How do you normally convince your significant other to not lose weight?

[Xxxan]

I’m curious as to how you men convince your significant other to not lose weight and instead gain more weight?

[Guest LionLily]

Mine leaves good sweet snacks everywhere...☺ 

Of course Im pro gaining, but just getting someone in the habit of eating sweets more often lets them loosen up and accept some extra weight. And if I ever complained about getting fat I got reassured 1000% that I was still attractive 🥰

[donnied80]

9 hours ago, Xxxan said:

I’m curious as to how you men convince your significant other to not lose weight and instead gain more weight?

My girlfriend wasn't a gainer at all, on the contrary she was slim and fit, but she liked her food. Having a boyfriend encouraging her to indulge herself and constantly reminding her that she looked fantastic made her let her guard down.. she piled on 10 lbs and and thought she needed to slim down. Again hearing that she looked just fab made her relax. And being spoiled with good food, nice restaurants and chilled holidays made the rest.. another 10 pounds.. and so on. We got up to 60 lbs gained in total.

[BloatedBarbie]

1 hour ago, donnied80 said:

My girlfriend wasn't a gainer at all, on the contrary she was slim and fit, but she liked her food. Having a boyfriend encouraging her to indulge herself and constantly reminding her that she looked fantastic made her let her guard down.. she piled on 10 lbs and and thought she needed to slim down. Again hearing that she looked just fab made her relax. And being spoiled with good food, nice restaurants and chilled holidays made the rest.. another 10 pounds.. and so on. We got up to 60 lbs gained in total.

That’s basically how my man did it when we were first together! I had assumed men always wanted girls to eat salads so I felt self conscious about enjoying food on dates At first. Once he said “I think it’s hot when girls like to eat burgers and enjoy themselves” my whole body always like relaxed like I had a weight lifted off my shoulders! Lol He made me feel relaxed loved and hot for me being me instead of giving into to societies beauty standards 💕 best thing to ever happen to me 🥰

[Nasus96]

Mine is a nice curvy girl (4'9 and 200lbs) but hates her condition...  But yes, she loves food and eating in general! Any advice to let her accept herself and gain some more weight?

[BloatedBarbie]

Just now, Nasus96 said:

Mine is a nice curvy girl (4'9 and 200lbs) but hates her condition...  But yes, she loves food and eating in general! Any advice to let her accept herself and gain some more weight?

Make her feel loved and not listen to the toxic social media 💕 

[John Smith]

"Significant other" sounds like a stretch for my concern. Though back to my hooking-up days, whenever my first feedee was albeit growing a little too much "body-conscious" and was rapidly diving through her episodic "gone-to-express-her-desire-to-lose-weight-to-outright-agressively-gaslighting-and-denying-having-ever-had-that-fetish" stages, I was merely testing her will by dropping along more junk food onto her hands. 

 

If she got pissed off by my endeavor and accused me from sabotaging her dieting, then she was serious and I leave her rummaging along with her umpteenth momentaneous resolution for the next half-year. If she immediatly stuffed her face, then she was playing with me all along as usual. The day I noted she haven't changed her mind after a trimester was the moment I realized I've lost our feeder/feedee connection.

 

I never coerce anyone from unenthusiastically pursuing this path: I only charm them. Play upon their deepermost temptations, their desires and the rest is just but a mindgame of innocuous Faustian bargaining, persuasiveness, positive reinforcement and casual socially-acceptable cues of public foreplaying. Which is still morally questionable, but far more greyer than using the subtleties of a couple dynamics to push one partner to pursue something its heart doesn't want to.

[Guest grateful]

Hate to be old fashioned here, but as an FA, I  am wired so that there must be a willingness on the part of a partner and a motivation to gain and that it is voluntary.

If there is any "technique"  I might use in a relationship, it is to study Bryan Adam's lyrics from "If you really love a woman"  and get to know a partner and treat them well, as in "appreciation",  NOT "need", and they may grow to want to please, to reciprocate kind and loving attention.

Nothing is free in life and you gotta put in to get out. No deposit, no return.

My two cents.  😁

[John Smith]

This is why I've always put myself a set of limitations about how far my morally ambiguous game goes. 

 

I'll only play with my partner's mind, eating pulses and lingering sexual thrill but under the condition that she let me cue that is what she absolutely expect from me-- and if not, she'll outright nudging me from immediatly ceasing our unwritten contract.

I try avoiding the temptation to push my "mojo" , as employed into the colloquial Anglo-American slang, ever further: I've seen before my very eyes what it has done to women who weren't even dating or frequenting me, but nonetheless reciproqued whether positively or negatively to me by sheer presence or charm in a manner that left them more empathically vulnerable than the common everylady. Quite a handful of times. All cultures told there has a prize to pay when you extensively play to (the) God/s.

Trust me... it's crazy how far a mere afterthought, action or suggestion can lead into.

[Xxxan]

13 hours ago, BloatedBarbie said:

That’s basically how my man did it when we were first together! I had assumed men always wanted girls to eat salads so I felt self conscious about enjoying food on dates At first. Once he said “I think it’s hot when girls like to eat burgers and enjoy themselves” my whole body always like relaxed like I had a weight lifted off my shoulders! Lol He made me feel relaxed loved and hot for me being me instead of giving into to societies beauty standards 💕 best thing to ever happen to me 🥰

I love this! I just have to say you are soooo beautiful! Hope you don’t mind I added you 😍😍😍

[BloatedBarbie]

3 hours ago, Xxxan said:

I love this! I just have to say you are soooo beautiful! Hope you don’t mind I added you 😍😍😍

I don’t mind at all!! Thank you you’re too kind! ☺️🥰 I wish this curvage community was bigger than society’s twisted standards! I think it’s slowly but surely growing which is comforting! 

[Chazzz von Brütal]

1 hour ago, BloatedBarbie said:

I don’t mind at all!! Thank you you’re too kind! ☺️🥰 I wish this curvage community was bigger than society’s twisted standards! I think it’s slowly but surely growing which is comforting! 

I would agree that Curvage is slowly but surely growing in more ways than one! Lol

[Chazzz von Brütal]

So to answer the original question, I never had to do much convincing. My wife LOVES TO EAT. Like, it’s her passion. I tease her that it is her true hobby. Lol! She is as comfortable eating street food as much as she enjoys fine dining. She is super curvy with huge boobs, a big butt, and a large round belly. She is beautiful to me inside and out and for the most part she likes the way she looks. 

I remember that we went on a date to a football game in Pittsburgh after only dating for a few weeks so we were still feeling each other out. She sent me a detailed list of the places she wanted to eat for every meal. We were set to be there for 3 days and she mapped out every meal with multiple choices across multiple types of cuisine. “Dinner Day 2- Hawley’s for seafood or Fat Heads for pub food” would be an example. It was then that I knew that she loved food and that gaining some weight would be inevitable. So I just went with the flow. I never forced her to gain or loose weight. I just constantly reinforce how goddamn hot she is and moreover how beautiful she is. She went from like 185-190 lbs when we met to around 210-215 now. She actually said yesterday that she was feeling “plump” and that she wasn’t getting on the scale to confirm because she “didn’t want the scale to rule her life”. I said this was great and that she should enjoy life and not let weight make her miserable. So I will continue to remind her that she is  beautiful and sexy and that I love her. 

 

[Bunny Velvet CLIPS]

I got my feederist tendencies from my man, and they've only grown on their own since then. He loves that I'm big, so I got a little bigger for him. He on the other hand, wants to be thin and trim. He used to be very thin, but I have fattened him up a little. It's hard cuz I want to keep feeding him, but I guess I'll just have to make him lean treats. That's alright, more sweets and fattening goodies for me! ☺

[ShoeshineBoy]

I have no idea.  I was dating a woman for a few years who started out in the low 200s.  She was well aware that I liked and dated much larger women, but she was always trying to lose weight, which she clearly indicated was for her own personal preference.  The weird thing here is that whenever we went to bed after she had been drinking, she would always say, "Am I not thin enough" or something similar.  I have no idea where that came from because I always had my hand on her belly when we spooned and I would say that bellies are cute and underrated.  Perhaps I did not make a big enough deal out of it, but it would happen too often.  We eventually split for other reasons.  She lost 50 pounds, but gained a lot of muscle, so she did have a very nice figure and the fat loss was never an issue for me.

[scissortooth]

Well, the "tactic" I use the most is... nothing. I mean, you cannot convince someone who honestly thinks they are too fat not to lose weight. If they are very eager to please or very afraid of not "meeting the requirements" of their SO, sometimes a direct request or declaration of preference might work, but I'm not sure if that is sustainable.

What do I do, then? First of all, I reinforce my wife's natural foodie tendencies. I cook good food, I take her out for good food (recently not so uch due to Covid and all), I buy tasty stuff... At the same time I support all actions that help her feel healthy. I avoid junk food except for occasional bag of crisps in the evening when we watch some series or a movie, I encourage her when it comes to her physical activity, we go for walks... Basically I try to make sure that any gain occurring from her love of food (and my ways of reinforcing it as well as my attempts at increasing somewhat the amount of calories she eats) does not make her feel bad. I encourage her to go to the hair salon, to go to a beautician, to spend money on any beauty supplies she likes or needs. I buy her clothes that I find sexy and that look good on her, which is a win-win - she feels sexier by herself and then feels sexier because I make her feel so too. All the self-pampering makes her feel well-groomed and downplays that feeling women sometimes seem to have that by being fat they "let themselves go". And the healthy food and physical activity make her feel healthy, strong and fit, as a result of which any TV talk of people having to lose weight to get healthy is dismissed by her as nonsense. At the same time, I do not ogle other women, I never comment positively on any woman other than her unless it's agreeing with her, and I basically make her feel like she's the only woman in the world, or at least the only one that matters to me. All of this helps alleviate the 3 frequent sources of anxiety that the society implants into fat women: that they are unattractive, that they are not healthy, and that they are prone to end up either without a relationship or in a wrong one. She feels attractive, healthy and loved. And in such conditions she really has near-zero motivation to care about the number on the scales or the measure on the tape. It obviously won't make her ENJOY gaining or staying big, but it takes away the motivation to lose or to watch her weight strictly. And this is enough in most cases. All people tend to have  slower metabolism with passage of time and in case of women who want kids the pregnancy is always a time when they WILL gain unless they really want to lose the baby weight and make an effort to do it.

TL;DR: I "convince" my SO not lose weight by first providing an environment in which she feels no motivation to lose weight or watch it, and then I provide opportunities for her weight to increase or at least not go down. Obviously, keeps mentioning once in a while that she could lose a pound or two. But then she does either nothing about it or does something and then aborts it after 2-3 days, having no proper motivation to do it. And for the remaining 99% of the time she just ignores her weight and is happy with life.

[extra_m13]

my answer may be repeated as i confess i did not read them all. i think the question is probably badly phrased. you don't convince her (or he) to not lose weight. first of all when the topic comes around there is probably a decision made already or some issues were presented before hand , like out of breath situations or clothes not fitting ... with the clothes there are probably two type situations that i remember right now. everyday clothes is problematic but easily solved as you can user other and get to buy something new in a short time. but, when there may be some kind of special event and she is looking for that particular dress and it just won't fit, chaos can come... so in short. the answer to that question may be to ignore the gain , do not mention numbers or point out at any new flab or roll that you are enjoying at the moment. just focus on the positive. and generate a comfy envorinment for drinking and eating. if you go on the confrontation strategy may money would be on the many problems to come pick

[mattkoty]

On 8/31/2020 at 7:33 AM, scissortooth said:

Well, the "tactic" I use the most is... nothing. I mean, you cannot convince someone who honestly thinks they are too fat not to lose weight. If they are very eager to please or very afraid of not "meeting the requirements" of their SO, sometimes a direct request or declaration of preference might work, but I'm not sure if that is sustainable.

What do I do, then? First of all, I reinforce my wife's natural foodie tendencies. I cook good food, I take her out for good food (recently not so uch due to Covid and all), I buy tasty stuff... At the same time I support all actions that help her feel healthy. I avoid junk food except for occasional bag of crisps in the evening when we watch some series or a movie, I encourage her when it comes to her physical activity, we go for walks... Basically I try to make sure that any gain occurring from her love of food (and my ways of reinforcing it as well as my attempts at increasing somewhat the amount of calories she eats) does not make her feel bad. I encourage her to go to the hair salon, to go to a beautician, to spend money on any beauty supplies she likes or needs. I buy her clothes that I find sexy and that look good on her, which is a win-win - she feels sexier by herself and then feels sexier because I make her feel so too. All the self-pampering makes her feel well-groomed and downplays that feeling women sometimes seem to have that by being fat they "let themselves go". And the healthy food and physical activity make her feel healthy, strong and fit, as a result of which any TV talk of people having to lose weight to get healthy is dismissed by her as nonsense. At the same time, I do not ogle other women, I never comment positively on any woman other than her unless it's agreeing with her, and I basically make her feel like she's the only woman in the world, or at least the only one that matters to me. All of this helps alleviate the 3 frequent sources of anxiety that the society implants into fat women: that they are unattractive, that they are not healthy, and that they are prone to end up either without a relationship or in a wrong one. She feels attractive, healthy and loved. And in such conditions she really has near-zero motivation to care about the number on the scales or the measure on the tape. It obviously won't make her ENJOY gaining or staying big, but it takes away the motivation to lose or to watch her weight strictly. And this is enough in most cases. All people tend to have  slower metabolism with passage of time and in case of women who want kids the pregnancy is always a time when they WILL gain unless they really want to lose the baby weight and make an effort to do it.

TL;DR: I "convince" my SO not lose weight by first providing an environment in which she feels no motivation to lose weight or watch it, and then I provide opportunities for her weight to increase or at least not go down. Obviously, keeps mentioning once in a while that she could lose a pound or two. But then she does either nothing about it or does something and then aborts it after 2-3 days, having no proper motivation to do it. And for the remaining 99% of the time she just ignores her weight and is happy with life.

Not TL, totally read and thanks!  Very appropriate with excellent approach and perspective,   

[Guest grateful]

Also: It's great to allow salads and walks etc when it comes up.....mostly this is necessary so that your partner doesn't feel steamrolled.

If she goes on to cross fit etc. it's something you couldn't and shouldn't mess with anyway.

Nine times out of ten after she exercises her right to be healthy and work on her body, she may even tuck into some treats even more. having lost a few.

Statistics are on our side.

Dieting people on average gain steadily over the years.

I am aware that patience can be difficult----emotionally it has been tough for me in the past and something I have had to work on.

I sometimes think that my ancestors  starved out and left me patterned with a panic reaction when a loved one isn't "eating enough".  😮

Great thread. Have enjoyed everybody's comments.  😁