Need Help Expanding this Story

[Guest progressive_dude]

I came here in hopes of getting feedback/help in writing this story. I'm looking to collaborate with others to expand this concept I have for a story. I posted what I have so far. 

I want help cleaning it up grammatically, but also plot-wise. In a nutshell, I want the two main characters, Maria and Bianca, to gain weight (through magic) in order to become more popular on IG. The reason they decide to do this? Maria sees that her current posts (thirst traps) on IG aren't garnering the same amount of likes that they used to. And, she sees that a plus-size model posting similar content to hers gets way more likes and better reception. I want this to be the character's motivation for transforming themselves into 500+ pound versions of themselves. They're seeking clout and sponsorships from plus-size clothing brands. I also wanted them to find out that Bianca's grandmother accidentally made the transformation permanent. This could be a complication/plot device in the story. The two girls have to grapple with staying morbidly obese forever. And they have to live their young lives as 500+ pound women, and all that that entails. I'm not the best at in-text dialogue. If you know how to present dialogue between characters in the correct manner, feel free to chime in with your corrections. 

Any help/feedback is surely welcome and appreciated. Feel free to DM me if you want to collaborate on this further. OR comment below with suggestions and/or advice.

The Instagram Models: by progressive_dude

It was a late night for Maria. She was in bed, scrolling through her Instagram notifications. Lately, she had been in a bit of a rut. Maria noticed that her content wasn’t getting the same amount of likes that it used to. She’d regularly post thirst traps on Instagram, but they seemed to be getting less attention lately. Her usual bikini pic at the beach wasn’t garnering the same attention as before.

 

Maria decided to search on Instagram to see what her “competition” was like. She noticed that a lot of other girls were doing to the same thing as her. She realized quickly that her content was quite ubiquitous on the site.

 

While Maria searched for other girls in bikinis, she came across something different. It was a post unlike any other she’d encountered. It was that of a larger woman wearing a two-piece bikini. Maria was a little surprised and shocked that a girl of that size would have the confidence to show all of her “features.” Maria was intrigued. She didn’t know what to make of this woman’s confidence.

 

Maria was mesmerized and couldn’t look away from this bikini-clad woman. The woman in question had to be around 350 pounds and no more than 5’5 feet tall. She was quite bottom heavy, carrying all her weight in her stomach, hips and thighs. The woman was a tan brunette Latina, much like Maria.

 

When Maria clicked to see the comments and likes, she saw something typical on Instagram, thirsty guys posting thirsty comments. But, she also noticed a lot of other women posting encouraging comments. It was at this moment that Maria came up with a crazy idea: what if she re-invented herself as a plus-size model? Maria chuckled at the idea. How would she even get that big to begin with? Would she just eat a bunch of food everyday until she looked like that mysterious woman?

 

Maria shrugged the idea off and began getting ready for bed. She smiled right before falling asleep.

 

When she woke up, Maria again checked her phone to see how many notifications she had gotten. Still less than normal. Maria decided to check out the page of the fat girl she had been looking at last night. Maria clicked on her account and saw that she had more than double the number of followers as her, over one million. Maria looked at some of her other photos and noticed a pattern. This woman, whose name was Eva, posted similar content to Maria, but had way more likes and followers.

 

Maria needed advice. So, she decided to contact her fellow Instagram influencer/model friend, Bianca. Maria texted Bianca, “hey have you gotten any new followers on IG lately?” Bianca responded about two minutes later, “not really. My IG has been super dry lately.” It was at this moment that Maria called Bianca to speak to her directly.

 

When Bianca picked up, Maria cut straight to the chase, “hey B, I noticed this big girl on IG getting way more likes and followers than us. She posts the same kind of stuff as us, but more people seem into her stuff. Let me send you a link to her page.” Maria sent a link to Eva’s page via text.

 

Bianca paused to get a good look at the photos. She audibly gasped. Maria responded, “I know, right? She’s also sponsored by plus-sized clothing brands and stuff. I guess being fat is where the money’s at.” There was a noticeable pause from both women. Bianca broke the silence, “What if we were big like her? Maybe we could get sponsored by those same brands, too.” Maria responded, “but how are we gonna get that big? It’s not like we can just magically get fat.” “But we can. And I know how.” Interjected Bianca.

 

Maria raised one eyebrow at the idea of actually getting fat. “Wait. What?” Responded Maria. “How?” Bianca excited said, “I’ll show you later. Just come over to my place. It’s pretty cool, actually.”

 

Maria wondered what Bianca could be referring to. She was anticipating that Bianca was just messing with her. Maria began heading downstairs to her car. She was legitimately curious what her friend meant on the phone.

 

Maria arrived at Bianca’s home. Bianca still lived with her extended family, including her grandmother. Maria arrived at the front door. And before she could even knock, the door opened. Bianca was on the other side. She seemed excited. Maria entered the house and followed her friend. Bianca led Maria into the kitchen. Maria laughed, “I think I know what you’re trying to say. We better get eating then.”

Bianca gave Maria a puzzled look. Bianca responded, “no girl. Remember I told you my abuela (grandmother) practices brujeria (witchcraft)? She’s gonna help us.” Maria looked over to Bianca’s grandmother, who was standing next to her in the kitchen. “My abuela made this potion for us to take when we’re ready to get fat. She says that it’s an old recipe passed down the generations from our ancestors in Mexico.”

 

Maria looked skeptical for a second. But, she had seen magic in the past by Bianca’s abuela. Maria looked over onto the countertop. She saw two glass cups with bubbling liquid inside of them. “How big will we get,” Maria asked. Bianca looked over to her abuela. Her grandmother responded to her in Spanish. Bianca looked at Maria and hesitated for a second, “she says anywhere from 450-550 pounds. She said she brought out the scale so we’ll know how big we are.”

 

Maria’s jaw almost dropped. She couldn’t picture herself being that size. Maria looked over into the living room and saw a scale and full-body mirror placed there for them. “But what about our clothes? I don’t want to be fat as fuck and completely naked!” Bianca’s grandmother told Bianca something in Spanish again. “My abuela said that our clothes will transform with us. She says that whatever we’re wearing will expand to match our size.” Both girls were dressed rather casually. Maria was wearing a white crop top and black leggings with sneakers. Bianca was wearing a pink, striped maxi dress with a denim jacket and heels. The two girls looked at each other’s outfits.

 

Bianca’s abuela pointed at the two glasses full of potion. She was suggesting that the two girls hurry it up. Maria and Bianca looked at each other, and in unison said, “who’s gonna go first?” Maria again looked at the cups, “we can drink them at the same time I guess?”  Maria grabbed her cup, then Bianca grabbed hers. Maria raised the glass to her lips, and Bianca did the same. The two finished the potion at approximately the same time. Maria looked at Bianca once again and said, “huh, I don’t feel any different. How long is it supposed to take?” As Maria finished that statement, she found herself surrounded by a puff of thick fog. Her vision also grew hazy, and she began to feel lightheaded.

 

Seconds later, she began to regain her vision. She noticed the fog had cleared. She was not expecting what she saw next. It was Bianca, only she was extremely fat. Bianca’s outfit was doing her new figure no favors. Her arms looked absolutely massive in that denim jacket. And her ass looked gargantuan in her striped maxi dress. Maria could tell that Bianca’s stomach was pressing up against the fabric of the dress. “wow B, you got huge. I wonder how much you weigh.” Bianca turned her massive self toward Maria and said, “you’re one to talk. You should go see yourself in the mirror.” Maria’s heart dropped. Was she actually ready to see her new form in the mirror?

 

Maria began waddling her way towards the living room. She felt different. Her gait, once graceful and light, had been replaced by slow, labored steps. Her leggings get tighter all around, but especially around her waist and her rear. As she approached the full-length mirror, she noticed that it was too narrow to fully show her new physique. She was now too wide. The first thing Maria focused in on was her torso. She saw that her boobs had grown considerably, but nowhere near as large as her belly. Her belly now hung below her sex area and onto her lower thighs. The lower fold sat right above her fat knees. Maria noticed that now her butt jutted out at least half a foot. It looked almost exaggerated on her 5’4 form.

 

Bianca snuck up behind Maria. “Jesus B, you scared me.” Bianca chuckled. “How could I scare you if you can hear the floor creaking every time I walk? You look pretty huge Maria, not gonna lie.” Maria turned around her large form, which now took a lot longer than before. “Are you still wearing heels, B? Weren’t you wearing some before?” Bianca, as if to answer, lifted up the bottom of her tight maxi dress to reveal reinforced high heels.

 

Bianca checked herself out in the mirror. She put her fat hand on her belly, and on her booty. She seemed quite impressed by her transformation. “I wonder who’s bigger now. You’re like two inches taller than me, so maybe you?” Bianca said. Maria looked down at the scale on the floor, “only one way to find out.” Bianca waddled her way onto the scale. “I can’t see the numbers cuz my belly is too huge.” There was a slight pause. Then, the scale read out her weight, “523.5 pounds.” “Damn. Maria I wonder how big you are. I can’t believe I weigh that much.” Bianca stepped off the scale. Maria made her way toward the machine. She tapped it to reset it. Then she got onto it. Both girls fell silent. The scale read out loud, “531.67 pounds.” Maria gasped. She didn’t even know such a weight was possible. “My God! I’m so huge. I don’t even know what to say.”

 

Bianca looked directly at Maria and said, “we should start new Instagram accounts now. Then we should post bikini pics like this.” Maria thought for a second. Then she said, “well that was the entire reason we did this in the first place. So, let’s do it.” Maria grabbed her iPhone from the table. She noticed that the phone wouldn’t unlock with the normal face detection. She had to put in her passcode. This proved more difficult due to her fattened up fingers. Maria began making a new Instagram account. She looked over at Bianca and asked, “what should I put for the name? Should I use a different name for my fat self?” Bianca thought for a second. Maria had a lightbulb moment and said, “Maria is a common name. I’ll just use that. But I won’t use my last name. Simple.” Maria and Bianca created their new “fat accounts” on Instagram.

 

Maria had an idea: what if she recreated some of her more popular IG posts, including the bikini pics at the beach or by the pool? She thought that this could garner her some attention right out of the gate. She had just one problem, she didn’t own any bikinis in her new size. Maria looked over to her friend, “B, we need to get new outfits to fit our new bodies. Where should we go?”

[FatPrincess]

Revise to focus more on the weight gain and drag it out for many chapters. What you have is more of the set-up to a lifestyle story. You've skipped over the mediocre sex and pregnancy; just jumped right into raising the baby. 

How about tying the magic into popularity and envy? E.G. "Why does that thicktok thot get more likes than me? I should have a larger presence than her!" Then as she gets her normal likes she gets a little fatter. Each day her average increases exponentially until she's the same size/likes as the lady she first envied their popularity but the day after... shoots right on by, fatter and more popular. 

Character progression something like arrogant(confidence) -> denial(body image) -> acceptance(plus-size) -> arrogance/grandiosity(sponcers&paid promotions) -> really scared(reduced mobility). End it however you like; she's got enough clout now to monetize.