"Shaming" issues

[Dr. Feeder]

Many fear gaining weight because of possible social consequences. If you've experienced such fear, what are you worried about exactly?

1. your appearance
2. that people will think you're a glutton
3. that people will think you're weak and undisciplined
4. that you'll have trouble finding/maintaining a relationship
5. other
6. some combination of the above.

Please share any relevant details.

[vpprof]

"People" in general I can deal with, it's my parents that obstruct the way. I cannot stand the thought of being humiliated by them. Deep down in my mind, I'm still five I guess.

[extra_m13]

probably, weak, undisciplined, there is always something, buying clothes, feeling out of breath in regular situations

[ellebelle88]

Honestly I generally have no concerns about my appearance.  I get that most people think differently, but I don't worry about my appearance when I gain weight because I like how I look. I feel freer and happier when I'm not trying to make my body small when it's meant to be big. I'm just worried about being treated poorly by fat phobic people, receiving subpar medical care from providers who hate fat people, having the majority of cis men literally  treat me like I'm invisible and not worthy of their respect because they don't deem me "fuckable", the list goes on and on. Really just want to live in a remote cabin somewhere and not deal with most of humanity and get as fat as my heart desires ❤️. 

[BellyAcheKitten]

On 3/25/2021 at 2:03 PM, vpprof said:

"People" in general I can deal with, it's my parents that obstruct the way. I cannot stand the thought of being humiliated by them. Deep down in my mind, I'm still five I guess.

God i had this issue for years with my parents. Mind you my parent's relationship is like unhealthy to put it lightly. but i would always get mocked by both sides of the family for the minor things (mom's side was just horrible), so add my mental health issues and dad's horrible health record and i will still have moments where i think to myself "you're turning to a fat ugly duckling of the family" and all that shit.

 

so yeah i understand the pain there

[Guest gorJESS]

I’m going with 5.

For me it’s the open ridicule that has been simply accepted by society of fat people, and has been for a long time.

I do think we’re making progress and are more body-positive than ever before, but even today, casually joking about someone being fat isn’t looked at as “hateful”, the way joking about someone’s gender identity for example, is looked at nowadays. Like it’s become less and less acceptable to joke about someone’s sexual orientation/identification (which is good), yet I was watching some stand up comedy recently that was full of fat jokes.

Hearing it made me wonder how fat I really want to get.

Another example is that show Ridiculousness. Big fan of the show, but I’ve noticed that when there’s a big girl in a clip, it’s always “Big Karen” or “Big something”, always some reference to her size. They can’t play a clip with a big girl in it without Rob pointing out that the girl is big.

And hearing that makes me wonder how fat I want to get.

It’s that widespread acceptance of fat shaming that still exists, for me.

 

[Dr. Feeder]

2 hours ago, gorJESS said:

> It’s that widespread acceptance of fat shaming that still exists, for me.

Interesting. So it's not even the fat-shaming itself that bothers you, but the fact that people don't object to it more? 

 

[Dr. Feeder]

On 3/30/2021 at 2:10 PM, ellebelle88 said:

Really just want to live in a remote cabin somewhere and not deal with most of humanity and get as fat as my heart desires ❤️. 

Ha! I get it. I actually wrote a story once about a country where women were legally required to be fat.

[Guest ssbbwfeederKING]

3 hours ago, gorJESS said:

I’m going with 5.

For me it’s the open ridicule that has been simply accepted by society of fat people, and has been for a long time.

I do think we’re making progress and are more body-positive than ever before, but even today, casually joking about someone being fat isn’t looked at as “hateful”, the way joking about someone’s gender identity for example, is looked at nowadays. Like it’s become less and less acceptable to joke about someone’s sexual orientation/identification (which is good), yet I was watching some stand up comedy recently that was full of fat jokes.

Hearing it made me wonder how fat I really want to get.

Another example is that show Ridiculousness. Big fan of the show, but I’ve noticed that when there’s a big girl in a clip, it’s always “Big Karen” or “Big something”, always some reference to her size. They can’t play a clip with a big girl in it without Rob pointing out that the girl is big.

And hearing that makes me wonder how fat I want to get.

It’s that widespread acceptance of fat shaming that still exists, for me.

 

@gorJESS I hate to read that your questioning how fat you want to become but I get it with the shaming in today’s society that is just a part of it which sucks but at some point you just have to not let people affect you like that because as much as people will shame you for your beautiful fatness this amazing community of people will always be there supporting your wonderful growth and gains and will always love you girl. With your beauty as well any dude who shamed big girls got with you and experienced you stuffing yourself and got to touch your belly etc. you could probably turn any guy around going from shaming to actually now wanting you to get even bigger;) and I think you could probably do that girl. One more thing that might help is there is this country in Africa, Mauritiana where women are purposely force fed to get as fat as possible before marriage if only that was in America that would work like a charm. Hope any of that encouragement helps my love I would hate to see you not continue to gain just so you know. But I hope you have a blessed day girl and keep that belly replumping with those megastuffings and rather than thinking of the shamers think of me rubbing your belly encouraging you to gain more. 😍

[Guest gorJESS]

On 5/18/2022 at 1:47 PM, Dr. Feeder said:

Interesting. So it's not even the fat-shaming itself that bothers you, but the fact that people don't object to it more? 

Kind of. In a perfect world there would be no fat-shaming, but in this world it just exists. And yeah I guess I’m annoyed that fat-shaming isn’t objected to the way other things are. You can get arrested for hate crimes nowadays for saying certain words to certain people. But I don’t think you get arrested for calling someone a fatass or whatever. 🤷‍♀️

[wdyw]

I think you're missing an option OP and that's health concerns 

[Wendy CLIPS]

"You are not free until you have no need to impress anybody."

I came across this quote on Tumblr today. I thought I've never read anything more truthful, then I read this post here on Curvage.
I believe that regardless of everything that has been written the real power lies in the person feeling free to be themselves. 
This doesn't necessarily mean gaining weight, losing weight, but also staying as you are. Often it is our parents or those closest to us who would like us to be different. But the important thing is that we must do what makes us happy always. Give the kink the right space. I don't think (don't hold it against the feeder) inciting a world where everyone is fat is desirable, honestly. It would be nice if one were free from the urge of pleasing others necessarily. For both the skinny and the fat. Free to be oneself. Maybe this isn't the right forum to talk about it, but I think everyone should be free to do what they want with their bodies and not give a damn about other people's comments. (I also don't like it when feeders insist on uncontrolled weight gain, they are not the ones who should decide on other people's bodies.)

[Dr. Feeder]

On 5/20/2022 at 1:36 AM, Wendy said:

I believe that regardless of everything that has been written the real power lies in the person feeling free to be themselves. 
This doesn't necessarily mean gaining weight, losing weight, but also staying as you are. Often it is our parents or those closest to us who would like us to be different. But the important thing is that we must do what makes us happy always. Give the kink the right space. I don't think (don't hold it against the feeder) inciting a world where everyone is fat is desirable, honestly. It would be nice if one were free from the urge of pleasing others necessarily. For both the skinny and the fat. Free to be oneself. Maybe this isn't the right forum to talk about it, but I think everyone should be free to do what they want with their bodies and not give a damn about other people's comments. (I also don't like it when feeders insist on uncontrolled weight gain, they are not the ones who should decide on other people's bodies.)

You hear this ethos a lot, that we shouldn't care what others think, that our own gratification is all that matters. But we're social creatures and we do care and should care what others think. Civil society is impossible otherwise. 

Sure maybe it would be better in some ways to be like mountain lions and only get together to mate. But that would be tossing out a lot of the best parts of being human. It's not for me.

 

 

[PhatCat]

The main thing that I think stopping my fiancee from gaining is the need to buy more clothes. She's much thinner than the rest of her family, so she doesn't need to worry about hearing them complain, and I think anyone she knows would not shame her for gaining weight. She's already gained enough that half of her clothes (clothes that she loves dearly) do not fit her. She knows that she could gain a lot of weight and still have a hot body, as she was 60 pounds heavier when she was younger and got loads of attention for her curves. The cost of replacing a wardrobe is considerable, especially since she likes nice clothes. If I could afford to replace her clothes whenever she grew out of them, I think she would let herself go.

But the other thing stopping her from gaining a lot is that she feels that a woman should not be heavier than their partner. She would feel ashamed if she weighed more than I weigh, even though it wouldn't both me at all. I'm about 20 pounds heavier than she is, so that's her ceiling. I don't want to gain weight, but her not weighing more than me is something I can deal with.

[M93]

9 hours ago, PhatCat said:

But the other thing stopping her from gaining a lot is that she feels that a woman should not be heavier than their partner. She would feel ashamed if she weighed more than I weigh, even though it wouldn't both me at all. I'm about 20 pounds heavier than she is, so that's her ceiling. I don't want to gain weight, but her not weighing more than me is something I can deal with.

This is an aspect that is never mentioned but it is very common I think. My girlfriend also told me that she would never want to weigh more than me

[Wendy CLIPS]

12 hours ago, Dr. Feeder said:

You hear this ethos a lot, that we shouldn't care what others think, that our own gratification is all that matters. But we're social creatures and we do care and should care what others think. Civil society is impossible otherwise. 

Sure maybe it would be better in some ways to be like mountain lions and only get together to mate. But that would be tossing out a lot of the best parts of being human. It's not for me.

 

 

I never said that the judgement of others doesn't exist, I simply believe that in general those who only judge people by outward appearance (too fat, too thin, too tall, too short) are not a great company. That doesn't mean that either you're with people who assess your looks or you're on your own, I know several people who love me regardless of how much I weigh or what I look like and for me it's the same thing. In any case I wouldn't want to be with someone who only judges me on the outside regardless of whether they think. 

Edited May 22, 2022 by Wendy