Worries about future relationships and being exposed publically as a FA

[H12222]

Hey everyone!

I keep having fears that because of my fetish for feeding and fattening up other people that I’ll struggle to get into future relationships with people who may not share the same fantasy.

I don’t know if this is normal to think but I worry that people I’m speaking to and feeding now will put a burden on future relationships if I get outed or exposed as a FA, truthfully I don’t think I’d want a relationship involving my fetish.

is there anyone else who shares the same fears or has any advice?

thank you guys!

[bellyluvr]

I suppose I had some of the same fears at one point, like what if people figure out why my girlfriend keeps getting fatter? What if they learn the truth that I'm telling her to stuff her face? What would they think? Honestly nobody ever really said anything about it to me or my ex girlfriend that gained 200 lbs during our relationship. 

Things did get a little weird when my ex girlfriend told one of our friends (who is now my wife) that I was encouraging her to get fatter, that's why she was so big, etc. I didn't even realize her and my ex had that conversation until probably a year later when my ex and I had split up and I bad begun dating my wife. My wife actually opened up to me that she was concerned that she would never be big enough for me because there was no way she could ever be the size of my ex. She told me about the conversation they had and I got extremely embarrassed. I basically told my wife that she was beautiful just the way she was and that I liked the curvy shape that she had. 

Well fast forward 7 years, wife and I have been together since 2014, married since 2018, and my wife is about 30-40 pounds heavier than when we met.

So I guess in the end my ex outing me as a feeder/FA didn't damage my relationship with my wife, and knowing what she knows about me, it's allowed my wife to relax about her weight and eat what she wants. It's worked out for the best I think. Even though we don't ever discuss her weight, it's understood between us that her getting too fat isn't a concern. So my wife enjoys herself eating what she wants, and I enjoy having a chubby wife. 

[Guest BHMZach]

don’t bother yourself with what other people think.. if everyone bothered themselves with what other people think, nothing would be done ever. 

[archangel62]

I've definitely worried. It's caused issues in some of my relationships - I've opened up sooner or later about what I'm into, at least to some extent. I've found it quickly becomes "my fault" if they gain weight. I'm definitely a bad influence, but several exs have joined gyms and I've supported them etc. So that's one downfall. On the plus side, it was a fantastic part of at least one, possibly two relationships.

In terms of it "coming out", I just soften it (bad pun) and casually mention that I like curvier girls. Anyone that laughs isn't worth being friends with. We're in a wonderful age where people can like just about whatever they want, be whoever they want, and kink-shaming is very not cool. I think it's my duty to other FAs, and to body image as a whole, to be at least somewhat open and honest about what I like. If I pretend to love skinny girls and find curves gross, I'm part of the problem, in my mind at least. But I had to start small, to a few of my best friends. Now I just let it roll off the tongue and people have very little to say about it.

[vpprof]

4 hours ago, archangel62 said:

it quickly becomes "my fault" if they gain weight

No, it isn't, because

1. every person is responsible for themselves
2. that means every person has the right to decide for themselves
3. that means nobody can force anything upon somebody else
4. as a corollary, if you two don't agree on matters over which only one has the decisive power (such as their own body), you better split up.

  

4 hours ago, archangel62 said:

I think it's my duty to other FAs, and to body image as a whole, to be at least somewhat open and honest about what I like.

Duty to yourself. Not others.

[bobcatbobcatbobcat]

I was publically exposed as an FA (without me knowing), in a small quite traditional community, and nothing bad happened. Lots of goods things might have happened, if I'd understood what was going on.

It started with an ex sharing the contents of my laptop with absolutely everyone in an attempt to humiliate me. Most people ignored it and no one told me this had happened until years later. If people thought worse of me because of it, they never shared that judgment with me. But everyone knew.

From that point on, every female that I was close to teased me with FA related stuff, or generally felt very open in sharing their kinks with me. Because I was quite young, shy and inexperienced, and thought it was a secret, this teasing made me panic and I would close up. I've been in a few relationships with people who knew I was an FA, but were quite slim. It didn't cause an issue.

Looking back, I now realise everyone has their little private world of kinks and oddities. Among my friends, sex is generally an embarrassing and slightly taboo topic, but it's generally acknowledged that it happens and everyone has their own kinks and that's fine as long as no one is too brazen about it. The tiny number of people who would shame someone for being an FA are just looking for a reason to be an arsehole, and if they didn't know you were an FA would find some other reason to be an arsehole. The vast majority of people are just relieved that other people are as weird as them inside.

In short, don't worry about it!

 

 

[Guest BHMZach]

as both a person who has gained weight and a person who has dated xlarge women I can tell you nothing you’re thinking about will happen if you decide to do it, at most people will find it humorous. 

[WhoDat]

On 3/29/2021 at 11:31 AM, vpprof said:

No, it isn't, because

1. every person is responsible for themselves
2. that means every person has the right to decide for themselves
3. that means nobody can force anything upon somebody else
4. as a corollary, if you two don't agree on matters over which only one has the decisive power (such as their own body), you better split up.

  

Duty to yourself. Not others.

Had to throw this in:

"That is her problem, not mine! Just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs. Some Chinaman took them from me in Korea! But I went out and achieved anyway. I cannot solve your problem, sir. Only you can."

[vpprof]

No idea what the movie reference is, but I like it! 👍🏻

[Bmo94494]

4 hours ago, vpprof said:

No idea what the movie reference is, but I like it! 👍🏻

The Big Lebowski. Really funny movie! Would reccomend.