Resentful of people who don’t appreciate curves...among other things...

[PreyToGod]

Prelude: 

None of us are morally superior to people who only likes girls that are stick thin. 

We’re not here because we support girls at any size, we’re here because we like girls who are bigger, whether that’s having a bit of a bell like in my case or being 600lbs.

...

But with that said I find myself getting resentful about a lot.

Resentful of friends who openly admit to liking thin girls and causally criticising chubby/fatter girls.

Resentful of friends who complain that their gf or date or whatever has gained weight or was chubbier than they expected as though it’s the worst quality someone can have.

 

But theres more..

Resentful of how many women seem to believe that every single man would prefer them to have the body of a fitness model 

Resentful of all the inspirational posts on social media where girls go from being normal sized to having a 6 pack with muscle and veins and tone and stuff 

Resentful of how a photo of a girl pinching her stomach is seen as being so courageous on social media 

Resentful of how until relatively recently curves and weight were seen as symbols of fertility and widely considered sexy.

Resentful that nearly everyone else seems to be able to gratify themselves with regular sex while for me that feels like it’s lacking 

Resentful of myself for not trying harder to overcome this fetish (actually more of an orientation) and how it literally promote unhealthiness and greed 

Resentful to myself for wanting to overcome it 

 

How do you deal with these feelings? 

[Guest You have a belly]

In the middle of an obesity epidemic with a side serving of confinement pounds it's a bigger struggle to find a thin girl than an overweight girl or curvy girl. That's certainly the case if you live in a Western Anglosphere country like I imagine you do. So I guess if your friends complain of girls gaining weight it's because objectively they have more reasons to complain than you do. Six packs are definitely an exception in the real world. Forget Rubens' paintings; you never had it so good. Obesity was much less prevalent in his day than it is today. Why become bitter about the thin minority when you have a smörgasbord of fatties of different sizes to choose from? It's like being Jeff Bezos and growing bitter and miserable because you don't own Google.

[extra_m13]

i think the only reasonable way is trying not to be any of those. not easy or natural for all but that is the best we can do in my humble opinion

[chubbybutt22]

I mean this in the absolute nicest way possible. Maybe try therapy. I’ve found it very helpful. 

[PreyToGod]

19 hours ago, You have a belly said:

In the middle of an obesity epidemic with a side serving of confinement pounds it's a bigger struggle to find a thin girl than an overweight girl or curvy girl. That's certainly the case if you live in a Western Anglosphere country like I imagine you do. So I guess if your friends complain of girls gaining weight it's because objectively they have more reasons to complain than you do. Six packs are definitely an exception in the real world. Forget Rubens' paintings; you never had it so good. Obesity was much less prevalent in his day than it is today. Why become bitter about the thin minority when you have a smörgasbord of fatties of different sizes to choose from? It's like being Jeff Bezos and growing bitter and miserable because you don't own Google.

1. In Western Australia I’d say 70% of girls are relatively thin and fit and 99.99% of girls feel bad about not being thin and fit

2. Based on all the girls on my social feeds the average girl here has lost some weight during the lockdowns, because there’s been a huge health conscious movement and everyone was posting their home workouts and healthy meals. 
 

3. I’m not into big girls only really bellies so that makes things a million times more tricky because very few people have that body type 

4. I agree though it’s easier to meet people today and I’m not trying to glorify history, it’s just tough when your preference is the exact opposite of what society is pressuring people to look like. I can’t see bellies ever being accepted like fat asses/boobs sort of are 

5. I need to quit my whinging 

 

 

[PreyToGod]

8 hours ago, chubbybutt22 said:

I mean this in the absolute nicest way possible. Maybe try therapy. I’ve found it very helpful. 

I have a therapist but I’ve never discussed my sexuality with him, because I wasn doubtful that he could offer much help, but I think it has a way broader impact only life so it seems like I’m leaving out a major piece of the puzzle by doing so 

[Guest You have a belly]

10 hours ago, PreyToGod said:

3. I’m not into big girls only really bellies so that makes things a million times more tricky because very few people have that body type 

If you mean girls who only have a fat belly but are thin elsewhere I guess you're stuck with overweight "apples" who have not become obese yet. According to a study about 40 per cent of white American women are apples or rectangles as opposed to pears or hourglass. I imagine percentages must be similar in Australia.

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4. I agree though it’s easier to meet people today and I’m not trying to glorify history, it’s just tough when your preference is the exact opposite of what society is pressuring people to look like. I can’t see bellies ever being accepted like fat asses/boobs sort of are 5.

You're right about that. bellies are still more taboo than hips and booties. But we're getting there. 

[PreyToGod]

1 hour ago, You have a belly said:

If you mean girls who only have a fat belly but are thin elsewhere I guess you're stuck with overweight "apples" who have not become obese yet. According to a study about 40 per cent of white American women are apples or rectangles as opposed to pears or hourglass. I imagine percentages must be similar in Australia.

You're right about that. bellies are still more taboo than hips and booties. But we're getting there. 

I’ve been to America a few times but I definitely didn’t see that. 
certainly more chubby than in Australia though.

It seems that a lot of latinas and Indians take on that body shape naturally... maybe I’ll have to adjust where I’m looking one day lol

I think it’s because bellies are pure fat, you can’t disguise it as being muscle or big boned etc so they’re sort of the best benchmark of what sort of shape somebody is in. 
That’s probably also why I find them sexier from a fat appreciation angle, they’re one area where girls can’t “cheat” I guess.

I like to think we’re getting there but idk if we are.

I do know that there are ladies out there who would enjoy having a fit guy appreciate a body type which has always been the object of embarrassment and ridicule you know

 

[Joliat]

Interesting post.

I grew up pre-internet. There was a certain loneliness to being FA back then, because you couldn't easily access FA communities, or BBW erotica, very easily. I didn't even know it existed, actually. All I knew was that my tastes were not the norm. I was a shy person to begin with, and this made me self-conscious and furtive about my own desires. I didn't talk about them with friends, or anyone.

I used to be jealous of non-FAs because their basic body-type preferences (God knows what fetishes they held in secret) were normalized as universal. TV, movies, magazines...thin babes were everywhere in popular media. The only women I saw who I found hot were real-life people and I was generally too shy or awkward to make a move. I didn't get to enjoy casual erotica or even pornography the way many of my fellow young males did. I worried about being weird, a freak.

I don't think I ever tipped over into seething resentment of it all, however, as you have. And it's obvious to me that this is a MUCH better time to be FA than ever before. "Thick" is in, and more importantly you can find sites like this in a flash.

Still, what you are manifesting is a response to marginalization. Your tastes and preferences and sexual identity are marginalized. My own response to this reality has been to pursue my own course - once I grew more confident, I dated and eventually married BBW/SSBBWs. I didn't make a "cause" out of it or announce my preferences to the world. I just did what I wanted.

But your more outraged approach also has validity: properly channeled, it can help to bring about change.

I would encourage you to direct your anger into "fat acceptance" politics.

 

 

[Guest You have a belly]

15 hours ago, PreyToGod said:

It seems that a lot of latinas and Indians take on that body shape naturally... maybe I’ll have to adjust where I’m looking one day lol

I would say white women are prone to that shape too except Mediterranean women. That's why black people  make fun of white women because they have no ass. East Asian women too. Although they tend to be thin due to the Asian diet, when you transplant them to Anglo countries they often become chubby apples due to the fast food diet.

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I think it’s because bellies are pure fat, you can’t disguise it as being muscle or big boned etc so they’re sort of the best benchmark of what sort of shape somebody is in. 
That’s probably also why I find them sexier from a fat appreciation angle, they’re one area where girls can’t “cheat” I guess.

Yeah, I love them for the same reason. That's why I love double chins too.

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I do know that there are ladies out there who would enjoy having a fit guy appreciate a body type which has always been the object of embarrassment and ridicule you know.

I'm fit and my girlfriend, although conventionally attractive, is a natural apple and when she puts on weight (like now) it goes to her midsection. Although she's not a gainer or a feedee I show my appreciation for her body and even make gentle fun of it and she loves it. 

 

[Guest You have a belly]

9 hours ago, Joliat said:

I used to be jealous of non-FAs because their basic body-type preferences (God knows what fetishes they held in secret) were normalized as universal. TV, movies, magazines...thin babes were everywhere in popular media. The only women I saw who I found hot were real-life people and I was generally too shy or awkward to make a move. I didn't get to enjoy casual erotica or even pornography the way many of my fellow young males did. I worried about being weird, a freak.

But it was you, not society. You're actually admitting that there were many real life women who fit your tastes, while your friends had to settle for 2D women in TV, movies and magazines, because they couldn't get those "perfect babes" in real life. You would also have been too shy to approach if you liked thin girls.

[Joliat]

10 hours ago, You have a belly said:

But it was you, not society. You're actually admitting that there were many real life women who fit your tastes, while your friends had to settle for 2D women in TV, movies and magazines, because they couldn't get those "perfect babes" in real life. You would also have been too shy to approach if you liked thin girls.

Sure, I would have been shy with thin women as well. The difference would have been the absence of the additional complication of feeling like a misfit in my preferences.

In fact, I am not admitting that my "normie" friends had to 'settle for 2D women." There were plenty of thin gals around too.

Anyhow, my point is more that being FA means that one's sexual preferences are marginalized. I don't see how it is possible to dispute that.

The path I settled on - tending my own garden, pursuing my preference without making a public issue out of it - is one path that people with marginalized orientations can take. But for those like the OP who burn with resentment at the fact of this marginalization, I'm suggesting that activism may be a productive outlet for all that frustration. Get involved with organizations and movements that seek to promulgate social change to make the world more accepting of fat people and those who love them. Turn that private resentment into a force for public good.

[vpprof]

@PreyToGod I don't think any of this resentment has to do with your fetish and the reasons for this resentment given by you are — in my opinion — rationalisations made ex post. First is the feeling, then comes the story.

I'm very resentful too, like other men and women who have had issues with anxiety. Again, only group therapy can give you this insight, as I was saying in the other thread of yours.

My best bet as to the reason for the resentment is what I was trying to steer you towards in the other thread. I don't know if it's true but basically deep inside I have this feeling that I'm worthless / crap / defective / powerless / not fit for life's challenges. I don't agree with this but at the same time I bombard myself with gloomy interpretations of normal everyday phenomena. So I try to prove them wrong to myself. I get angry at things. Anger projection is a very simple mechanism, which exists in animals too.

[vpprof]

OK, I think I have a clue. This passage from Women Who Love Too Much gave me a hint:

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This kind of charge—the sparks, the chemistry, the drive to be with that other person and to make it work—are not present to the same degree in healthier, more satisfying relationships, because they do not embody all the possibilities for settling old accounts and for prevailing over what was once overwhelming. It is this thrilling possibility of righting old wrongs, winning lost love, and gaining withheld approval that, for women who love too much, is the unconscious chemistry behind falling in love.

Sure, the details are a little different but the mechanism is the same. In this resentment, you just want to settle old scores between you and the forces (people, rules etc.) that subjugated you long ago.

I know I wrote that your resentment doesn't have anything to do with the fetish, and what I meant was that the fetish is not the cause of the resentment. It is however, a symptom. With the help of the fetish, you relive situations from the past, which now have a symbolic representation. That's my opinion.