Is it possible to push this fetish aside?

[Guest tumlover]

I'm recently single again and keen to meet someone new.

I'm aware (from experience) how rare it is to find a girl who's either into the fetish, or chill enough to gain weight.

Usually the fetish in't necessary for arousal when i first start dating someone new, but as the months go by, I start to feel the urge to start fattening them up.

I guess I'm just frustrated at how I can't seem to push past my desires and be sexually interested long term without being able to indulge in the fetish.

Do you guys have any experience with this? is it possible?

[bill343]

Honestly sites like this and other social media platforms catered to this aren’t gonna be your best bet unless they or you are willing to relocate. I’ve had more success with dating local thicker curvy women letting them get comfortable and spoiling/letting them indulge. You’d be surprised what women will do or buy into once they really like/love you. 

[Guest tumlover]

53 minutes ago, bill343 said:

Honestly sites like this and other social media platforms catered to this aren’t gonna be your best bet unless they or you are willing to relocate. I’ve had more success with dating local thicker curvy women letting them get comfortable and spoiling/letting them indulge. You’d be surprised what women will do or buy into once they really like/love you. 

I completely agree, and that's what I've done in the past. It definitely works better than you'd expect, but it never usually lasts and eventually they wanna lose weight, which I can't blame them for. 

[bill343]

34 minutes ago, tumlover said:

I completely agree, and that's what I've done in the past. It definitely works better than you'd expect, but it never usually lasts and eventually they wanna lose weight, which I can't blame them for. 

I’ve never had the issue of it lasting but then again I’m not into the whole gaining until immobility thing. My relationships ended because of other reasons. You also have to look at how the body positively movement and other factors have caused more dudes/women to be open about this so the competition is much harder 

[Guest tumlover]

3 minutes ago, bill343 said:

I’ve never had the issue of it lasting but then again I’m not into the whole gaining until immobility thing. My relationships ended because of other reasons. You also have to look at how the body positively movement and other factors have caused more dudes/women to be open about this so the competition is much harder 

Yeah I'm not into immobility either. I prefer just making a slimmer girl chubby. But usually if they start gaining weight, it's a turn off if they stop. I think I'd just need someone who's content with staying rather chubby. 

But yeah the body positivity movement is definitely in our favour 

[extra_m13]

oh, push this fetish aside? i do not think that is possible. so if you are on the look for a new partner, better filter the fatty ones first, and go after them. no point in going after a fitness junkie that will only give you big headaches in the following months and you will still be aroud looking for the beautiful bbw and ssbbw that we have on curvage

[IG-89]

Honestly if you like skinny girls that get chubby then you should just lean into the yo-yo. She gains weight, loses it, gains it again and so on. You get to enjoy your favorite part over and over again. Sure the losing weight time sucks, but the inevitable regain, watching he slowly slip back into her bad habits, softening and thickening, is worth the wait.

My wife used to be thick, then got proper fat after a couple of years, lost a ton of weight and got super thin (for her body type) and then slowly gained it all back, lost some again, then has come roaring back! She’s pushing if not over 250 now and it’s been the greatest rollercoaster of my life!

[vpprof]

On 3/16/2021 at 1:15 AM, tumlover said:

I guess I'm just frustrated at how I can't seem to push past my desires and be sexually interested long term without being able to indulge in the fetish.

That is because, as I have already said in another thread, this fetish is a way of dealing with emotions, not strictly a preference for a particular body type.

Yes, it is possible, through psychotherapy, to attain enough insight to satisfy your emotional needs in a non-fetishistic way. I'm seeing this happening to me, although I'm still not quite where I'd like to be.

[Guest tumlover]

5 hours ago, vpprof said:

That is because, as I have already said in another thread, this fetish is a way of dealing with emotions, not strictly a preference for a particular body type.

Yes, it is possible, through psychotherapy, to attain enough insight to satisfy your emotional needs in a non-fetishistic way. I'm seeing this happening to me, although I'm still not quite where I'd like to be.

how exactly is it about dealing with emotions? I'm very curious. This whole fetish is a mystery to me sometimes

[vpprof]

1 hour ago, tumlover said:

how exactly is it about dealing with emotions? I'm very curious. This whole fetish is a mystery to me sometimes

Fat body is subconsciously associated with motherly and nurturing qualities. In the notorious documentary "Fat Girls and Feeders" you can see Mark at the end resting his head on Gina's fat hips, very much like a child would do with their mother. The emotions at play are fear of being deserted by the mother / guardian and a need for an intimate relation with them. 

The same emotion makes feeding so appealing. If I'm feeding you, you need me → you will not abandon me. These are neurotic personality traits, amenable to therapy.

[vpprof]

On 3/18/2021 at 6:21 PM, IG-89 said:

Honestly if you like skinny girls that get chubby then you should just lean into the yo-yo. She gains weight, loses it, gains it again and so on. You get to enjoy your favorite part over and over again. Sure the losing weight time sucks, but the inevitable regain, watching he slowly slip back into her bad habits, softening and thickening, is worth the wait.

My wife used to be thick, then got proper fat after a couple of years, lost a ton of weight and got super thin (for her body type) and then slowly gained it all back, lost some again, then has come roaring back! She’s pushing if not over 250 now and it’s been the greatest rollercoaster of my life!

Can't help but ask, do you ask her what she feels about this yoyo effect?

[Guest tumlover]

2 hours ago, vpprof said:

Fat body is subconsciously associated with motherly and nurturing qualities. In the notorious documentary "Fat Girls and Feeders" you can see Mark at the end resting his head on Gina's fat hips, very much like a child would do with their mother. The emotions at play are fear of being deserted by the mother / guardian and a need for an intimate relation with them. 

The same emotion makes feeding so appealing. If I'm feeding you, you need me → you will not abandon me. These are neurotic personality traits, amenable to therapy.

that's interesting. Can't really identify with that explanation, but I'm guessing all us feeders have varying aspects of the fetish.

[vpprof]

These mechanisms are mostly subconscious. Nobody identifies with them prima facie

[You have a gut]

15 hours ago, vpprof said:

Fat body is subconsciously associated with motherly and nurturing qualities. In the notorious documentary "Fat Girls and Feeders" you can see Mark at the end resting his head on Gina's fat hips, very much like a child would do with their mother. The emotions at play are fear of being deserted by the mother / guardian and a need for an intimate relation with them. 

The same emotion makes feeding so appealing. If I'm feeding you, you need me → you will not abandon me. These are neurotic personality traits, amenable to therapy.

You can't make generalizations. Both feeders and feedess can come from very different places. For isntance, in my case this tendency is part of a dom-sub dynamics, even though in my case it's usually a very playful one.

[vpprof]

14 hours ago, You have a gut said:

For isntance, in my case this tendency is part of a dom-sub dynamics

Of course, caregiving is often assertion of dominance. How many machos are out there, "caring" for their "little babes"… Or political leaders of countries sinking under the burden of the pandemic and yet "helping" "poorer" countries. It's a trick as old as the world itself.

[thadrou90]

On 3/26/2021 at 10:57 AM, You have a gut said:

You can't make generalizations. Both feeders and feedess can come from very different places. For isntance, in my case this tendency is part of a dom-sub dynamics, even though in my case it's usually a very playful one.

This is where I fall on the matter. I used to think of fat fetishism like it was one, undifferentiated thing, but nowadays I think the fat as an erotic object is sort of a floating signifier onto which many sexual feelings and practices can attach. For a lot of people, I think feedism is a form of BDSM, and even that gets further differentiated (e.g., you can be a dominant feedee or a submissive feedee). For others (and I think Reenaye Starr said this in an interview at some point), it's a way of processing and owning trauma one's experienced in a fatphobic world. I'm sure there are a ton of other corners of human sexuality that manifest in the form of a fat fetish, too. It's a complex and variegated thing.

As for sloughing it off, I tend to think that's not a worthwhile thing to pursue. Sexuality is fluid, and what turns people on definitely evolves over time, though all else equal I think people get more set in their ways as they age. If you're 30 or 40 and a lifelong FA, I doubt there's much you can do about it. But also, it's better to be honest with yourself and with your partners about what you're into. Sexual partners are rarely perfectly aligned, and sexual relationships almost always involve some form of compromise. Better than that dissatisfaction, deceit, repression, or resentment.

[Bella Abbondanza CLIPS]

Just my two rather late cents: I fought against this fetish for years. I never had a sexuality that wasn’t feedism based, but I also never told a soul what I liked for many years of dating. I just closed my eyes and imagined what I needed, or just faked it tbh. I learned to be an extremely giving lover and read peoples bodies well, and it’s not like I’m not turned on by other things too, so like you say, for a few months I could convince myself that maybe this one would be able to snap me out of my problem. It never worked. Dating and finding partners who are into the same thing is hard, but the payoff when you meet someone you actually like and can actually be yourself with, and they can too, they’re living their dream, it’s worth it. 
“If you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will set you free. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what is within you will destroy you.” 

[Guest DWilliams1]

51 minutes ago, Bella Abbondanza said:

Just my two rather late cents: I fought against this fetish for years. I never had a sexuality that wasn’t feedism based, but I also never told a soul what I liked for many years of dating. I just closed my eyes and imagined what I needed, or just faked it tbh. I learned to be an extremely giving lover and read peoples bodies well, and it’s not like I’m not turned on by other things too, so like you say, for a few months I could convince myself that maybe this one would be able to snap me out of my problem. It never worked. Dating and finding partners who are into the same thing is hard, but the payoff when you meet someone you actually like and can actually be yourself with, and they can too, they’re living their dream, it’s worth it. 
“If you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will set you free. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what is within you will destroy you.” 

So much agree with all of this. I had the desire for food, being/liking fat, and an ardent passion for indulgence since long before I knew there was a name for it. I struggled all of my life with the stigma, extreme negativity from fat phobic friends and family,  and constantly being told “not to eat this or that”...sometimes even publicly and it was humiliating.
 

So for years, I tried in vain to fit in, (although it never worked). For some reason or another (but mostly weight related), I was the square peg that couldn’t be hammered into the round hole. 
 

Along with this, as I grew up, I also realised I had a strong preference for fatter women. I would also be talking about food all the time, cooking and experimenting with recipes, trying different meals (which only made me fatter). 

Secretly, I enjoyed the gain and the food that went along with it. But due to ever increasing negativity, I tried several diets...but that never worked. My passion for food just couldn’t be contained.

So, eventually and quite accidentally, I found my way to the old Dimensions boards, the FA communities, and eventually more places... where I had an epiphany of sorts. There were numerous people whose stories and experiences matched exactly with mine.

I finally realised this was me, and I found where I belonged.

I was thrilled, and in my early 20s, I finally found the courage to become who I always wanted to be. Ended up beginning an experimental gain...both alone, and later with my former girlfriend who came from a similar family background, and found that she shared my passion to a great extent. 
 

We both allowed ourselves to surrender to our combined passions of cooking, eating, indulging one another, and we both ended up gaining quite a bit in the time we were together. It was an awesome experience...not only extremely exciting...but also an intimacy like no other when you can really share all of yourself with someone you love without holding back. 
 

For unrelated reasons, we drifted apart, sadly...but I continue to hope I can have the pleasure again, someday, of finding someone to share that “completeness” again. I don’t want or desire a relationship based solely on this passion, of course, but I need the “whole package” if that makes sense.
 

So, yes, I can completely relate to your feelings and thank you for the inspiring post. It really spoke to me, and to many others who will read it I’m sure.

[Bella Abbondanza CLIPS]

6 minutes ago, DWilliams1 said:

We both allowed ourselves to surrender to our combined passions of cooking, eating, indulging one another, and we both ended up gaining quite a bit in the time we were together. It was an awesome experience...not only extremely exciting...but also an intimacy like no other when you can really share all of yourself with someone you love without holding back. 
 

This is so beautiful to read, and I identify with that so hard! 

[Guest DWilliams1]

2 minutes ago, Bella Abbondanza said:

This is so beautiful to read, and I identify with that so hard! 

Thank you!! Needless to say, those like you, whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting in this community are a great inspiration as I continue my journey. 

I love this lifestyle, and because of places like these, have embraced my passions fully. 

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 
 

 

[vpprof]

8 hours ago, DWilliams1 said:

We both allowed ourselves to surrender to our combined passions of cooking, eating, indulging one another, and we both ended up gaining quite a bit in the time we were together. It was an awesome experience...not only extremely exciting...but also an intimacy like no other when you can really share all of yourself with someone you love without holding back. 
 

For unrelated reasons, we drifted apart, sadly...

OK

8 hours ago, DWilliams1 said:

but I continue to hope I can have the pleasure again, someday, of finding someone to share that “completeness” again.

I'll just say, all my relationships before therapy were centered around me becoming "unity" with my partner and terror of separation. Also, volumes have been written about dysfunctional relationships, including but not limited to violent ones, ones involving substance dependency etc., and a prominent feature of these is the lack of boundaries and this toxic "unity of souls". Many parallels there, the differences (such as that in my relatioships there was no physical violence) being superficial.

At the expense of popularity, I'll say that people often equate something "feeling good" with something actually "being good" for you. 

People diet for years with no effects. That doesn't mean losing weight is impossible, though. They're just not receiving the advice they should be receiving — or they don't put in the effort to understand their situation and where they err.

[Guest DWilliams1]

Well, at the expense of disagreeing a bit...I think it all depends upon a balance of all things in life, and so do relationships. Which is why, as has always been my feelings, I have never “based” a relationship on a shared passion alone, however strong.

However, when I use the words “complete” and “unity”...there are some things in a relationship that you cannot compromise on. It’s not all about sharing passions, or “feeling good”, but about being able to share your heart with another person, being able to “get” and understand each other, and having a mutual sense of shared values. In addition, you must have a common direction of what you both want out of life in general.

So in short, having a unity with someone isn’t always “toxic”, but can be a beautiful thing when kept in the right perspective.

 

[BlubberyGut]

I'd say yes but I'm into a lot of different fetishes so maybe that lessens my opinion a bit idk. But as long as I find you attractive enough and can vibe with you, I can really live without any fetishes in the relationship if it gets to that point. I like bigger women of course but I've also been into skinny women. If she doesn't want to gain weight and never does then that's fine with me. I'm not going to try to convince her to eat more if she shows no interest in it. The connection is a lot more important to me than the fetish, and I could always just watch stuff online if I really have to satisfy an unreachable fetish.

[KFD]

Fetish?!?! Fuck that fucking F word!

Okay, quick anecdote. When I was in the military, in my wild and single days all my buddies would fight to go to the club or bar with me. Why? They would willingly jump on the grenade for me, and take one for the team by taking care of that beautiful woman's smaller friends.

See what I did there?

Nowhere did I mention size, except for her friends. While society might think I'm taking one for the team by taking the big girl, I had a profound realization that what others thought of my preference was meaningless to me. So, my buddies would willingly take the girls I had no interest in. Sure, they are pretty, but just not my thing. I PREFER women of a different size. It's not a deciding factor (see my ex wife). Your definition of what everyone's definition of beautiful is might not be the same, and that's okay. 

You find someone that makes your heart flutter, time stop, and everyone else is second to them. That's what matters. How well do you guys get along?

Fetish is humping a midget with a bicycle riding polar bears dick. A fetish is a perception of a sexual preference not being validated by others.

You don't marry or have children with a fetish. 

You marry a beautiful woman who ticks the wickets, you would prefer her to be a certain size, but that's not the most interesting thing about her...

I swear, I've said this in a pinned thread somewhere... 🤔

[vpprof]

18 hours ago, KFD said:

You don't marry or have children with a fetish. 

You marry a beautiful woman who ticks the wickets, you would prefer her to be a certain size, but that's not the most interesting thing about her...

That's a very good point, KFD, and I daresay I would be among those buddies that came to the bar along with you.  And, I suppose those were Japanese girls that you guys would pick up, right? Finding a really nicely filled out Japanese, now that's a feat! 👍🏻

On top of the above ↑, I'd say, just ask your partner about her opinions or desires, try to empathize with them, put yourself into their shoes once in a while. Someone in another thread wrote it didn't even cross his mind that his partner might genuinely have the fetish/kink/whatever, rather than just try to attune herself to his fantasies. Really? A burning question that comes to mind is, "How often do you actually try to see things through her eyes??"