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Bluebell's 2019


swahilimonkfish

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June 2020

 

 

“Wow, I haven’t had a picnic in ages!” Bosh laughed, as she saw Bluebell beached on the tartan rug lain on the grass.

“I know, but as long as we stay 2 metres apart, we can picnic together as much as we like” Bluebell raised a mini quiche to the sky as if to say ‘cheers’.

“Well, I can go one better. Do you wanna be in my bubble? None of this socially distant fannying about. Nah, proper hanging out. Bish, bash, bosh!” Bosh proudly stated, causing Bluebell to laugh.

“You know what these ‘bubbles’ are about, don’t you?” Bluebell asked, deeply amused.

“Yeah, I watched that bloke with the unbrushed hair...”

“You mean our Prime Minister?”

“Yeah, that’s the fella. Anyway, he said we could have ‘social bubbles’ so one person in a household can visit one or two people in a household, now. It becomes a ‘bubble’. And that one person can visit this person they’ve bubbled with any time they like. I want you to be my bubble partner” Bosh elaborated, showing that she actually watched the news.

“You do know ‘bubbles’ are just so people can hook up, right?” Bluebell burst into laughter.

“No it isn’t! It’s about grandparents seeing their grandkids and shit. Isn’t it?”

“It’s so single people can get laid. Think about it – you couldn’t hook up with people unless you lived with them before, but now you can. It’s for all those couples who don’t live together and haven’t been able to shag. ‘Bubbles’ are a euphemism for sex, Bosh. And you just said you wanted to ‘bubble’ with me” Bluebell managed to squeeze out the words between laughter, having to actually rein it in just to manage her breathing.

“Fuck off!”

“Do you want to bubble with me, Bosh?”

“No!”

“We can bubble at your place or mine” Bluebell continued to tease.

“Stop it! I didn’t know”

“And can we spoon after our night of passionate bubble-making?”

“Right! You can get in the bin, you cheeky fucker. I am innocent, okay? You can’t say that about a lot of things, but on this it’s true. Bosh is innocent. She didn’t know bubbles were sex bubbles, or whatever” Bosh argued, shouting but smiling at the same time.

“Of course you can bubble with me, Bosh. You’re my best mate, and it’s just nice to hang out again in person. Not via fucking Facebook chat or zoom” Bluebell smiled at Bosh, who rushed over to give her best friend a hug.

The two girls then sat down on the grass in the local park, enjoying the sunshine. June sunshine raking down from the sky, warm and comforting. Everything looker brighter and more hospitable in the light. The oppressive threat of the coronavirus feeling a little less ** out there in the park. Just two ex-girlfriends lying in the park together, eating from Bluebell’s picnic basket.

In the picnic basket that Bluebell brought was a rollcall of all the vices that she had developed, bar one. She didn’t want to or couldn’t dare to bring it up, but she had decided that maybe alcohol was best avoided. All the times that she’d talked to Bosh since that chat where Bosh admitted that she’d given up drinking, neither had broached the subject. Bluebell was pretty sure that Bosh was an actual alcoholic. Because that just sounded so extreme. I mean, she did drink a lot when they were together. But that was mainly because she partied a lot. It was never out of control. It was controlled drinking. Wasn’t it?

Bluebell instead focused on indulging other vices. And the kitsch wicker basket – like something out of Winnie the Pooh – was filled to the brim with all the sugary multipacks and greasy carb-fests that had, over the last year and a half, transitioned from indulgent treats to mainstays of her daily intake. There were the twelve pack of Wagon Wheels (jammy ones of course!), there were the six pack of country slices, there were the two packs of Pringles, there were the four pack of lion bars, there were the six pack of doughnuts. Bosh had become a safe space over the past month or so, where Bluebell could talk about her weight without fear of judgement or reprimand. And she felt like she deserved a treat.

“I must admit, I could get used to this” Bosh said, enjoying the rays.

“Yeah, it’s nice” Bluebell smiled back, feeling emotionally lighter than she’d felt in a long time.

“I mean, not great for the old waistline, but still...” Bluebell sat up and looked at her girlfriend when she said that, in concern.

“Are… are you okay about… y’know? You said you’d put on a few and...”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s nothing. And it’s only while this lockdown is still going on. When gyms open up, I’ll be back to normal. I’m Bosh, you know I’ll get back to where I was… and oh my god, I sounded like you did last year!” Bosh’s eyes went wide with realisation.

“Oh my god, you actually did. ‘My name is Bluebell and I’ll never gain weight because I never have’. You fucking sounded like I did. And look how that turned out!” Bluebell giggled, shimmying her soft body in the sunlight.

“I’m not… like, I’m not gonna… should I be worried?” Bosh suddenly looked a little unsure of her self, apprehension drawing lines across her face like a kid with crayons.

“About spinning off into morbid obesity? No, I think you’ll be alright. I mean, you might find it hard to get your abs back but...”

“Ohhh, I liked my abs though!”

“I really liked your abs. But a bit of squidge isn’t the end of the world. In the scale of things in 2020, a bit of squidge is way low of the likely causes of the end of the world. The world’s been getting its Roland Emmerich on, I think a smattering of softness around your midriff is no worry” Bluebell reassured, while eating a mini roll.

“Yeah, I just miss looking fucking hot. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still look hot...”

“You do”

“But I don’t look fucking hot. My hair’s too long and I have love-handles. I don’t think I’m a 10 or even a 9 any more. I think I might be an 8” Bosh looked worried, as she sat up so Bluebell could survey the damage. And sure enough, Bosh had a muffin top, rising like baked dough above the tightness of her jeans. And sure enough, Bosh’s short hair, more punk rock than elfin, had now grown into an awkward looking mullet.

“Call it 8 and a 1/2”

“Awww, thanks babe!” Bosh mocked, with a tongue spat out.

“What about me then. If you’re an 8, then I must be a 4. I look like I need rolling back into the sea” Bluebell joked, with a sliver of self-consciousness.

“Hey! Don’t do that. Don’t do that whole self-pity thing. I’m not a fan of that” Bosh said, her index finger pointed up in objection.

“Well, be serious then. I’m below average. It’s not false modesty to say I’m below average. I mean, half the population must be, statistically speaking, below average. And above average contains people like Priti Patel and Tomi Lahren...”

“I forgot about your evil woman fetish...”

“…so there’s no shame in being below average. And I’m not saying I’m hideous. Just slightly below average. Which, at my size, is pretty impressive. So I don’t think saying I’m four out of ten is that self-deprecating” Bluebell reasoned.

“Well, when you put it like that, you actually make a good point… ow!” Bosh flinched as she was jabbed in the ribs.

“Fuck you!”

“I was agreeing with you!”

“Well, don’t! You should have said, ‘don’t be silly, you’re hot as fuck’. You weren’t supposed to agree with me!” Bluebell argued.

“But you said...”

“Never mind what I said, I can’t believe you actually thought I was a four out a ten. A four! Me! You utter cunt!” Bluebell argued, but with a smile on her face.

“Fine… ‘you’re hot as fuck’. Happy now?”

“You’re just saying that...” and Bluebell’s argument was cut off as Bosh leant over and kissed her. Bluebell felt her eyes close and her hands find familiar places on Bosh as she gripped her ex and locked lips. It all felt so familiar.

“Happy now?” Bosh said, with a cheeky grin. “You’re not a 4. Okay? You are many things Blue, but you are not below average”.

“Thanks” Bluebell blushed as she smiled, watching her girlfriend put a pringle in her mouth. “But I can see how you’ve gained weight, eating like that”

“Fuck you” Bosh smiled back.

“I mean, if you’re not careful, you could go down to being a 7”

“Now you’re pushing it!”

“Of the two of us, I’d be the hot one. Slumming it, by being with you” Bluebell and Bosh stopped talking, and found themselves looking at one another, deeply.

“Okay, sorry, we’re flirting and that’s inappropriate” Bosh stated, suddenly snapping out of it.

“I don’t mind”

“Well, I know but...”

“Honestly, it’s just nice to hear something nice said about me” Bluebell opened up.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Is somebody giving you shit? I’ll deck them if they are. I might be 15lbs off my peak, but I can still put my fist through a face” Bosh seemed riled.

“Nobody. Nobody is. It’s just… I miss being… okay, I’m about to say something seriously unfeminist so don’t judge me but… I miss being leered at. Is that so fucking backwards? When people used to look at me, there’d be a little part of the back of my brain smug that they thought I was hot. Now, when people’s eyes linger, I feel like they’re just judging me. Is that really superficial?”

“No. No, that’s so understandable. You are hot and it...”

“I feel… othered. An imposter…

“Oh Blue… I’m so sorry”

“And then you see this stuff about Black Lives Matter and you wonder if that’s what...”

“Don’t finish that sentence” Bosh interrupted sharply.

“Sorry?”

“Don’t compare your situation to the plight of the victims of racism. I love you Blue, I do. But that’s not fair” Bosh sounded harsher than Bluebell was expected. She was fishing for sympathy a little and didn’t seem to be getting it.

“No, I didn’t mean to...”

“I mean, do you even have any friends that aren’t white? Any? You live in a completely whitewashed world. A blanched cocoon of ignorance...” Bosh ranted.

“Wow! Did you just call me ignorant?”

“Name one black friend. Black, Asian, mixed ethnicity, anything. Name one...”

“Umm… well, you’re putting me on the spot...”

“Exactly” Bosh replied sharply.

“What about the bloke from around the corner?”

“If you don’t know their name, how can you say that they’re your friend?”

“Okay. Fair. What about… Sasha? We went to her flat party together last year?” Bluebell suddenly sounded desperate.

“Everyone went to that party. Attending doesn’t make you her friend. And you only went because I did” Bosh corrected. “Look, I’m not trying to make you feel bad – well, maybe a little, you need a broader circle of friends – I’m trying to explain that you racism is pretty fucking serious. Way more serious than anything our privileged arses can compare to. Being female, overweight, gay… yeah, you get treated like shit. But racism cuts different. I know you’re supposed to be the ‘woke’ one or whatever, but you need to empathise from a point of knowledge, and you need to stop making yourself a character in the story of the struggle against racial oppression. It’s a bit… Karen of you”.

“Ouch, I… deserved that, I guess”

“Like, one of my exes, waaay before you, was Sikh. And that meant she was mistaken for being Muslim, which is predictably ignorant. And she heard some stuff. Real, awful stuff. Lazy, Islamophobic stuff. She was such a pretty thing, and people were saying such things. Except, they never did it when I was around. Until I was. I guess you would say that this was the other stuff, the subtle stuff. The ‘othering’ that you mentioned. Under the radar. Surreptitious. Subconscious thoughts or just policed thoughts, I don’t know. I can’t decide if that’s more or less insidious. But we were at the gym and we’d both forgotten our gym passes but the staff never cared at that place because who gives a fuck when you’re paid minimum wage. It was an unofficial rule that, as long as you were a member, you didn’t actually have to take your pass with you. Apart from, apparently, if you’re brown” Bosh regaled, and Bluebell listened attentively. Empathetically. So Bosh continued.

“One of the gym instructors or whatever came up to her and asked if she had her pass, and she said ‘no’ but she was a member, she’d just forgotten it or whatever. And I was right next to her, on the rowing machine next to hers, in the exact same situation, and completely ignored. And this guy, and he didn’t look racist or anything. He looked like a normal, handsome man. This guy insisted. ‘You can’t be here without a pass’. And, again, I was right next to her and also without my pass. Well, Amrit – that was her name – wasn’t having any of it. Like, I was not expecting this. Not from her. I’m always the hothead of any relationship but things just blew up out of nowhere. You see, she had to put up with this subtle racism all her life, she recognised the signs. And I was just oblivious. Ignorant, I guess. So she refused to leave. And he said leave. And she said ‘make me’. And things got heated. And that was when he said it”

“Said what?” Bluebell listened attentively.

“Go back to where you came from. He said ‘Go back to where you came from’. And I swear to god the room went silent. Cos Amrit is as local as it gets. I mean, not that it matters cos nobody should hear it but she went to the same high school as me, had the same driving instructor that we both had. And he says that. Like, normally when somebody says something bad, the air gets warm, you know? Like, I don’t know what it is, but when somebody calls you a bitch or a whore, the air gets warmer. Not here, it got colder. I’ve never felt anything like it in my life. It wasn’t like any other hate or dickishness or abuse I’d ever come across… and I’ve got into a fair few slanging matches over the years. No, it was different. It was stifling. And me? Miss ‘I’ll Fight Anyone?’. Fucking frozen. Pathetic, I was. Just froze. I don’t know what came over me. My girlfriend was being racially abused right next to me and I couldn’t speak. Because I was a bit like you are now, I’d never seen it outside of the telly. It’s something else, seeing it up front. Horrible. Like, literally horrible, as in full of horror. It felt like horror. And that was what it felt like for the dumb, passive fuck sitting next to her, doing jack shit. What it must have been like for her, I can’t even fucking imagine. And he had the nerve, this fucknugget of a trainer, he had the nerve to backtrack and say he was referring to her home round the corner when he said ‘back to where you came from’. And we all knew it was bollocks. And Amrit, to her fucking credit, tore him a fucking new one. She didn’t take that obvious bullshit. But he was like, ‘I just meant go home’ and suddenly it became an argument about semantics and not racism and he was getting off with it scott fucking free. Fuck, I’m getting angry just thinking about it”.

“Oh my god, I had no idea. That’s awful” Bluebell replied quietly, as Bosh’s cheeks went flush with rage.

“So… anyway, that’s why Black Lives Matter matters. Because some sentiments, not even words, but just viewpoints, are poisoned with years, sometimes centuries of rotten malice, hate, oppression, persecution and so much more. Words that carry the legacy of generations of hate, all wrapped up in a few measly letters and sounds. People who say ‘they’re just words’ don’t get it. They’ve never belonged to the social groups who’ve heard those words for lifetimes, while all manner of violence and cruelty is inflicted on them. I’m sorry for ranting, it’s just… I feel guilty about it. And then I feel guilty for feeling guilty about it because the movement’s not about my precious white-girl feelings and yet, I can’t help but make it all about me” Bosh said, and suddenly broke into tears. Bluebell rushed to console her.

“So, when was this?” Bluebell said, offering an ear to listen as Bosh talked.

“Oh, you don’t wanna know”

“No? Why not?” Bluebell pulled back, concerned.

“She was the girlfriend I had before you and we left in not great circumstances” Bosh admitted, looking at her girlfriend through wet eyes.

“Oh? But you never talked about her before to me? Amrit, you say?” Bluebell suddenly eyed suspiciously. “You didn’t break up with her because you felt guilty about your lack of intervention, did you? Or because she was angry with you for not standing up for her?”

“No. I mean, I did feel guilty for it, and I kept apologising. And she’d just say that he was the dickhead, not me. No, the reason we broke up was so much worse. I’m not proud of it” Bosh said, with a weak smile.

“Why?” Bluebell looked concerned.

“She played football, right? Soccer football, not the American sport that doesn’t really involve much kicking so makes it a stupid name for the sport. No, she was a full-back for the university football team and they were playing some game or another, I can’t remember who it was against but… she blocked this shot from one of their strikers at point blank range, right in the face. I watched the game and my first instinct was that it was proper heroic stuff. Put her body on the line, I think is what they call it. Second instinct was ‘oh fuck’, because she didn’t get back up. Well, turns out she’d broken her nose. Badly. Like, she was fine and everything but… and this is sooo bad. She had a crooked nose. Like, she was this really pretty girl and all of a sudden, her nose was like a fucking slalom, zig-zagging down her face” Bosh explained, and Bluebell burst into laughter.

“You dumped her because an injury made her ugly?” Bluebell was in creases as she asked.

“No! Well… kinda, yeah. Like, it was just so fucking obvious. I would look at her face and all I would do was look at her nose, shaped like the scar on Harry Potter’s head”

“Oh you are such a bad person for that! That is so mean!” Bluebell giggled joyously.

“I didn’t explicitly ditch her because of her nose or anything. I wasn’t like ‘bitch, get your life in order and by life, I mean nose’. It was more that I was struggling to get over it when I saw this other girl and she was really cute and...”

“You cheated with her? Oh this gets worse and worse! No wonder I find you hot, you are pushing all my evil woman buttons” Bluebell continued to laugh.

“And I ended up leaving her for this really cute girl with...”

“Wait, you said this was the girlfriend that you had before me...”

“...Blue hair”.

“You left her for me?”

“Yeah. I’m so sorry, it’s so shitty. And it’s so shitty that you’re only finding out about it now but… I never said cos I felt guilty. But yeah, my relationship with her was struggling and you were literally a bolt from the blue. And I’d never seen anyone so beautiful in my life” Bosh admitted.

“You really mean that. The most beautiful girl you’d ever seen?” Bluebell sat, open-mouthed.

“And your nose… it was just so straight” Bosh giggled, before her face straightening. “Yeah, Blue. You were the one that got away. You were… are the one I’ll never get over. So when I was saying about you not being below-average looking, I wasn’t just saying it to protect your feelings. I like you Blue. I look at you and I see that girl with the blue hair… and I know your hair isn’t blue any more… but I see that girl with the blue hair all over again. I see all the laughs we had, all the scrapes, all the moments where I could only hear your breathing and feel your touch. So, if you learn nothing else from this picnic learn that a) you need to be a better ally to people of colour and b) you are genuinely beautiful” And Bosh pushed in again for another kiss, and Bluebell clasped back. And Bluebell pulled back.

“What Blue? Did I overstep...”

“No. No, it’s just we’ve… gotta face the elephant in the room here” Bluebell said, cupping her girlfriend’s face. “And that’s me. I’m the elephant in the room. Because I’m an elephant. I’m fat like an elephant. It’s… look, I’m fat is what I’m trying to say”.

“You are so hot when you’re eloquent” Bosh joked.

“That girl you fell in love with didn’t just have different coloured hair. She was also half my size. And then some. I mean, look at me. Properly” Bluebell insisted.

And Bosh did. She looked at Bluebell like she was looking at her for the very first time. Bluebell was wearing a white tee that was loose in the warm weather, and grey trousers that were similarly airy. And they didn’t disguise her size, though they didn’t highlight it either. And, for the first time since they had split, Bluebell looked comfortable at her size.

“Blue… I would bubble with you all day long”

“Well, we could go and do some bubbling around your place, maybe?”

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On 6/2/2020 at 7:34 AM, swahilimonkfish said:

This is such a nice comment - thanks! Comments like that are the reason I don't mind spending hours writing these things so thank you. And mirroring the real world feels like a real big decision in light of current affairs, it makes it feel more real to me and grounds it a bit, though I'm in two minds over whether I regret writing this before the BLM stuff kicked off. But I hope it does bring some comfort, these are really bleak times and hopefully a bit more Bluebell can do just a little bit to help with that

Gosh, I just finished reading the chapter you just posted for June 2020, and I am no longer reading this for the weight gain at all. You handled racism in a way that I don't think most of any writer can handle w/ such grace. I've been persecuted and afraid for my life so many times for being confused as Muslim -- you literally brought me to tears. This is a BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL story.

Saying thank you is just not enough. You have my deepest gratitude. #BlackLivesMatter

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1 hour ago, Seraph said:

Gosh, I just finished reading the chapter you just posted for June 2020, and I am no longer reading this for the weight gain at all. You handled racism in a way that I don't think most of any writer can handle w/ such grace. I've been persecuted and afraid for my life so many times for being confused as Muslim -- you literally brought me to tears. This is a BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL story.

Saying thank you is just not enough. You have my deepest gratitude. #BlackLivesMatter

This means so much to hear that. Truly the nicest thing that anybody has ever said about anything I've ever written. And I am so sorry for what you have experienced, sounds more appalling than I can imagine.

#BlackLivesMatter

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June 2020 – continued

 

 

“No, fuck, could you...”

“What… like this?”

“Yeah, except. No, no, let’s swap it around, this isn’t working”

“What, this isn’t either?” Bluebell pulled herself from the covers, with angular glare.

“Yeah, you know what, maybe we can bubble some other time. We don’t have to bubble straight away. I mean, it’s all moving kinda quickly” Bosh suggested with a guilty look on her face.

“Yeah, sure. If that’s what you want Bosh. I just thought that you...”

“...yeah, I thought that too” Bosh interrupted, meekly.

And the two girls lay in Bosh’s bed, looking up at the ceiling in dismay. Neither girl said anything, they just continued staring upwards, trying to make sense of the discomfort of what just happened.

“Was this a mistake?” Bluebell finally said, puncturing the silence.

“No!” Bosh protested, before suddenly looking insecure. “No. I mean… unless you think it was. Do you think this was a mistake?””

“No. No, I don’t. But, you know, it’s different for me” Bluebell looked to her side to see Bosh lying next to her. Bosh frowned in puzzlement as she turned around to face Bluebell.

“Different how? You have the same body parts that I do?”

“Bosh… I...”

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. The picnic had been wonderful. Being in each other’s company felt so easy and natural. They spoke with an easy to and fro that never felt strained. And Bosh smelled so nice always. And Bosh looked at her in the same way that she used to. And there was an energy in the air, a subtle crackle rippling deep beneath the surface of every comment. Looks lingered a little longer than they do with platonic companionship. So, why oh why was turning that frisson into actual sex such an awkward, uncomfortable and broadly unsatisfying ordeal?

“It’s not because of your size, so don’t go thinking that” Bosh reassured.

“I… I wasn’t going to say that it was?” Bluebell stammered.

“Good. Cos it wasn’t”

“Good”

“Good”

And the girls fell into an unsettling silence once more.

“Why did you bring up my size if it wasn’t about my size?” Bluebell asked insecurely.

“I just thought you were thinking it. I wasn’t thinking it. But I know you...” Bosh trailed off without conviction.

“I was going to say something completely different” Bluebell clarified. “But now you’ve mentioned my weight and was this because of my weight? Am I too fat for you to… enjoy having sex with me?”

“No! I literally said it wasn’t...”

“Then you shouldn’t have brought it up because literally all I can think about, Bosh, is you getting into bed with me and hearing it creak and thinking ‘fuck, this isn’t what I signed up for’” Bluebell admitted, the pace of her speech increasing as the thoughts spewed out.

“But it was what I signed up for. Like, I have eyes. Right here, on my face. They’re not hiding. I can see how big you are” Bosh sounded defensive.

“’How big I am?’ Fuck you!” Bluebell crossed her arms aggressively.

“Are you… denying that you’re big?”

“Yes!… No. I mean… I don’t see why it’s such a big deal”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. It’s not a big deal” Bosh was getting frustrated with how this conversation was going.

“Then why do you keep going on about it?” Bluebell stabbed back.

“Me? You’re the one going on about it, not me. You brought it up. You’re always the one who brings it up. ‘Oh hey Bosh, how are you, by the way I’m 260lbs and by the way… did you see all the politics that has been happening?’ That’s what you sound like”

“273lbs actually and… that’s not what I sound like. I don’t sound like that”

“You sound just like that” Bosh crossed her arms too now with similar aggression.

“It’s just… last time you saw me naked, I was a lot thinner. I’m allowed to be insecure” Bluebell tightened up as she said it.

“Yeah. I’m sorry. Of course you are. I’m sorry, I… I’m sorry for all of it. This was supposed to be fun and I fucked it up. Sorry Blue” Bosh looked over to her girlfriend and offered a hug.

“You don’t have to apologise...”

“No, I do. Like, I get it Bosh, I do”

“Oh yeah? You’ve ballooned 160lbs in 18 months before?” Bluebell was still defensive.

“I mean, I’ve gained weight recently. And it can make you self-conscious”

“Yeah, but you’ve gained 15lbs and are just an oversized open clam away from looking like a Greek goddess. It’s not really the same”

“I think it’s a shell, actually… and actually Venus is a Roman goddess, not Greek. Botticelli, who painted it was Italian and… that’s totally not the point but I’m a History of Art student and I can’t let that pass and ANYWAY the important thing is I get insecurity. I mean, 15lbs might not be a lot to you but it’s a lot to me. Like, my legs wobble now and…

“Your legs wobble?” Bluebell arched an eyebrow at that one.

“Yeah, look...”

Bosh pulled the cover off and lifted her leg in the air. She then slapped the underside of her thigh and, sure enough, it pendulummed a bit.

“See! Like jelly”

“Oh my god! You have sparrow legs. You even have a thigh gap” Bluebell appreciated Bosh’s self-deprecation and the shift towards levity.

“Yeah, when does that happen?”

“What happen? You lose your thigh gap? Why, are you planning on gaining some more?” Bluebell giggled, feeling a little more relaxed.

“No. Definitely not. This weight is going, the very moment the gyms open”

“Cool”

“Cool?”

“Yeah, that you’re getting yourself sorted out. I mean, not that you’re...”

“Blue? Do you want me to lose weight?” Bosh asked suspiciously.

“I want you to be happy. And I know how much you like the gym”

“That’s not answering the question, Blue” Bosh eyed her quizzically.

“I mean, don’t you think that would be a little hypocritical coming from a woman of my bodacity” Bluebell grinned at they use of her own word there.

“Still not an answer”

“Why are you asking? To get some sort of moral high ground? You said yourself that you’re going to be shedding it and then shredding it when the gyms open” Bluebell was being probed. And not in the way that she liked.

“Yeah but… who knows when they’ll open and… I’m just worried that...” Bosh paused. “If we’re ‘bubbling’ together more often, I’m gonna struggle to lose weight with you around. I mean, you do have an appetite on you”.

“Okay, that’s fair. Look… you don’t have to worry about that with me. I don’t care that you’re abs aren’t as etched on you as they were before. You’re still hot. Like, properly hot. And more importantly, you know I love you. And it’s so fucking stupid because I sound like a puppy but I have never gotten over you” Bluebell admitted.

“Really?”

“Hey… you know how you were talking earlier about your girlfriend before me? Do you remember which girlfriend I had before you?” Bluebell shuffled to get comfortable as Bosh prepared her answer.

“Wasn’t I your first girlfriend?”

“Exactly. I remember that night you mentioned. The one where we first hooked up. I was like a deer in the headlights when I saw you. Like, I’d never been with a girl before and… I hadn’t even admitted I was gay. I mean, I’d told my friends I was bi, and they just thought I was saying that to seem interesting, and that I was just straight. I think, maybe I even thought I was bi. I dunno… anyway, you came along and changed everything. Do you remember that night? When we went back to your apartment? That was the best night of my life”

“It was pretty hot. Except… didn’t the fire alarm go off or something?”

“Yeah, we were… canoodling...”

“Canoodling?”

“Y’know, fumbling about and… my heart was beating so fast. And it was all so exciting and liberating and then the fucking fire alarm went off...”

“Yeah, the flat opposite managed to burn eggs which I wasn’t sure was even a real thing, like, how do you even burn an egg...”

“And then we had to evacuate the building, except you didn’t want to...”

“But you’re such a goody-two-shoes that we did...”

“But I couldn’t find my top” Blue added.

“Fuck, that’s right. Yeah. So we rushed out and you just threw over one of my hoodies...”

“Cos you used to only wear hoodies in them days...”

“Yeah, I’m trendier now”

“And we were standing outside waiting for the fire department to confirm it was safe. And it was freezing outside. Absolutely freezing. But I had your hoodie on and we were standing outside in the cold and it was lovely...”

“And then you asked if you should go”

“Cos I thought I was just a hook-up...”

“And I told you to stay. Because you were amazing and I didn’t want to just watch you walk away” Bosh recalled.

“Which was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. And I was standing next to this woman who was so hot and she wanted me and I wanted her and I realised, there and then, I wasn’t bi. No experience I’d had with a man had ever come close to how I felt around you. I knew I was gay. And it was such a relief, just to have that clarity. To be able to have that structure in my head. Not feel like a flag in the wind, being blown in various directions. I felt like I knew who I was for the first time that night.”

Bosh looked at Blue with teary eyes.

“I… I had no idea. I’m sorry”

“When you left. When we broke up, I just figured that it was part of the circle of life, y’know. That I’d find someone else and forget about you. I never found anybody else Bosh. I never forgot about you. You are the first woman I have ever been with. The only woman I’ve ever been with. So you need to never be insecure about how I perceive you, how I feel about you. You have my heart in your pocket, whether you like it or not. And it breaks my heart because I know it’s not reciprocated any more” Bluebell began to cry as she said it.

“What do you mean, not reciprocated any more?”
“What I mean is, you love me. I know you do. But I don’t think you find me attractive”

“Bollocks. I’m sorry Blue, but that’s bollocks. I don’t just bring any girl back to my place for bubbling. I think you’re...”

“What were you thinking of when I was… y’know, downstairs? Was it me?”

“Yes!”

“Or was it that girl with blue hair, wrapped in your hoodie, standing out in the cold, realising she was gay for the first time?”

“They’re both you, Bluebell. For fuck sake, this is what you tried to tell me and I should have listened. That girl and this girl are the same person! They’re both you, Bluebell!”

Bosh pleaded with her eyes, and Blue looked at them sadly.

“No Blue, don’t look at me like that. Don’t give me that look. It’s true. It’s… fuck. I mean, maybe, I guess… it might take some adjustment. A period of adaptation” Bosh resigned.

A period of adaptation?”

“Well, you might not have been with any other woman in your life. But I’ve never been with anyone… y’know...”

“Fat?”

“So abundant, I was going to say. I just need… practice” Bosh didn’t look convincing as she said it.

“Fucking practice? You need to practice? I am so fat that fucking me is… what, an entirely new activity? You need to practice being turned on by me, now I’ve let myself go. Or maybe you think that, if you can get me in the gym, you can mould me into somebody fuckable”

“BLUEBELL! Don’t you ever fucking talk about me or yourself like that again! I swear to fucking god...”

“I’ll go. This was a mistake. I’ll go” Bluebell sighed, rolling out of bed and began looking for her clothes.

“Blue...”

Bluebell ignored her, grabbing her top and putting it on.

“Blue… I want you to stay...”

Bluebell paused.

“I want you to stay because you’re amazing and I don’t want to see you walk away”

Bluebell turned around with tears in her eyes, and saw Bosh in the same state.

“Are you just saying that?”

“Yes. But also no. Fuck, I don’t know. Look, Blue… move in with me. Permanently. Just move in. Away from your parents and your diets. Just you and me. I don’t care how big you are. I don’t care that you like politics or that your hair is dark or that you wear glasses. You are still that same girl back then. And I didn’t want to see you walk away then, and I still don’t now”

Bluebell just nodded, tears streaming down her face. Bosh cried too, rubbing tears away as soon as they appeared, as if in denial.

“Live with you?”

“Yeah. Why the fuck not? And, besides, I’d get more opportunity to practice” Bosh grinned through tears.

“More opportunities to practice fucking fat Bluebell?”

“Yeah, but honestly, can we just spoon tonight? I bet you’d make a good little spoon these days, all fluffy and cuddly as you are” Bosh smiled.

“I guess I am fluffy and cuddly” Bluebell replied, sitting back on the edge of the bed, before slipping under the sheets. And Bosh snuggled against her, wrapping her leg around and leaning in on her soft back. “Saying that, you’re getting pretty cuddly yourself”

“Don’t worry, gyms are due to open beginning of July”

“Yeah, and how much weight can you gain in my company in one month??” Bluebell giggled.

 

“Fuck, that sounds ominous!”

 

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  • 1 month later...

July 2020***

 

“Keir Starmer”

“What?”

“Keir Starmer. That’s the name of that Labour guy, right? Stupid name if you ask me, sounds fictional” Bosh said, as she stared at the road ahead of her.

“Would I fuck Keir Starmer?”

“Yeah, would you fuck Keir Starmer?”

“But I’m gay?” Bluebell fiddled with the seat belt as she answered.

“Yeah, but everyone has exceptions”

“Everyone has exceptions? Who are yours?”

“I’m not offering that up free of charge, ma’am. Now answer the question. Would you, Bluebell – the bluest of all the belles – fuck Keir Starmer?”

Bosh scrunched up her eyebrows as she quickly took her eyes off the road to scowl at Bluebell, who wasn’t answering the question.

“Oh my shitting god, you actually would, wouldn’t you?”

“Maybe?”

“I fucking knew it. I knew you had daddy issues. I love a girl with daddy issues” Bosh cackled, while Bluebell continued fidgeting in her seat.

“Fuck off! I don’t have daddy issues”

“He’s about twice your age, Blue!”

“And then some. He’s 57 years old” Bluebell admitted.

“Fuck, he actually looks quite good for his age then. I hope I look like him when I get that old”

“I hope you do too” Bluebell flashed a cheeky smile.

“Haha, you cheeky fuckerina. A cheeky fuckerina who wants to get railed by Keir Starmer, apparently”

“Please don’t use ‘railed’. It’s not as romantic as you think” Bluebell started to giggle again.

“How about ‘boned’?”

“Why do I even like you again?”

“Cos I look like a young Keir Starmer?” Bosh spat out her tongue while Bluebell scrunched up her nose in disgust.

“I wish I’d never told you this. If I’d known you were going to use it against me, to tease me...”

“Oh, Blue… you should have known I was going to tease you about this. This is high-grade teasing material” Bosh slowly pulled over onto the side of the road, creaking her handbrake into action.

“You know I don’t even like him that much politically. But something about his little beady shark eyes that...”

“You don’t like him politically? I thought he was literally the leader of the party you had tattooed on your arm” Bosh drummed her fingers on the steering wheel awkwardly as the car sat next to a dilapidated council house with a missing rooftile and boarded-up window.

“Yeah, but some of his policies since he’s taken charge have been too right-wing for me”

“But didn’t you complain yesterday that he didn’t have any policies? How can he not have any policies and you also not like his policies? It sounds like excuses to me, you Keir-leader” Bosh teased.

“You know, I liked you a lot more when you didn’t pay attention to politics. And is this us then?”

Bosh let out a long and heavy sigh. “Yeah, this is it. And thanks for that Blue”

“For what?”

“The distraction. I knew what you were doing. And I appreciate it” Bosh said with nervous shallow breaths.

“Hey, it’ll be fine. He’s just your dad. And I’ll always be here for you”

Bluebell drew her girlfriend towards her with a hug, in the narrow confines of Bosh’s Citroen C1. And Bosh rested her head on the soft padding of Bluebell’s upper chest and listened to her heart beat. Time stood still for a little, as they rested together; their breathing in sync; Bluebell’s chest rising and falling like rolling waves while Bosh closed her eyes. Everything felt warm and safe, straddling awkwardly across her C1.

“And besides… if your dad has little beady shark eyes, you know I’ll pounce on him” Bluebell joked, and Bosh sniggered with a smile tight across her face.

“You know, if you pounce on him, you’ll just flatten him” Bosh offered the insult meekly, not really putting any heart or soul into it.

“Oi!” Bluebell said sympathetically, stroking her girlfriend’s hair. “Come on babe, we can’t stay in here forever. Let’s get this over and done with”

“Fine. Just don’t expect him to be like your dad. Not everyone has normal parents”.

 

*-*-*-*-*-*

 

The two girls walked slowly towards the front door. Bosh walked up front, dressed in a chequered red-and-white shirt tucked into her holey jeans. The shirt was unforgiving, lingering over the newfound softness of her middle. You could see the slight muffining above her belt line; dough that had once been granite. She still looked slim, but she didn’t look like the Bosh that Bluebell had spent a lifetime loving. And there was something about Bosh not being impervious to it that felt like a relief. Everything else looked the same; her hair had now been attended to by a hairdresser and back to its former design, shaved around the sides but long on time. Her eyes still looked like razors. But her build was subtly different.

Bluebell followed behind her as moral support, with a shuffle as she walked. She was wearing a loose black cardigan that seemed inappropriate for the height of summer, and a tartan skirt and black tights combo. They hadn’t left Bosh’s place in a while and it was the cutest outfit that she had that didn’t need washing or ironing. Any pretence of flattery felt pointless at her size, but a sense of fashion could still be achieved had she remained on top of her household duties. A month away from her parents and their unspoken judgement hadn’t aided any forlorn attempts at weight loss. Bosh had been an ally and a rock to her. And Bluebell barely had to hide her bingeing from her. The additional 15lbs that the past six weeks were quick to make themselves announced as a consequence. 288 felt like a number nearing a threshold where even the pretence of slimming back down seemed to be falling like the sun behind the horizon.

Bosh bashed her balled-up fist on the wooden door.

“Open up, fuckhead. It’s your daughter” Bosh bellowed through the letterbox. Bluebell’s eyebrows rose as she heard Bosh refer to her dad as ‘fuckhead’ to his face. Or to his front door anyway.

“Fine. Fine. I’m coming. Keep your tits on” came some grumbling from the other side of the door. After some jangling of keys and under-the-breath mutterings, the door pulled open to reveal a man shielding his eyes from the sunlight pouring in.

“Dad” Bosh said, matter-of-factly.

“Louise? So it fucking is. And this hot piece of ass is Bluebell I take it? Come on in, make yourself comfy. I’ll put the kettle on. Unless you want something stronger?” he shuffled back into his place with energy as the two girls walked in.

The room was dark, with the few unboarded-up windows still darkened with closed curtains. The floorway before them was clear, but it was obvious that all the mess had just been pushed under the threadbare sofa in the main room. Bluebell and Bosh sat on it tentatively, as it creaked under their weight. It looked like something dredged up off the Marie Celeste rather than functioning furniture.

“Something stronger than coffee, but weaker than hard narcotics” Bosh answered, through a clenched smile. Her hands tightened to balls, until Bluebell wormed her hand into them and held them. As soon as she did, Bosh’s shoulders loosened a little.

“How does vodka lemonade sound?”

“Sounds like just what’s needed”

“And you Bluebell?”

“Oh, sure Mr. Stanaway. Sounds great”

“Oh, don’t call me that. Everyone calls me Vanman” he said, with a toothless smile, while offering them their drinks.

“Thanks… umm… Vanman?” Bluebell stammered at the awkwardness of the name.

“I used to have a van, you see. I used to be a vanman. So everyone just called me Vanman. Got repossessed back in the recession. I miss that fucking thing” he sighed reminiscently as he grabbed himself a mug of coffee for himself.

“The recession? The recession ten years ago?”

“Yeah, I guess it was a while ago. But nicknames have a way of outlasting the reason for them” he explained, and Blue understood where he was coming from.

The two of them sat silently on his sofa as he sat down on a rug on the floor that he had clearly laid out for the occasion.

“So...” Bosh said, trying to interrupt the awkward silence, but failing.

And they just sat there drinking, instead.

“Another one?” her dad offered as Bosh saw the bottom of her glass.

“Yeah, go on then”

“So… you drinking again these days? Or is this just a special occasion?”

“Ummm...”

“Oh, I’m just messin’ with ye. I’m not one to talk am I? Fuck me, I used to drink. Ha! Remember that time you came back from… what was it, a party or summat… and I was shit-faced and trying to iron clothes and you had to switch the power off before I did myself an injury”

“Yeah. I remember. I was coming back from my 9th birthday party” Bosh scowled.

“Fuck, was it? Fuck a duck! That’s a pretty shitty thing to do, innit? Fuck, I must have seemed like a right wanker to you, growing up, mustn’t I?” her dad reminisced, handing her and Bluebell a second glass.

“Yeah, you were” Bosh’s voice couldn’t have gotten any lower.

“Well, I’m sober now, and that’s what matters”

“That’s what matters” Bosh deadpanned. Her dad seemed oblivious to the lack of sincerity.

“Hey, I got this joke for you. I thought of it when you told me your girlfriend was into politics” he said, standing up in the centre of the room to present his joke. “Now… why do artists make great politicians?”

He stood in the room with a big grin on his face, waiting for someone to prompt him for the punchline. Standing up and with her eyes adjusted to the gloom of his property, Bluebell could take in the image of Bosh’s father. He was gangly and scrawny, with a scraggly beard that featured a bald patch on its side. His eyes looked red and tired and most of his teeth were missing. He looked like a man upon whom life had taken its toll.

“I don’t know, Vanman, why do artists make great politicians?” Bluebell said with a smile, enjoying his innate showmanship. Bosh glared at Bluebell for this, who just smiled and shrugged back.

“Because they are good at canvassing” he laughed at his own joke. Bluebell laughed too.

“Don’t laugh, you’ll only encourage him, the dickhead” Bosh rolled her eyes. “So, you actually sober?”

“Yeah, no drink since May and no drugs since March” he smiled toothlessly and proudly.

“So, that rubber hose over there, in that pile of rubbish you’ve tried to hide in the corner of the room… that’s just decorative? That’s not to tie-off when you shoot up?” Bosh had spotted the paraphernalia in the corner of the room.

“That don’t count. A bit of brown don’t count” he said, suddenly shiftily. Guiltily. “And anyway, you can fucking talk. Fucking alcoholic and drinking all my vodka!” His voice raised as defensive turned to aggressive.

“I’m not a fucking alkie like you. I stopped drinking just to show that I could. Unlike you” Bosh snapped back.

“Yeah, well I remember saying the same thing about myself” he argued back.

“Fuck, I remember you saying the same thing too” Bosh admitted, suddenly self-conscious. A lifetime ago, but a lifetime of conversations too. He knew he drank too much, but it was never an addiction. He chose to. That was what he always said. He was in control, and he would remain in control as the beer bottles emptied. Was Bosh parroting that same sentiment?

“Come on. When I start worrying about these things, I find a drink helps. Do you want another one?” the dad said, flashing an impish smile.

“But… that is literally the problem. You can’t cure alcoholism with alcohol”

“Sure you can. And should. Here, let me get you another” and he hopped up to the kitchen to grab another. Bosh, for her part, just shrugged her shoulders at Bluebell as if to say ‘he’s impossible, what chance do I have?’.

“So, what about you Bluebell?” he asked, from the grotty kitchen, stained so deeply that even bleach couldn’t touch it. “What’s your poison of choice? You a drinker like me and my daughter? A stoner? A nympho? I mean, I knew a nympho a ways back. Spent more time on her back than the dearly departed. So what’s your addiction?”

“Umm… sandwiches, I guess” Bluebell smiled.

“Hey, there are worse bad habits than that” the dad flashed another gormless smile at her as he handed them her drinks.

“Well, I probably drink too much. And I smoke too much. Cigarettes, that is. Not ** or anything. But, boringly, it’s mainly cakebars and sandwiches that are my vice” Bluebell enjoyed how wholly non-judgemental Bosh’s dad was. He made for a flattering comparison. In other company, she’d feel guilty. Next to him, she felt like a paragon of restraint.

“I dated a big girl once. Gave a fantastic BJ” Vanman elaborated.

“Mum! That ‘big girl’ was my mum” Bosh hissed.

That one was your mum? Lisa or...”

“Linda. Yeah, my birth mother Linda, you tosser. And now I know my mum gives great head. God, as parents go dad, you are the fucking worst at times” Bosh rolled her eyes.

“Well, the point still stands I think” he argued. “So, is that how you’ve been spending this lockdown? Cakebars and ciders?”

“Pretty much. I mean, the past six weeks haven’t been littered with the healthiest lifestyle choices. Knowing you, you’d probably be proud” Bosh rolled her eyes.

“Too fucking right. When I was your age, I did a lot worse stuff than that. God, if I got to spend lockdown with my girlfriend and all that furlough money paying my way, I’d have a right old chemistry party. Still, now that’s coming to an end, what are you two gonna be doing?”

“Well, Blue has been working at a care home. She’s a care-giver. And I’m gonna be working from home for the time being. Hoping that means I can actually start hitting the gym again...”

“You planning on hitting the gym again?” Bluebell asked, interrupting her girlfriend’s train of thought with a question of genuine curiosity.

“Yeah, I mean, I should. Right? I mean, I said I would” Bosh didn’t sound convincing. Bluebell didn’t know why she cared.

“Well, you can always visit me. I guess that’s what I’m guessing at. I don’t get to see as many people as I used to. But this is nice. Being with my daughter and her girlfriend. First of her girlfriends I’ve actually been allowed to meet, so you must mean a lot to her. I’m just glad you’ve come over” Vanman smile was weaker when he said it, struggling with emotions that he felt a little less comfortable expressing.

“Yeah, dad. Sure.” Bosh shrugged nonchalantly.

“I think visiting more often is a great idea!” Bluebell buzzed with typical élan.

“Well, we’ve got the rest of that vodka if you want to stay a bit longer. And there’s a Thai place nearby that does takeaway? Which reminds me, did I ever tell you about that time me and Fast Ronnie stole a takeaway place only to find out it belonged to a criminal gang? Oh, you must have been about 6 at the time, Lou and we were...”

 

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1 hour ago, Woodsmont said:

What a great story! I always look forward reading a new chapter, and you never disappoint. The characters are wonderfully real, sometimes I forget I'm reading a weight gain story 😅. Thank you!

Thanks! Maybe needs to be a bit more WG-centric if people keep forgetting it's a WG story lol!

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43 minutes ago, swahilimonkfish said:

Thanks! Maybe needs to be a bit more WG-centric if people keep forgetting it's a WG story lol!

No, I think it’s great. It’s real. The months and years go by as life happens and then you realize, “f*ck, when did I get THIS big?!”

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  • 5 weeks later...

 

August 2020*** - Part 1


“Did you hear about Kim Jung Un?” Bluebell asked as she read the Guardian app on her phone. She was lying in bed with her pillow folded in half to prop her head up slightly as gentle morning sun slipped its way into the room.

“He’s not died again, has he?” Bosh replied, as she tied her laces.

“Coma apparently”

“Yeah, food coma”

“Did you just make a fat joke about the leader of North Korea?” Bluebell asked, looking up from her phone.

Bosh winced as she was called out.

“You do know that North Korea have assassinated people on foreign soil before?”

“You think I’m next on the hit list?” 

“Also, fat jokes are not okay. Your girlfriend’s fat and she’ll be offended” Bluebell answered with a smile on her face but her eyes still on her phone.

“You’re not fat”

Bluebell just raised an eyebrow at Bosh.

“Okayyyy, you’re a little bit plump”

“I’m 300lbs”

“Since when?” Bosh asked, but without any malice.

“Since I weighed myself yesterday”

“300?”

“Yup”

“That’s not that much”

“Isn’t it though?”

“And it’s also a good movie?”

“Is it though?”

“Look, if you’re gonna just be hard on yourself all the time...”

“I think we’ve established that the problem is that I’m soft, not hard...”

“…Then, I’m going running” Bosh said. To be fair, she was already dressed in her running gear. Thin, black shirt with a thick reflector tease running down it. Short shorts that clung to her back side. Bright red running shoes on her feet. And she was already doing her warm-up stretches.

“Of course you are”

“Hey, don’t be like that, you arsehole. You can come along if you like”

“Running?”

“We can walk, if that’s more your speed” Bosh offered, but the offer just cut deeply.

“No. Thanks. But it’s nice of you to offer. You go for a run and get out of breath, or whatever it is runners do. Discover a dead body maybe”

“What?”

“Well, that’s what runners do. Discover dead bodies. They’re always saying on the news that so-and-so’s dead body was found by a jogger. Never found by fat people who stay indoors reading the news on the phone, are they? So go find a corpse, runner-girl”

“Riiiight. You’ve never gone running before, have you?”

“Do I look like I have?” Bluebell said.

And as Bluebell said it, she pulled back the covers that she was under, to reveal her inflated form, in all its walrus glory. The past month had clearly only further pulled her in the direction she was already travelling. Despite her head being ever so slightly propped up, the rest of her lay on the bed like a puddle of flesh, spilling out of her nightie in every direction.

The past four weeks had been an over-indulged blur. Neither of the two girls were good influences on each other, each using the other as an excuse to cut a little looser than normal. And Bluebell’s definition of normal was already fairly slack. But they were broadly happy and enjoying each other’s company, and there was nobody there to judge. And yet Bluebell still sat on a secret.

“You’re right” Bosh smiled. “That’s more of a cyclist’s figure”.

“Just fuck off and run” Bluebell said as Bosh leant in for a kiss. “Oh, and don’t forget the dead bodies!”

Bosh laughed as she left the door and Bluebell waited. As soon as the door slammed shut, Blue sprung up. She waddled to the kitchen as quickly as her dainty little feet could take her and rushed into the kitchen. She opened the drawer out and pulled out two packets of chocolate hobnobs and sat herself on the floor and opened the pack.

Hurriedly, she put the first one in her mouth and she felt air rush into her lungs as she did. She closed her eyes in relief. And then she could chew. Chew and chew and swallow. And there was always an other biscuit to put in her mouth after the last one had been finished. Her hand could crawl back into the packet and pluck another one out.

Until the door banged.

Bluebell sat icily still, her heart pounding in her chest.

Footsteps drew closer towards her as Bluebell looked around herself to see a puddle of crumbs. 

Why had she rushed off to eat biscuits for Christ’s sake, the moment Bosh left the building? Was it even Bosh that was back? Why was she back? She’d only been gone five minutes. Was she about to get caught?

“Oh, there you are. I’m just going to grab my water bottle. Forgot it” Bosh said as she walked through the kitchen. Bluebell sat still and shaking.

“What am I fucking like, eh? Always forgetting this bad boy” Bosh continued, tapping the flask as she picked it up.

“Oooo, you eating the hobnobs Blue? Yum. D’ya mind if I grab one? I do like a hobnob, and the energy would do me good for this run. Hey, Blue, you okay?”

Bluebell just sat down frozen, with her breath held.

“Imma gonna take that as a no?”

“I’m fine”

“Look, what’s up? What’s happened?”

“I’m sorry” Bluebell started to sniffle.

“What for? What’ve you done?” Bosh sat down next to her with a sympathetic smile.

“This” Bluebell sniffled, looking around at the impressive amount of wreckage that she’d wrought in such scant time.

“Well...” Bosh paused. “This really takes the biscuit”.

“Please. No biscuit jokes. I’m being serious. I’ve fucked. I keep fucking up. I’m a fuck up” Bluebell couldn’t help but muffle the words through tears.

“But I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles”

“Bosh! I need you for fucks sake!”

“Oh. Okay” Bosh sat down next to her, wincing as she felt the crumbs rub into the kitchen lino as she landed on them. “Talk to me.”

“Why do I do this? Why?”

“Eat?”

“As soon as you go. As soon as you turn your back. I’m just stuffing my face. Chronically. I’m fucking feral” Bluebell said, tilting her head onto Bosh’s shoulder.

“Feral? I would never describe you as feral. Politically self-righteous maybe. But not feral. You’re too cute to be feral” Bosh smiled as she said it. It made things feel a bit better for Bluebell.

“But Gizmo was cute. And then he got wet and all them feral Gremlins happened? And that’s what I feel like. I turn into a Gremlin when you’re not here. I just eat and eat and eat”

“But I always thought that Gizmo had r**s?”

“W… no? I don’t… Gizmo had r**s?”

“Water then delirious aggression. Sounds like r**s to me”

“Maybe I have food r**s” Bluebell said, before realising how silly she sounded and snickering a bit.

“There you are? Happy Bluebell. Come on, cheer up!” Bosh said with reassurance.

“You’re not mad at me?”

“Mad? For you feeling sad? No Blue, I’m not mad”

“No, for eating like a wild animal every time you walk out the door. I’ve been doing this for weeks. I can’t help it. I just, I feel like I have to. Like there’s pressure for me to do that. I don’t know why. I feel like I’ve been lying to you” Bluebell apologised with a wuthered creak in her voice.

“It’s because that’s what you did with your parents. But you don’t have to hide things from me. I’m not like your parents. You can be honest with me. Please, always be honest with me”

“I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know why”

“It’s not like I don’t know you eat a lot”

“But you have no idea. It’s every time. Every time you turn your back, every time you look away or go out. I eat. I have to. I don’t know why. I’m just so fucking fat, you have no idea how fucked up I am. You have no idea just how much I eat”

“Wait, you’re fat?”

Bluebell scowled.

“That explains so much. That makes so much sense”

“Oh fuck off”

“Cos I was wondering what all this was about” Bosh made a playful grab of Bluebell’s stomach.

“Haha” Bluebell laughed sarcastically.

“But if you’re trying to tell me that you’re fat...”

“You know, I was trying to have an honest moment with you then”

“Ah fuck that shit. I’ve changed my mind from earlier. Honesty’s for suckers. Try repression instead. It’s awesome, fixes everything”

Bluebell laughed a little.

“You know, you look hot. In that running gear” Bluebell said, looking at her smiling girlfriend.

“Yeah. I do, don’t I? I’d fuck me”

“Narcissist”

“It’s the moisture-wicking technology”

“The what?”

“Moisture-wicking technology. This top has moisture-wicking technology. It says on this label here. It’s something to do getting the sweat out, to stop you getting damp. I don’t understand it. I think it just means the clothes cost twice the price”

“Why would you not want to get damp?”

Bluebell said, moving in closer to Bosh amorously.

“That’s not as sexy a line as you think it is”

“I want to wick your moistness”

“And yet I’m weirdly into this”

Bluebell and Bosh leaned in towards each other and closed their eyes as they kissed. And everything felt calm and still again

“You know, I’ve gotta be honest. I had my suspicions”

“About the eating?” Bluebell said, rustling up a smile.

“Yeah. I mean, I do the food shopping, remember?”

“I guess”

“I’d always have to top up the food I guessed you were eating in secret”

“You are such an enabler”

“I… maybe. I just don’t want to lose you” Bosh said, and Bluebell recoiled at the thought.

“Lose me? You won’t lose me”

“I lost you once”

“Yeah, but that was different. We’re older, smarter now”

“I guess”

“You don’t mind enabling me? Even if I end up getting fat?”

“As if that would happen. In fact, let’s sack off running. We deserve some fun, after we’ve cleansed our emotional souls a bit. How about we order in, get the drinks going and see where today takes us?”

“It’s only 10am”

“So we’re already late”

And so they made up for lost time.
 

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August 2020 - Part 2***

 

“She’s alive”

Bosh pulled back the covers to see Bluebell recoil, like a vampire in sunlight. She didn’t hiss as she did it, but that was about the only difference.

“No I’m not” Bluebell grumbled back. “Can you switch the light off?”

“It’s already off, babe”

“Is it?” Bluebell hazily looked around the room for proof to the contrary, but the only light in the room was natural.

“You aren’t hungover, perchance? My dearest Bluebell?” Bosh giggled fiendishly as Bluebell writhed back under the covers that she’d just pulled back over herself.

“Fuck off. And yeah, my head’s not operational. So can you keep it down?”

“SORRY!?!?” Bosh shouted at her, to which her face was met with a thrown cushion.

“So how come you’re not hungover, Bosh??”

“It’s called not being a lightweight. Something you wouldn’t know anything about”

“My weight is not light”

“We’re not having this conversation again. You’ve used up all your self-pity for the week”

“Have I? That sucks. Poor me, having to survive all week without self-pity” Bluebell feigned a melodramatic hand to her forehead like a thespian of yore. She then smiled as she grabbed a cigarette only to find the packets by her table empty.

“Hey, don’t worry I got you some more” Bosh threw her a pack. “You were like a chimney last night. And a fish. It was… an eventful evening”.

“Explains the scratchy throat. Bad Bluebell. Bad Bluebell and her weak-arse sense of discipline” she chastised herself as she lit her first cigarette of the day. Bosh brought the ashtray next to her bed, to save her from getting up.

“Yeah, we may have overdone it yesterday. Starting that early was a mistake. I mean, the recycling bin for glass is full of bottles already. I’ll probably take some to the tip on the way to work. No way are we gonna hold on until next week for it to be picked up”

From her bed, Bluebell could still see the glass bottles bin overflowing. Green bottles and white bottles sticking out of it, or balancing precariously on top.

“Fuck”

“I mean, there’s a bottle of gin in there that I don’t even remembering opening”

“The pink gin?”

“No, the regular gin”

“Thank god”

“The pink gin is half-empty though”

“Oh fuck, not the pink gin. That was our special occasion gin”

“I thought that was the sloe gin?”

“No, the sloe gin was our feeling sophisticated gin. The pink gin was our special occasion gin”

“No, the Malfy lemon gin was the feeling sophisticated gin”

“Then the sloe gin must have been quiet evenings in gin”

“But if the slow gin was our quiet evenings in gin, then what’s our normal gin for?”

“Every other day I guess”

“We drink too much gin”

“We drink way too much gin”

The two girls puffed their cheeks out at the thought. Bluebell could remember bits of last night, if she wanted. It’s just that she didn’t particularly want to. There was, for example, a strong memory of Bosh singing Let’s Dance To Joy Division by The Wombats at the top of her voice while Bluebell ate chicken wings and drank pear cider. And then there was the bit when Bosh slipped over whilst dancing to Chelsea’s Dagger by The Fratellis and Bluebell laughed so hard at the sight that she nearly choked on her pizza. And then there was the time they made out in bed between mouthfuls of fish fingers that probably weren’t cooked all the way through. Every memory, covered in the crumbs of binge eating and shame. And then Bluebell remembered something else.

“Wait, did we have sex last night?” Bluebell suddenly recalled.

“Yup” Bosh said proudly.

“God, you must have been buzzed then”

Bosh stopped in her tracks at that 

“What the fuck does that mean?” Bosh snapped, with her arms suddenly crossed.

“Nothing”

“No, it means something. What does it mean?”

“I dunno. It was just a throwaway comment about how buzzed we were last night. Stop reading into something into nothing” Bluebell rolled her eyes.

“No, you’re trying to accuse me of only having sex with you when buzzed”

“No, I wasn’t”

“Yes you were”

“Well, it’s true, isn’t it?”

“So you weren’t just saying nothing then?”

“Maybe. I dunno. You know what I mean though” Bluebell felt defensive again. It was too early for another argument. But the thought had been nagging her for weeks, and it must have just slipped out. She blamed the hangover and the early morning and the head full of regrets.

“We… we have sex all the time” Bosh protested.

“Yeah, cos we’re buzzed all the time”

“Oh, so now you’re accusing me of drinking too much too? Cos you eat too much, if you haven’t noticed”

“Oh? Oh really? You’re actually saying that?” Bluebell sat bolt upright and folded her arms too.

Bosh wilted a little at that.

“No. I didn’t mean that. I’m just cranky cos I’m tired and hungover” Bosh ceded a little ground.

“Hmmm...”

“Look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for talking about… y’know… food. I said I’m not like your parents and I’m not. Okay? I’m sorry. And, I’m… I’m sorry if you don’t think I’ve been meeting my end of the bargain… sex-wise”

Bosh sat on the edge of the bed after she said that; her shoulders deflated.

“No. It’s not that. It’s just… I keep getting it into my head that you don’t find me attractive” Bluebell admitted, and her chest felt lighter after saying it.

“That’s not true”

“I think you like me. But I don’t think you’ve fancied me in years. Even before we broke up. I think you’re settling. Making do”

“Stop it Blue. Seriously, stop it. I’m tired of you saying shit like that. We had it yesterday and I’m not having it again. You’re hot. Period. And I’m hot. We’re two hot pieces of ass and… look, I drink too much. That’s all it is. You eat too much, I drink too much. We’re flawed people. But I don’t have to be buzzed to have sex with you. That’s not true. I’m just… I just spend a lot of my evenings buzzed, I guess”

“Are we… are we bad for each other?” Bluebell asked tentatively.

“Bollocks, no. We’re good for each other. Alcohol’s good for you, it’s why they put it on wounds. And food’s good for you, it contains vitamins. And, you know what? We’re allowed to not be perfect. So, let’s be imperfect together. How about it, Blue?”

Bosh leaned in for a kiss and Bluebell obliged.

“Okay. And sorry for another bout of self-pity, Bosh. I gotta keep that in check”

“Yeah, I’m sorry too, Blue. But, to make up for it, I was thinking...”

Bluebell perked up in the hope of where this was going.

“...While I’m at work, maybe you want some chocolate biscuits”

“Hobnobs?”

“Yeah. So you can binge when I’m not here and you don’t have to feel like you’re doing it in secret. I don’t want this to be that kinda relationship. Okay?” Bosh said, handing over two packets of chocolate hobnobs, like the ones that Bluebell was caught bingeing on yesterday.

Bluebell scrunched up her face, before it finally dawned on her.

“Oh shit, you’re back at work today, aren’t you? You’re not working from home? Sorry, I completely forgot”

“Yeah, first day back in the office”

“Nervous?”

“Fuck off. Nervous? No chance. Not me. Why the fuck would I be nervous?” Bosh contested. “Well… maybe a little. Yeah, I’m actually pretty nervous. Is that stupid? I feel like that’s stupid.”

“No, I mean, it’s been months and the virus isn’t gone”

“Yeah, I mean, Shivran insists everything’s all COVID-compliant. Desks two metres apart, regular cleaning, that kinda thing. It’s not that. It’s like… seeing people’s faces again”

“You mean… you miss my beautiful face?”

“Well, that goes without saying, Blue. But also, just… social interaction. That inane chit-chat that you get when they’re like ‘how was the pandemic?’ and ‘still not used to wearing a mask in the supermarket, guffaw, guffaw’. That type of shit”

Bluebell listened to Bosh moan and smiled.

“Hey, stop smiling! It’s not funny. Social anxiety is a very real thing and you should show it and me some respect” Bosh finally threw that cushion back at her.

“You’ve not got social anxiety. You just hate people”

“I mean… that’s fair, I guess”

“But, once you’re back into the swing of it, you’ll be fine”

“Thanks Blue. I actually needed that”

“Plus, you look hot in that top. Is that the new one you bought?”

Bosh stood back and pirouetted so Bluebell could take a look at her girlfriend in her workspace attire. It was a white shirt with navy blue pin stripes running down, tucked into her black work trousers.

“They’re a bit tighter than I’d have liked”

“What size are they?”

“10”

And Bluebell’s eyes opened wide at hearing that.

“10?”

“Yeah, but it’s a Top Shop size 10, which is like a size 8 everywhere else”

“An M&S size 8, but a Top Shop size 10?”

“Yeah, Marks and Sparks would be like, ‘you’re practically a size 6’. But Top Shop is like ‘noooo, you’re near as dammit a size 12’”

“But still, my dearest Bosh is finding a size 10 to be tight?”

And the clothes did look tight on her. Truly, they did. Her pin-stripe top was pushed outwards in a gentle, rolling parabola over her midriff that began to sit perched atop a thin black and silver belt of her equally straining trousers.

“Yeah, it’s all going a bit pear-shaped to be honest. These are supposed to be an M&S size 10” Bosh admitted, scratching her head awkwardly as her weight shifted from one foot to another.

“You’re going a bit pear-shaped” Bluebell giggled.

“Oh, you’re allowed to fat-shame, but I’m not?”

“Well, that’s different...” Bluebell seemed a bit awkward in her defence. “...because you probably weigh half what I do”.

Bosh shifted uncomfortably.

“Go on then, how much do you weigh Bosh?”

“149”

“149lbs? Really? Fuck off! You are literally half my weight and worried about your weight. That is such a fucking double-standard” Bluebell tried to sound annoyed but she found the smile to be irrepressible.

“I know. I know. But, in my defence… I just don’t get it. I was 112lbs six months ago and...”

“Ha! Welcome to the Bluebell club!” Bluebell giggled, and Bosh rolled her eyes.

“But I go running every day!”

“I mean… you threaten to go running every day. But, you usually just sack it off and we have a food party like yesterday”

“No! I mean… sometimes, I guess. Shit. I guess. Yeah, maybe you’re right actually” Bosh looked as guilty as she felt.

“But you’re half my weight and cute as fuck and… how did you put it ‘we’re allowed not to be perfect’?”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right” Bosh said with a sigh.

“Now, when you go to work, know that you will be the hottest woman in the sanitised and disinfected hellhole you call an office. You look awesome, and you wear your curves right”

“Thanks Bluebell”

“Not as curvy as me, mind. But, young Padawan, I see potential in you” Bluebell and Bosh shared a giggle at that. And as they did, Bluebell realised that she had gotten to the end of the first pack of biscuits.

“Don’t worry about finishing them Blue. There’s left over pizza for breakfast for you”

“But I thought we ordered Chinese last night?”

“We did. We did”

“Ahhhh, maybe this is why you’re gaining weight” Blue offered a cheeky smile at this.

I’m gaining weight?”

“Fiiiine, we’re gaining weight”

“Anyway, I gotta go. But I’ll see you tonight. And I’ll bring food back with me. But enjoy having the place to yourself and… don’t feel like you have to binge. Y’know, I don’t care so you don’t have to do it when I’m not there. That’s… why I bought you the biscuits. You can do whatever you like, eat as little or as much as you like. Just don’t feel pressured either way”

Bluebell didn’t say anything. She just looked up at her girlfriend, who was smiling down.

“Well… see you tonight then Blue”

“Yeah, you too. And… hope today goes okay for you”

Bosh smiled as she walked out the door.

“Oh, Bosh! Don’t forget about the bottles!”

Bosh stopped in her tracks and showed her middle finger to Bluebell, before trudging off to the glass bottles all stacked up, putting them in a bin-liner and hauling them off with her without saying a word. And as the door shut, Bluebell shouted out:

“Thanks babe! Love you!”

And then Bluebell let her head fall back and enjoyed the silence, and waited until she heard the Bosh’s car door slam outside. Once she heard it, she sprung up out of her bed and waddled hurriedly to the food cupboards. She shouldn’t really. She knew she shouldn’t. Not after all she and Bosh had said and talked about. But here she was, sitting on the kitchen lino once, eating cold leftover pizza from last night, alongside chocolate hobnobs, and deeply worried about what she would be doing to herself with nine hours of uninterrupted alone time. She put her headphones in, Chelsea’s Dagger by The Fratellis on, and began to dig in. If only she could remember where she put the last of the pink gin.

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  • 3 weeks later...

September 2020***

Part 1


“Lager?”

“Check”

“Wine?”

“Red, white and... pink, check”

“Pear cider?”

“W… wait, cider?”

Bluebell scrunched up her face as she went down the checklist.

“Yeah, for Jordan. They’re your friend, I thought you would have remembered that one”

“I’ve not got… I dunno why but I’ve not got it on my list” Bluebell said, turning the paper over and back again as if she would somehow find the words written on the blank side.

“Ohhh, Jordan’s gonna be pissed if you don’t have pear cider”

“Jordan’s not gonna be able to get pissed if I don’t have pear cider” Bluebell said, forlornly.

“Look, I can pop to the Nisa on the corner. I’m sure they’ll have some. I need to get some J2Os anyway for Cassius” Bosh offered, as she laid out all the plastic glasses.

“It’ll be fine Bosh. We said it was ‘bring your own booze’ anyway, I’m sure it’ll be fine…”

“Hey, babe, I don’t mind. I don’t mind, honest” Bosh turned to her girlfriend with a wilted smile.

“I can get it, if you like. This is supposed to be a party for you, after all”

“Yeah, but if I get it, you can get changed ready for it” Bosh suggested with a kind expression as she started shifting the chairs around to make space for the guests.

“I… am changed”

“You’re wearing that for the party? Oh, no, that’s fine. I love that top. Sorry, I…” Bosh stammered awkwardly.

“Why? Is it too casual?” Bluebell looked worried, tilting her head down to look at the loose blue and white top. “What about if I change the jeans?”

“Jeans are fine babe. Honest. It’s only a get-together, not a real party. I don’t want the police arresting us for having more than six people!” Bosh tried to lighten the mood, but it seemed awkward.

“No, I’ll get changed”

“No, it’s fine”

“No, I shouldn’t have thought jeans were okay for a party. It’s nothing. Really”

“You could wear that nice dress that I bought you. The purple one with the puffy shoulders. You look really cute in it. I mean, you always look cute. But you look especially cute in this. Downright fuckable” Bosh giggled salaciously, picking up on Bluebell’s mood.

“It’s a really nice dress...” Bluebell said glumly.

“Yeah, only £30 too. I gotta say, considering I have never worn a dress in my life… apart from that one time, but I don’t count that, I really have a good eye for these things” Bosh allowed herself to gloat.

“But…”

“What?” Bosh suddenly looked cautious.

“It’s a bit tight” Bluebell said nervously.

“Oh”

“Yeah…”

“But we only got it a couple of weeks back? And it fit fine then. Do you think it shrunk in the wash? It didn’t say that it couldn’t wash it, and I did it at a low temperature?”

“No, it’s not that…”

“No, Blue. If there’s a manufacturing fault and it can’t be washed, I’ll sort it. I’ll put in a complaint. I’ll post a nasty review and…”

“Fuck you Bosh. You’re gonna make me say it”

“Say what?”

“You know what” Blue needled.

“I literally have no idea what unless you tell me”

“It doesn’t fit because I… have gained weight. Again. Even more” Bluebell sulked.

“Oh" Bosh paused. "I’m sorry. I didn’t realise”

“No, I’m sorry. It was a really nice dress and you do have a really good eye for someone who’s never worn a dress apart from that one time that we don’t talk about. And then I ruined it by outgrowing it” Bluebell’s shoulders slumped, and she glanced up evasively, unable to maintain eye contact out of guilt.

“Ohhh… you’ve not ruined it Blue. I’m so sorry, I… you don’t look like you’ve put on weight so I didn’t realise”

“Yeah, well there’s a lot of me for it to get lost on. But I have. And you only bought that dress two weeks ago”

“Well… it was probably nearer three weeks”

“Bosh, stop making excuses for me!”

“Look… hey. Don’t worry about it…”

“But you said you liked that dress and this would have been the perfect time to wear it and…” Bluebell began to sob again.

“Hey Blue… hey. Just… wear it anyway” Bosh said, sitting down next to Bluebell and holding her hand.

“What?”

“You said it was tight. You didn’t say it didn’t fit. Wear it anyway. Tight isn’t bad. Tight can be sexy”

“You think? I mean, I guess I could get it on”

“See? It’ll be great. Wear the dress, wow the guests and… Bluebell, you’ve gotta stop being so hard on yourself”

“I know, it’s just…”

“No buts, Blue. I don’t want to hear you say ‘but’”

“I know… but…”

“What did I just say!”

“Fine” Blue sulked.

“Look, in a couple of weeks’ time, we’ll be on the other side of the country and I’ll be earning loads of money and all this will feel a million miles away” Bosh offered sympathetically.

“That does sound nice” Bluebell perked up.

“It does, doesn’t it? Just me and you, Blue. But first, I’ll go and buy some fruit ciders and J2Os and you put that dress on, ready to wow”

“Thanks” Bluebell said, gratefully, to her girlfriend as she grabbed her keys from off the side. “Oh, and Bosh… congrats on that promotion. I didn’t really say it earlier but… you should be proud. You really are the best”

“Awww thanks babe! And congratulations to you too”

“What for?”

“For having great taste in women!” Bosh said, spitting her tongue out as she said it, before walking out the door. Bluebell sat there, left behind but smiling.
 

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Part 2

“Hey, you’re here”

“Hey, Bosh is it?” Jordan said as Bosh held the door open. They walked in and wiped their Doc Martins on the mat.

“Yeah, I’m glad you made it. You’re the last guest and…”

“You thought I wouldn’t come?”

“No, it’s just…”

“Shoes?”

“Oh, leave them on, it’s fine. We’re gonna deep-clean the carpet before we go anyway. Gotta get that deposit back, you know how it is” Bosh smiled awkwardly.

“Look, cut the niceties Bosh. I know you don’t want me here” Jordan glared at the gobsmacked hostess.

“I… I do want you here. You’re one of Blue’s best friends?” Bosh sounded weaker than she normally did. Her voice didn’t tremble, but it lacked the decisive edge that it usually had.

“Last time we spoke, at the tattoo place, you literally said your pronouns were, and I quote, ‘fuck’ and ‘you’. Do you know how offensive that is” Bosh twitched at the accusation.

“Yeah, I’m… sorry. I sometimes say things I regret. But that was out of order and…”

“Where’s Bluebell?” Jordan said, just striding past her.

“Living room” Bosh answered, but Jordan had already gone.

The living room was quite cramped, even for just a party of six. Jason was in the corner, laughing and joking with Bluebell. Bluebell, herself, was sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine in one hand and a trusty cigarette in the other, smoking the room out. It was a good job that Bosh had removed the battery from the smoke detector when Bluebell first moved in. Cassius, an old friend of Bosh’s from work, was hovering awkwardly nearby without really joining in, while nursing a J2O. In the background, Mardy Bum by the Arctic Monkeys was jangling jauntily away.

“Blue!” Jordan shouted as they walked into the room, causing Bluebell to squeal with joy.

“Oh my god, Jordan! Come here, I need to hug you” Bluebell hastily handed her cigarette and glass of wine to Jason to deal with, and then opened her arms out to welcome Jordan into the apartment.

“God, it’s good to see ya, big girl. Love the dress” Jordan said as they were swept up in Bluebell’s arms.

“Oh my god, I know. Bosh chose it. She picked well, didn’t she? I love these puffy shoulders” Bluebell said with pride.

“I can’t believe that it’s been so long since I’ve seen you” Jordan said, ignoring the comment about Bosh after their previous hostilities.

“Yeah, fucking lockdown. But you look good too. How’s Inky Lines?”

“It’s… no more. Had to close it. It was struggling before the pandemic but…”

“Fucking Rishi”

“What?”

“Rishi Sunak? The Chancellor? It’s this lack of support for our high streets and this one-size-fits-all approach to…”

“Blue… no politics. Please” Jordan asked politely.

“Oh, sorry. Yeah. It’s my default setting. But oh god, that’s so awful. How are you holding up?”

“Shit. How about you? Moving other side of the country, being a stay-at-home wife…”

“I’m not a stay-at-home wife. I’m not a wife, for a start. And…”

“You know what I mean, Blue. It’s cool. Just a little more domesticated than I expected from you” Jordan said, before spotting the fruit ciders. “Oh my god, are these… are these for me?”

“Yeah, I know how much you liked them, so Bosh got them for you”

“Look, I love you Blue, but you don’t have to keep giving Bosh the credit for everything. I know what she’s like” Jordan said, before walking off to introduce themself to Cassius, leaving Bluebell back with Jason.

“Jase… is Jordan a wanker?” she gave him a perplexed look.

“Oh babe, yeah. Of course they are. They always have been” he said, giving her an affectionate arm around the shoulder.

“Then why did I like them so much when we worked together?”

Because they’re a wanker, Blue. That’s your type”

“Fuck off!” Bluebell laughed, as Bosh pulled up next to them.

“Hey up, cunts!” Bosh said with a smile, as she sat down next to them.

“Okay Jase, you may have a point about my type” Bluebell laughed again, before turning to Bosh. “Hey Bosh, you okay?”

“Oh, I’m brill. But, no offence or anything because I know that they’re your friend, but that Jordan is a bitch” she said, eyeing Bluebell’s former colleague as she made abrupt conversation with Bosh’s friend Cassius.

“That’s completely wrong” Jason interjected, causing Bosh’s face to slope downwards.

“Is it?”

“Yeah, the term ‘bitch’ isn’t gender neutral. Jordan, we decided, is a wanker” Jason explained, and Bosh’s face lit up again.

“Apparently that’s my type” Bluebell added, causing Bosh to laugh and thrust a middle finger at the pair of them.

“Anyway, I’m gonna rescue poor Cassius, who’s too innocent to deal with Jordan. I’ll leave you two to continue gossipping in the corner like school children” she replied, getting back up and wandering over to Jordan and Cassius with renewed bolshie swagger.

“You know… Bosh is started to chunk up herself these days” Jason said with catty revelry as he watched Bosh walk away.

“Chunk up, herself? That reflexive pronoun implies somebody has also been chunking up. About whom could you possibly be referring, Jason? And answer carefully, or I’ll sit on you and crush you” Bluebell cocked her head and raised her eyebrows knowingly.

“Look, everyone knows that your svelte days are behind you. But I always presumed Bosh would stay immune. I mean, I’m not saying she’s fat but she is so not as thin as she used to be. She used to be a rail”

“Yeah, lockdown hasn’t been her figure’s best friend” Bluebell admitted.

“Do you mind?”

“Well, honestly, living with me makes it kinda difficult to stay thin, so I can't blame her. My unofficial motto is basically ‘eat, drink and be heavy’. Even you’d get fat living near me” Bluebell noted of her skinny best friend.

“Yeah, but do you mind?”

“It would be hypocritical if I didn’t. I mean, she says she’s gained 44lbs this year, which is a lot. But I’ve gained nearly 100… so…”

“Yeah, but do you mind?”

“Jason, I just admitted to gaining 100lbs in a year. I mean, how can you just shrug that off?”

“I mean, didn’t you do the same last year?”

“That makes it worse, not better!” Bluebell tried to sound aggressive, but she couldn’t with Jason. She just ended up smiling.

“Is this why your parents aren’t here? How are they taking it?”

“No, it’s… the rule of 6 remember? If my parents came, then there’d be more than six people and I’d have had to uninvite Jordan and Cassius. And Cassius is literally Bosh’s only friend here. I mean, you and Jordan both dislike her. And it’s supposed to be her party after all” Bluebell explained.

“So nothing to do with the fact that you’re not talking to your mum?”

“How do you know that? Wait, are you… do you talk to my parents?”

“Yeah, they’re my friends. Me, Martin and Denise are right chums. I go round their house to watch Eastenders” Jason giggled.

“You fucker! You see my parents more than I do, you little shit!” Bluebell rolled her eyes and laughed.

“So, what’s going on with you and them?”

“Well, me and my dad are fine. You know how he is. We Facebook Chat every weekend. And we literally never talk about my weight. We just talk about Bosh’s work and his planes. It’s boring shit, and honestly I don’t think either of us care about the conversation. It’s just an excuse to see my dad”

“And your mum?”

“She’s being a right bitch, at the minute”

“To be fair babe, that is your type”

“Fuck off!”

“Maybe you have an Oedipus complex?”

“Oh, that’s fuck off squared!”

“And you're trying to repair your relationship with your mother through all these other people in your life. Like Bosh and Jordan”

“Fuck off to the power of infinity for that comment, Jason”

“So, what’s up with your mother then? Why aren’t you and Denise talking?” Jason continued, undeterred.

“Fine. We had a bit of a shouting match about a month ago. She kept asking about my weight. Why? I don’t talk to my parents to get nagged. I just want a nice, friendly conversation with my mum and my dad, and everything always turns into an interrogation with her. So, I’ve stopped talking to her until she starts showing me respect. I don’t need her negativity in my life. It’s a healthy life choice” Bluebell explained with a touch of regret.

“And Lord knows you need some healthy choices” Jason joked.

“Oh, don’t you start! Or I’ll cut you from my life too” Bluebell elbowed him as he did it, and he flinched.

“Owww!” he recoiled, but he was still smiling.

“And anyway, Bosh is nothing like my mum. She’s more like my dad”

“No babe. Trust me, I’ve met both and I can tell you that Bosh is noooothing like lovely Martin. He’s a doll”

“Bosh is different with me than she is with everyone else. She’s more like him. An enabler. Hates confrontation…”

“Bosh? That Bosh over there? Hates confrontation?”

“With me, she does. She likes arguing with people who shout back. But I don’t, I get upset. So she walks on glass around me, trying not to hurt my feelings” Bluebell smiled as she looked at her girlfriend pretending to enjoy the company of Jordan and knowing that it was just for her.

“That sounds actually sweet. Maybe you two are good for each other”

“Not really. She’s an enabler like my dad. So all she does is wait on me, hand on foot. If I have one of my binges, she won’t be annoyed or even disappointed. She’ll tell me it’s okay, that she loves me anyway, tidy away the mess for me and then order me more food to tell me just how okay with it she is”

“Maybe she’s into it? Like a fetish or something?”

“Fuck no. She dumped me when I first gained weight, remember? And she doesn’t have sex with me unless she’s pissed. Which is most nights. Because she’s essentially taken up drinking just to appease my sex drive and oh my god, I’m oversharing… how much have I **… drank… drunken… whatever the word is…”

“Nearly finished your second bottle, Blue. And what’s that juicy tidbit about Bosh drinking to have sex with you?”

“Nope. I’m not telling you. Sober me would be annoyed” Bluebell replied with self-awareness.

“I’ll order you pizza?”

“Alright, like I need another enabler in my life. And besides... we’ve already ordered pizza” Bluebell smirked as she said it.

“I’ll order you more pizza?”

“Fiiine. But this is only because I respond well to bribery and pizza. And plus, I think I might be quite ** at the minute. But don’t tell anyone, or they might try to take advantage of me by ordering me more pizza in return for salacious details about my love life” Bluebell giggled, thinking herself to be quite the wit.
 

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Final part of September. These chapters used to be short in the good old days, sorry for the GRRM-esque scope-creep

September 2020*** Part 3


“Hey, thought I’d find you here”

“On the toilet?”

Bosh tilted her head at that. The light from the hallways poured through the door onto Bluebell, who was sitting on the closed lid of the toilet and having a smoke and a drink away from all the hullabaloo.

“Blue, you don’t have to hide in here any more. They’ve all gone”

“Huh? How long have I been in here?” Bluebell said, protecting her eyes from the light pouring in, her eyes now adjusted to the darker environment that she had been resting.

“Well, that bottle of wine was full when you came in here” Bosh smirked, and Bosh strained her neck to see the bottle by the side of her was down to its bare dregs.

“Fuck”

“Tell me about it. Look Blue, come out of here and come into the living room where I can actually see you clearly”

“Fine. But you need to give me a hand to get up. I’m very comfy on here” Bluebell grumbled, stretching her arms out for Bosh to pull her up. With a heave, Bosh managed to help Bluebell to her feet.

“Fuck, my back!” Bluebell winced, before gathering her bearings.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, it’s fine” Bluebell swatted away the offer, so instead they walked out, using each other as support on their unstable feet. From there, in staggered fashion, they made their way into the main living area where, staring before them, was a nightmare of mess and litter spread across the place. Barely a spare place was there on the carpet for them to put their feet as they traipsed across before finally getting to sit down.

“This place is a shit tip, Blue”

“It is”

“I can’t be arsed to clean it up today. Tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I guess”

“Come on, what’s up? First you hide on the toilet, and now all I’m hearing is monosyllabicism from you. So why are you so blue, Blue?”

“The fact that you can say the word ‘monosybill…’, ‘monosyllil’, y’know that word means you are too sober. Why are you sober? Have a drink! Some alcoholic you are” Bluebell said, finding a slice of pizza amongst the wreckage beneath them and picking it up and putting it in her mouth.

“Don’t call me an alcoholic, please Blue”

“But you are. You said it you did, yourself”

“Yeah, I did. But I’m not. I’m not saying I don’t drink plenty, but it’s not like it’s out of hand or anything. I’m in control. I’m… don’t look at me like that” Bosh said with wilting shoulders as Blue arched an eyebrow. Bosh’s case wasn’t aided by the fact that she was reaching for a can of Brewdog IPA.

“You eat like I drink” Bluebell smiled. “No, that’s wrong. I meant… you eat like I drink. Yeah. No. Is that right?”

“I know what you’re trying to say. Though, we both eat and drink plenty these days” Bosh said with a forlorn expression. Bosh exhaled as she said it, and looked down at her puffy figure, an adjective that had been alien to her most of her life. After mentioning the dress situation to Bluebell earlier, she felt guilty to find herself feeling so unattractive. Every mirror or reflective surface that she went past showed images that were boxier and less Bosh-like than they used to be and should be. She hated it.

“You know, you’re cute when you’re introspective and sad”

“Th… thanks?”

“You’re welcome” Bluebell smiled sincerely.

“Y’know, when we move… new job, new home, new us. We’ll exercise and cut out the drinking. I’ve been thinking about maybe taking up sudokus, y’know, for my brain. Brain exercises. What do you think?” Bosh perked up as the thoughts tumbled out of her mouth..

“Yeah, sounds good”

“Once more with feeling?”

“No, it sounds good. No exercise though. Not with my back”

“That still hurts?”

“Yeah, hurt yesterday too” Bluebell admitted, her face revealing lashings of self-pity.

“Look, don’t worry. We’ll leave it until tomorrow and see how it is. If it’s still playing up, I’ll do the packing. I mean, I’ll probably do the packing anyway but… oh my god, did I tell you about Cassius and Jason?”

“What about Cassius and Jason?”

“They, y’know…”

“They what?”

“They hooked up, Blue. They were flirting and being all tactile, and they left together. Right now, our two best male friends are probably working out who wants to give and who wants to receive as they canoodle under covers” Bosh smiled.

“Oh god, that’s gross. Are they… fucking?”

“I mean, yeah, probably. I don’t think they were just gonna play Scrabble together”

“I prefer Tiddlywinks” Blue said, as if profound.

“I… don’t know how to respond to that”

“But I thought that your friend, Casio…”

“Cassius”

“Whatever, I didn’t know he was gay”

“Yeah, good point actually. Me neither” Bosh said, with a scrunched up face. “But that’s the effect Jason can have on people. Your friend…”

“Gets a lot of dick? Yeah, I know”

“I was gonna say ‘is flirtatious’ but… yeah, you’re right. Jason clearly gets lots of dick. Even so, pulling someone who’s straight is pretty good going”

“I dunno… you pulled me when I was straight” Bluebell giggled, leaning in closer.

“Were you?” Bosh pulled away, looking concerned.

“No. I was gay as fuck. Just never publilly… publically. Ha, got it!” Bluebell said as she leant into her girlfriend for a kiss. Her eyes closed as she sloppily kissed her girlfriend. “Speaking of sex… do you want to have sex?”

“Nice segue”

“Or do you need a bit more to drink?”

The question from Bluebell cut deep. It wasn’t the first time that Bluebell had directly drawn reference to the fact that Bosh appeared to need to be ** to have sex. But it was the first time that Bluebell mentioned it without hurt. It was as if she had normalised it. Which, in some ways, hurt even more. But it also made things easier.

“Actually yeah. Probably a bit more. I’m on my way but a bit more maybe”

“Cool. Well, in that case, can I order in? For while you drink? And then we do the bum-chick-a-waw-a thing” Bluebell grinned mischievously.

“But we ordered in pizza earlier, and then we ordered in Chinese?”

“So… what you’re saying is… Thai then?” Bluebell suggested and Bosh let out a laugh.

“Fuck it. Why not. Bish, bash, fucking bosh. You order in, I’ll get fucking shit-faced. And we can sort out all this fucking mess in the morning” Bosh decided, gesturing at the state of the flat.

“When you say ‘mess’, you’re talking about the flat and not our relationship, aren’t you?” Bluebell stared innocently at her girlfriend. The bizarre profundity of the inebriated.

Bosh paused awkwardly before she answered, slightly thrown off by the question.

“Yeah, the flat. I was talking about the flat”
 

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8 hours ago, dania201 said:

Phenomenal. I feel like I know these people already. Thanks again for these reads, I check for them too often lol. 
 

I don’t know what to route for exactly, but I am longing for the way forward nonetheless. 💕

Thanks again, its really reassuring to know that there are still people reading this who haven't lost interest yet!

I wanted this story to feel like it was set in the real world, and this didn't have the convenient narrative arc towards happy ever after. Life isn't like that and it is not like that for bluebell either. Life just happens in unpredictable and predictable ways.

Does make rooting for a way forward difficult though lol

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  • 2 weeks later...

October 2020***


Bluebell’s eyes were drifting between the television rumbling in the background, and her doom-laden Twitter feed creating elaborate conspiracies about whether Donald Trump had Covid or not. According to her Twitter, he either never had it or he still had it. Or both. And, in the background on the telly, a monkey was talking to a woman.

While her eyes remained swirling in the breeze between those two screens, her hands were similarly flighty, straying between a wine glass and a packet of cream finger doughnuts. It was all very convenient in their new place, bijou as it was. Prices were a bit steeper and rent didn’t go as far, meaning that the place was fairly modest in size. But this did, at least, make everything within reaching distance when stationed in the living room, something Bluebell appreciated as she reached over to pour herself another glass.

But this action was interrupted by a sharp slam of the front door. Bluebell hurriedly hid the packet of cream doughnuts under the sofa and wiped the sugar dusting off her fingers and onto her top instead. She then went back to sipping her wine as if nothing had happened.

“Hey Blue, I have a surprise for you…” Bosh said in a sing-song voice as she bounded stridently into the room.

“Hmm…” Bluebell arched her eyebrows into a suspicious scowl.

“So there’s this bakery opposite the office where I work and, according to Geoffrey…”

“Geoffrey with a G?” Bluebell’s eyes were back on the TV, doing a pretty good impression of indifference, even if she pined with guilt at the mention of a bakery.

“Yeah, and according to Geoffrey with a G, they do the most amazing, and I mean amaaazing coffee cake. So I bought you one on the way home. It looks so good, I might have a slice myself…” Bosh said, unveiling the cake. It looked decadent, with coffee cream icing running thickly across the top, as well as two layers of it between the brown sponge.

“A whole cake? Really? Hmmm…” Bluebell squinted again at her girlfriend with suspicion.

“As a treat. Because I love you” Bosh smiled.

“What have you done?” Bluebell replied with an inquisitive rising intonation.

“What do you mean? I haven’t done anything”

“Either you’ve done something or you want something. So come on, which is it?” Bluebell’s arms went to cross themselves, before she caught herself and pulled back into a less inhospitable pose.

“Nothing. Honest!” Bosh put her arms out in protestation.

“So, this isn’t to sweeten me up so you can excuse yourself off to the pub with Geoff with a G instead of spending the night in with your girlfriend? Because… it might be working. That cake does look nice”

“No! I want to spend tonight with you. I just thought I’d get something back from the office for you” Bosh reasoned, but Bluebell’s facial expression remained unconvinced.

“The office? Wait, is this because I shouted at you yesterday? Because I’m sorry about that, I shouldn’t have done it” Bluebell’s voiced lowered in guilt as she said it.

“Oh, that? Pfft, no. Honestly, I had completely forgotten about that, to be honest”

“Two ‘honests’ in one sentence? Yeah, that means you’re not being honest. Look, I shouldn’t have shouted. I’m just worried. You shouldn’t be going to the office, it’s not safe. We’re in the second wave now, you should be working from home. Next to me” Bluebell argued, reaching over for her current glass of pinot. It was punchy and fruity, according to the label. It just tasted like wine though, let’s be honest.

“But, I need to make friends, Blue. It’s hard being the new girl and it’s even hard doing it remotely. And the office is really safe - it’s all partitioned off and it’s well ventilated. And there’s hand gel at every station. Jeff… with a J, he’s done a real good job on that front”

“So you keep saying” Bluebell said, her eyes back on the television.

Bosh stood awkwardly in the room, sensing Bluebell’s dark mood. They were becoming more and more frequent these days. And Bosh spotted the sugar dusting on Bluebell’s top, a top that was looking tighter than it had ever done, and knew that Bluebell was still hiding her binge eating from her. The fact that Bluebell was doing it despite all of Bosh’s pleas for honesty and openness broke Bosh’s heart. But Bosh didn’t want to confront it and, instead, just sat down next to her.

“Watcha watching?” Bosh said, sitting down next to her and pouring herself a glass of wine. Any change of subject was welcomed by both parties.

“Dunno, not really following it. I think they’re at an academy that sells umbrellas or something…” Bluebell said, her eyes glued to the screen.

“Umbrella Academy? I thought we were going to watch that together?” Bosh rolled her eyes at her girlfriend, but she tried to hold back her frustration.

“Well, we’re watching it together now”

“No, I mean… wait, is Ellen Page in this? Oh my god, we love Ellen Page” Bosh cheered up.

“Yeah, I guess”

And the two sat in silence for a bit longer as they watched the show. Bosh got the cake out and offered a thick slice to Bluebell, without taking any for herself. Bluebell felt her jaw tense at the restraint that Bosh was showing these days.

And Bosh’s restraint was showing on her these days, too. The promised new start that Bosh had made, she had followed. Ever since they landed at the new place, Bosh had committed to healthier lifestyle choices. Running more frequently, eating healthier. She was still drinking plentifully, which was possibly why she was only down 4lbs, but she was feeling better about herself and her habits. Which was more than could be said for Bluebell, who had been following no such routine. In fact, she was eating, drinking and smoking more than ever.

“Would you fuck Ellen Page?” Bluebell asked, after a lengthy pause.

“In a heartbeat” Bosh answered, a little too quickly for Bluebell’s taste.

“Really? You’d cheat on me?”

“No, I thought you meant… cos this was hypothetical… that, in this scenario, I was single. In that case, I’d fuck her. And, I don’t mean to brag but I think I would be the catch. Out of the two of us. Out of me and Ellen Page, I mean…”

“Why would you assume that?”

“Presume, you mean”

“Oh, fuck off with the pedantry” Bluebell repositioned her body so she was facing slightly away from her. “Why would you presume that I meant ‘if you were single’?”

“I dunno, those are just the rules. Like you and Priti Patel. Although, to be fair, I feel like Ellen’s maybe a bit too skinny, so maybe I wouldn’t. Like, she’s skinnier than she looks. She’s deceptively skinny” Bosh reasoned, ignoring the sulking vibes from her girlfriend.

“I used to be that skinny back when you liked me” Bluebell grumbled. Bosh bit her tongue, sensing that Bluebell was angling for a fight.

“You were never that skinny”

“I was. I used to be 116lbs, remember?”

“Yeah, but Ellen is properly skinny. Like, see-her-ribcage skinny”

“You used to be able to see my ribcage. It wasn’t a problem for you then”

“I never said it was… oh, you know what? I’m going out. Jeffrey, not with a G but the other one, he’s going out for a few drinks tonight at this place called The Bowery. You know, supporting the local economy and whatnot. If you’re just gonna be like this, I might as well join him. Enjoy Ellen and the cake” Bosh said, getting up to leave.

“So you did just buy the cake to soft-soap me into letting you go to the pub with the Geoffs” Bluebell grumbling.

“No, I didn’t. But I’m just… I didn’t come home from work - because I’m the one that pays the bills by the way - to have you act like an arsehole” Bosh raged.

“I’m sorry” Bluebell said, her voiced dipped low in contrition.

“You’re sorry?”

“Yeah. You’re right. I’m being an arsehole. I’m sorry”

“I don’t care. You can’t just act like an arsehole, say sorry and then - boom - everything is back to normal. Arseholery reversed. You can’t just fix treating your girlfriend like shit with a sorry, and then rinse and repeat” Bosh spat out, a flicker of her old self in the indignation.

“It’s just… I thought moving to the other side of the country and being up here would be a new start but… everything’s still shit and I’m shit and…”

“No, quit the self-pity Blue. Seriously. I’m tired of it. If you’re not happy, do something about it. Make some new friends. But don’t just say how life shit is, when the only person at the steering wheel is you” Bosh began to pace in frustration.

“I know. Look, I know it’s all my fault, okay? You think I don’t know that? You think I’m blaming someone other than my fault. My mum won’t talk to me because I’m fat. I’ve moved away from all my friends to stay with a girlfriend who doesn’t like me any more and just keeps me around out of guilt. And I can’t go 20 minutes without making another bad decision. I know it’s all my fault. Okay? Happy now?” Bluebell flapped her arms around in frustration. She felt the familiar sensation of tears brewing, and tried to suppress it.

“Don’t be like that Blue. You know I don’t like it when you talk like that” Bosh suddenly turned a bit more uncomfortable.

“How? Honestly?”

“No. Like you’re depressed or something” Bosh winced at the mention of the ‘d’ word. “How about you come out with me, tonight. Don’t just sit in front of the telly, eating and drinking and feeling sorry for yourself, and wondering why your circumstances aren’t magically fixing themselves. Do something, Blue. I did, you can too” Bosh chastised.

“Doing something really isn’t my strong suit…”

“I know it’s not”

“I’m not really a ‘doing something’ kinda girl”

“Well, don’t you think it’s high time you started? Come on, come out with me. Meet my friends. The two Geoffs. And come to the pub. It’ll be a laugh. An actual laugh. Not whatever this shite is”

“To be fair, this programme is shite. Like, why does Ellen Page have a magic violin?”

“So come with me. They do a mean Caesar salad at The Bowery if you want something to eat?”

“Salad? That’s rabbit food” Bluebell shuffled a smile out.

“God, you sound like your dad at times”

“1 - That’s harsh. 2 - But fair. And 3, salad is still rabbit food”

“Not Caesar salad. It has chicken in it. Rabbits don’t eat chicken”

“Carnivorous rabbits do” Bluebell let herself smile as the conversation drifted into sillier waters.

“There’s no such thing as carnivorous rabbits, Blue”

“That one in Watership down”

“I’m pretty sure it wasn’t carnivorous. Come on Blue, come out. They do fun food too. I just suggested the salad because that’s what I was having. But they do burgers and chips too. You love burgers” Bosh was standing up and looking down at Bluebell.

“But I have cake here. And this shite to watch” Bluebell pointed at the telly.

“Like, why are his arms so hairy?”

“Something to do with a talking monkey I think? I’m not exactly sure. I don’t think this show’s actually about umbrellas, to be honest”

“One night. Just one night, Blue” Bosh almost pleaded to her girlfriend. And Bluebell paused, and seemed ready to go along with it. “Come on, Blue. It’ll be good for you!”

And then Bluebell’s face fell, and she swatted away the thought.

“No, sorry Bosh”

“Oh”

“Sorry, it’s just that my back’s hurting” she said, and diverted her attention back to the TV once more.

“Oh Blue, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise. No wonder your mood hasn’t been great. I wish you’d said something” Bosh sat down next to her, suddenly concerned.

“It’s nothing. Seriously. It’s just…”

“Blue, you’re gonna have to book that doctor’s appointment. It’s been over a month now” Bosh pressed, her hand on Bluebell’s poor back.

“Yeah, but what’s the point when I know what they’re gonna say”

“And what’s that?”

“That I need to lose some weight. It’s all they ever say. Doctors have no imagination. Headache? That’ll be your size. Toothache? Fat causes that. Seasonal allergies? Exacerbated by your weight. I don’t need that” Bluebell grumped.

“Okay, if you don’t want to, then don’t. But I just hate seeing you like this. You’re becoming a recluse…”

“Oh, come on, that’s an exaggeration. I’m just socially distancing and… you said how hard it was to be the new girl. Well, try being the new girl and I don’t even have a work colleague to get to know”

Bosh paused, understanding Bluebell’s pain, but worried by her comments.

“I’m sure it’s not your weight causing the pain. Like, you’re only 22, and it’s not like you’re massive or anything. You’re not gonna be getting back ache until you’re in your forties, at least. It’s probably just a crick or something. Maybe you just need a massage or…”

“I mean, I wouldn’t say no to a massage. And… some company? Do you have to go out tonight?” Bluebell looked at her girlfriend sheepishly.

“Giving a massage and missing out on a night out?” Bosh asked with one arched eyebrow.

“I’ve actually got some doughnuts under the sofa too…” Bluebell quietly pleaded. Bosh gazed sympathetically back, appreciating the rare honesty.

“I’d… I’m on a diet and…”

“Please Bosh. Please. I’ll go to the doctors”

“You’ll book an appointment with a GP if I stay and give you a massage?”

“Yeah, I guess I could…”

“Throw in two doughnuts and you have yourself a deal” Bosh smiled. And Bluebell smiled weakly back, regretting the commitment already.
 

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