KFD talk: Closet FAs.

[KFD]

I know that I am normally one for not saying much more than yelling at people for their actions that may or may not violate rules on here, but I figured I would make some sort of a halfway serious contribution to the community that I love so much.

Something that for the life of me I will never ever in this day and age be able to wrap my head around is the closeted FA. Twenty years ago, it was more commonplace, you would even see Pop Culture references and jokes, such as the moped yarn, referring to shame and society's perception of our preference. 

All you young cats out there in internetland who are currently wrestling with how your friends or family might react when you bring that overweight dream home, pull up a chair, or a Toyota engine block, and let's talk about this.

Allow me to indulge and talk about myself more than staying off the grass...

If we were to jump into the DeLorean and go back to the early to mid eighties, you'll see a young KFD. As a phrase going back to Plato and Socrates goes, it was a simpler time back then. I would be at the grocery store with my mother, and walking around with her as a little toddler. It wasn't that she was negligent, it was the times back then. Often as young children do, they can disappear in a Split Second. More than anything, all my mother would have to do is go find the largest woman in the store, and normally I would be trying to hug on that woman or trying to get her to hold me. So that right there sets up the notion that I was hardwired to gravitate towards larger women. My grandfather wasn't an FA at all, in fact there were no large women in my family, but he would often indulge in my hobbies and avocations, and even as a young boy, he would take me to the mall so I can count the fat girls. This has to be around year six for me. Puberty won't hit for another seven years or so.

So now as someone who is not quite Generation X, and not exactly a millennial either, a lot of us discovered their sexuality at the dawn of the burgeoning internet. Still a lot of us couldn't find too much in the way of satisfying any sexual needs, a Lane Bryant catalog, maybe some Theighlor videos in a darkened corner in the back of a seedy porn shop, next to the gay midget section. It was slim pickings. 

Of course I can say, the Yahoo groups much like the one that this site evolved from did give us some sexual refuge, but again a lot of the things that were available was some aging troglodyte who was maybe three hundred pounds at most. Of course there were the Kellygrls, the WazUpGirls and the Carolyn Owens. We can talk all about the early days of what I call Internetfatgirlworld, but that's not why we're here.

Cranking it out to a screen with fuzzy pictures and 56k dial-up didn't help in real life. Any sort of bigger girls at my school were few and far between, and very rare, and coupled with the maturity of teenage girls, and my lack of ability to interact with them, kept me relegated to the under hood of my car. If my couldn't be open with my preference a woman, in my mind, any sort of sexuality was off the table. So, I focused on getting good grades in school, playing football, working on my beat up old Buick Skylark Gran Sport, and leaving Florida, and going back to California where I came from.

Now the South had far more proliferation of large women, but then going to sunny Southern California beaches? Even less. So do you think I settled for some skinny surfer chick knowing that the size of her body was not going to make my wee wee hard? Hell no!

So here we are at an impasse. I know what I like physically, I know it gets a physiological reaction out of me, but we're still at that societal notion that there is a stigma around preferring large women. Now I have yet to use that filthy disgusting fucking f word that I loathe so much, and there is a reason for it. We will get to that later.

I started going to college, and start dating curvier plus size women, and then I met my daughter's mother. She was a rarity among the tiny women seen in sunny Southern California. Now keep in mind, the BBW scene wasn't exactly what it is either, Shadoe Roberts still ran Club Moxie in the basement of the Redondo Beach Pier, the Butterfly Lounge was only once or twice a month at this point. But back to my kids mother. She was 12 years older than I was, full huge boobs, a thick midsection with a relatively flat stomach, and a beautiful symmetrical face that didn't have a double chin. She looked young, and she was curvy. But if she was sitting down or behind a desk, your jaw will drop she walked around the counter or the a desk and you saw her 67 inch hips contrasted against her 34 inch waist. She honestly could be a doppelganger to Big Cutie Jenni. 

Now remember when I said I kept my sexuality off the table, so that meant I was relatively Late Bloomer when it came to losing the V Card. I had a girlfriend in College, that I did lose that v card to, and she probably wouldn't even get a Second Glance from anyone here. Six months later, that blonde haired pear-shaped Vixen with those immense hips and the largest ass I've ever seen on a white woman, was pregnant with my child. Now it was the hottest fantasy I've ever seen, because everything on her swelled up.

The reality punched pretty hard, besides impending fatherhood, but the stares and glances. Will you be in a public place, and here I am 20, 125 lbs soaking wet, 0% body fat and pretty cut from surfing and skating and being active, walking around with a morbidly obese woman who had thighs larger than my waist. 

It was at that moment that I honestly didn't give a damn.

I got used to the snide comments, and turmoil from my family about being trapped by the large woman who is in her thirties. Body positivity wasn't a thing yet, and well you could go on any social media right now and find a 400 pound woman in a bikini in .02167 seconds, the acceptance just wasn't there. But watching that big ass bounce when she walked, or she struggled to go through a turnstile was the hottest thing ever. She was the living embodiment of a fertility goddess. 

I could ramble all day about this, but the same time this isn't helping you with your emotional struggle. All the grief, all the strife, that I expected to get from being a woman of size was all my own perception. 

This is the thesis statement I'm trying to impart on you guys. In this day and age, we consider far less things to be sexually taboo than we did 20 years ago. Your biggest adversary about coming to grips with the fact that you like women of size is your own perception. Are you worried about what your friends, or your family thinks about your preference? Maybe you should ask yourself if their approval of your sexual preference is that important. If you are with that socially acceptable size zero, and all you lust for is an SSBBW, are you going to be happy?

Back my kid's mom, as much as she ticked all the right boxes, physically,  and even if I was twenty, and all I cared about was screwing chicks, drinking beer, and eating cheap Pizza, emotionally and intellectually, she wasn't the one for me. So we parted ways.

Another integral part of who I am, is that I'm a proud veteran. Afford some pretty intense friendships, and you deal with a lot of ribbing and what you civilians might call bullying, that was all part of the comraderie of military life. Any guesses how often my sexual preference was the brunt of ribbing from my buddies?

Another great pearl of wisdom that I picked up and almost four Decades of existing on this rock is that your biggest insecurities and fears when one on your sleeve or shoulder is your biggest armor. So of course, the KFD likes fat chicks thing came up a lot, and here's something else I realize, is that perception is a pretty powerful thing. 

I'm not going to comment on the level of chauvinism that young men amped up on testosterone have in the military, but a common bar game these guys special on East Coast would do, is go to the bar and find the biggest chick and take her home. For those guys it was sport, because that's not something they wanted. Well if big girls make your wee-wee hard, it wasn't a contest. I stood my ground with my preference, and once these guys realize it didn't get any sort of emotion out of me when they started giving me crap for liking big girls, the mood shifted instantly. And in all honesty, I have seen more people react with the "Cool, do your thing", moreso than the "You like fat girls?! What a wierdo! Hey Schmuckatelli, Petty Officer KFD fucks fat girls!". So again, why are you scared to be seen with that BBW dream?

Remember when I talk about that nasty fucking f word? Yeah, the one that I loathe with a purple passion? That is fetish. We've discussed it plenty of times here, but there is a distinct sharp delineation between the two. You don't take a fetish home to your family, you don't build a life around a fetish. I like women of size, the same way a gay guy likes sucking dick. Is he a fetishist? No, he's gay. I have to scratch my head at the guy that's going to call me a fetishist, when all he dates is Asians. How is that any different? It isn't. 

Now the one last thing that I will talk about again, is perception. I was out with somebody's back on my wild days in Mississippi, where there is a proliferation of large women. I was out with my wrecking crew at a local Watering Hole, when I saw a blond BBW dream. I went right to her, and struck up a conversation. Luckily for my friends, she had her group of friends that my buddies were all interested in. They were pretty girls, just too small for me. Like I said, I was preoccupied anyway. We had a good night, I'm not going to comment any more than that but later one of my buddies told me that I was the ultimate wingman. To that I responded to him, "No, I am not the wingman. I'm just fortunate that I have an endless supply of friends who will willingly jump on the grenade for me and handle all the skinny annoying chicks I don't want!"

It's all in perception, fellas. 

YOU DON'T NEED SOCIETY'S APPROVAL FOR YOUR PREFERENCE OF WOMAN.

KFD out.

 

[Guest Blonde Babe]

The greatest impact that being a closeted FA has is on larger women. They are deemed alright to have sex with, but told that no one would want to be seen with them. It takes a huge psychological and emotional toll on bigger women. 

[NikkiMaialina CLIPS]

I was *just* going to say the same thing. Someone being embarrassed to be seen with you is one of the worst feelings imaginable. I don’t get the need to hide what you like. It makes NO sense! 🙃

[jakemcduck]

Like I always say, if you don't have the courage to date the bigger girls, #1 you don't deserve her and #2 you don't know what you're missing.  Proudly being with a BBW is even better than your imagination (especially if she is also an FA).  

It's true about how things were back in the day.  I'd get ridiculed for all the fat girls I liked, ironically all but one of my friends also liked fat girls, but for anyone I dated no one said a negative word about them or suggested I shouldn't be with them for any reason.  I think the hardest part was having the feedist kink and not having anyone who understood.  I must have annoyed a lot of my friends by going on and on about this girl or that girl who was gaining weight.  I've never dated a thin girl.   Every girl I went out with was some degree of overweight, but I haven't dated anyone under 200 pounds since the 90s.  Me being unafraid to be with bigger women encouraged my friends to do the same.

The moral of the story is, date who you want and don't worry about what small-minded people think.  People love to rain on your parade whether it's your dream to be an astronaut or your dream of a 400 lbs wife.  Ignore them.  Live your life on your terms.

and @KFD , thanks for the topic and "best wishes".  

[Guest Soja]

As a guy in his 30s, I really relate to this post. The idea that a 19 year old FA nowadays would still feel the need to be closeted is crazy to me, with the higher levels of tolerance and how open the internet makes everything. Trying to be someone else sexually than you truly are will come back to bite you, no matter how much short term shame you have to get over. Once you get over it, not only do your sexual fantasies start coming true, but you also simply become happier. 

If any FA in high school is reading this, just date that chubby girl that obviously has a crush on you! 

[ComradeCaine]

Millenial here. I feel like growing up in the 00s alot of society and media was focused on women having a perfectly flat, washboard tummy and showing it off. There was lingering stigma about being fat or dating fat chicks. Especially college there was a huge hubbub about who's getting fat, who banged a fat girl, ect.

Nowadays fat is still a bad word but "thick" or "curvy" are A-OK. Body positivety and all that jazz. Just look at current commercials, there's a gang of bigger girls who are still TV pretty but no where near the size 00 waifs of the past couple decades.

I could count on two hands the girls I didn't get with or passed aside because of the worries of what people thought of me. Don't put others expectations ahead of your own feelings. A good part about aging is less fucks are given. I'm thirtysomething now and could care less about how people think. Some guys like big boobs, I like big bellies. So what?

KFD got it right, it's all perception. 

[Guest FeederDave]

6 hours ago, KFD said:

would often indulge in my hobbies and applications, and even as a young boy, he would take him to the mall so I can count the fat girls

“Get in son, we’re going fat girl counting”

[zorist]

As one of the younger people on curvage, I really do appreciate this post. I've struggled with liking bigger women ever since I discovered I did, to the point where I tried to ignore this part of me in the hopes that it would go away. As I've gotten a little bit older, I've come to terms more with this part of myself, and I've been happier for it.

I'm working on being more open about this part of me, and just this weekend I finally told my best friend about it. My big reveal was received with some degree of judgement from my friend, but afterwards I felt better having gotten it off of my chest.

As for the impact on larger women, I completely agree that it's a terrible thing that nobody should have to deal with. However, I also feel like it's also an oversimplification of the issue to say that it makes no sense to hide it. It can be scary to be open about what you like. Friends give you judgmental looks and girls can take it the wrong way when you tell them you like bigger women. 

I'm working hard to get to the point where I can be totally open about my preferences and not feel affected by what other people think, and I'm so thankful that the body positivity movement has made it easier for me to do that, and for women to feel more confident in their own skin. I hope this helped anybody else who has ever felt the same way, and hopefully if we can all be more upfront about what we like, the next generation of larger ladies and kinky fuckers who can't stop ogling at them won't have to feel ashamed of who they are.

I would say zorist out, but nobody's done that since the 80's

[NikkiMaialina CLIPS]

4 minutes ago, zorist said:

As one of the younger people on curvage, I really do appreciate this post. I've struggled with liking bigger women ever since I discovered I did, to the point where I tried to ignore this part of me in the hopes that it would go away. As I've gotten a little bit older, I've come to terms more with this part of myself, and I've been happier for it.

I'm working on being more open about this part of me, and just this weekend I finally told my best friend about it. My big reveal was received with some degree of judgement from my friend, but afterwards I felt better having gotten it off of my chest.

As for the impact on larger women, I completely agree that it's a terrible thing that nobody should have to deal with. However, I also feel like it's also an oversimplification of the issue to say that it makes no sense to hide it. It can be scary to be open about what you like. Friends give you judgmental looks and girls can take it the wrong way when you tell them you like bigger women. 

I'm working hard to get to the point where I can be totally open about my preferences and not feel affected by what other people think, and I'm so thankful that the body positivity movement has made it easier for me to do that, and for women to feel more confident in their own skin. I hope this helped anybody else who has ever felt the same way, and hopefully if we can all be more upfront about what we like, the next generation of larger ladies and kinky fuckers who can't stop ogling at them won't have to feel ashamed of who they are.

I would say zorist out, but nobody's done that since the 80's

I don’t usually argue on here, but I stand by my statement that it makes no sense to hide it. You know we’re human beings, right? We have feelings, too. To hear that it’s embarrassing to be seen with me is incredibly painful and I’ve heard it more than once. So you get judged a little for being with big girls. And? We have to be fat and be judged by society 24/7. We have to live in these bodies. We don’t get to hide. Do you think we don’t get judged? Do you think we don’t get comments about our size? If more men would stand up and say “big women ARE beautiful” maybe people wouldn’t be so hateful. Maybe we wouldn’t face such hate for just being big. 

Ultimately, what does it matter what anyone else thinks?

[Guest Soja]

I can empathize when you write "girls can take it the wrong way when you tell them you like bigger women" because I've been in that exact situation.

But a) you will be in zero situation by saying nothing

And b) the reason big women don't believe men that say this (or think all FAs are soulless fetishists) and desperately look for a man who likes them "despite" their appearance is because not enough men are out there representing. If there were more men in more numbers proudly dating fat women, it would be normalized.

I do think that's changing though, judging by the higher amount of younger hetero couples I see where the woman is heavier than the guy, compared to years past.

[zorist]

@NikkiMaialinaI literally said that the judgement bigger women face is a terrible thing nobody should have to deal with. I understand that that’s something we should all be fighting against and I said that I was working towards being more open about it. It’s unempathetic to respond to someone saying that they’re trying to improve upon something they’ve struggled with by accusing them of not seeing women as human beings and saying “So you get judged a little for being with big girls. And?”. I would never tell you to just get over the comments about your size and the people telling you they were ashamed of you. Judgements hurt. I’m not trying to say that the impact or scale of these harms are equal, but these issues are deeply intertwined and I don’t think trivializing anyone’s experience is a way to move us forward.

[NikkiMaialina CLIPS]

I stand by what I said. The trivial judgement you face is nothing compared to what fat people face. You say you aren’t comparing the two but then you tell me “I would never tell you to just get over the comments about your size and the people telling you they were ashamed of you.” I’m honestly annoyed that you would compare the psychological damage fat women (and men) suffer with you being a little embarrassed by what your buddies would say. I hope in time you can see that. 

Edited May 26, 2020 by NikkiMaialina

[Guest FeederDave]

To younger people all that exists is image and as such anything that can lessen that image is seen as extremely harmful. These attitudes and ideas tend to dissipate by young adulthood, when real life achievement becomes the mark of their own self image, and things seen as embarrassing or something that will destroy their image tend to take less a burden on them. 
 

TL;DR experience and achievements  in the real world will make embarrassment dissipate. 

[Guest FeederDave]

Say it loud n proud, I LOVE FAT GIRLS. there’s nothing to be ashamed of. 

[bangs15]

tl;dr but i have no shame in my friends seeing me date a fat girl so long as she's cute, smart and interesting, i even feel more confident when i do like, "this is what i like, deal with it."

however, i dont talk about my fetishism, be it fat fetishism or weight gain. they can know i like fat girls, but i am uncomfortable being open with the details like "man, i'd love to pull her by her belly fat while riding her"

[pac_matt]

This could be my first proper post on this site...? Be nice [emoji23]

My background is I've been around the various websites for 15 years and attended club nights and meetups over the last 3 years and met my partner as part of that.

Whilst I can see@NikkiMaialina point; I've heard some proper horror stories over the years from folks I know in the community regarding insensitive comments or downright awful actions when it comes to dating BBW, I think that@zorist post on the experience of being "in the fridge" is valid and likely one experienced by many on here.

I look back to young me and tut then laugh at how silly I probably was. I feel that when you're a young person you're still working out who you are - and still leaving that teenage stage in your life, where you're trying to fit in with 'your' crowd. It shouldn't be a big deal to date a BBW but if you've got a bit of conditioning from media or peers to shake off it can take time. You're taught "this is what you should like" and it can get confusing if that's not you. This is what young me felt like.

Looking at the body positivity movement now, I feel like there's a lot more openness and expression, it's great to see and hopefully leads more folks to live as their true selves much easier. Dating a BBW is no different to dating anyone else but I'm not going to berate anyone still going through the early process of finding that out. It's usually all built up in your head and ultimately proper friends and family don't care (in a good way). They might not understand it but it's your preference, not theirs, as much as you don't care (in a good way) whatever they have going on in their lives.

Sent from my H3113 using Tapatalk

[pac_matt]

To younger people all that exists is image and as such anything that can lessen that image is seen as extremely harmful. These attitudes and ideas tend to dissipate by young adulthood, when real life achievement becomes the mark of their own self image, and things seen as embarrassing or something that will destroy their image tend to take less a burden on them. 
 
TL;DR experience and achievements  in the real world will make embarrassment dissipate. 

Or I should've just quoted "what he said" ^^^ [emoji23]

Sent from my H3113 using Tapatalk

[zorist]

@NikkiMaialina I just don't understand why it has to be one or the other. Again, like I said, the purpose of my comment was not to compare what fat people and people who are attracted to them have to go through. My point was that it's insensitive to tell someone who's struggled with something that their feelings and experiences don't matter because other people have it worse. Just because different people face different levels and kinds of judgement from society doesn't mean it's kind or productive to minimize or dismiss the challenges anyone has faced. I understand that the judgement I face is only a secondary effect of society's hatred towards fat people, but I also don't think shaming people into "coming out of the fridge" because you seem to think we're cowardly for being in there in the first place is a good way of addressing these issues.

[NikkiMaialina CLIPS]

3 minutes ago, zorist said:

@NikkiMaialina I just don't understand why it has to be one or the other. Again, like I said, the purpose of my comment was not to compare what fat people and people who are attracted to them have to go through. My point was that it's insensitive to tell someone who's struggled with something that their feelings and experiences don't matter because other people have it worse. Just because different people face different levels and kinds of judgement from society doesn't mean it's kind or productive to minimize or dismiss the challenges anyone has faced. I understand that the judgement I face is only a secondary effect of society's hatred towards fat people, but I also don't think shaming people into "coming out of the fridge" because you seem to think we're cowardly for being in there in the first place is a good way of addressing these issues.

Again, I stand by my statement. But your mind is made up and nothing anyone says is going to make you change your mind or see things from a different perspective. It seems as though you expect sympathy for struggling to accept a preference for larger women and I’m just not going to give you that. I’m sorry if that seems harsh. There’s just nothing shameful about liking big girls. I do genuinely hope that you are able to see this and disregard the irrelevant opinions of complete strangers.

I will, however, concede that a feedism fetish (which I have) is another matter entirely and not something I wish to discuss at the dinner table with the family. 

[zorist]

@NikkiMaialina I didn't come here looking for any sympathy. I know that there's nothing shameful about me liking bigger women or having a feedism fetish. I've gotten over that part. My initial intent here was to share the positive experience I've had opening up despite my fears about judgement from others in the hopes that other people in my position would be able to do the same. I honestly don't even understand what you're trying to get me to change my mind about. I've agreed with you about the horrific way fat people are treated by society and told you that I'm working on opening up. The only reason I engaged in this argument is because you tried to tell me that the fears I had (which I think many people share, and which I've said that I'm working on overcoming) were invalid and somehow indicated that I didn't see fat women as human beings.

[Guest FeederDave]

3 hours ago, zorist said:

The only reason I engaged in this argument is because you tried to tell me that the fears I had (which I think many people share, and which I've said that I'm working on overcoming) were invalid and somehow indicated that I didn't see fat women as human beings.

Phobias are Irrational Fears, What you’re describing here is Fatphobia, and what you’re expressing is emotionally scaring to larger people.

 

we are here to affirm and love fat bodies 

[jakemcduck]

Here's another thing, a bit of advice I'd give the young-uns.  What's with the coming out BS?  And public reveals?  Why do you think there has to be an announcement?  You're inviting a judgment your fragile egos apparently can't handle, over something you shouldn't care about.  What kind of reaction from fatphobes were you expecting?  I never came out of the closet for bigger girls because I was never in one.  I just dated who I wanted.  I didn't gather my friends together over dinner and say oh by the way I like bigger girls.  When that's all they see me date they'll probably figure it out and guess what?  It's none of their business anyway.  Same goes for family.  I don't announce to a random 'bigger girl' that I like bigger girls.  I just take them to dinner and assume they'll figure it out if I keep dating them.  They're people no matter what their size.  You're dating a person not a number on a scale.  This isn't nearly as complicated as you seem to think it is.  If someone had something negative to say about who I'm dating, I'd say 'you dissin' my girl, mf'er? because i don't abide by that'.  end of story.  It's not up to a committee of friends and family who i find attractive or decide to date.  And it shouldn't be for you either.  

[Guest FeederDave]

21 minutes ago, jakemcduck said:

It's not up to a committee of friends and family who i find attractive or decide to date

👏

[goodgirlgrow CLIPS]

disclaimer: I read KFD’s post, and skimmed and avoided the comments. I saw a disagreement and just decided not to read it because I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to do so right now. That is to say, the following is not in response to the comments, but to the original post.

I’d like to thank @KFD for this post here. This is an incredibly thoughtful and considered piece, and I’m inclined to agree with you. Perception is powerful. 

it took a lot for me to dive in and truly consider my own happiness and it’s weight being greater than the comfort of others. 

here is something very personal I hesitate to share... my older brother is a FA. I often cringe at the idea of him finding me on curvage and really just generally hate thinking about him as a sexual being (LOL). It wasn’t until about his 20s that he gave into it. But just being dumb kids growing up together, I knew he liked bigger girls and why (just overhearing him say shit about girls asses and enjoying cellulite etc etc etc ew fuck ew my brother hahahahahahaha). He would joke to his girlfriends occasionally that they needed to eat some hamburgers. It just became increasingly obvious to everyone, particularly when he started dating a girl who was about 350lbs. Mind you, my brother is 6’4 and 155lbs on a heavy day. All that so say, I know first hand how shitty people can be towards someone just for liking, not even dating, big girls. My mother took YEARS to get over it. It went from her burning my ears with her disapproval to “she’s, ya know, his type.”  The point I’m not making clear (remember: it was 97° today where I am) is that my mom would get MAD at him. She would be mad at him for hours. They had a real, exclusive 2-year relationship! And never was she nice, and all because this girl was big. She would be fucking mean to both of them at dinners. And then my mom would wonder why this girl wasn’t nice to her? 

I just want people to read that and understand that this is what these closet FAs are afraid of. I would pray it isn’t as selfish as it might appear, and that part of their hesitance is subjecting the girl they’re dating to that bullshit. If you know your friends and family well enough to know they would treat your big beautiful girlfriend like shit, it’s hard to see that going well. In a real, sustained, committed relationship, that it would really be okay that every time you guys spent time with friends and family that it made you both feel like shit. That after apologizing and reassuring this girl and she leaves your place to go home, that your friends or family call to debrief you that you accurately perceived any judgement and that yes, they do in fact disapprove.

YOU HAVE TO SAY FUCK IT AND YOU HAVE TO SAY FUCK IT TOGETHER. And that’s not easy. It takes a lot of personal strength for both parties.

I also commend you for pointing out that it’s stupid to call this a fetish. Maybe stuffing is a fetish, but I agree that dating big girls isn’t. 

 

Edited May 27, 2020 by goodgirlgrow
Typos, also why am I weirdly formal? Christ my brain is fried wtf

[zorist]

2 hours ago, FeederDave said:

Phobias are Irrational Fears, What you’re describing here is Fatphobia, and what you’re expressing is emotionally scaring to larger people.

 

we are here to affirm and love fat bodies 

Bro I can tell you right now that I don’t have a problem with fat bodies. I had that fatphobia instilled in me from a young age like most of us do, and I’ve had to overcome it on a personal level. The fears I know I still have (which I know are also largely irrational) are about other people’s judgements of me based on what I like, and about people I think are beautiful taking it the wrong way if I say I like bigger girls. I just don’t appreciate being mischaracterized for having basic human fears about others’ judgements which I’m working to move past.