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Why keep your kink from your partner?


Guest Jax-47

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Guest Jax-47

I've noticed theres a lot of people with this fetish/kink that are in long-term relationships in which their partner is unaware of their preferences or desires. I understand myself how intimidating it can be to talk about such a personal topic that falls within the larger public's ideas of what is considered "taboo".

I've been in relationships with people that aren't into feedism themselves, but I always feel better after at least broaching the concept to them, obviously not on the first date, but always within a couple months of meeting.

So, I guess my question is: to anyone on here who has a partner that is unaware of feedism, why not tell them?

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In my case, it is mainly because of bad past experiences with opening up about it with my exes. And an other reason would be fear I guess? Fear of making my significant other feels unable to satisfy me if she is not willing to try... etc, mainly because she is thin and/or doesn’t want to get curvier.

 

i think feederism and fat appreciation is Unfortunately still underground today and not well understood in our society. There is still too much fear of fat and fat depreciation. 

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Guest Jax-47

I completely understand the bad past experiences about opening up about it. I've definitely had to have some rough conversations because of it. While not every girl that I've spoken to about it is willing to try it, some have jokingly teased me about it later on. I kinda appreciate that because it's really shown me that ultimately feedism may not be as "embarrassing" as I previously thought and just like everything else, joking about it shows that it's not that shameful.

Talking about it with partners has also helped me build more confidence in being open about it more in general, not just with partners.

I do agree with you though that the majority of people don't understand something like feedism, but I would say its only a minority of people that are actively fat-phobic.

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Guest You're getting fat

I think anything that's formulated in terms of "I will only really like you if..." is likely to alienate your partner.

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I think another big thing to keep in mind is if the other person has a lot baggage related to their body image. For a while I had a crush on this girl who had a lot of self-esteem issues, and sometimes I'd see her on social media talking about it and saying how she felt like a cow even though she was stick thin - and not just like "she's only kind of chubby and not a full-on BBW" but objectively pretty skinny. Somebody with those kind of hang-ups just doesn't seem like they're going to be very receptive to even some of the more low-key parts of this kink,  let alone force-feeding her milkshakes and calling her a good little piggy while I fondle her back rolls.

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Guest Mandy143

This fetish is unique compared to other fetishes in that it really forces someone to change themselves. Something like cross dressing, or toys, is a little different, but with this fetish,  unless ur partner is already chunky, you’re often asking them to make a change to themselves. Sure, gaining a few pounds may not seem like a big change to us, since we’re often accustomed to seeing bigger women. But to someone who has maintained a relative body weight for most of their life, a few pounds can be a big change. Especially if their vision for what they want to look like differs from being chunky. 
 

I have body goals, I have a certain way that I want to look, so I do what I can to maintain that. If someone told me they would be attracted to me if I changed XYZ, I would feel pretty conflicted. 
 

Not to mention that such a big part of this fetish for most people on here is the act of gaining. It’s an active fetish. There aren’t that many models on here who are a certain level of curvy and just stay that way, although I’m sure there’s a lot of that out there. But it seems the most popular ones are actively changing themselves (and it’s what they want to be doing so that’s great). But not everyone wants that for their body.

Then of course there’s the act of stuffing, which is my personal strongest kink. And even then, I feel hesitant to put it out there just because I know it makes people uncomfortable. Like literally, physically uncomfortable. Being stuffed can be uncomfortable for someone if they’re not into it. And even if I would ask them to do it, most of the time, they aren’t able to stuff enough to get a belly that arouses me, so it’s like, why put them through the trouble anyway. 
 

I think being open with our partners is the right thing to do, but also, be smart. 

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for sure, it mostly due to the fear of thing going awry, that happens most of the time and what is the need of it? even do it is way better for the long term to come out early and admit that it can be a problem with some type of girls. but we have to be honest with ourselves as well, we rarely are going to transform a fitness junkie into boberry with out charm and wit

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  • 2 weeks later...

You should never expect someone to change the way that they look to suit your preferences, and it's not cool to tell someone that you think they'd look better if they were bigger, especially the person you love. If you truly love someone you'll love them exactly they way that they are. If they change in a way that you like, then that's great, but it should never be an expectation.

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It feels pretty easy to let this kind of kink become manipulative, even if it's just passively. In my experience as a straight male, the women I've been involved with are often highly competitive, active people who cared deeply about their appearance. These are the type of people who aren't likely to respond well to the suggestion that gaining weight might be fun. 

I've told my two longterm SO's about this kink, and that's it. I've been with my current girlfriend for about a year now, and I'm really wondering if it's worth getting into. My previous serious girlfriends responded well (or neutral?) at first and would even indulge me in the kink from time to time. I was always clear that I found them extremely attractive at any weight and I was careful to bring it up sparingly. As time went on in both relationships, they grew weary of the kink and suspected that I was into the darker side of it, which just isn't true. I can't blame them for growing uncomfortable despite my many reassurances that I found them attractive at any weight. In both cases, I don't think this was the top reason for breaking up, but I think it played a minor role.

I also think there have been a few mainstream pieces on this kink which totally villainize it and focus entirely on the darker aspect. That doesn't help at all. I understand the health risks on the extreme end of the kink, but there's a mentally, physically, and emotionally safe way to experiment with the kink. I've yet to see that covered in any kind of mainstream coverage/commentary. 

Ultimately you have to know your partner and weigh how much you enjoy your relationship with them against your kink and their potential response. 

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Guest ssbbwlove

I’ve only been in three serious relationships, and I’ve only told my current partner about my fetish, and it’s because she asked and she didn’t take it well at first though hid that fact from me for a while. I’m sure if she told me that she didn’t take it well, it might have meant a shaky start to our relationship, but she grew to be somewhat accepting of it and told me about her initial negative reaction to it later. In my head I could see being hesitant to bring it up to anyone else after that if she broke it off then and there. 

As for why I haven’t told previous relationships? I don’t know. The girl I was with before my current partner was fat (high 200s I think; not as fat as my current partner), and even noticed my tendency to feel her belly during intimate times, but I always awkwardly dismissed it. I guess I just felt shame in it? It’s not considered normal by a lot of people and I don’t want someone to think I just like them because they’re fat even if I am also really attracted to their fat.  I know exactly why I didn’t tell my first one; she was skinny and showed no interest in doing anything that would make her not skinny. She once said I wouldn’t love her if she was fat, but she was oh so very wrong. I even told her that I would love her if she got fat but she didn’t believe me. 

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  • Curvage Model

I've been lucky to be in a few relationships where my partner either introduced me to the fetish or who brought it up first so I didn't have too. But I've also been in relationships where I was afraid to tell people because of how they reacted to more mainstream fetishes. For example, I told my last ex that I was really interested in latex and wearing it in the bedroom sounded really hot to me. That person didn't care about latex and was not interested in sharing in it with me at all which was such a bummer. Luckily it's not one that I really, really care about having a partner engage in, but it cemented it in my mind that maybe some things will not be well received, especially with more vanilla partners.

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Maybe because she's bad at it or the person cannot word/escalate things properly? It's not even intimidating nowadays, but people aren't honest with themselves (even some comments, oh my partner is thinner than my ideal, but I still need a ton more to love as finding bulges/weight in a few different places isn't enough). Fat Thor is a meme now.

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People also don't wanna be honest about their dysfunctional relationships, needing to cling onto the one and believe her at all costs. Just glad I can bide my time and make do until an opportunity happens (if your're really sorry eat all this lol) every few months or so, which I'm glad as I don't wanna be addicted and do something like that every day, let alone have to risk going into poverty.

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