to say for now

i'll try. This site is a confidence booster for sure. thank you!

[extra_m13]

sure! we are here to celebrate curves and beauty ! 

[dania201]

I’m sorry hun. Growing up fat can be one of the hardest things in the world for a teenager. I always felt like it was the hardest kind of “othering” to experience in that people feel like they can *blame you* for the fact you’re different. It can be a mindfuck!!
 

I know what you mean by the love-hate relationship with fat. One the one hand it’s beautiful, feminine, and part of your identity. On the other hand, it is the source of so much shame, unacceptance , and phobia. 
 

I think that one of the huge things for me was to realize that fat people don’t really get thin, and that SO MANY people waste their entire lives trying. There is so much I can do with the energy and focus I would otherwise be putting into (failed) dieting. 

[chunkylover58]

On 7/13/2021 at 5:46 PM, wholelottarosie said:

Hi! I'm 19. I've not liked my body really ever. I remember hating my thighs as age 12 and telling my dad i want liposuction on them. I've also been bullied my whole life for it in school n all. I'm also very interested in the 60s including the models/fashion, and i feel bad when i see no fat girls who were models and how most 60s clothes (actual ones you can buy online, not remakes) doesn't have my messurements. Also, i hate being the joke in the movies/tv. like married with children. I love this site bc it shows there's guys who like me. But i still feel bad about being fat. any tips?

Well, the 60's and Married With Children were a much different time.

Don't forget that confidence is sexy. Do things that make you feel good about yourself

[vpprof]

On 7/14/2021 at 2:38 AM, wholelottarosie said:

Something that makes me kind of sad is that if you search fat cringe on yt you get tons of results but if you search skinny/anorexia cringe you get nothing.

I'll admit to you, that I often search for things which will make me feel bad, like the world / culture / society is unjust towards me. And if I don't find anything, I search until I find it. Why do you think we like to prove to ourselves that we're being mistreated by people?

[Guest high]

Authority figures and popular culture largely thrive on being judgemental and dictating to people what's hot and what's not, what's acceptable and what's not. 

Instead, give your mind and well being a break from everyday negativity and immerse yourself in the thriving online community of pro-acceptance, like here. 

So what if you have big thighs? We love them here and wouldn't mind one bit if you had those extra snacks and they got bigger. 

We appreciate you and your curves.

[PhatCat]

People will like you exactly the way you are. We love all body types around here, and there are people all over the world who like your body.

If you really don't like your body, it can be difficult for others to like it. There are some tricks that can help. If you can afford to, buy clothes you like. Wearing the right clothes can help you feel better about yourself. Wear a supportive bra. Get underwear that makes you feel sexy (it comes in all sizes). Wear fitted clothes, not baggy clothes. Wear your favorite colors and designs. Don't be afraid to go swimming in a real bikini that lets your belly hang out. Let your hair down. Having good posture is key.

And if you can't love your body after all that, try to forget about your body. I find that wearing clothes that I love or clothes that my girlfriend finds sexy makes me feel a lot better about myself. If you want to feel sexy, clothes that are sexy help even if you don't think your body is sexy.

I understand how it can be difficult to find old clothes online that fit you. My girlfriend likes vintage clothes too, and she's only just skinny fat. But she's just a little too tall and a little too thick for most of the old clothes. There were clothes for heavier people back then, but they seem to have been worn more and got worn out.