I think my boyfriend might be trying to make me fat?

[jia]

Hi. So I'm new here but I've been lurking as a guest for a few weeks.

 

I think my boyfriend might be trying to make me fat but I'm not sure and I want to hear what you experts think.

 

We've been dating for about six months, and moved in a few months ago. Obviously we were moving pretty fast, but we were going into lockdown and we decided we wanted to spend it together.

 

Since then, everything has been pretty good, despite moving in together so quickly, but I've put on 26lbs. Before moving in together, I put on 5lbs, maybe 10lbs, over the few months that we were dating before lockdown. I am now 178lbs so that's quite a lot for me to gain. And I'm 5'4.

 

I would usually be devastated over the weight gain, and don't get me wrong I'm not happy about it, but my boyfriend has been making me feel a lot better by showering me in compliments and talking about my curves. I probably would have gained some weight in lockdown even without him being around, but I really do think he's the reason why I've gained so much. I'm kind of lazy when it comes to cooking but he loves it. He makes dinner most nights, and dessert, and does lots of baking and always brings it to me. He's really good at it and I usually can't resist what he makes, and he always looks disappointed when I try and restrain myself and sometimes he says things like "but I spent an hour making it for you!" so then I want to make him happy and eat it. And he makes pancakes for breakfast several times a week. 

 

I'm not sure though, because he might just be being nice and trying to take care of me?

 

Let me give you an example. Last night, he made lasagne for dinner. He took our plates out to the kitchen and said "I'll get you some seconds" but he didn't get any for himself. I ate it anyway. We then had brownie for dessert, with ice cream. And then he opened a pack of chips and took like three, then passed it to me, and I ended up eating the rest of them while we cuddled and watched a movie. He said he didn't want any more when I offered them. He had his arm wrapped around my tummy while we watched the movie, and he kind of rubbed at it occasionally. When I finished the pack of chips I said something about feeling guilty and was kind of a bit cross at him unfairly (I know it's my fault for eating them all), but he just kind of laughed and said I shouldn't worry and that I look great.

 

I'm fairly open minded but I don't want to get super fat! Right now I'm pretty content because it's just the two of us and I like eating the food he makes, but eventually once I go back to work it will be embarrassing if I'm even fatter. However I don't want to bring it straight up because if I'm wrong it will be super awkward. I've been googling it a lot so I feel like maybe now that it's in my head I'm just exaggerating all the signs? Maybe he's just a nice guy who likes to cook and who wants me to feel comfortable about my body regardless of my size?

[boss frond]

Look, if he's just offering food an you're eating it then that's not really anything. If he is trying to manipulate you into eating more then that is a problem. Just talk to him without making accusations.

[SBBBF]

It kinda sounds like he's fattening you up. He might not even realize it though. I've done a lot of these things your BF does. Not with the intention of fattening my GF but just wanting to make her happy and I go for girls that really like food. I'd ask him what he thinks of you getting fat and ask yourself how you really feel about it. I'd just tell him you've gained 26 pounds and are worried he's feeding you too much. Maybe just ask if he likes you bigger. 

[John Smith]

I think your boyfriend might likely had asked for some advice someplace here or in FF.

[Guest high]

He sounds like a monster. Get yourself a boyfriend into HIIT.

[Guest Tundrakyle]

Communication is key, I say maybe talk to him about it. Or maybe try asking him questions that force it out of him. Like. "Do you mind the weight I put on?" "I've gained so much from your food" and see if he gets aroused. Should give you a clear indication.

[dania201]

Food-wise, he reminds me of my grandmother—always pushing food on people and vicariously enjoying the satisfaction got from it. The world is FULL of non-fatsexual feeders!

If eating like this and the weight is something that you genuinely don’t enjoy, then I say shut this down. If it’s something you want to explore, then I’d say you do your own research on what you like about it and explore it together.

 

Girl, your body is yours, you get to decide. Feel free to DM me if you need someone to talk to offline. 

 

 

[Guest ChubbyPrince]

As others have said, talking to him is best. A big point with this community is consent and clarity. Who knows, he might not, but talking about it and laying down guidelines if he is is the best thing to do going forward. 

[John Smith]

5 hours ago, dania201 said:

Food-wise, he reminds me of my grandmother—always pushing food on people and vicariously enjoying the satisfaction got from it. The world is FULL of non-fatsexual feeders!

If eating like this and the weight is something that you genuinely don’t enjoy, then I say shut this down. If it’s something you want to explore, then I’d say you do your own research on what you like about it and explore it together.

 

Girl, your body is yours, you get to decide. Feel free to DM me if you need someone to talk to offline. 

 

 

Why are you even comparing your grandmother who still sees you like a chubby spoilt toddler, when we're clearly speaking about something related to sex and preferences in couple, mate?

 

If your girlfriend attempts to push you into developping your abs and being more carefully attentioned about your looks, would you compare it to your grandfather who was making you running the park and comb your hair proper as if his platoon was still running away from the Viet-Congs and the Greasers?? Or does she only want to see a better V-cut abdominal-worthy panorama?????

[jia]

13 hours ago, high said:

He sounds like a monster. Get yourself a boyfriend into HIIT.

Lol I mean when you put it that way. Obviously I would prefer a boyfriend who makes me food rather than one who makes me work out! 😂

 

I don't think he's a monster or anything, I think he's lovely, I just want to see whether you guys think I might be right about whether he likes fatter girls or not.

[jia]

11 hours ago, Tundrakyle said:

Communication is key, I say maybe talk to him about it. Or maybe try asking him questions that force it out of him. Like. "Do you mind the weight I put on?" "I've gained so much from your food" and see if he gets aroused. Should give you a clear indication.

Thank you, I might try saying some things like this.

[dania201]

3 hours ago, John Smith said:

Why are you even comparing your grandmother who still sees you like a chubby spoilt toddler, when we're clearly speaking about something related to sex and preferences in couple, mate?

 “Mate” —

My point is PRECISELY that people “feed” others asexually.

[John Smith]

15 minutes ago, dania201 said:

 “Mate” —

My point is PRECISELY that people “feed” others asexually.

Not her boyfriend.

[dania201]

2 hours ago, John Smith said:

Not her boyfriend.

Based on experience, agree to disagree. 
 

That said, I have a hunch that by the time the OP is here, she’s got a good inkling. Women tend to have a good sense of these things. 

[John Smith]

18 minutes ago, dania201 said:

Based on experience, agree to disagree. 
 

That said, I have a hunch that by the time the OP is here, she’s got a good inkling. Women tend to have a good sense of these things. 

Well, agree to disagree with you, since from as much we know, a man who keep make a girl fatter and showing complimentary admiration toward her curves, does not this for asexual reasons simply because he is not asexual at all.

 

But feel free to disgenuously brand out a whole label over somebody whose girlfriend downright stated he find what results from her weight gain appealing.

[dania201]

I know English isn’t your first language: I think we agree that he’s likely a feeder. 

[jia]

Well I told him "you're feeding me too much. I've gained so much weight!" when he baked a cake today.

He kind of made a dismissive gesture then asked me how much weight I've gained.

I told him I've gained 26lbs since we moved in. I then asked him "do you really still find me attractive?"

He immediately wrapped me in a hug and said "totally . . . in fact if I'm being honest, you look better with a bit of meat on your bones."

I said okay and dropped the subject. And ate the cake lol. And he seemed pleased. 

So I think he's at the very least into bigger curvy girls but I'm not sure how far it goes. I'm past the point that most guys who just like "curvy" girls find hot - like my tummy sits over my waistband - so his preferences go a bit beyond normal. I'm planning to ask him if he'd still find me attractive if I gained more weight - would he find me more attractive if I was even heavier - but I need to find a conversation opening.

I'm not judging him or anything and of course I love eating the food he makes but I seriously need to restrain myself because I'd feel bad if I reached 180lbs, and I'm really close to that. Obviously it's stupid because like the significant numbers scare me - like every 10lbs - but it's arbitrary and it's not like an extra 2lbs makes a difference. So I'm trying to keep an open mind.

[John Smith]

16 hours ago, dania201 said:

I know English isn’t your first language: I think we agree that he’s likely a feeder. 

Don't lecture me about my writing language skills when you're finishing your sentence by contradicting yourself.

 

There haven't such thing like an asexual feeder.

[chunkylover58]

I think the best time to discuss this is after sex. Ask about each other's kinks. If he doesn't out himself, ask him about the weight you're gaining. That's when he'll probably out himself.

[Guest Tundrakyle]

Next time he makes you something that you know is a bunch of calories, I would try and say something like, "if I keep.eating like this I'm going to get huge! Hope you dont mind babe" and see what he says. From what you have already said tho it seems like he is a feeder but is too scared to say anything

I would maybe try to discuss your kinks after sex like what was mentioned about 

[dania201]

8 hours ago, John Smith said:

Don't lecture me about my writing language skills when you're finishing your sentence by contradicting yourself.

 

There haven't such thing like an asexual feeder.

🤦🏼‍♀️

[Guest high]

18 hours ago, dania201 said:

🤦🏼‍♀️

I'll help you out- it's helped me greatly.

You can put him on "ignore" in your settings and none of his posts will show. It's the only thing keeping me here.

[jia]

I planned to bring up the topic after sex but chickened out. But thanks for the advice guys, I still plan to bring it up I just need to not feel awkward!

Also turns out I've lost 2lbs since I last weighed myself like a week ago. Maybe just water weight. I have tried hard over the last week to not eat too much when I realised just how much I'd gained over the last 3-4 months. I didn't think I'd been very successful but maybe I did manage to actually lose some weight. My weight does tend to fluctuate a lot though. And it's hard to be motivated when I think my boyfriend likes me better this way anyway.

[Guest ChubbyPrince]

14 hours ago, jia said:

I planned to bring up the topic after sex but chickened out. But thanks for the advice guys, I still plan to bring it up I just need to not feel awkward!

Also turns out I've lost 2lbs since I last weighed myself like a week ago. Maybe just water weight. I have tried hard over the last week to not eat too much when I realised just how much I'd gained over the last 3-4 months. I didn't think I'd been very successful but maybe I did manage to actually lose some weight. My weight does tend to fluctuate a lot though. And it's hard to be motivated when I think my boyfriend likes me better this way anyway.

One thing you can also talk to him about, if you end up doing that, is setting a limit. If this is something you end up liking (and that he’s actually into) that could be an effective compromise.

[jia]

Well we had a talk yesterday. I can't remember the exact words obviously but I will summarise it.

He made boysenberry cheesecake and brought it to me while I was watching netflix in bed. I decided it would be a good opportunity to bring it up following some advice on here. I complained "I'm going to get so fat if you keep making food like this"

He told me I shouldn't worry about it. Then he said "you know I think you look better curvy"

So I asked him, "would you still find me attractive if I was like 200lbs?"

He said "honestly . . . I think you'd look great. You really don't need to worry about gaining weight with me. You should just enjoy yourself" then he kind of hesitated and then said "I actually think you might look better at 200lbs than you do now"

So this kind of made me feel better just in case I accidentally keep on gaining weight. Because especially when I'm at home all the time it's hard to not gain weight. At least he'll still find me attractive. I guess it just means I can really relax more. Because I used to fluctuate, sometimes truly believing he likes me curvy, then doubting myself and thinking that he couldn't actually like it.

But I decided to push him further and I said it like it was a joke derisively "what if I was like 300lbs?"

He really hesitated this time then was like "yeah. honestly. I think you'd look great. I'm just real into curvy girls, you know?"

I was like "300lbs is not curvy. that's like obese."

He said "well, I guess you can call it what you like." and then he said a bunch of stuff about how he likes seeing me happy when he makes me food and likes watching me indulge and he thinks my tummy is really cute.

But I guess I was kind of upset to hear that he would like me at 300lbs. That's so much more than I am now. And I told him "well there's no way I'm going to get that fat"

He said that's ok and he said again that he thinks I look great. And that if I gained a bit that would also be ok.

And I just said ok. And I our conversation kind of ended. And we watched a netflix show together.

Like I was a bit upset but I feel better now that I've had some time to process. I have decided that I am going to relax a bit and that if I gain, I gain. Which let's be honest I probably will because I do love food and because he is definitely not exactly putting me on a weight loss diet. And I have gotten lazier about exercising in the last few months. It's harder when we're at home all the time and also because I have gained quite a bit of weight it is a bit more tiring to exercise.

Today he was much more open about showing affection - he cupped my tummy which sits over the waistband of my pants a bit (it doesn't hang or anything). So I'm glad he feels more like he can express himself. And I enjoyed eating the massive breakfast he made me.

The only little problem is that I feel a little bit insecure because I know that I am both too fat for most people to find me attractive, but I am too skinny for him. I mean I know he finds me attractive, but he'd prefer it if I was quite a lot heavier.