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My moral reckoning


Guest Dave1431010

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Guest Dave1431010

This is going to be a lot of venting. If anyone reads this and thinks I’m a bad person, I would encourage you to just move on with your day without commenting. I’m in a somewhat unstable place right now and I’m really just seeking support from here. This will be a confession of sorts.
 

So for a long time, I’ve had a habit of texting girls about weight gain. I would often talk with girls about dad bods/mom bods, quarantine weight gain, college weight gain, etc. Of course, we were just having normal conversations, but I was getting arousal out of it. I’d talk a lot about eating a lot, and ask them about times they’d eaten a lot, or I’d find ways to bring up the topic of weight gain, and we’d talk about all that stuff. Sometimes I would compare bloated bellies with girls, to see which one of us had the bigger tummy. 
 

Maybe it sounds silly, but I’m really starting to feel awful about this. I feel fucking awful about the fact that I’ve had so many conversations where I was extremely aroused and they didn’t know it. It just feels gross and unfair. And I didn’t think it was wrong for a really long time, in fact I don’t think I thought about it much at all. 
 

But recently it’s been a major focal point in my life. I’m trying to come to terms with it. It’s hard, because it’s not something I feel like I could apologize for, without ruining my life and many friendships. And I would come off like a goddamn creep. Which I’m starting to realize I was. But I really don’t want to be. I want to be a fully good person. 
 

I wanna make it clear that I’ve never sent any unsolicited pictures of my body to anyone, I’ve never asked for nudes from any of these people—the conservations were limited to the topic of weight gain. They weren’t sexual. Or rather, they weren’t sexual in appearance. To me, they were sexual. And that’s why I feel so bad. To be having a conversation with a friend who thinks they’re just talking to you, but you’re turned on and trying to get your “jollies” from talking to them.. it’s a bad thing. I don’t feel good about this. 
 

I guess if anyone has any ideas about how I can move forward, I would appreciate it. This is such a hard topic to talk about.. I think this is the only place I feel safe doing it. I would talk to a therapist about it, but I think the embarrassment of being honest about my fetish would be overwhelming. If you guys could offer any kind of support, I would really appreciate it.

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I dunno how you deal with guilt. Maybe you could talk to a therapist but keep the specific fetish vague. I did stuff like that when I was a teenager, but I'm pretty sure my friends knew it was sexual. People make mistakes and learn and grow. It is ok to feel bad about how you acted.

Moving forward doesn't have to be complicated. You just stop doing it and be careful about getting consent in the future.

There are camgirls who will do this stuff for money, and of course you should look on dating sites for girls who are into this.

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Guest Dave1431010
13 minutes ago, hiro said:

I dunno how you deal with guilt. Maybe you could talk to a therapist but keep the specific fetish vague. I did stuff like that when I was a teenager, but I'm pretty sure my friends knew it was sexual. People make mistakes and learn and grow. It is ok to feel bad about how you acted.

Moving forward doesn't have to be complicated. You just stop doing it and be careful about getting consent in the future.

There are camgirls who will do this stuff for money, and of course you should look on dating sites for girls who are into this.

What was it like when you texted your friends, and how do you know they knew it was sexual?

 

for me, I always just act like I love eating a lot of food and talking about food. And I talk a lot about “quarantine weight gain.” And I think I became pretty good at coming off as normal, since normal people talk about that stuff all the time. I just was hiding the fact that I was secretly turned on by it.

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This is a strange situation: you did something wrong, repeatedly, for a very long time, however apologizing now is the worst thing you can do. If the women you took advantage of truly had no idea of your true intentions, letting them know can only make them feel used and manipulated. Hell, if these were outwardly innocuous conversations, these people probably don't even remember it.

As far as coping with this going forward, it sounds like you are on the right path. You've looked at your past actions, you feel remorse, and you want to change. How you change is another matter.

Unless there is a compulsive aspect to your behavior (i.e. you don't feel that you can stop yourself from doing this again) I don't believe therapy is required. I would recommend:

  • Be more open about your sexuality and fetish(es) when appropriate. 
    • You like fat women. It's not a big deal, and people will get over it.
  • Seek sexual fulfillment in healthier ways (go on a date!)
  • Talk with like-minded people here or on one of the many other fat fetish sites to provide you another outlet for these urges. 
    • Be careful who you associate with though--not everyone puts the same emphasis on ethics.

Lastly, if you find yourself in a similar situation again, one where you are withholding information that puts the other person at a disadvantage, either tell the truth or change the topic. The latter is the better choice in most cases.

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Guest Dave1431010
4 hours ago, Blunderbusty said:

This is a strange situation: you did something wrong, repeatedly, for a very long time, however apologizing now is the worst thing you can do. If the women you took advantage of truly had no idea of your true intentions, letting them know can only make them feel used and manipulated. Hell, if these were outwardly innocuous conversations, these people probably don't even remember it.

As far as coping with this going forward, it sounds like you are on the right path. You've looked at your past actions, you feel remorse, and you want to change. How you change is another matter.

Unless there is a compulsive aspect to your behavior (i.e. you don't feel that you can stop yourself from doing this again) I don't believe therapy is required. I would recommend:

  • Be more open about your sexuality and fetish(es) when appropriate. 
    • You like fat women. It's not a big deal, and people will get over it.
  • Seek sexual fulfillment in healthier ways (go on a date!)
  • Talk with like-minded people here or on one of the many other fat fetish sites to provide you another outlet for these urges. 
    • Be careful who you associate with though--not everyone puts the same emphasis on ethics.

Lastly, if you find yourself in a similar situation again, one where you are withholding information that puts the other person at a disadvantage, either tell the truth or change the topic. The latter is the better choice in most cases.

This is a really great reply. I’m glad I stopped doing this young.. I’m 20 years old right now, and I had done this stuff throughout my teenage years, never stopping to think it was wrong. When I got tinder when I turned 18, I did it a lot. So many times that I don’t remember. I’d just strike up conversations about weight gain and try to bring up that topic as much as possible. But I also did this with girls in my life, friends. I feel really disgusting about those most of all. Obviously I can’t explain to them what I did wrong, or apologize straightforward, but I made a list of all the people I had done this with, and now I’m going to talk to them about other things, and really try to strike a genuine interest in their personality and see them as people, not just some kind of weight gain AI that I can talk to.

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Honestly I think it's quite harmless?

It reminds me of one time when I was on a date having an intellectual conversation with a girl and she got visibly turned on (face flushing). In the moment I didn't know what was happening but I realized afterwards she's probably sapiosexual. She probably wanted to drive the conversation that way

Do I feel like she exploited me? Not at all, how can you be angry with someone for just conversing?

And hey if she liked it that much, I thought it was quite cute.. because I liked her

Why not go on some dates with curvy/chubby girls?

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Commensalism is fine (you're enamored, she feels normal), especially nowadays when people want to get offended for just chatting/DM's but still want your money.  Hopefully she lets you know if you get carried away so you can have time to back off, rather than accuse you at the slightest inconvenience/profit, and get you in trouble with third parties, as I've experienced. Does sadden me how much people want to enable repressing these desires; you're not a pedobear like EDP nor want them to go into morbid obesity levels where they need help wiping their stinky ass.  I'll DM you to ask about art as that can be fine to observe/talk about too, and not have these downsides.

On 4/23/2021 at 2:27 AM, hiro said:

There are camgirls who will do this stuff for money, and of course you should look on dating sites for girls who are into this.

They don't want to be messaged between my 2 links below; though their tip counter/content says otherwise; also check for ghosting gaps and don't bother with entitlement.

 

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Can't say I go out of my way to start conversations like these, and I'd probably come across as a creep if I did, but there have been countless times where a girl mentioned something directly or indirectly related to their own weight or other girls' weight and I found it quite arousing, but there's no precision scale precise enough to measure how little it bothers me.

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