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Have you ever been scared off at any point by this fetish? FAs, feedees & feeders/resses welcome


John Smith

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On 5/19/2020 at 3:05 PM, thefeedernextdoor said:

Maybe I'm wrong, but that sort of thing seemed much more common in the 90s and 2000s than it does now. I think suspected abusive behaviour is way more likely to get called out now. I remember watching a HugeNHot video about 10 - 11 years ago where she's being forcefed by her boyfriend and all I'll say is... it did not look consensual at all. It didn't look like fun fetish play, it looked like abuse. And then I heard she died a few months later. Really sad. 

I hope so. Social media, for all its downsides, does allow connection for people who'd otherwise be isolated. And maybe women are more empowered in general, given the changes in our culture since then...? At least younger women.

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Personally, my experience browsing reddit for FA stuff is that you'll find people into it, and the rest are the type who watched one episode of my 600 lb life and act like everyone into this wants that for a woman. Not to mention endless assumptions that feeders are abusive, manipulative people who are slowly murdering their partners. There are a lot of blind assumptions and sometimes they put me in periods of guilt where I do feel like a manipulative person for wanting a girl to gain weight. It's never fun but I always remind myself that they are ignorant, they just don't know that most of us would love and support a girl at any size (I think we should establish a "feedist code" where no matter what we support what the gainer wants to do with their body, not what we want to do with their body, it's their body of course!) 

 

The worst part is when anyone brings up the point along the lines of "you wouldn't reward an anorexic for losing more weight, so why would you praise someone for doing the equally unhealthy opposite?" This point for the most part is solid and it scares me to think that I like something so unhealthy. I'm not educated on the effects of extreme malnourishment and how unhealthy it is compared to obesity, but this point still reminds me to ground myself in reality when fantasizing about my fetish.

 

In the end I do find comfort in knowing that these random people online made up their mind about our fetish before they even knew about it and probably are the type who find comfort in belittling those who are different, so their blanket judgment about this community is worthless. I also know as long as a feederism relationship is consensual with safe regard to the health of the gainer and with practical goals and limits that won't impede on daily life and mobility, then why try to judge someone else's pleasure?

 

 

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  • 3 months later...
Guest gorJESS

There's a lot of talk in these threads about mental health, and for me, the scary part is wondering who is genuinely and innocently attracted to bigger women and views feedism as an act of love within an established relationship, and who is mentally unstable. (For the record, I've been treated for MDD 3 times in my life, anxiety might as well be my middle name, I've been to psych wards both voluntarily and involuntarily, former self-mutilator, I've been on a handful of psych meds and spent most of my 20's self-medicating with alcohol and illegal substances.) I'm not here to pass judgments on anyone's mental health, but for me, that's the scary part. I wouldn't have written this if I didn't see proof. The proof I saw was somebody saying that they "get off" knowing that a woman is about to die. THAT is scary, THAT has been my fear here. The people I've been talking to seem genuine and kind, but then I see comments like THAT and the fear is confirmed. I realize that it's a small minority of people sexually aroused by such a thing and that there must be some level of psychopathy involved. That's what's scary... knowing that these people do exist among us. Furthermore, fantasy (as morbid as one may be) is one thing. But if someone is actually intending to deceptively feed a person to death... I saw it somewhere in this thread, that's "slow motion murder" and they'll likely get away with it. 😲

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  • Curvage Model
3 minutes ago, gorJESS said:

There's a lot of talk in these threads about mental health, and for me, the scary part is wondering who is genuinely and innocently attracted to bigger women and views feedism as an act of love within an established relationship, and who is mentally unstable. (For the record, I've been treated for MDD 3 times in my life, anxiety might as well be my middle name, I've been to psych wards both voluntarily and involuntarily, former self-mutilator, I've been on a handful of psych meds and spent most of my 20's self-medicating with alcohol and illegal substances.) I'm not here to pass judgments on anyone's mental health, but for me, that's the scary part. I wouldn't have written this if I didn't see proof. The proof I saw was somebody saying that they "get off" knowing that a woman is about to die. THAT is scary, THAT has been my fear here. The people I've been talking to seem genuine and kind, but then I see comments like THAT and the fear is confirmed. I realize that it's a small minority of people sexually aroused by such a thing and that there must be some level of psychopathy involved. That's what's scary... knowing that these people do exist among us. Furthermore, fantasy (as morbid as one may be) is one thing. But if someone is actually intending to deceptively feed a person to death... I saw it somewhere in this thread, that's "slow motion murder" and they'll likely get away with it. 😲

I absolutely love and agree with everything you said!!! Now that Mama Horker is losing weight for her health some guys are commenting really nasty things to and about her and it infuriates me!  These very big women are living like that everyday and then half of these guys are on here because they don’t even have the balls to be seen with a big woman in real life. I HATE THAT!!!  Yet these models are suppose to literally kill themselves so these guys can jerk off ? Really?
 

And I LOVE that you emphasized the point that there is a line between fantasy and reality!!! I think it is easy for people to forget that when they are looking at a photo or video online. I think it is easy to fall into a the mindset that it’s not a real person almost.

 In the case of the “slow motion murder” I kind of think the feedee is somewhat responsible for getting involved,  but I think feeders with that level of sadism seek out people who have emotional issues and are vulnerable it’s predatory at that point. If someone has such a low amount of self worth that they would enter something like that it’s really unfair to say “oh they had a choice“ plus like any other abusive relationship the abuser is probably not open about it from the gate, it just gets worse and worse and then the abused person is basically trapped. Especially if the feeder is deceptive about it.

It’s just so nice to hear another model say something sane that makes sense!
 

I just hear a lot of stuff that I feel encourages a lot of extreme  fantasies. For me in a video I play the part of who I am in my fantasies, but when I get asked questions I always tell the truth about how I unintentionally gained and that I don’t intend to gain more. But in a video I pretend that I intentionally gained for the viewer because that’s hot to the viewer and me and that’s entertainment. But I sometimes wonder if some models play the part all the time, (which is smart, I really can’t knock it) or they truly want to be immobile and completely dependent on their feeder. Which is fine for them, I don’t get it but if it makes them happy that’s not my business. I just hate when that becomes like a requirement and guys get mad at me for not wanting that for myself. 

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Guest bishop2g4

These two comments are what gets me the most about this fetish. The everpresent knowing that what I'm into isn't good for the partner. Not just that, but the inseparable intertwining of emotions in a long-term relationship make it so that I can't really know if my significant other actually is into it, doesn't mind it, or what. I know that I would do anything for my partner, to the point that I forget sometimes whether or not what I'm doing is something I want to be doing or something I want to be doing because they like it. but that doesn't normally impact me like if my partner knows that I'm into this, even if i'm not encouraging about it, which i really try not to be because, like I do for them, if I know they're into it, i don't forget it. If they know I'm into it, they don't forget it. So, if they say they want to lose weight, I'm all positive because I care about them. If they gain weight, obviously I enjoy it, but they also know that I enjoy it. And since they know it, does that mean that it just happened, that they did it for me, that they did it because they wanted to. And the scariest part is, like how sometimes i don't know if I'm doing something because i want to or because my partner likes it, it makes me sometimes sick to my stomach not knowing if my partner is doing something potentially (to a certain degree of gain, inevitably) harmful to themselves because they're okay with the level of risk and enjoy it, or they are thinking they enjoy it because i enjoy it.

It's the impossibility of knowing whether or not someone I care about is hurting because of me and whether or not they even know it themselves. Relationships have lots of positive benefits and i like to think that our relationship is great outside of our love life, too, and i would really be devastated if my partner just tolerated my sexual interests because it was tolerable and not worth losing other aspects of our relationship. That seems like such a bad position for someone to be in to have to tolerate something potentially harmful just to maintain something outside of the sexual part of a relationship. It's scary not knowing if it's even possible to know.

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When I was a kid I was scared that my fetish would make it hard or impossible to find a wife I was sexually attracted to! It turned out to not be an issue. I never seriously considered finding a feedee for a wife, since I couldn't figure out how I'd find one. These days it's much easier; you can go on the internet and find all kinds of feedees (though of course it's usually hard to find the right one). 

I'm glad people are talking about this reasonably on this thread. There have long been extreme attitudes on feedism that I've pushed back on. I like that we're talking about ways to practice the fetish while admitting that there are downsides that we have to consider and accommodate. 

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I love the responses by @gorJESS and @NogutNoglory . As someone who has been over 400lbs and who identifies as a feedee, I personally find it absurd how little most feeder types understand or appreciate what it’s like to be fat. It’s hard to overstate how fucked up it is for someone to be scared to be seen with a big woman and yet we have to go through life as fat all the time. We don’t get to just close the laptop or head out with our friends who don’t know we’re fat. We are fat all the time—when it’s 104 degrees out or we are running late to a meeting that requires loads of walking. The least you could do is be an ally. Like, all-in ally. Because honestly you supporting my fatness flips it, and makes feedism really beautiful and sexy. 
 

As to the “slow motion murder”—this is complicated. On the one hand, I totally agree that anyone preying on unwitting women so that they can fatten them to death is nuts. It would be comical if it weren’t so scary. But I will also say that I’ve heard the “this is slow motion murder” or “slow motion suicide” as the core argument against feedism and fatsexuality in its entirety. This idea that if we are fat or want to be fatter, that we are committing some health crime against humanity. Any of us could get Covid and be gone 14 days from now—just let me eat my Doritos in peace. 
 

The irony is that the one thing that makes all relationships healthier is the one thing that makes fatsexual relationships healthier: genuine communication. Having a genuine ally and “partner in crime” can be a fantastically bonding experience that pours over into all sorts of other relationship areas in really positive ways. But without communication on this, you never get the benefit. Open up, communicate, and enjoy. 💕

 

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Guest gorJESS

😊 Just wanted to clarify a couple of things. First of all, @NogutNoglory I love your profile picture. 🤩 

21 hours ago, bishop2g4 said:

These two comments are what gets me the most

My comment was about the farrrrrr extreme end of this fetish. When talking about what sort of "scares me off" I referred to a comment I saw about literal death, and "getting off" on that. Nothing more, nothing less. I mentioned that I view feedism as an act of love, within an established relationship. By established, I mean that this is something the two of them have openly discussed and shared their honest feelings about with each other. It should be enjoyable for both parties and not manipulative or deceptive in any way. I wish I didn't even have to say that but I saw with my own eyes that these people DO exist, and that's the thing that is enough to scare a person off.    
I think it comes down to honesty.... 

21 hours ago, bishop2g4 said:

I can't really know if my significant other actually is into it, doesn't mind it, or what. I know that I would do anything for my partner, to the point that I forget sometimes whether or not what I'm doing is something I want to be doing or something I want to be doing because they like it.

 

21 hours ago, bishop2g4 said:

If they gain weight, obviously I enjoy it, but they also know that I enjoy it. And since they know it, does that mean that it just happened, that they did it for me, that they did it because they wanted to.

 

21 hours ago, bishop2g4 said:

It's the impossibility of knowing

☝️ Honesty and trust eliminate that questioning. If both people are capable of honesty and trust... that's a beautiful relationship. 🙂❤️ 

All I meant was... to answer the question "has anything scared you off?"... yeah, people who say they "get off" on knowing the person is about to die. To break it down further, I'm scared off by someone who thinks about the fact that the human being they're looking at is about to die, and has an orgasm over it. Probably the furthest extreme of the spectrum, which is (hopefully) super rare. 🙂 

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Guest gorJESS
12 minutes ago, dania201 said:

Any of us could get Covid and be gone 14 days from now—just let me eat my Doritos in peace. 

😆 Yessssss! 👏👏 

13 minutes ago, dania201 said:

one thing that makes fatsexual relationships healthier: genuine communication. Having a genuine ally and “partner in crime” can be a fantastically bonding experience that pours over into all sorts of other relationship areas in really positive ways. But without communication on this, you never get the benefit. Open up, communicate, and enjoy. 💕

THIS, exactly. 🙂 

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The thing is - fat people gonna be fat. 

There is an argument out there that, if we can just make being fat painful enough, everyone will be slim. It's as if the penalties for the moral sin of fatness aren't high enough. But this is obviously false. Fat people pay all the time, in all sorts of ways, for being fat. 

This being so, ratcheting the penalties up even more won't make them thin. It will just make them even more discriminated against and unhappy.

Therefore, it's not a bad thing that some of us prefer and celebrate fat partners. Au contraire, it's a good thing. Fat people gonna be fat, so thank God they have people who love them for who and what they are.

Of course, that's an argument in defence of FA-dom. It doesn't necessarily extend to feederism per se. And that's where it gets tricky. First of all, most FAs seem to have feederish tendencies to some degree or other. Most of us seem to enjoy weight gain, and almost all of us enjoy a partner who eats a lot. You could argue these are the very mild ends of a continuum that, at the far end, includes nastier manifestations like manipulating the partner into being fat, or getting off on the thought of a partner dying, etc..

As long as your partner is being pressured to become something they wouldn't be or become, left to their own nature and devices, then there's definitely a problem. Guilt is an appropriate response to that.

Being an 'enabler' is more complicated. If we start from the assumption that 'fat people gonna be fat' then loving a fat person is not 'enabling' bad behavior. It's just loving someone for who they are. My wife has a deep-seated love of food. I mean, it's profound. She made that very clear from the earliest start of our relationship - and I made it very clear that I supported and embraced that. I have trouble feeling guilty for loving her for who she is, even if that isn't the healthiest way to be in the long run. Because again: fat people gonna be fat.

At the same time, IF she decided to really go all-in and try to lose weight, I think it would be incumbent on me to support her. After all, there is no getting around the problem that being substantially overweight does statistically raise the danger of health issues. To fail to support her would be the real cause for guilt. In fact, that's true either way: we should support our partner as a fat person, and support them if they decides to try to change.If we follow that maxim, no guilt is needed. They are in charge of their lives, not you.

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3 hours ago, Joliat said:

As long as your partner is being pressured to become something they wouldn't be or become, left to their own nature and devices, then there's definitely a problem. Guilt is an appropriate response to that.

Yeah, this can be a huge problem in long-term relationships, especially if both people are still working on themselves in therapy. Sometimes, people struggling with trauma will do things to please others without thinking about it critically, even going so far as to believe it was their idea. But that can change, and probably will change, given recovery or personal development.

In the context of a feederism relationship, that can be a huge issue for some. Hell, as it is, there are FAs/feederism enthusiasts that get upset when strangers decide to lose weight or step back from the spotlight for the sake of their mental health. There's often not enough said/done about treating people as people and understanding where they're coming from.

Knowing yourself, knowing your partner, and being able to connect with one another is a huge part of navigating this stuff.

3 hours ago, dania201 said:

The irony is that the one thing that makes all relationships healthier is the one thing that makes fatsexual relationships healthier: genuine communication. Having a genuine ally and “partner in crime” can be a fantastically bonding experience that pours over into all sorts of other relationship areas in really positive ways. But without communication on this, you never get the benefit. Open up, communicate, and enjoy. 💕

This is the way.

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  • 1 year later...

I was turned on to facesitting at a very young age. I had a big babysitter that would sit on my lap. There was a huge size difference and I loved it since then.

I do not see how this fetish can scare me off . It is what it is and I enjoy doing it. As long as you do it with a partner that consents and also likes it, I do not see a problem

 

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