Has anyone spoken to a sex therapist or professional about their feedism fetish?

[Guest Verlorener]

On 11/11/2020 at 11:12 PM, PreyToGod said:

I’m in the west.... of Australia, arguably the fittest and most body conscious demographic I’ve ever seen. I mean look at me, I can’t exactly talk either. But it’s basically anti feedism. You can’t hide it because it’s sunny and warm 9 months a year so everyone wears shorts and singlets and stuff. 
 

I did feel bad as I have when I turn down other thin or muscular girls with good personalities because I start to question how shallow I am. I also once had a date with this feral girl I met on a dating app who I had no connection with and actually disliked... simply because she had a body that I found sexy, and thoroughly unenjoyed it and told myself j would start putting personality first...but this kink is so strong I feel like I’m not being true to myself by going for thinner girls 

 

I’m sort of the same - I do find a nice long pair of legs and tanned skin and nice eyes and stuff to be hot.... but they’re not nearly as sexually appealing as say a belly and boobs are. I wish I were like you - there are some big girls around here but I’m not into fat legs or fat rolls and stuff - I’m mainly just into the look of a hot girl who gained weight and got a belly and a bit of softness all over. 
Unfortunately I would always search and jack off to girls like that online so it became normalised for me - despite being a very rare and unusual body shape (and usually just short term too). That’s why I was worried what would happen if I met a girl who decided she wants to lose weight and hit the gym, and that’s why I felt like this kink is kind of unsustainable. 

Ironically, fat legs are in my top 2 favorite „features“. And I agree with the „being true to yourself“ part, but I wouldn’t call what I have a kink. The LGBT movement gets touchy if you call something like this a sexuality, so alright, maybe I won’t use that word. But I think because of autism I was already predisposed to like bigger women and to absorb my dad’s compulsive fatphobia. He bullied me and held this skinny ideal that I couldn’t live up to over my head. He made me feel bad about all my sedentary hobbies and shit on me for not liking sports. So I started to see skinny people as completion. He treated me like I was fat even though I wasn’t, so I started to to identify with heavier people. Fat was safe, thin was threatening. Heck, based on everything I’m writing here, maybe it’s self evident why I can’t feel attracted to thin women. And I like it this way. I like liking fat women and I don’t want to like thin women. Sure there could be health issues, but whatever, they can take the medicine, fuck it.  Someone has to fuck them. It should be me. And if any girl wants to stop being fat, I ain’t gonna stay with her. Sure, sounds harsh, but I haven’t even stuck my dick in a woman before, yet society has already given me a million guilt trips about wanting a fat woman. I can’t keep living like this. I know what I want and I’m gonna have to crush my hangups, starting today. 

[vpprof]

@gorJESS I can see you're following the discussion but you said you can't speak about the fetish. So you don't have the fetish or you just didn't think about its roots or… I think we're all missing the feminine perspective here, it'd be great to know what you think  

On 11/12/2020 at 6:51 AM, PreyToGod said:

Thanks, bodybuilding was just something I fell into because my dad was into it too - and I got sick of being scrawny. I’m not sure whether to call it a hobby or a lifestyle but all I’ll say is that I support people to take it up but know that it can become an unhealthy obsession quite easily as well. I don’t actually find it enjoyable per se but I feel good after for doing it and I guess the endorphin rush isn’t bad. So I can understand why girls are getting more into it these days - it has mental benefits too if you’re reasonable with it. 

What do you think of girls who are into bodybuilding though?  I mean specifically those hulk-sized pros who engage with the so-called schmoes, who pay them for their "sessions". I'm not aware if you're familiar with that kink?

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that’s true and it’s sad to see girls who clearly don’t have a feedism kink they’re just mentally ill or masochistic yet they get encouraged all the same under a guise of support and compassion. 
 

equal as in an even power dynamic. 
I’ve talked to some feedees who genuinely referred to themselves as being human pigs and their feeder was instilling that in them. To me that’s just perverse. Especially when it leaves the bedroom 

Well, that's the masochism I was talking about! Also, often the fantasies about gaining (in girls having the kink) involve someone inflicting the gain on the feedee, some agent who has power over her — that's masochism as well. 

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I guess I’m litterally attracted to the shape - I used to be into pregnancy when I was younger and luckily that turned into bellies because pregnancy is an even worse kink to have. Plus the greed aspect like a girl thinks she can get away with eating what she wants - so there’s some fantasy there as well. 

Well, me, I was into boobs when I was little  

OK, so a girl can get away with breaking the tacit rules. That means she's powerful, doesn't it? Not only does she have the nerve to do so but also she's not afraid of being shunned or ostracised, do you agree?

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The thing that’s bothering me is that’s I feel like I won’t ever be fully sexually satisfied because of this obscure kink

Do you think you can gain insight into it and make it less obscure? Would that help?

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and I’m angry at myself for passing so many opportunities as well and for allowing the fetish to dominate a lot of my time and thoughts. I do have a problem with the nature of the kink too but I agree that I need to stop using it as an escape from other things I find boring or unpleasant 

Yes. But if it is an escape, then it's futile to fight it instead of fighting the things you're trying to escape from, don't you think?

[Guest gorJESS]

12 hours ago, vpprof said:

@gorJESS I can see you're following the discussion but you said you can't speak about the fetish. So you don't have the fetish or you just didn't think about its roots or… I think we're all missing the feminine perspective here, it'd be great to know what you think 

Oh 👋 thanks for the friendly invitation! 🙂 I appreciate it! There are reasons why I've been trying to be quiet on the forums lately. One of them is that I don't want people to think I'm bashing them or hate them just because I have a different opinion. Hate is a burden I have no time for. 

Side note: Damn near everything that is said on this website is a matter of opinion (and taste).  

Yes, that's correct... I myself do not have a fat fetish, meaning I'm not primarily attracted to fat men. I've known some awesome heavier men, but if we're talking about sexual desire... it's just not my type. I'm also not sexually aroused by weight gain in and of itself. My "kink", if you will, is autosexuality. I've found that it works well here, or at least decently enough. I'm very happy with the boobage I've gained, I think my belly is currently adorable, and I'm hoping to gain a little more in my hips. 👍 

I made a post on this thread a while ago that pretty much summed up my thoughts on this topic. Anything that brings you gratification can become addictive and addiction is a biiiiiiitch. I'm addicted to less harmful things than I used to be, but my addiction to cigarettes for example, runs my life. I admit and acknowledge that and I know the only one with the power to change it is me. I also admit and acknowledge that the reason I still smoke despite the negative effects it has on my life is because not all of me wants to give it up. Until that day comes, I remain addicted. 

I can't identify with an addiction to sex, specifically. Whether it's actual sex, a particular fetish, porn, etc. That's why I couldn't speak on "the fetish" part, but I can definitely see how any and all of the above can be addictive. Self-awareness is SO key, not just here but in general. I think a person can reasonably tell whether something is having a negative impact on their life or if it isn't. So my two cents worth is: if you can enjoy something without it interfering with your quality of life, then go ahead and enjoy it! But if it becomes an overwhelming obsession that you can't seem to do anything about even when you want to... then yes, you probably have some change-worthy behaviors and help is available. 

I'm not judging. As a member of the recovery community, it's my job to help others. Five years ago I would have chosen alcohol over oxygen. It was everything to me. But as I sat in a county jail cell, I realized that the thing I loved the most was destroying my life and I finally knew that I had to change. I got a TON of help, group therapy was by far the best because you're sitting in a room full of people who all have the same issue as you. They accepted me and made me feel like less of a fuck-up. My whole life changed.

TLDR: If you're indulging in anything that is having a negative impact on your life, then yes, heal thyself! 🤗

[e-man]

Being in denial about this fetish for most of my life and finally just admitting I'm into it, I've thought about where it comes from quite a bit. In my feeder pov, this fetish is just a intense desire to care for your partner manifested. You love them so you nurture them. 
Humans a products of their environments and for thousands of years humans were nomadic hunter-gatherers, food would often be scarce so when you finally came across a food source it would be natural to try to "push" as much into your significant other ensuring they don't die before you come across the next food source. I think it's natural to find a woman who can really pack it away attractive because your monkey brain realizes she would more likely be able to survive starvation periods where food couldn't be found, "get it while the getting's good" so to speak. (Plus chubby women are better to cuddle when it's cold ). Basically your subconscious realizes that being with a larger woman is a safer bet in the long run because she would be less likely to die.

The "piggy being degraded" stuff that some people are into is just mixing feederism with other fetishes, like masochism and exhibitionism. 

I don't know about the rest of you, but I can still be attracted to skinny girls, but I def try to ask them to gain/bloat if we get together and make it clear I like it,  I'm just upfront about it. It's just how I am and I've accepted it. Been in denial about it for too long and it just feels better to be honest with people. Plus it's great to fondle a girls belly pudge all night without making her feel self conscious about it because she knows you are into it and find it sexy. Honesty has gone a long way for me with this fetish and I've been surprised how many girls are either into it or okay with it when you are just upfront about it. A few get put off by it, but it's better to find your differences early on in the relationship rather than later down the road.

This is my $.02 anyway. 

[vpprof]

10 hours ago, gorJESS said:

group therapy was by far the best because you're sitting in a room full of people who all have the same issue as you

Yes, it is, isn't it  Just a way of seeing yourself in so many incarnations. And to sift out only the relevant aspects of it all. Tremendous.

Well, thanks, very wise words there, gorJESS. I'd only want to point out that having a fetish does not automatically translate to having an addiction. One of my therapists, when explicitly asked, said that I don't have any addiction, unless you want to be figurative and say I'm addicted to "escaping" from life through browsing the web or porn or other stuff. 

But this is very curious:

10 hours ago, gorJESS said:

I'm very happy with the boobage I've gained, I think my belly is currently adorable, and I'm hoping to gain a little more in my hips.

So you're turned on by your gain, right? I read somewhere here that a girl wants to "hang and help others out", whatever that combination means. Do you have similar feelings? Do you feel you become more "nurturing" in a way when you gain?

10 hours ago, gorJESS said:

I also admit and acknowledge that the reason I still smoke despite the negative effects it has on my life is because not all of me wants to give it up.

Yes, very true. You could be even more precise and say that you actively choose to smoke because of some benefits that it gives you, which you might not be able to recognize. If there's one thing I learned, it's that if you're stuck in an unpleasant situation, it's always you who's choosing to remain in it because of the good things it gives you. This, surprisingly, is true even in such horrendous circumstances as living with a batterer or being haunted with panic attacks. 

9 hours ago, e-man said:

Basically your subconscious realizes that being with a larger woman is a safer bet in the long run because she would be less likely to die.

That's very shrewd. And very intriguing… fear of dying. And I don't think it's at all metaphorical, you know. Many psychologists point out that feederism is linked to anxiety. But the question remains, why should everything go downhill. I think it says something about our personality, don't you agree? Making sure of safety, first and foremost.

Can you think of any other ways in which an obese woman might make you feel safe?

One can state plenty of biologically sound arguments as to why fat tissue has import on male preference — fat around the hips is a good predictor of the amount of female hormones in a given individual. Another theory is storage of energy reserves, as you point out. Another is the social status — when you have more to eat, you are higher in the hierarchy. All of these might be true but there remain various personality traits connected to the fetish and it's remarkable how working on them can influence your sensitivity to the fetishistic stimuli

[Guest gorJESS]

9 hours ago, vpprof said:

I'd only want to point out that having a fetish does not automatically translate to having an addiction

 Yes, true. The original post in this thread was about how fetishism can mimic addiction. I don't have much to share about the fetish, but addiction on the other hand... 🏆😅 
I was careful with my words, using the word "if":

20 hours ago, gorJESS said:

if you can enjoy something without it interfering with your quality of life, then go ahead and enjoy it! But if it becomes an overwhelming obsession [...] 

 

9 hours ago, vpprof said:

So you're turned on by your gain, right? I read somewhere here that a girl wants to "hang and help others out", whatever that combination means. Do you have similar feelings? Do you feel you become more "nurturing" in a way when you gain?

I am, but I wouldn't be turned on by TOO much, or endless gaining. But yes, this plumpness is wonderful. 🥰 The second part is harder to answer. I'm all about helping others and I can't help but be "nurturing", but I can't say it's because of gaining. I think nurturing is just in my DNA and helping others is part of a program I live by. 
Then again, I've only gained around 25lbs so I'm probably not the best person to ask, heh. 🤷‍♀️

10 hours ago, vpprof said:

You could be even more precise and say that you actively choose to smoke because of some benefits that it gives you, which you might not be able to recognize. If there's one thing I learned, it's that if you're stuck in an unpleasant situation, it's always you who's choosing to remain in it because of the good things it gives you. This, surprisingly, is true even in such horrendous circumstances as living with a batterer

Oh, for sure. If there were no benefits I probably wouldn't have ever started in the first place. 20 years later, I can see that the dangers drastically outweigh the benefits, yet I'm still doing it because I am a slave to my addiction. This particular addiction will dictate my days until I make the choice, like you said, to be uncomfortable long enough for the cycle to break.

Good talks 🙂

[vpprof]

7 hours ago, gorJESS said:

I am, but I wouldn't be turned on by TOO much, or endless gaining. But yes, this plumpness is wonderful. 🥰 The second part is harder to answer. I'm all about helping others and I can't help but be "nurturing", but I can't say it's because of gaining. I think nurturing is just in my DNA and helping others is part of a program I live by. 
Then again, I've only gained around 25lbs so I'm probably not the best person to ask, heh. 🤷‍♀️

Sure, understandable. It's sometimes difficult to discern the exact reasons for why I do what I do. I may gain because I have a partner / audience that I want to cater for, or I may gain as a side effect and then come to like what I've gained. But gaining weight, or being obese, has a symbolic meaning, just as everything about a kink/fetish does. I've been trying to decipher this meaning, that's why I ask  

Now, you probably have been told that it might be quite a dangerous "program" to live by, saving and helping people out. Of course empathy in itself isn't bad but women who have this "saving thing" tend to get into awful trouble in life. Do you know the book "Women Who Love Too Much"? Very interesting read (I'm sure you can find a digital copy in the net). I'd say a must-read for every woman.

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Oh, for sure. If there were no benefits I probably wouldn't have ever started in the first place. 20 years later, I can see that the dangers drastically outweigh the benefits, yet I'm still doing it because I am a slave to my addiction. This particular addiction will dictate my days until I make the choice, like you said, to be uncomfortable long enough for the cycle to break.

Good talks 🙂

Thx. Yes but the choice is also in every little act, in every cigarette you smoke. It's important to know that it's not some evil force that inhabits your brain and by some dark magic makes you do what you do. It's your decision every time you indulge. So, with many people, smoking is a way to counterbalance some negative emotions that they have. So for instance your boss comes down on you and you don't fight back. Then you feel resentful, you have this void inside you for some time. And then you smoke and feel better and forget about the incident altogether. That's just one scenario. But the thing is, if you track down these mechanisms (preferably with some help), then you'll be able to see what is really going on and make informed decisions. "Call a problem by its name and it will vanish straight away", some say.

[Lexi Foxxx CLIPS]

On 9/29/2020 at 11:57 PM, high said:

Sure, go ahead and pay for your therapist's overpriced German car.

What I'd suggest is that you make sure you're on a website with exclusively thin women when you jerk off. Try to find something attractive about them and get to work rewiring your brain. 

Okay so... I recently read a book about habits. Im a GIANT book nerd. Basically it said to stop a habit you have to replace it with a different habit.  So this may actually work in a sense, although it will create a new "unhealthy" habit trend. 

[Guest Verlorener]

On 11/14/2020 at 11:10 AM, e-man said:

don't know about the rest of you, but I can still be attracted to skinny girls, but I def try to ask them to gain/bloat if we get together and make it clear I like it,  I'm just upfront about it. It's just how I am and I've accepted it. Been in denial about it for too long and it just feels better to be honest with people. Plus it's great to fondle a girls belly pudge all night without making her feel self conscious about it because she knows you are into it and find it sexy. Honesty has gone a long way for me with this fetish and I've been surprised how many girls are either into it or okay with it when you are just upfront about it. A few get put off by it, but it's better to find your differences early on in the relationship rather than later down the road.

So how do you reconcile being attracted to both thin and fat? Thin women don’t have anything that entices me. I guess for me, the difference between a fat woman and a thin woman is the way some guys see a big chest verses a flat chest, but then apply that to the entire body. That thick, inflated look defines sexuality for me no matter what body part it is, therefore a fat arm is basically as good as a fat boob or buttock (and you’ll notice other FAs really like fat arms too). I mean, I still get shy around kind-of thin girls with pretty faces, but even then, there have been times where an average sized girl loses 30 lbs and suddenly I don’t even find her face pretty anymore. 

[vpprof]

On 11/16/2020 at 7:47 AM, Verlorener said:

So how do you reconcile being attracted to both thin and fat?

I think the answer lies in accepting that there's many factors that determine sex appeal and if you've never had a gf:

On 11/9/2020 at 9:17 AM, Verlorener said:

I’m only attracted to fat women, I’ve never experienced the pleasure of actually being with one

— then don't count your chickens, as they say. You have no idea how it'll all work out in real life, trust me. 

Just how much someone's behavior can be a turn on, may be illustrated by an anecdote from my life. I recently found myself being given a lift by a woman quite older than me, ugly as sin (sorry for the insensitivity), with an emaciated figure; well, nothing I'd go for in short. But I found myself quite aroused at the end of the drive by a sort of a game we both got caught in, me playing a poor little victim of the world and her being the caregiver, with seemingly limitless amount of care and help and good-will. She asked me whether I'm going straight home and to maybe come around for dinner and it could've been a start of another dysfunctional relationship, if it weren't for the fact that I'm reading an excellent book right now about just such problems, which I mentioned here already, "Women Who Love Too Much". So I politely refused.

Incidentally, that made it very clear to me that this "mutual gaining" part of my fetish is actually all about receiving a dysproportional amount of care and attention from a woman.

[Guest You have a belly]

On 11/14/2020 at 5:49 PM, gorJESS said:

Oh 👋 thanks for the friendly invitation! 🙂 I appreciate it! There are reasons why I've been trying to be quiet on the forums lately. One of them is that I don't want people to think I'm bashing them or hate them just because I have a different opinion. Hate is a burden I have no time for. 

Side note: Damn near everything that is said on this website is a matter of opinion (and taste).  

Yes, that's correct... I myself do not have a fat fetish, meaning I'm not primarily attracted to fat men. I've known some awesome heavier men, but if we're talking about sexual desire... it's just not my type. I'm also not sexually aroused by weight gain in and of itself. My "kink", if you will, is autosexuality. I've found that it works well here, or at least decently enough. I'm very happy with the boobage I've gained, I think my belly is currently adorable, and I'm hoping to gain a little more in my hips. 👍 

I made a post on this thread a while ago that pretty much summed up my thoughts on this topic. Anything that brings you gratification can become addictive and addiction is a biiiiiiitch. I'm addicted to less harmful things than I used to be, but my addiction to cigarettes for example, runs my life. I admit and acknowledge that and I know the only one with the power to change it is me. I also admit and acknowledge that the reason I still smoke despite the negative effects it has on my life is because not all of me wants to give it up. Until that day comes, I remain addicted. 

I can't identify with an addiction to sex, specifically. Whether it's actual sex, a particular fetish, porn, etc. That's why I couldn't speak on "the fetish" part, but I can definitely see how any and all of the above can be addictive. Self-awareness is SO key, not just here but in general. I think a person can reasonably tell whether something is having a negative impact on their life or if it isn't. So my two cents worth is: if you can enjoy something without it interfering with your quality of life, then go ahead and enjoy it! But if it becomes an overwhelming obsession that you can't seem to do anything about even when you want to... then yes, you probably have some change-worthy behaviors and help is available. 

I'm not judging. As a member of the recovery community, it's my job to help others. Five years ago I would have chosen alcohol over oxygen. It was everything to me. But as I sat in a county jail cell, I realized that the thing I loved the most was destroying my life and I finally knew that I had to change. I got a TON of help, group therapy was by far the best because you're sitting in a room full of people who all have the same issue as you. They accepted me and made me feel like less of a fuck-up. My whole life changed.

TLDR: If you're indulging in anything that is having a negative impact on your life, then yes, heal thyself! 🤗

Interesting write-up. Did you decide you wanted to gain weight after you gave up your addiction?

[Guest You have a belly]

@Verlorener, can you be attracted to a picture of a thin woman or is it the thoight of being with a thin woman that intimidates you?

I think your inflexible sexuality may have something to do with your lack of real contact with real females throughout your life. I mean in real life, to be attracted to a woman and have that attraction reciprocated you'd need some degree of intimacy with that woman, and with that comes seeing her like a whole human being, not just a collection of body parts. 

[Guest gorJESS]

4 hours ago, You have a belly said:

Interesting write-up. Did you decide you wanted to gain weight after you gave up your addiction?

Yeah it was actually right after I stopped drinking when I decided I didn’t mind if I gained weight. 

[PreyToGod]

On 11/14/2020 at 11:51 AM, vpprof said:

@gorJESS I can see you're following the discussion but you said you can't speak about the fetish. So you don't have the fetish or you just didn't think about its roots or… I think we're all missing the feminine perspective here, it'd be great to know what you think  

What do you think of girls who are into bodybuilding though?  I mean specifically those hulk-sized pros who engage with the so-called schmoes, who pay them for their "sessions". I'm not aware if you're familiar with that kink?

Well, that's the masochism I was talking about! Also, often the fantasies about gaining (in girls having the kink) involve someone inflicting the gain on the feedee, some agent who has power over her — that's masochism as well. 

Well, me, I was into boobs when I was little  

OK, so a girl can get away with breaking the tacit rules. That means she's powerful, doesn't it? Not only does she have the nerve to do so but also she's not afraid of being shunned or ostracised, do you agree?

Do you think you can gain insight into it and make it less obscure? Would that help?

Yes. But if it is an escape, then it's futile to fight it instead of fighting the things you're trying to escape from, don't you think?

Muscular girls are literally my least attractive body type besides huuuuge women, altho I don’t mind if they’re somewhat muscly yet soft like a bulk - but mainly I like the “I’m naturally thin and I’ve never exercised look”

I guess I find it the most elegant/feminine. 
 

I can see how the dominance aspect plays only the feedee feeder dynamic - the base of which is a very common desire in most girls I’d say, but it’s taken to the extreme here basically giving someone control over ones body.

Deviating from the societal beauty norms doesn’t necessarily indicate strength or self assuredness though - like you wouldn’t say a cannibal is mentally strong for eating a baby despite the odious nature of indulging in such an act - I think it just reflects the intensity of the sexual urges. Or the masochistic urges. 
however I’ve noticed especially in older feedees a sense of triumph and resolution which has led them to decide to just indulge in their fetishes in spite of any social opprobrium it might attract. So I think you could rightly call that strength. 
 

I feel like I have about as much insight into this fetish as anybody in history does at this point, I’ve tried to understand where it may originate and the nature of fetishes and stuff and it helps me not feel so guilty but it doesn’t really me deal with it directly really. 
 

it is an escape (sometimes) and I am working on improving my life overall, but the fragile and difficult nature of it is still my biggest issue with it. 

[Guest Verlorener]

On 11/23/2020 at 3:00 AM, You have a belly said:

@Verlorener, can you be attracted to a picture of a thin woman or is it the thoight of being with a thin woman that intimidates you?

I think your inflexible sexuality may have something to do with your lack of real contact with real females throughout your life. I mean in real life, to be attracted to a woman and have that attraction reciprocated you'd need some degree of intimacy with that woman, and with that comes seeing her like a whole human being, not just a collection of body parts. 

First off, I can’t even beat off to videos where I can’t see the woman’s face, so I feel offended at the notion that I see women as a collection of body parts. The fat is simply a prerequisite for me to be attracted to a woman- A quality she has to have for me to see her as sexual at all. 

I’m autistic, we tend to be rigid. And when I’m around a fat women, I get insanely turned on. My heart beats out of my chest, I sweat, I can’t focus on anything else. When I’m with a thin woman, nothing. When I was a kid, I remember thinking I might be gay or asexual because I thought thin women were kind of pretty back then but didn’t feel anything for them. Then I realized I was staring at fat girls all the time, thinking about them at night, etc. My body just absolutely does not want thin. I can very occasionally beat off to thin girls in a submissive-masochistic way. Like “oh isn’t it sooo great that i’m thin and toned and superior and don’t have all that terrible excess weight that you like so much? I have power over you because I work really hard to get rid of what you like and you can’t stop me!” But I only started doing that after a recent incident a few years ago where a porn start I liked got praised for losing a lot of weight and it fucked me up emotionally. I felt dominated by her because she destroyed my attraction to her. But in those fetishes, the body type doesn’t have to be attractive. The thought of an ugly skinny woman who cutting my dick off because she hates me turns me on. But it’s not sensual, pleasant, or beautiful, it just gets the job done. 

So no, I don’t find thin women sexually attractive nor do I even think they are nearly as pretty as fat girls.

 

[vpprof]

14 hours ago, Verlorener said:

I can very occasionally beat off to thin girls in a submissive-masochistic way.

 

14 hours ago, Verlorener said:

oh isn’t it sooo great that i’m thin and toned and superior (…)? I have power over you

 

14 hours ago, Verlorener said:

I felt dominated by her

These are clues, I think, that are pertinent to your feelings towards fat girls as well. What you don't realise, in my view, is that what you perceive as "sexual attraction" is not sexual attraction at all, it's just a sexualized trauma of being dominated / weak / incompetent… Both of your attractions are two sides of the same coin. The cougar-type tomboy represents the "I'm weak" side whereas the big fat mommy represents the "I need care" side. Brutal, I know.

[Guest Verlorener]

4 hours ago, vpprof said:

 

 

These are clues, I think, that are pertinent to your feelings towards fat girls as well. What you don't realise, in my view, is that what you perceive as "sexual attraction" is not sexual attraction at all, it's just a sexualized trauma of being dominated / weak / incompetent… Both of your attractions are two sides of the same coin. The cougar-type tomboy represents the "I'm weak" side whereas the big fat mommy represents the "I need care" side. Brutal, I know.

EDIT; Sorry to get so fucking angry but it feels like you’re looking for little key phrases that you can use to deny my identity and sexuality and construe it as this awful thing. Yes, fatphobic trauma plays a role in why I like fat girls, but I still really fucking like them. I make art of them, for fucks sake. It is real sexual attraction, not pure “sexualized trauma”.

ORIGINAL COMMENT;
You’re accusing me of not being attracted to fat girls because I was turned on by the fact that a woman has power over me by being able to take away my attraction to her by losing weight? That’s dumb.

And I feel insulted by what you’re saying because it’s bullshit. I find fat girls pretty. I like the way they look. I find thin barren and unappealing. I have felt turned on when fat girls hurt me by becoming thin, but I’ve only beat off to that thought like 10 times out of 5,000. A few fucking times, got it? I basically never think about thin women, so they’re not two sides of the same coin. I can’t get turned on by a thin woman at all unless I make up some random dark taboo fetish shit to distract from the fact that I don’t find her pretty. Domination is just one of many possibilities. I can cum to a nasty ass fictional alien if I come up with the right fetishistic thought, doesn’t mean I’m attracted to that, does it? 

I didn’t come to here to have some asshole claim that’s I’m “not really attracted” to the thing I have desired every day of my life because I dared to jack off to something other than that a few times. I’ve beat off to women of other ethnicities a couple times because I liked their body shape, but 99.5% of what I watch is white/European women. I don’t have racist beliefs but my sexual preferences are strongly biased and rigid, but also delve into weird shit. That’s autism 101. You wanna analyze that too and say that I secretly prefer the type of woman I have only beat off to a couple times? And where did you get this “cougar-tomboy” shit?  

[vpprof]

@Verlorener Yes, well, this anger is to be expected with delving too deep into these matters  I don't blame you. There are cases of people who drop out of group therapy straight into psych wards (not kidding!). If anyone told me the things I told you a year ago, I'd probably be as much angry as you are now. I'm not angry I think only because I made my way to them on my own.

BTW, I never said anything about negativity towards fat people ("fat-phobia"). The trauma could be, for example, having an overbearing mother, as mine was.
Another thing: a woman has power over me by being able to take away my attraction to her by losing weight — I never said anything even remotely similar to that. A fat body is a powerful body in itself, it's physically and mentally powerful, with just sheer strength radiating from it. It's healthy, big and dominant in the most crude, biological way.

Years ago I found this: (Google-translated)

Quote

Adipophilia can be typical of subjects with anaclitic affectivity who perceive in the fat woman a sort of mother who nourishes and cares: from this point of view the woman would figuratively become a big, soft, warm breast that never leaves her child; the pressure of the body of the obese woman during sex would recall the sensations experienced in childhood when the infant's body and face were pressed against the breast. Other reasons can be traced to the sense of security experienced in having a handicapped partner, to the extent that severe obesity prevents walking and other daily activities. Often the adipophile subject has a very close relative (parent or sibling) who is obese, so it can be assumed that, in the search for obese partners, he tries to recall emotional patterns and dynamics learned in childhood. 

Source: http://www.psicologoinrete.com/sesso-psicologo-enciclopedia-002.html

Quote

To comment on the phenomenon linked to bbw Roberto Arduini and Andrea Di Ciancio also called a sexologist, Rosa Maria Spina, who, speaking on the ECG, on Radio Cusano Campus, commented : “Many men have always been attracted to overweight women. Some, on the other hand, have adipophilia, they feel sexual or erotic attraction only with obese or overweight people. Men who pay bbw are looking for mom, it's a very common thing. Women who are fatter are generally considered more welcoming and more maternal than thin women. Stressed men, for example, look for the fat woman much more than the thin woman, because the woman with extra pounds is able to lower their stress levels. And we are talking about men who most of the time have an excellent socio-economic status ”.

Source: https://memorie.secolo-trentino.com/gossip/prostituzione-molti-uomini-vogliono-donne-obese-una-di-loro-peso-100-chili-sono-mamma-e-do-le-punizioni/2017/

Make of that what you wish

[Guest Verlorener]

37 minutes ago, vpprof said:

@Verlorener Yes, well, this anger is to be expected with delving too deep into these matters  I don't blame you. There are cases of people who drop out of group therapy straight into psych wards (not kidding!). If anyone told me the things I told you a year ago, I'd probably be as much angry as you are now. I'm not angry I think only because I made my way to them on my own.

BTW, I never said anything about negativity towards fat people ("fat-phobia"). The trauma could be, for example, having an overbearing mother, as mine was.
Another thing: a woman has power over me by being able to take away my attraction to her by losing weight — I never said anything even remotely similar to that. A fat body is a powerful body in itself, it's physically and mentally powerful, with just sheer strength radiating from it. 

Years ago I found this: (Google-translated)

Source: http://www.psicologoinrete.com/sesso-psicologo-enciclopedia-002.html

Source: https://memorie.secolo-trentino.com/gossip/prostituzione-molti-uomini-vogliono-donne-obese-una-di-loro-peso-100-chili-sono-mamma-e-do-le-punizioni/2017/

Make of that what you wish

 „a woman has power over me by being able to take away my attraction to her by losing weight„ is what *I* said! My point was that I don’t like skinny women; I just very rarely get turned on when a fat women loses weight and I don’t find her physically attractive anymore, because I feel she has the power to fuck with my emotions. I was bullied as a child and the idea of people hating me turns me on now a little.

And I’m not offended over whether trauma caused my attraction. My dad is obsessed with how bad it is to be fat and he treated me abusively as a kid because of it; my therapist thinks that made my attraction stronger and more rigid but couldn’t have actually created it out of nothing. What offended me is you saying „what you perceive as "sexual attraction" is not sexual attraction at all, it's just a sexualized trauma“. You’re implying that I’ve never had real sexual attraction to a woman, and i think that’s crap. I like what I like whether or not it was originally caused by trauma. And my mom is skinny, I’m not looking for mom. Am I looking for a girl who feels safe and nurturing? Sure, why the fuck wouldn’t I? I’m autistic. People generally treat me badly and I do hope to need someone who can fill the void and make me feel better. I do find that attractive in a woman. 

I also don’t like that you keep saying I can’t really know what I’m attracted to just because I’m a virgin. I have like 40,000 pictures of fat women on my computer. And hundreds of gigabytes of BBW videos. I used to jack off to the fat girls i saw at school as soon as I got home. I know what I’m goddamn attracted to, thank you very much! It ain’t my fault that the only big girl who every showed interest in me looked like a butch lesbian and then decided she’s a trans man a year later. Turned out to be a total bitch anyway. Glad I never went in that fuckin date....

 

[vpprof]

2 minutes ago, Verlorener said:

„a woman has power over me by being able to take away my attraction to her by losing weight„ is what *I* said! My point was that I don’t like skinny women; I just very rarely get turned on when a fat women loses weight and I don’t find her physically attractive anymore, because I feel she has the power to fuck with my emotions.

OOh, I see, I didn't get that

2 minutes ago, Verlorener said:

What offended me is you saying „what you perceive as "sexual attraction" is not sexual attraction at all, it's just a sexualized trauma“. You’re implying that I’ve never had real sexual attraction to a woman, and i think that’s crap. I like what I like whether or not it was originally caused by trauma. 

Yes, well, some time ago I would have sworn it is the case with me. I just like the shape of the fat body. But I had this very strong feeling that there must be more to it. Now I really see that around fat women I always assumed this inferior position of a cute child. I had nicknames, in the web and in real life, all alluding to "cute" tiny animals or objects. For real. No one told me: "you have to think this way", I discovered it on my own

Now I have some measure of control over it. When I feel like the alpha male, I only seek (in real life) thin svelte girls, jogging or doing fitness at the gym. When I feel downtrodden by life, I watch FBBs. When I feel crippled with anxiety, I message my ex's  

10 minutes ago, Verlorener said:

You’re implying that I’ve never had real sexual attraction to a woman

Sexual drive can be used for many purposes. It is like a narcotic. That's one purpose. It can be used as a pick-me-up. That's another. It can be used to manipulate your partner, although that is deployed by women usually. I'm talking about something which admittedly I haven't experienced yet, and that is, sex that occurs in an otherwise "dull" relationship, that has lasted for many years, didn't contain drama and pain and constant ambivalent feelings; sex that is really the expression of intimacy, not just a fling and temporary bliss.

[Guest Verlorener]

13 minutes ago, vpprof said:

OOh, I see, I didn't get that

Yes, well, some time ago I would have sworn it is the case with me. I just like the shape of the fat body. But I had this very strong feeling that there must be more to it. Now I really see that around fat women I always assumed this inferior position of a cute child. I had nicknames, in the web and in real life, all alluding to "cute" tiny animals or objects. For real. No one told me: "you have to think this way", I discovered it on my own

Now I have some measure of control over it. When I feel like the alpha male, I only seek (in real life) thin svelte girls, jogging or doing fitness at the gym. When I feel downtrodden by life, I watch FBBs. When I feel crippled with anxiety, I message my ex's  

Sexual drive can be used for many purposes. It is like a narcotic. That's one purpose. It can be used as a pick-me-up. That's another. It can be used to manipulate your partner, although that is deployed by women usually. I'm talking about something which admittedly I haven't experienced yet, and that is, sex that occurs in an otherwise "dull" relationship, that has lasted for many years, didn't contain drama and pain and constant ambivalent feelings; sex that is really the expression of intimacy, not just a fling and temporary bliss.

Ah, Now I see your angle. You’re trying to fuckin prove that I like fat girls because of low self esteem! Well it ain’t fuckin true. When I had lost 25 lb and was at my fittest, and felt like I was “in control”, my preferences in women did not change. The weight loss was too much stress on me and I fell into depression and gained it back, but my preferences didn’t change then either. Even my favorite car is the VW New Beetle. I like round. I have no capacity for real attraction to thin women. 

[vpprof]

@Verlorener

I really don't want to come as patronising… but I think you'll gain better insight when you've enhanced your personal experience database, past the gigabytes of images and videos  Certain things that you take for granted, such as — I presume — that you're 'a sex-machine ready to reload' at any time and that a bit of soft flesh to squeeze will get you high as the moon and never tire or bore you — well, these things will be put to a test. You'll see that the arousal only lasts so long, and that it cannot possibly be relationship-creating. Whereas true attraction is (supposed to be) the exact opposite, something that strengthens a pre-existent relationship. But that is the future, so we might as well forget about all this for the time being

[Guest Verlorener]

15 hours ago, vpprof said:

@Verlorener

I really don't want to come as patronising… but I think you'll gain better insight when you've enhanced your personal experience database, past the gigabytes of images and videos  Certain things that you take for granted, such as — I presume — that you're 'a sex-machine ready to reload' at any time and that a bit of soft flesh to squeeze will get you high as the moon and never tire or bore you — well, these things will be put to a test. You'll see that the arousal only lasts so long, and that it cannot possibly be relationship-creating. Whereas true attraction is (supposed to be) the exact opposite, something that strengthens a pre-existent relationship. But that is the future, so we might as well forget about all this for the time being

Well no, I’ve never gotten off easily to images- jacking off usually take me well over 20 minutes, sometimes an hour. Porn doesn’t do that much for me and even the hottest naked fat women can’t really get me over the edge just by looking hot. I have to be very creative with my thoughts. I’m always tired and stressed so the weight gain fetish helps a lot on days when “naked fat girls jiggles her ass” simply isn’t doing it. The whole reason I keep downloading so much porn is because I’m hoping to find something that works but it all gets old really fast or never helps to begin with. I can download 5 videos in a day and never watch any of them ever again. It’s like sifting a river for gold so that you can go spend it, and then you have to come back later and sift for more. At least it gives me something to do.

Just having a woman touch my arm gets me hard now, and I assume that actually getting to have sex with a woman will get me off very fast at the beginning, but then I’ll slowly go back to needing to rely on creativity. I’ve climaxed in like 3 minutes from the abstract taboo thoughts, and I’ve spent an hour and a half failing to cum to actual porn. I’m not naive about how tricky this stuff can be. If I can get 4 or 5 good orgasms out of a pornstar before I have to start using my imagination, then that means she’s extremely hot.

[vpprof]

On 11/30/2020 at 12:43 AM, Verlorener said:

Porn doesn’t do that much for me and even the hottest naked fat women can’t really get me over the edge just by looking hot. I have to be very creative with my thoughts.

 

On 11/30/2020 at 12:43 AM, Verlorener said:

I’ve climaxed in like 3 minutes from the abstract taboo thoughts

That's what I'm saying. It's not just about "I like the shape of a fat body", even though that's what everyone thinks it is. There's psychological machinery involved.

[Guest Verlorener]

5 hours ago, vpprof said:

 

That's what I'm saying. It's not just about "I like the shape of a fat body", even though that's what everyone thinks it is. There's psychological machinery involved.

But that taboo shit IS the sexualized trauma, not attraction. It’s the fat bodies that I find sexually attractive even if they don’t always get me off just by staring at them 2d pics of them mindlessly.