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Giving up the feedist dream: Is it worth it?


Love2CGrowth

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A question that often comes up on websites like curvage is: 'I love my partner of X years but they are not fat/a feeder/feedee  - should I leave them for someone who is?'. And more often than not, the advice that comes up is 'don't throw away your relationship for a fetish'. So my question for those who followed that advice and stayed- what happened next? Was it worth it in the end or do you wish you left in search of your ideal partner?

I'm luckier than most- I've landed with a 245lb girlfriend and we are both adored by each other's family and friends. Unfortunately she is opposed to the idea of gaining weight on purpose, and despite my attempts, isn't really on board the fat positivity train... both a source of great inner turmoil for me (particularly as I always dreamed of settling down with a SSBBW!). I am fully aware that if I do nothing, I am basically assured a good life with her,  yet I will always be missing something. It's the age old 'settle for sensible or search for supersize soulmate' conundrum, but i know I'm likely resigned to the former....

So what happened for you? Was giving up your feedist dream worth it for your relationship? Be honest!

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I think a balance needs to be struck. 

Prior to my wife I dated a girl who was 5’2” and about 200lbs at the start of the relationship and by the end of our relationship 2 years later was 267lbs. She figured out pretty early on that I was in to fat women and she also discovered a tab I mistakenly left open my laptop to Bigcutie Sasha’s page so the cat was out of the bag. She was really cool about the whole thing and from that point on ate without pause. She even let me feed her a few times as foreplay. Our sex life was fantastic and I was living out a FA’s dream, but there were other issues in the relationship that made us realize it wasn’t meant to be. 
 

Fast forward to my married life now. I’ve been with my wife 4 years and I wouldn’t change a thing. There was such a strong connection on all levels I knew she was the one in the first five minutes of our first date. She doesn’t have any idea an FA community exists, doesn’t know what BBW stands for let alone what feedism is, but again, I wouldnt change a thing and I’ll tell you why. 1. She’s my best friend. We share so many interests and passions that I can’t imagine being with anyone else. 2. She’s never been skinny. Even at her lowest weight she was skinny-fat. I realized early on that with her snacking  habits and general lack of will power that she would never be thin and would eventually blow up 3. Her mom and older sister are heavyset and I was pretty confident she would follow suit (she has). 4. My wife has indulged my preferences in the bedroom ever since I told her I like her fat and would like if she got fatter. Shes not a feeder or intentional gainer but she’s making no effort to stop eating so much or to lose weight. 
 

So for me, yes, it was worth punting on the idea of marrying a feedee because I wound up marrying my best friend and she’s turning into a butterball on her own. 

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there has to be a balance in which sex and fetishism and eating and gaining ocupies only a part of it and not the core of the relationship because that will likely end up in a bad note. personally of course i would love my wife to tell me that she will gain intentionally 30kilos, but then... another 30kg ? and another ? that is not likely sustainable and therefore cannot be the foundation of a true lifelong relationship. it all depends on what you are really looking for i guess. but feedist dreams as such yeah, will have to be given up at some point with a particular lady because what would you do if she agreed to gain, and she gains, and she gets to be monumentally obese, at 600-700 pounds, will you ask her to gain more ? that may be not sensible for a long term relationship, that is if you want to grow old with her

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Those are good points both really good points. I think for me personally as much as i fantasize about having a 600lb partner and would encourage any woman who wanted to be that- i would definitely want a partner at a size that would allow the relationship to thrive outside of the feedism aspect (travel etc.)

It is good to know also that shared interest in that field does not equal happy relationship- and that some are better off with open minded non-feedees than someone who is feedism positive but has other issues that makes the relationship untenable...all food for thought!

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People still talk like this? Different weights and body types to notice things that escalate with unique thoughts and personalities. I'd see it as a firecracker that wears off as a novelty if I don't see anything backing it up honestly.

In a way it's kinda similar to being a sugar daddy (there's no such thing as a free lunch need not apply here) and needing a variety of fulfillment over a one trick pony that's a novelty at best.

Maybe a positive checklist helps, like who I can do certain things with, who is more likely to show initiative/desire, and who rewards me for putting up with her, lol big meal I'm sorry food b.a.b.ies are kinda cute. Does help safeguard from the constant excuses or fighting over a few pounds.

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But you don't have to take my word for it. I just experience a really potent clientele these days and just wait for a special someone to get hungry enough to pull the trigger to encourage me, and then I'll go after her lol, trusting things won't fizzle out by communication, and respecting by not doing the same things with everyone.

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Guest Lurks in the Void

Have you ever wondered why you should listen to your desires ? Where do they come from ? Why bother ? 

It's a fetish or libido. Why give your dick primacy in your life ?

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Thanks for all the feedback! Good points all. I suppose the takeaway is that it shouldn't really matter at all in the right relationship or a healthy one- which leads me to think that any relationship where so much emphasis is put on it, perhaps it isn't the actual issue so much as a scapegoat....

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I dated a girl in high school and college that gained for me. I suppose one could say I was living the feeder's dream. She was 210 when we met, near 400 when we broke things off 6 years later. She just ate and ate, especially after we moved in together. She used to tease me to get me going with her gigantic ass and belly. During sex she'd grab her stomach jiggle it, and say "look at how fat I've gotten just for you baby" etc. It was hot, and sometimes I miss that. Other than that, I don't miss anything about that relationship. She got that big partly because she was extremely lazy. I ended up doing all the household chores, working, and going to school. She did none of those things. Tv and playing on her computer filled her days while pizza, pasta, cookies, and fast food filled her belly. When I finally woke up and decided my journey to adulthood didn't include someone like that, I decided it was over.

I am now married to a really wonderful woman who works hard,  shares my ambition, and overall get-it-done mentality. We were neighbors and we started hanging out together in the evenings and on weekends not too long after my ex and I split up. I thought she was cute with her D cups and a bouncy little booty squeezed into size 10's. She's 5'2", and she wasn't super skinny when we met. She's definitely not now. She's probably 180-200lbs. Her weight fluctuates, and we don't even own a scale. She knows about my fetish and she has told me she is going to eat what she wants, regardless of whether it makes her fat or not. She generally doesn't over eat, and she is fairly active. Of course I try to encourage snacking and treats, but her weight isn't a core part of our relationship. She's chunky, fun in bed, smart, loving, hardworking, and a good mother to our kids. I would never trade her for a fatter woman just to be able to re-live the 'feedist dream' as you call it.

While this fetish is always going to be part of me(I always get excited when I see my wife jump out of the shower and I think I see her tummy bulging out a little further or her ass jiggling a little bit more) I love my wife for her personality, not her shape. At the same time I don't feel like I've settled either. I don't feel like I traded my ideal ssbbw girlfriend for a less attractive woman that is a better life partner. Admittedly, the first time I had sex with my future wife I was really skeptical about being with someone less than half the size of my ex. I've grown to admire her shape and size more and more over time as my love for her as a person has grown. I honestly think my wife is smoking hot, like every time I see her naked I think holy shit how did I land this total babe. My idea of the perfect size and shape for a woman has transformed into exactly what she looks like at any given time.

To make a long story short, you have to find someone that works with you for living life. It sounds like you already have, and it certainly seems like she is fairly plump as she is. If you truly care for this woman and she cares for you, you guys will most likely be happy together even if she won't indulge your ssbbw fantasies. I suspect you will find that your attraction to her will grow with your relationship as well.

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Bellluvr this is great advice.....and I agree with everything you said.  

I have one question though....obviously from what you stated is the other woman you dated that got up to 400 lbs. obviously wasn’t the complete package on many of the levels you were looking for so it makes sense that there is no regrets at all that you made the right choice.  But how would you feel if all of a sudden your wife that you love and have so many things in common or that check off so many boxes to your liking started packing on more lbs. than usual and all of a sudden continued and started to like her heavier figure and as she was in the 230 lb. range you not only would see her appetite increasing a lot but she seemed  to like the extra weight and now started teasing you with it as she became very excited and aroused about her own weight gain and how you loved it.  You watched as she gained even more very quickly and she constantly talked and teased you with how fat she was getting and how she couldn’t control her appetite anymore.....and that you better love her if she got really Fat.  You obviously wouldn’t mind that .....would you?  I mean she is the one you love and if this happened it would kind of be the icing on the cake wouldn’t it?  I happen to be on the same situation as you short beautiful curvy wife around 180 lbs. but I dream not only of more weight on her but also dream of her start to like herself gaining and like teasing me with it....it has happened several times but not to the extent I would love and dream of.  Moral of the story you can’t always have everything you want wrapped up in to one package....right?

 

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6 hours ago, Voluptuouslover said:

Bellluvr this is great advice.....and I agree with everything you said.  

I have one question though....obviously from what you stated is the other woman you dated that got up to 400 lbs. obviously wasn’t the complete package on many of the levels you were looking for so it makes sense that there is no regrets at all that you made the right choice.  But how would you feel if all of a sudden your wife that you love and have so many things in common or that check off so many boxes to your liking started packing on more lbs. than usual and all of a sudden continued and started to like her heavier figure and as she was in the 230 lb. range you not only would see her appetite increasing a lot but she seemed  to like the extra weight and now started teasing you with it as she became very excited and aroused about her own weight gain and how you loved it.  You watched as she gained even more very quickly and she constantly talked and teased you with how fat she was getting and how she couldn’t control her appetite anymore.....and that you better love her if she got really Fat.  You obviously wouldn’t mind that .....would you?  I mean she is the one you love and if this happened it would kind of be the icing on the cake wouldn’t it?  I happen to be on the same situation as you short beautiful curvy wife around 180 lbs. but I dream not only of more weight on her but also dream of her start to like herself gaining and like teasing me with it....it has happened several times but not to the extent I would love and dream of.  Moral of the story you can’t always have everything you want wrapped up in to one package....right?

 

You are correct in your assumption that I would absolutely be happy if my wife started to really plump up fast and enjoyed it. That would be extremely arousing to have the perfect woman also start to indulge my fantasy. That said, I would not have her do that at the expense of her hardworking nature or her health. I would rather be married to someone that is healthy and shares the responsibility of life with me rather than saddles me with nearly all of it.

One might ask why I make the assumption that getting fatter makes a woman lazier. My experience with my ex was that she did exactly that. Every 50 pounds seemed to encourage a new level of laziness. At 300 she was still working, at near 400 she rarely left the couch. I'm not saying she didn't have her reasons, I mean carrying around an ass that probably weighed 60 lbs on its own and 100 lbs of belly sticking out in front of her was not easy work I'm sure.

The other thing that is on my mind now as my wife and I age is health. I think my wife's health would be severely compromised at, say, 300 lbs. If she was 220-230 she would be a Butterball but still healthy I think. I guess when I really sit down and think on it, I do have the whole package already. I have a pleasantly plump and very beautiful wife that seems to be slowly but steadily adding to her curvy figure. Will she ever get up to the 220-230 range where I think she would be absolutely perfect? She might, she might not. Either way is just fine with me.

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