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Has anyone spoken to a sex therapist or professional about their feedism fetish?


PreyToGod

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I just read an article about how fetishism can virtually mimic any other form of addiction in the brain (for some reason I never made that association) and that explains a hell of a lot about my situation.

Over the years I’ve also chatted with probably 100+ feedees and it seems unanimous that this kink can and will consume your life unless you exercise extreme restraint and set immutable boundaries. 

I’m sure we’re all familiar with the cycle; the fetish starts to dominate too much —> take a step back and distance yourself —> fetish comes back more extreme —> quit and tell yourself you’ll never engage with it again —> stay away for a few days or weeks or months —> urges return so extreme that you almost feel possessed —> indulge in it heavily —> self disgust etc. —> try to find a way to enjoy it in moderation —> starts to dominate too much.

It’s literally like being addiction, and it leaves you feeling powerless to your urges.

Ive decided that this has gone on long enough, so I want to speak to a sex therapist about it and I was curious whether anyone here has done so?

If you have, is there any advice that you can offer about how to try and moderate it? 

Im a bit skeptical about how much help they can really provide but I guess I should find out.

 

 

 

 

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Sure, go ahead and pay for your therapist's overpriced German car.

What I'd suggest is that you make sure you're on a website with exclusively thin women when you jerk off. Try to find something attractive about them and get to work rewiring your brain. 

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Guest gorJESS

Can't speak so much on the fetish part but I'm pretty much a pro at addiction. Sex addiction is a very real thing, even if it's not actual intercourse... anything sexual, including pornography can indeed be addictive. If it has negative consequences on your life, then yes, you probably have some change-worthy behaviors. Therapy couldn't hurt. Group therapy was helpful for me when I first gave up something I was addicted to and dependent on. (and the group therapy was 100% free) One thing I absolutely had to do though, was abstain.
I think High pretty much nailed it. I wouldn't have been able to give up my addiction without help though, so don't be surprised if you find yourself in the same cycle, but don't beat yourself up either. Help is out there. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

People sometime identify porn itself as the probably, but in my view what enables addictive behavior is having such quick and easy and (largely free) access to such a huge volume of porn. If you get off on too much of it too often, and if it starts to replace real-life sexual relationships or to become a crutch you use to avoid real-life stressful situations, it can be really hard to quit because it's so easy to come by. You have to make it much harder for yourself to access or, more likely, abstain for a long period of time or forever.

But it's not really about the porn specifically (or the cigarettes, or the alcohol, or the food...). Everyone's wired differently and some people are more prone to this than others, but emotionally it's about using the thing for numbing and avoidance, sometimes to the point that it's no longer really pleasurable or fun.

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I just want to add my three cents. I got to a point in my life where I was having panic attacks once a week. I intuitively knew there were many things wrong with my life but couldn't make any progress except learn how to stop the anxiety during an attack. That wasn't enough so years later I went to a psychiatrist who suggested group and individual psychotherapy. I was diagnosed with several anxiety-related disorders but the thing I want to stress here is that group psychotherapy (12 weeks, every day, all day long, various activities) was the best thing that happened to me in my life. I learned much about human behavior, have seen subconscious motives in my behavior that I wasn't aware of, have learned to control some of it. Then I did some individual therapy.

Yes, I have spoken about my fetish to multiple people. The feedism topic is still virtually unexplored but from what I managed to learn and deduce, it is a form of sado-masochism. It is rooted in a perception of powerlessness. It often coincides with fetishes such as female strength, domination and also - on the other side of the coin - insecurities and misogyny. I won't elaborate on it here but while the fat fetish in itself is not a disorder, the underlying problems can certainly hinder normal functioning of an individual to the extent that they become part of a disorder. As such they warrant treatment. So it's not the kink that's consuming your life, it's your maladaptations that make you resort/surrender to the kink.

I find that view of "Don't pay a therapist" to be extremely deleterious. It is rooted in all the bad traits of a neurotic personality: envy, avarice, fear of a future catastrophe for which resources need to be saved. First, it's a normal thing to pay a professional for their work. Second, you need help and if you objectively can afford it (which I suppose you can, if you can afford a PC and access to the Internet), then refusing it simply out of stinginess is a great hindrance.

Plus, where I live, psychological help is covered by the state health insurance that almost everyone participates in. Yet I used both the "free" and paid therapy.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest gorJESS
On 10/22/2020 at 2:17 PM, vpprof said:

So it's not the kink that's consuming your life, it's your maladaptations that make you resort/surrender to the kink.

👏👏👏  ☝️THIS☝️ That’s what I learned about alcoholism as well. The booze itself wasn’t the problem, I was. 

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I don’t trust therapists 😒 I don’t trust them at all.

Remember the half-** friends are college you met at the party and you casually ask what their major is? “Psychology!” They say. “Easy 4.0! And I get to sit and listen to people and get paid big money.” Well, they’re therapists now.

I’ve never met a good one. Once I was forced to by the Dean of Men because some bullies were telling him behind my back that I was crazy. I wasn’t, the therapist said so, and the bullies were discredited —but significantly, the Dean would only believe the word of a “professional” who talked to me for ten minutes.

Fast forward to active duty. Going through bad shit, no one to talk to — absolutely no one — not even legal will help. So my friend suggests therapy. Constant reschedules, canceled appointments, and aimless questions about random shit like my “sex life” 😒 When I get out, her reaction is just “oh, so we don’t have to meet anymore.”

My sister married a therapist. It lasted eight months before he was cheating while claiming he was bipolar. And what do they do? See another therapist.

I don’t trust therapists. I don’t care if they’re professional; they’re strangers peddling theories. Oh, and never admit to seeing one if you want to do any kind of interesting job. They will reject you just for seeing one.

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11 hours ago, >_< 0_0 said:

I don’t trust trappists 😒 I don’t trust them at all.

Remember the half-** friends are college you met at the party and you casually ask what their major is? “Psychology!” They say. “Easy 4.0! And I get to sit and listen to people and get paid big money.” Well, they’re therapists now.

I’ve never met a good one. Once I was forced to by the Dean of Men because some bullies were telling him behind my back that I was crazy. I wasn’t, the therapist said so, and the bullies were discredited —but significantly, the Dean would only believe the word of a “professional” who talked to me for ten minutes.

Fast forward to active duty. Going through bad shit, no one to talk to — absolutely no one — not even legal will help. So my friend suggests therapy. Constant reschedules, canceled appointments, and aimless questions about random shit like my “sex life” 😒 When I get out, her reaction is just “oh, so we don’t have to meet anymore.”

My sister married a therapist. It lasted eight months before he was cheating while claiming he was bipolar. And what do they do? See another therapist.

I don’t trust therapists. I don’t care if they’re professional; they’re strangers peddling theories. Oh, and never admit to seeing one if you want to do any kind of interesting job. They will reject you just for seeing one.

I don’t have your experience but I do understand what you mean >_< 0_0, it be easy for humans to say to another that they knew what others feel, especially in this era when trim and thin is the way to be, but I think, in the end, nothing gets better or resolve it, as the specialist is paid for making you better for the norm, instead to see you you truly are. But mark my word, for many it will help to meet a Trappists because they need one to talk with. I won’t be presumably that I know how everyone thinks, I’m not a god or an all knowing being… I’m a ** old fool (in my writing time right now) that tries to live in an unforgiving world but I have lived long enough I guess that I trying to learn with the knowledge that we are all different and in the end, thanks to gods for that. 

 

I have never sought Trappists because off that I haven’t felt that I’m wrong, or that I need to fix something with me, rather than the rest of the world need to change with my preference ( i wish at least that ;) ). But in the end, I would say I have an addiction to growing women, but it utters most important to communicate this if you have a partner, if you don’t you will drag your love and your addiction to the lowest and it will be unsaveble… I have been lucky blessed with a girlfriend that understands my fetish but clearly said she doesn’t like it for now but is happy I will like her bigger if it happens. Sorry for my rambling but I feel that I should at least try to speak out, instead of hiding in just reading

 

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16 hours ago, >_< 0_0 said:

I don’t trust therapists 😒 I don’t trust them at all.

Remember the half-** friends are college you met at the party and you casually ask what their major is? “Psychology!” They say. “Easy 4.0! And I get to sit and listen to people and get paid big money.” Well, they’re therapists now.

I’ve never met a good one. Once I was forced to by the Dean of Men because some bullies were telling him behind my back that I was crazy. I wasn’t, the therapist said so, and the bullies were discredited —but significantly, the Dean would only believe the word of a “professional” who talked to me for ten minutes.

You've never met a good one, yet this one helped you, haven't they. 

Well, in my case, I realized that the only person who can change my life is myself. Yet I don't know how to do it so even if I learn one thing from a therapist, that will be beneficial. You see, a matter of where you place the responsibilities, if you know what I mean.

Besides, group therapy is really good because if it doesn't provide the effects you wanted, you have three other therapists and - more importantly - ten other patients like you to blame, haha (just kidding)

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Guest Verlorener

I don’t have a feeder fetish but I talk to my therapist about my fat attraction/weight gain fetish almost every week. Notably, my weight gain fetish is different from a lot of people’s in that I;

1. Never imagine myself causing the weight gain

2. Am grossed out by stuffing/other people eating and I only watch it if I can’t find better videos of the girl. 
3. Used to have sadistic, gory fantasies revolving around fat people being weak and inferior, but they basically went away during puberty, after I accepted that I like fat girls. 

Most of what I talk about has to do with guilt. Health concerns, feeling depressed when women lose weight, fear of being judged because I only want to be with a fat woman, issues with my own body image, shit from my childhood etc. I was raised with extreme, over the top fatphobia in the home and I have obsessive thoughts about these things that won’t go away. Add that to the fact that I’ve never even had a girlfriend, so I’m just stuck alone in my room with my awful thoughts, going to school online on account of covid.

EDIT; Just imagine how horrible it would be to raised by someone who is clinically OBSESSED with how bad it is to be fat and shoves it down your throat everyday to the point of verbal abuse for over a decade, only for you to then realize that you’re only attracted to big girls as soon as you hit puberty. I’m not ashamed of what I like and I don’t want to change it- I just want to get these chips off my shoulder.

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Guest Verlorener
On 9/29/2020 at 10:01 AM, Plumpnesslover said:

I think i feel lucky bc i mostly just have a belly play and chubby girl fetish, nothing too extreme and i still am attracted to thinner girls. I don’t know if I technically have the feeder fetish

When I was like 10-12, I liked skinny women the way I liked pretty female cartoon characters. As in, “ah, that tall, lanky girl has a really pretty face and hairstyle, and it makes me really shy when I’m around her”. But you know that painful, high pitched squeal that dogs make when they want something so bad that they don’t even know what to do with themselves? That’s what I would feel when I looked at girls with big bellies hanging over their pants and you could see the belly button crease through the shirt, muffin tops bursting over their jeans, side rolls like massive doughnuts, asses and boobs the size of basketballs, thighs bigger than tree trunks and arms bigger than a skinny girl’s waist. 

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On 10/22/2020 at 1:17 PM, vpprof said:

The feedism topic is still virtually unexplored but from what I managed to learn and deduce, it is a form of sado-masochism. It is rooted in a perception of powerlessness. It often coincides with fetishes such as female strength, domination and also - on the other side of the coin - insecurities and misogyny.

For some people, perhaps. But feedism itself is not monolithic. There are certainly feeder sadists who get off on making women helpless. But there are also feeder subs who’s thing is to be told by a dom feedee to give her the princess treatment and cater to her voracious demands. For others, like many kinks and fetishes, it might just be a case of “you like what you like”.

For me personally, I don’t identify with S or M. For me, the fetish is more about the physicality of it. The fat form is beautiful. When someone gets fatter due to their self indulgences, it is hot. If someone indulgently embraces getting fatter on purpose, that is the best of all possibilities and I will gladly help them in their way. And on the flip side, I can find thin but beautiful women aesthetically pleasing, but they don’t do anything for me sexually.  

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Regarding addiction, having a kink or a fetish may (or may not!) indicate some other psychological issue, but I don’t think that it in of itself is necessarily sign of an addiction. Indulging in kinks and fetishes can be a normal part of a healthy sex life.

On the other hand, a kink or fetish certainly can make it easier to develop a sex addiction, as it provides something specific to focus on. Sex, whether it involves a fetish or not, is addictive in the way that anything pleasurable such as shopping or gambling frequently are. I can see how fixating on a fetish could amplify the addictive potential for people predisposed to have an addictive personality. 

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On 11/2/2020 at 5:51 AM, Verlorener said:

Most of what I talk about has to do with guilt. [...] I was raised with extreme, over the top fatphobia in the home and I have obsessive thoughts about these things that won’t go away.

Sure, it's very difficult to deal with pretty much anything that is extreme, be it a cultural or a political or some other belief, especially if it's held by people who have authority over you. Any particular situations that trigger your guilt?

 

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I’m not ashamed of what I like and I don’t want to change it- I just want to get these chips off my shoulder.

You mean you want to stop feeling angry at your parents' mistreatment of you?

 

46 minutes ago, bluetech said:

For some people, perhaps. But feedism itself is not monolithic. There are certainly feeder sadists who get off on making women helpless. But there are also feeder subs who’s thing is to be told by a dom feedee to give her the princess treatment and cater to her voracious demands. For others, like many kinks and fetishes, it might just be a case of “you like what you like”.

For me personally, I don’t identify with S or M. For me, the fetish is more about the physicality of it. The fat form is beautiful. When someone gets fatter due to their self indulgences, it is hot. If someone indulgently embraces getting fatter on purpose, that is the best of all possibilities and I will gladly help them in their way. And on the flip side, I can find thin but beautiful women aesthetically pleasing, but they don’t do anything for me sexually.  

When I said "perception of powerlessness", I was referring to male fat admirers, not the feedees. 

Curious, why do you think it is hot when someone is indulging themselves? What is it about getting fatter on purpose that is appealing?

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Guest Verlorener
3 hours ago, vpprof said:

Sure, it's very difficult to deal with pretty much anything that is extreme, be it a cultural or a political or some other belief, especially if it's held by people who have authority over you. Any particular situations that trigger your guilt?

Well, I’m only attracted to fat women, I’ve never experienced the pleasure of actually being with one, and I’m actively afraid of anything that could threaten my ability to do that. 

It’s really hard growing up with a parent who obsesses over how unhealthy it is to be fat and forces that obsession onto you basically every day, only for you to realize you only like fat girls. And as I’ve slowly come to accept that I like actual fat women (so like 250lb +) a lot more than chubby women,  it’s gotten harder to deal with the health question.

I’m afraid I’ll meet a nice fat girl but then she’ll run into serious health issues, proving my fatphobic family right. Maybe she’ll just have a heart attack without warning; it’s happened to people before. I’ve kind of turned into a hypochondriac in recent years, so it’s hard to just not think about that shit. 

I’m afraid I’ll meet a girl, she’ll want to lose a lot of weight for health or confidence reasons, and I’ll be called controlling or shallow because I can’t go along with it. I get triggered by any discussion of health issues caused by being fat, or whenever a formerly fat women loses a lot of weight and gets praised for it. 

I just feel kind of assaulted on all fronts. There’s always someone out there who has some reason why I shouldn’t be able to meet my basic sexual and emotional need to be with a fat woman. 
So with that said, I wish I could be like the people who are fat or have fat spouses but don’t worry about it all the time.  Sure, there’s still the same health risks, but I wouldn’t be thinking about them so often. I’d get to stay in blissful ignorance until a real issue actually popped up. Maybe it never would. 
 

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14 hours ago, vpprof said:

When I said "perception of powerlessness", I was referring to male fat admirers, not the feedees. 

Curious, why do you think it is hot when someone is indulging themselves? What is it about getting fatter on purpose that is appealing?

I suppose I did misunderstand which side of the ** relationship you were referring to, but the point still stands. there is a perception that feedism is primarily about control, and thus can be classified as a subtype of S&M, whichever side the feeder and feedee take respectively.

But even though I consider myself a feeder and not just an FA, it is because the act of gaining weight gets me going in addition to a woman just being fat. There isn't really any hint of S&M in it at all. Instead, I think there might be a hedonistic aspect to it. Sex is pleasurable. Food is pleasurable. Fat is pleasurable. So more of all of the above is even better. I think it relates to why the Raiza Costa (never trust a skinny chef) thread in the celeb section is so popular. It is obvious that she is a bit of a hedonist when it comes to the pastries she makes, and that hedonism has resulted in her expanding figure. It is also fun to imagine (and some poor lonely deluded souls actually believe) that since she clearly enjoys her desserts, and since we enjoy the results of her decadence on her figure, that she enjoys the results as well. 

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14 hours ago, Verlorener said:

Well, I’m only attracted to fat women, I’ve never experienced the pleasure of actually being with one, and I’m actively afraid of anything that could threaten my ability to do that. 

You mean physiological problems with the pressure of certain liquids, shall we say? :D

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It’s really hard growing up with a parent who obsesses over how unhealthy it is to be fat and forces that obsession onto you basically every day, only for you to realize you only like fat girls. And as I’ve slowly come to accept that I like actual fat women (so like 250lb +) a lot more than chubby women,  it’s gotten harder to deal with the health question.

I’m afraid I’ll meet a nice fat girl but then she’ll run into serious health issues, proving my fatphobic family right. Maybe she’ll just have a heart attack without warning; it’s happened to people before. I’ve kind of turned into a hypochondriac in recent years, so it’s hard to just not think about that shit. 

I’m afraid I’ll meet a girl, she’ll want to lose a lot of weight for health or confidence reasons, and I’ll be called controlling or shallow because I can’t go along with it. I get triggered by any discussion of health issues caused by being fat, or whenever a formerly fat women loses a lot of weight and gets praised for it. 

I just feel kind of assaulted on all fronts. There’s always someone out there who has some reason why I shouldn’t be able to meet my basic sexual and emotional need to be with a fat woman. 
So with that said, I wish I could be like the people who are fat or have fat spouses but don’t worry about it all the time.  Sure, there’s still the same health risks, but I wouldn’t be thinking about them so often. I’d get to stay in blissful ignorance until a real issue actually popped up. Maybe it never would. 

Yes I can see you're under a lot pressure from different people. You've mentioned your family in two posts now so I guess that is important for you. The question is, why do you feel the need to please or placate so many people around you? I'd assume your ideal mate would be one that your dad or mum would be happy about. Try to think why you impose such a condition on yourself.

Also, regarding the "what if she loses weight" question. I suppose if that happened, there wouldn't be much fun left in the relationship, just the mundane daily chores and bores, would there? :)

3 hours ago, bluetech said:

I suppose I did misunderstand which side of the ** relationship you were referring to, but the point still stands. there is a perception that feedism is primarily about control, and thus can be classified as a subtype of S&M, whichever side the feeder and feedee take respectively.

Well, I'll tell you why I have this perception. Because guess what, my fetish, having been as strong as that of anybody here, recently started fading off for the first time in my life. How'd I managed that? Well, I myself researched the topic of fetishes (the therapists have no idea) and came to understand what it really is that's hiding beneath this "inexplicable" attraction to acts such as overeating, gaining, squashing etc. And trust me, it has much to do with who's on top, who's dominating whom. It's a constant struggle for dominance. But this is by far not the whole story :)

Tell me, have you ever fancied muscular girls, perhaps not necessarily in real life?

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But even though I consider myself a feeder and not just an FA, it is because the act of gaining weight gets me going in addition to a woman just being fat.

[…]

I think it relates to why the Raiza Costa (never trust a skinny chef) thread in the celeb section is so popular. It is obvious that she is a bit of a hedonist when it comes to the pastries she makes, and that hedonism has resulted in her expanding figure. It is also fun to imagine (and some poor lonely deluded souls actually believe) that since she clearly enjoys her desserts, and since we enjoy the results of her decadence on her figure, that she enjoys the results as well. 

What is the significance of the fatty tissue, what does it symbolise? What is the appeal of watching a hedonistic woman? Do you get turned on by fat people who aren't your possible mates? (Elderly men, for instance.)

It's a side question here really, but why do you think it's so important that your partner accepts your fetish, or even more, has it themselves? :)

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There isn't really any hint of S&M in it at all. Instead, I think there might be a hedonistic aspect to it. Sex is pleasurable. Food is pleasurable. Fat is pleasurable.

But still, so many people would agree to the first two and not the last :) Clearly there's something more at play than simple sensory pleasure. See my questions above ↑

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It’s great to see that this inspired a discussion. Here’s A few notes based on the many responses;

 

- I think there’s truth in the idea that it’s not the kink that’s the issue necessarily it’s that it’s part of a maladaptive response to stress and issues in ones life etc. When I’m feeling like shit or feeling powerless in life I’ll often find myself double down on fetish content - at least that will deliver a rapid hit of dopamine when nothing else can right? 
I’ll find myself looking up fetish stuff when procrastinating about a job application or something for instance. 
Au contraire when things are going well and I’m busy I don’t think to indulge in it as much, and it’s less of a necessity and more of a bonus I guess. 
Plus from talking to feedees - when they were engaging with it most heavily it was usually during low points when they were feeling bad about themselves. 
I think that’s an extremely important point.

- This community lumps too many fetishes together. It’s not about dominance or power with me. I’m just attracted to girls with bellies and to an extent stuffing. Even if the girl eats a normal amount of calories and exercises and lives a normal life, if she has a belly I’ll be into her (assuming she’s cute enough in other ways) - which may as well be part of a different fetish to the extreme forced funnel feeding tied up wearing a pig nose shit that I think is more about the power dynamic than anything else. Im literally just into the physical and actually I would want to be equal with my girl as much as possible.

- I understand that therapists don’t need to be familiar with feedism to offer helpful advice since it’s just another of the many fetishes out there - but I couldn’t personally see the utility in it. What could they do that I couldn’t do myself?

To me it would seem that the therapist would take me down either of 2 routes;

1) Treat it like an addiction and try to Abstain completely and replace it with other hobbies and interrupt thoughts about it with other thoughts and so on so over time the urges should abate or I’ll force myself to find pleasure in other avenues of life ( perhaps sexually as well). It will never disappear but it will become much less dominant. This would be extremely difficult though. 

2) Accept it so you’re not full of self hatred ( a lot of feedees are) and find a way to indulge in it moderately in a way that doesn’t detract from your life in any significant way - don’t resort to it when you’re procrastinating, don’t allow yourself to fantasise about it as often, try not to allow it to impact your romantic and sex life.

So I can see how you could moderate it in your day to day life but if girls with bellies are essentially what I’ve always been attracted to - should I really expect that to change if I did one of the above or would I just be setting myself up for disappointment? bearing in mind that just dating a girl with a belly isn’t a great option either long term because firstly it’s really rare and restrictive (I mean who tf really has a belly outside of this kink unless they’re like a middle aged Latina mum) , secondly she probably doesn’t want you drawing any attention to it and thirdly... if she wants to lose it, then what? Break up? 
 

I already had to break it off with a great girl I was dating because she started working out intense when I met her and wanted abs. I just thought... we want very different things so it’s not fair on either of us to be together. I was honest with her about how I like chubbier girls and so she deserves someone who can appreciate her body more - I thought she might take it as a compliment if anything but she didn’t take it very well. I felt like shit. It’s hard not to be angry at yourself and your sexuality in a situation like that. 
But self hatred does not help. 

 

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14 hours ago, PreyToGod said:

- I think there’s truth in the idea that it’s not the kink that’s the issue necessarily it’s that it’s part of a maladaptive response to stress and issues in ones life etc. When I’m feeling like shit or feeling powerless in life I’ll often find myself double down on fetish content - at least that will deliver a rapid hit of dopamine when nothing else can right? 
I’ll find myself looking up fetish stuff when procrastinating about a job application or something for instance. 

Exactly! 👏

The sexual activities provide an escape. When you have to do something unpleasant, like filing a job application, you resort to doing something more pleasant. But it's more than just pleasurable chemicals in the brain. It's about wallowing in this feeling of powerlessness, reliving that trauma.

I must say I envy your physique and can't wait until gyms reopen. :) What made you take up bodybuilding and how do you feel when exercising?

 

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Au contraire when things are going well and I’m busy I don’t think to indulge in it as much, and it’s less of a necessity and more of a bonus I guess. 
Plus from talking to feedees - when they were engaging with it most heavily it was usually during low points when they were feeling bad about themselves. 
I think that’s an extremely important point.

I agree. There is a scientific paper "Feederism in a woman", which I currently sadly don't have, which argues that this kink in women is a form of masochism (self-degradation). 

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- This community lumps too many fetishes together. It’s not about dominance or power with me. I’m just attracted to girls with bellies and to an extent stuffing. Even if the girl eats a normal amount of calories and exercises and lives a normal life, if she has a belly I’ll be into her (assuming she’s cute enough in other ways) - which may as well be part of a different fetish to the extreme forced funnel feeding tied up wearing a pig nose shit that I think is more about the power dynamic than anything else. Im literally just into the physical and actually I would want to be equal with my girl as much as possible.

Equal meaning…? Why would your girl be unequal to you and in what ways? Can she be "on top" as well?

Also, have you thought what the fatness may symbolise? Why is it arousing to see a woman gain weight? Would it be arousing if a person that you're not attracted to (elderly gentleman) were gaining weight?

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- I understand that therapists don’t need to be familiar with feedism to offer helpful advice since it’s just another of the many fetishes out there - but I couldn’t personally see the utility in it. What could they do that I couldn’t do myself?

Help you see how the things you say are interconnected. Say, this is an extreme example and I'm in no way comparing you to these individuals, the pick-up artists from the infamous reddit misogynist communities hold two antithetical beliefs. One, they want to be venerated by a woman. Two, they despise women to a great extent. Sidestepping the fact that if you despise someone, it's going to be a hard job hiding it and coercing them into admiration, the question remains, why they would seek validation from someone whom they value so lowly. Yet these guys will never see this connection on their own.

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To me it would seem that the therapist would take me down either of 2 routes;

1) Treat it like an addiction and try to Abstain completely and replace it with other hobbies and interrupt thoughts about it with other thoughts and so on so over time the urges should abate or I’ll force myself to find pleasure in other avenues of life ( perhaps sexually as well). It will never disappear but it will become much less dominant. This would be extremely difficult though. 

2) Accept it so you’re not full of self hatred ( a lot of feedees are) and find a way to indulge in it moderately in a way that doesn’t detract from your life in any significant way - don’t resort to it when you’re procrastinating, don’t allow yourself to fantasise about it as often, try not to allow it to impact your romantic and sex life.

Don't be angry at me but I think a good therapist would do neither. (Good = not some useless unconnected degree owner who did a 3-month course on therapy.) Firstly, he would ask you, what the specific issue that is bothering you is, be it sexual or another. Then he would try to coax you into imagining what exactly your ideal life would look like, to help you make your desires more concrete. Maybe you don't have a problem with the fetish. What is your job? Are you doing the thing you like doing? Why then are you apprehensive about applying for a job? When do you procrastinate? Do you feel strangled in your relationships? Can you afford telling the truth to your partners? Etc etc etc.

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Guest Verlorener
On 11/9/2020 at 8:09 PM, PreyToGod said:

So I can see how you could moderate it in your day to day life but if girls with bellies are essentially what I’ve always been attracted to - should I really expect that to change if I did one of the above or would I just be setting myself up for disappointment? bearing in mind that just dating a girl with a belly isn’t a great option either long term because firstly it’s really rare and restrictive (I mean who tf really has a belly outside of this kink unless they’re like a middle aged Latina mum) , secondly she probably doesn’t want you drawing any attention to it and thirdly... if she wants to lose it, then what? Break up? 
 

I already had to break it off with a great girl I was dating because she started working out intense when I met her and wanted abs. I just thought... we want very different things so it’s not fair on either of us to be together. I was honest with her about how I like chubbier girls and so she deserves someone who can appreciate her body more - I thought she might take it as a compliment if anything but she didn’t take it very well. I felt like shit. It’s hard not to be angry at yourself and your sexuality in a situation like that. 
But self hatred does not help. 

 

Um, if you’re from the west, then there’s a ton of fat girls, so I’m not sure what you mean about it being rare to find a girl with a belly.

Second, I assume you did the right thing breaking it off with her even if she took it badly. Those are boundaries that have to be set early on. I mean, you should be tactful about these things, but we live in a culture that’s always pressuring women to lose weight, so if you’re not attracted to smaller girls at all, then the girls you date needs to know that and respect that. I’ve never had a girlfriend so don’t take my advice though.

It’s one thing to have really strict standards for your partner, but something that non-fat admirers don’t get is (at least in my case) that fat is the thing that makes the body attractive to me. So skinny is for me what morbidly obese is to the average person, i.e. it completely lacks anything that sexually entices me at all. And my range is wider than that of a normal person; I very much prefer women in the mid to upper 200s, I think, but I can get off to a huge SSBBW or a smaller chubby woman if they have the right shape. The difference between the fattest woman I would fuck and the thinnest woman I would fuck is like 200 lbs. Not many people can say that. I wouldn’t date an SSBBW because the health issues are just way too guaranteed, but that’s a different matter entirely. 

 

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23 hours ago, Verlorener said:

Um, if you’re from the west, then there’s a ton of fat girls, so I’m not sure what you mean about it being rare to find a girl with a belly.

Second, I assume you did the right thing breaking it off with her even if she took it badly. Those are boundaries that have to be set early on. I mean, you should be tactful about these things, but we live in a culture that’s always pressuring women to lose weight, so if you’re not attracted to smaller girls at all, then the girls you date needs to know that and respect that. I’ve never had a girlfriend so don’t take my advice though.

It’s one thing to have really strict standards for your partner, but something that non-fat admirers don’t get is (at least in my case) that fat is the thing that makes the body attractive to me. So skinny is for me what morbidly obese is to the average person, i.e. it completely lacks anything that sexually entices me at all. And my range is wider than that of a normal person; I very much prefer women in the mid to upper 200s, I think, but I can get off to a huge SSBBW or a smaller chubby woman if they have the right shape. The difference between the fattest woman I would fuck and the thinnest woman I would fuck is like 200 lbs. Not many people can say that. I wouldn’t date an SSBBW because the health issues are just way too guaranteed, but that’s a different matter entirely. 

 

I’m in the west.... of Australia, arguably the fittest and most body conscious demographic I’ve ever seen. I mean look at me, I can’t exactly talk either. But it’s basically anti feedism. You can’t hide it because it’s sunny and warm 9 months a year so everyone wears shorts and singlets and stuff. 
 

I did feel bad as I have when I turn down other thin or muscular girls with good personalities because I start to question how shallow I am. I also once had a date with this feral girl I met on a dating app who I had no connection with and actually disliked... simply because she had a body that I found sexy, and thoroughly unenjoyed it and told myself j would start putting personality first...but this kink is so strong I feel like I’m not being true to myself by going for thinner girls 

 

I’m sort of the same - I do find a nice long pair of legs and tanned skin and nice eyes and stuff to be hot.... but they’re not nearly as sexually appealing as say a belly and boobs are. I wish I were like you - there are some big girls around here but I’m not into fat legs or fat rolls and stuff - I’m mainly just into the look of a hot girl who gained weight and got a belly and a bit of softness all over. 
Unfortunately I would always search and jack off to girls like that online so it became normalised for me - despite being a very rare and unusual body shape (and usually just short term too). That’s why I was worried what would happen if I met a girl who decided she wants to lose weight and hit the gym, and that’s why I felt like this kink is kind of unsustainable. 

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On 11/11/2020 at 12:06 AM, vpprof said:

Exactly! 👏

The sexual activities provide an escape. When you have to do something unpleasant, like filing a job application, you resort to doing something more pleasant. But it's more than just pleasurable chemicals in the brain. It's about wallowing in this feeling of powerlessness, reliving that trauma.

I must say I envy your physique and can't wait until gyms reopen. :) What made you take up bodybuilding and how do you feel when exercising?

 

I agree. There is a scientific paper "Feederism in a woman", which I currently sadly don't have, which argues that this kink in women is a form of masochism (self-degradation). 

Equal meaning…? Why would your girl be unequal to you and in what ways? Can she be "on top" as well?

Also, have you thought what the fatness may symbolise? Why is it arousing to see a woman gain weight? Would it be arousing if a person that you're not attracted to (elderly gentleman) were gaining weight?

Help you see how the things you say are interconnected. Say, this is an extreme example and I'm in no way comparing you to these individuals, the pick-up artists from the infamous reddit misogynist communities hold two antithetical beliefs. One, they want to be venerated by a woman. Two, they despise women to a great extent. Sidestepping the fact that if you despise someone, it's going to be a hard job hiding it and coercing them into admiration, the question remains, why they would seek validation from someone whom they value so lowly. Yet these guys will never see this connection on their own.

Don't be angry at me but I think a good therapist would do neither. (Good = not some useless unconnected degree owner who did a 3-month course on therapy.) Firstly, he would ask you, what the specific issue that is bothering you is, be it sexual or another. Then he would try to coax you into imagining what exactly your ideal life would look like, to help you make your desires more concrete. Maybe you don't have a problem with the fetish. What is your job? Are you doing the thing you like doing? Why then are you apprehensive about applying for a job? When do you procrastinate? Do you feel strangled in your relationships? Can you afford telling the truth to your partners? Etc etc etc.

Yeah so I think it’s crucial to overcome the addiction side of it regardless of whether you’re able to indulge in your kink in real life or not.

Thanks, bodybuilding was just something I fell into because my dad was into it too - and I got sick of being scrawny. I’m not sure whether to call it a hobby or a lifestyle but all I’ll say is that I support people to take it up but know that it can become an unhealthy obsession quite easily as well. I don’t actually find it enjoyable per se but I feel good after for doing it and I guess the endorphin rush isn’t bad. So I can understand why girls are getting more into it these days - it has mental benefits too if you’re reasonable with it. 
 

that’s true and it’s sad to see girls who clearly don’t have a feedism kink they’re just mentally ill or masochistic yet they get encouraged all the same under a guise of support and compassion. 
 

equal as in an even power dynamic. 
I’ve talked to some feedees who genuinely referred to themselves as being human pigs and their feeder was instilling that in them. To me that’s just perverse. Especially when it leaves the bedroom 

 

I guess I’m litterally attracted to the shape - I used to be into pregnancy when I was younger and luckily that turned into bellies because pregnancy is an even worse kink to have. Plus the greed aspect like a girl thinks she can get away with eating what she wants - so there’s some fantasy there as well. 
 

I wouldn’t say pick up artists hate women necessary but the lack of respect for women I think is a projection from themselves in many ways. Certainly it is with the incel culture but even in guys I know who do well with girls many of them are troubled and incapable of holding down a relationship - so they have this paradoxical anger at how women only seem to want them for Sex not for more than that even though that’s all they go for. I think a lot of them would benefit form therapy as well. I think everyone would really 

 

The thing that’s bothering me is that’s I feel like I won’t ever be fully sexually satisfied because of this obscure kink and I’m angry at myself for passing so many opportunities as well and for allowing the fetish to dominate a lot of my time and thoughts. I do have a problem with the nature of the kink too but I agree that I need to stop using it as an escape from other things I find boring or unpleasant 

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