Girlfriend losing weight and its ruining our relationship

[sirchadwick]

Hey everyone, 

New here but wondering if you could give me any advice. My girl and I have been together for about 3 years, when we first got together she was around 220, exactly my type and totally beautiful. Lately she has been stressed and working a lot and has been eating a lot less, she has lost a ton of weight and I’m starting to feel less attracted to her. All of her friends are saying she looks great, her big stomach is almost completely flat now, her legs are getting smaller, she now has a body thats becoming more conventionally “attractive” and thin which I am just not attracted to. She keeps saying she’s still fat and I’m saying she absolutely isn’t. She refuses to tell me her weight anymore but I’m assuming its in the mid 100s now. I attached a pic below, am I crazy? I do care for her but I’m just not attracted as she keeps getting smaller. 

[Guest chubby encourager]

Well first off, does she know that you prefer her bigger? She should definitely know that. If she already does and she wants to lose weight, then I think you should be supportive of that because it's her body. Because no one should stay unhappy with themselves for someone else. You could make her feel really comfortable with being bigger, but sometimes there's nothing you can do and she'll want to lose it anyway. If you really aren't attracted to her anymore, then the relationship might not work. But it depends on you and your situation.

You also said she was stressed, so maybe helping her relieve that stress before you have a conversation with her might help.

I hope it goes well for you.

[extra_m13]

complicated situation indeed, better to come out clean earlier so she at least knows what is happening when you complain. at this point,,, it may be inevitable to say it all and try to find a solution. one solution could be to part ways of course. 

[NikkiMaialina CLIPS]

On 10/17/2020 at 4:26 PM, sirchadwick said:

Hey everyone, 

New here but wondering if you could give me any advice. My girl and I have been together for about 3 years, when we first got together she was around 220, exactly my type and totally beautiful. Lately she has been stressed and working a lot and has been eating a lot less, she has lost a ton of weight and I’m starting to feel less attracted to her. All of her friends are saying she looks great, her big stomach is almost completely flat now, her legs are getting smaller, she now has a body thats becoming more conventionally “attractive” and thin which I am just not attracted to. She keeps saying she’s still fat and I’m saying she absolutely isn’t. She refuses to tell me her weight anymore but I’m assuming its in the mid 100s now. I attached a pic below, am I crazy? I do care for her but I’m just not attracted as she keeps getting smaller. 

Maybe a woman's perspective might be useful? I dunno, maybe not, but here's my two cents...

So, you've been together for 3 years. Awesome! That's really great. 😊 I guess my first question would be this: do you truly love her or were you just really attracted to her? Because if you love her for who she is, her appearance shouldn't be your primary concern. And maybe it isn't and I'm misreading that. But ultimately, you need to decide just how important her physical appearance is to you. It isn't fair to her, or really either of you, if you're losing interest and are considering ending the relationship over her weight loss. It's her body and her decision what to do with it. If she doesn't want to be bigger you can't make her gain weight. 

As the others have said, does she know about your preference? Have the two of you really had an open and honest discussion about it? You're unlikely to change her mind if she truly dislikes being bigger. However, you really don't know until you talk about it! I mean honestly who knows? She could be down for it. Sometimes societal pressure is a greater force than your own desires (trust me, I know). But don't expect her to suddenly become a feedee or anything lol.

You also mentioned she's stressed. I think helping her out and being supportive is super important. Talk to her and maybe help her with things she needs? Also, if she's skipping meals due to stress or a lack of time you could always offer to pick something up for her. But, again, if she's trying to lose weight intentionally (and it isn't purely stress) it wouldn't be right to try to make her eat fattening food. 

I want to reserve final judgment until I have more info but I kind of have a sense that you're already mentally checked out of this relationship. Good luck with everything!

[sirchadwick]

Thanks everyone for the responses.

Just to clear a few things up, I do absolutely love her for more than just looks. She’s a great person, we have a good connection, and she’s very pretty regardless of what her weight is. that’s probably why I am so conflicted, because I do very much care for her but I’m finding myself not attracted to her as much sexually when she’s smaller. I have tried to disregard it because of my feelings but I’m not attracted to certain things I’m seeing for example her collarbone is visible now and when she sucks in her stomach you can see her ribs. She technically has what a lot of people would call a “nice body,” she still has curves but its not what it used to be.

She’s always seen herself as fat and when we first started dating and well into our relationship I’d always tell her that she is perfect to me and the exact body type I’m attracted to. So she absolutely does know that I prefer her to be bigger. When I brought that up to her she said “I’m still fat though” and I’m not sure what anyone else sees from the picture I attached but to me she is absolutely not fat anymore. I feel like a total douchebag because I care for her so much and love her, and she is an absolutely beautiful woman but her new body isn’t turning me on. Forcing her to gain more weight would just make her unhappy and feel like I was trying to change her. 

[JackOfAll]

If it is such a big problem, then you have two options. Leave her and try looking for someone else, or realize she'll likely never be what you desire physically any longer. If she's worth it, then get over yourself and work towards finding things you do find sexually attractive. Or, recognize your sunk costs of three years, and give both you and her a fresh start. Good luck either way.

[Garlic]

7 hours ago, sirchadwick said:

Just to clear a few things up, I do absolutely love her for more than just looks. She’s a great person, we have a good connection, and she’s very pretty regardless of what her weight is.

Sounds like this is a classic case of trying to drum up some interest in the thread with a scandalous title. But who isn’t guilty of doing that...? I know i do it all the time 😅

Dude, all you can do is make your preferences known to her, reassure her that you love her no matter what size she is, be supportive of every healthy decision she ever makes and that then let nature take its course.

[dania201]

On 10/20/2020 at 5:29 AM, Gaelic Steve said:

Dude, all you can do is make your preferences known to her, reassure her that you love her no matter what size she is, be supportive of every healthy decision she ever makes and that then let nature take its course.

And now this thread is complete. 

[Guest Mr Froggy]

You may find the problem 'solves itself' anyhow.   If she's losing weight, feeling good, getting compliments, getting more attention due to her 'conventionally attractive body'.... All while you're unable to show her the same level of sexual attention you once did. 

.... you may find she loses interest in you as she thinks being slim means she now has "better options" 

[Voluptuouslover]

Ouch Mr Froggy!

this is something I think a lot of guys here have gone through.  Even if our women know we like them bigger it doesn’t Trump the fact that society, friends and family comment in a post it I’ve way when they lose weight....so they are reinforced to thinking they feel better because of these compliments. 

Most women that carry a good amount of extra weight even if they lose a lot of some of it typically gain it back and usually add more.  I know I am impatient also....but these are kind of the facts.  Just take her out to eat more and more and buy her favorite snacks and offer to make some decedent dinners.  It is a lot of effort but she should be packing on the lbs. again in no time when you get her appetite going and she realizes what she is missing.

[NikkiMaialina CLIPS]

10 minutes ago, Voluptuouslover said:

Ouch Mr Froggy!

this is something I think a lot of guys here have gone through.  Even if our women know we like them bigger it doesn’t Trump the fact that society, friends and family comment in a post it I’ve way when they lose weight....so they are reinforced to thinking they feel better because of these compliments. 

Most women that carry a good amount of extra weight even if they lose a lot of some of it typically gain it back and usually add more.  I know I am impatient also....but these are kind of the facts.  Just take her out to eat more and more and buy her favorite snacks and offer to make some decedent dinners.  It is a lot of effort but she should be packing on the lbs. again in no time when you get her appetite going and she realizes what she is missing.

I absolutely disagree. If she wants to lose weight then it is WRONG to try to make her gain weight when she’ll be unhappy. It is selfish. And I say that as a woman who is actively gaining. Not every woman wants to be like me and that’s ok. It is her body and her right to choose how she looks. To ignore her choices and pressure her to gain is manipulative and immoral. And while I understand more than most how societal pressure can influence you to be thin despite wanting to be fat, people have to reach the conclusion they want to gain on their own. I know I did!

Respect her and her decisions. If either of you are unhappy it’s best to end it. It isn’t fair to either of you to be unhappy. 

[Pierre]

[gianxx]

On 17/10/2020 at 22:26, sirchadwick said:

Ciao a tutti, 

Nuovo qui ma chiedendomi se potresti darmi qualche consiglio. Io e la mia ragazza stiamo insieme da circa 3 anni, quando ci siamo incontrati per la prima volta lei aveva circa 220 anni, esattamente il mio tipo e bellissima. Ultimamente è stata stressata e ha lavorato molto e ha mangiato molto meno, ha perso un sacco di peso e sto iniziando a sentirmi meno attratto da lei. Tutti i suoi amici dicono che ha un bell'aspetto, il suo grande stomaco è quasi completamente piatto ora, le sue gambe si stanno rimpicciolendo, ora ha un corpo che sta diventando più convenzionalmente "attraente" e magro che non sono attratto. Continua a dire che è ancora grassa e io dico che non lo è assolutamente. Si rifiuta di dirmi più il suo peso, ma ora presumo che sia a metà degli anni '00. Ho allegato una foto qui sotto, sono pazzo? Ci tengo a lei, ma non sono attratto perché continua a rimpicciolirsi. 

I fully understand you. It's a similar situation to mine. Except she knows my fantasies and preferences but accepted it without feeling part of it. I understand it, it's not an easy matter, and I love it so much that I get over this. Surely I would have more attraction to her if she got fat, but her will is law, I would just be selfish. Talk to us openly, even if you have to argue, but at least face your feelings. I hope for a happy ending, but if it ends, you have nothing to blame, if there is no attraction, the relationship becomes flat. Good luck for everything!

[sirchadwick]

Thanks again everyone for your comments. Yeah, I definitely don’t feel comfortable loading her up with fattening foods as someone suggested, she doesn’t live her life to sexually please me and she was always unhappy with her body before she lost the weight. I’m wondering if anyone has ever gotten past the not being attracted to a thinner partner? It’s not that I’m not attracted to her at all, she is very pretty and is a great person, it’s just I liked her better before. Nothing else changes about how I feel about her and our connection. I want to find a way to just move past this sexual preference so that the many other good things in our relationship don’t suffer. 

[Hologram]

23 hours ago, sirchadwick said:

Thanks again everyone for your comments. Yeah, I definitely don’t feel comfortable loading her up with fattening foods as someone suggested, she doesn’t live her life to sexually please me and she was always unhappy with her body before she lost the weight. I’m wondering if anyone has ever gotten past the not being attracted to a thinner partner? It’s not that I’m not attracted to her at all, she is very pretty and is a great person, it’s just I liked her better before. Nothing else changes about how I feel about her and our connection. I want to find a way to just move past this sexual preference so that the many other good things in our relationship don’t suffer. 

Honestly....the totality of a relationship is both parties trying their best to coexist in the most ways that please them.  Everything from looks, to sexual kinks, to common interests, to individual interests, to personalities that mesh, to fiscal liquidity, to similar outlooks for the future.  The best relationships check the most boxes.  If all the other things line up but one thing is missing (in this case sexual kink) is that a deal breaker, or can you compromise for the sake of a greater good.  It's completely possible that that there is a person that does check that last box for you....but who's to say when that may be.  Dating is the search to find the best match for you.  The Divorce Courts are littered with the metaphysical bodies of folks that didn't check all the boxes before entering into a legally binding agreement. I would suggest that you find out if this is an aspect of your existence that truly matters to you (...and that you're posting on a bbw/Gainer/curvacious site says that it may be a driving influence) and how it should impact your current relationship, and others going forward.

 

Be Well