how do you deal with guilt when i’m a relationship when you have this fetish?

[Zelda64]

 

Hello everyone. I would like people who are in a relationship with someone who is not a feedee and get their advice. I’m trying to get comfortable with this fetish. In the future I want to have a relationship where I can indulge in this fetish. At the same time I want me future boyfriend to be heathy and I want to have a heathland lifestyle with him. The problem is every time I see a guy I’m interested in I just think about if they weighed a little more and if I find out they are excersising a part of me feels disappointed because they goes against my feedee desires. I would never put my sexuality above my partners health but I feel like when I am in a relationship I will be constantly thinking about what they ate or what they did that day. I just feel like this fetish will get in the way of having a proper heathly relationship. I want to have a partner who will excerize with me but i fear that in the future I will internally not want them to because it could result in them getting chubbier. I also feel bad that a part of me is sexually turned off by someone who is healthy because of this damn fetish. I just feel so scared and confused

[Guest Taway123123]

If it's important to you make it clear. 

She will let you know if she's okay with putting on weight. And lucky for us she can decide at any point that it wasn't what you guys thought and then back off.

 

If the thought of the weight loss gets you down, bring it up. Maybe you could plan out stuffing nights by counting calories over the week. 

 

Big thing is the only right answer is what you both agree on. It's super scary to have that talk, too! But it'll be worth it once you've said your thoughts out loud. And remember to talk about how you feel. Not what others are doing or not doing. Simply how you perceive and feel about actions taken. 

 

"I feel like my attraction is based on your weight gain and that excites and scares me." 

Not

"You need to gain weight to make me attracted to you.",

 

[IG-89]

I was "closeted" in my relationship for over a decade. It wasn't until a hacking scare that I finally gave up the ghost and let my now wife know about my Feedist desires.

Some background:

When we started dating, she was around 145 lbs and over the first two years of our relationship she gained up to 190ish lbs. I was in heaven, however she has always worked in the fitness/nutrition realm part time, and when she was offered a full time position she buckled down and lost weight, got in great shape and over the next year ended up getting down to 135 lbs. She maintained a little belly pooch, but the rest of her body shrank and shrank (apart from her ample boobs which stayed very large throughout). Her weight fluctuated a bit, but for the next two years she never got back above 145 lbs.

I was in Hell. I obviously supported her decision and made every effort I could to help her feel better in her body, but deep down I resented her for her desire to be thin. But at the end of the day it was her body and her choice and I love her no matter her weight so I stuck with the relationship. That being said, our sex life took a big hit. I wasn't able to keep a strong erection and often had to use my imagination to finally ejaculate after much effort. I was always guarded and fairly vanilla in the bedroom, because this is really my only kink, so I was never very vocal and usually deferred to her preferences. My eyes and mind began wandering to other women. I never cheated or stepped out of the relationship, but I selfishly considered it more than once. I often fantasized about adding extra better, other fatty ingredients, or even appetite stimulants to her food but that would have been really shitty to do and so other than making her servings equal to mine (240 lbs male), I never stooped to that level and usually had to eat her leftovers.

Eventually she got promoted to more of a desk position, was no longer teaching 4-6 hours of fitness classes each day, and her weight began creeping back up. Over the next three years she slowly gained back to 170ish lbs. Then we got engaged and she lost 15-20 lbs before the weeding, but never got back to her lowest weight. Our Honeymoon was in Europe and we drank and ate our fill, she told me she had gained 10 lbs when we got back home, and that was the last serious attempt for her to lose weight. She hovered between 170 and 180 for the next year or so until the day the hacking scare happened.

It was a stupid spam form email I came to find out, but they did have an old discarded email and an old password that were legit so I got scared. I wasn't going to pay any bounty to protect my sexual fantasies so I decided to finally sit my wife down and explain my fetish. She took it well I thought from our initial conversation. I explained some terms and offered to show her curvage but she declined. She doesn't have a great relationship with food already (her family often commented about her weight growing up and basically starved herself when she had gotten down to 135) and I told her how I do not expect her to partake in my fetish at all, but I felt a huge weight off of my shoulders to finally be fully honest with her after so many years.

And that was that for several weeks. She nor I didn't bring it up again. That is until a night of bar hopping where she got deep into her cups. Once we got home she EXPLODED at me. She told me she felt betrayed that I hadn't told her before. She accused me of making her fat and hamstringing her weight loss attempts. She couldn't believe that I found her sexier when her gaining weight made her feel so gross. She has even decided after our conversation to do some of her own research and stumbled into some of the darker sides of feedism which really shook her.

I explained how I love her and her body, but I don't love her only because of her body. Told her how I will support her if she wants to lose weight and volunteered to work out with her if she wanted and eventually calmed her down. We talked some more and finally got her fully calm when I said that I have had this fetish our entire time together and never acted on it, I wasn't planning to start now. I answered some more of her questions and calmed her fears that I wanted her to be so fat she couldn't leave the house and we went to bed.

Since then (about a year and a half ago now) our relationship has been better than ever. She has gained up to 235 (last I heard, but i suspect she may weigh more than me at this point). We still have never done anything to do with feedism, she just seems to have relaxed about her weight knowing I will love her no matter what the scale reads. She will occasionally decide she needs to lose weight, usually when she has to go up a size in jeans, but a few salads later she has her hand back in the cookie jar.

All this is to say, honesty is the best policy. If I could go back I would have told her years ago. She's not into weight gain and feedism, but if I told her before I could have saved myself years of torment by knowing where she stands from the beginning. A kink isn't everything, very few relationships revolve solely around sexual fetishes. 90% of a relationship is trust, hard work and having someone who you like to be around. It's best to be open about your sexual preferences, I learned this the hard way. Being open and honest will help you both work together to find what works for you both. Maybe they won't want to gain weight, but they would be willing to pretend they are overfull for your enjoyment. Maybe they will hang on to some outgrown clothes to wear around when they want to get frisky. There is a number of ways you could indulge your fetish while still respecting that their preferences don't 100% match yours. Or who knows, maybe you hit the lottery and they are into it, but if you aren't honest with them you might never know.

Sorry for the wall of text. Hope this helps.

 

[extra_m13]

if we are honest i think most of us have been there. personally... at first, in some relationships i had somewhat the same intriguing and anxious feeling of wanting to see her gain every day every week. but in real life things don´t really happen that way. i do think most of us have a weight range in which we tend to fluctuate and when we go overboard we feel poorly about physical being. that is why it is utterly weird to see this ladies gaining so easily , celebrating it and carrying on with their life. i used to think that if i am going out with a 50kg lady, in a couple of years if she really wanted, she could double her weight and from that on, well, the sky was the limit if she was young and strong enough but i was mistaken because there is a lot more in a relationship and we shouldn't focus so much on physical aspects. 

personally i do fantasize about my lady getting super big, or any lady to be honest, but i am not sure having my wife needed to me moved by crane is the life i want to have. or having her struggle with serious health issues before time, and you know what i mean by that, it is not really ok to need a bench to take a shower because you get out of breath and you are under 35 years old. it is very hot yes, but not ideal if you are planning on having a long life