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Chubbee

After 10+ years of anorexia, I'm ready to be me

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Guest Hush

Oh very cute!

You've been blessed in the chest department, despite your small figure, your chest is not exactly small!

Are you French or just using French worlds?

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1 minute ago, Hush said:

Oh very cute!

You've been blessed in the chest department, despite your small figure, your chest is not exactly small!

Are you French or just using French worlds?

Thank you. I'm surprised to still be a D-cup despite being underweight. I have to have most bras specially fitted because I have a small back size (28inches) but pretty sizeable boobs regardless. 

 

I'm not French, my partner is. We speak a mix of English and French at home so I don't even think about phrases sometimes. I'll try not to do it too often. 

 

Actually, my partner being from France can be a struggle. There's a particular emphasis on the importance of being thin as a woman and despite what my partner says, I always feel like it will be a big shock to him. Plus there's the stereotype in France that British women are fat, which I'm nervous about proving right. 

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Guest Hush
3 minutes ago, Chubbee said:

Actually, my partner being from France can be a struggle. There's a particular emphasis on the importance of being thin as a woman and despite what my partner says, I always feel like it will be a big shock to him. Plus there's the stereotype in France that British women are fat, which I'm nervous about proving right. 

That's true but French people love to complain and criticize everything for no reason. So they might as well criticize someone for being too thin as they would do for someone too fat.

Besides, we French people, looooove food and we love talking about food, meals are always like a small party to us and talking about food while eating a different kind of food is very common. Basically if you're enthusiast and curious about cuisine, cooking and new culinary experiences, they'll never reproach you to be on the chubby side, that's what we call "bon-vivant".

I'm very happy to see an English native speaker speaking French, so double-yay for you!

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Your a really strong Willed person to carry on with what you want after all you've been through. Looking forward to seeing your progress towards the person you truly want to be

 

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32 minutes ago, Hush said:

That's true but French people love to complain and criticize everything for no reason. So they might as well criticize someone for being too thin as they would do for someone too fat.

Besides, we French people, looooove food and we love talking about food, meals are always like a small party to us and talking about food while eating a different kind of food is very common. Basically if you're enthusiast and curious about cuisine, cooking and new culinary experiences, they'll never reproach you to be on the chubby side, that's what we call "bon-vivant".

I'm very happy to see an English native speaker speaking French, so double-yay for you!

Thank you, that's really helpful and good to know. I guess I worry more because my partner and his whole family are tall and slim. His aunt used to be big, and his dad often jokes about her being fat, etc. I don't know whether he and his other son would do that about me necessarily but it's quite daunting just now. Although it would never be to my face and once I'm not underweight I'll be better prepared to deal with stuff like that. 

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Sorry, I totally did not mean to derail the thread there, haha. It's just a hurdle I have to overcome, like any other I've managed 💪

Plus, I know that a lot of people here - including myself to some extent- like to hear about how family and friends react to weight gain. I'm curious about the future, a little scared but also excited. Lots of feelings at once! 

Currently I'm having a lazy Saturday under a blanket on the sofa, reading my book while my partner brings me tea and is cooking dinner (he is amazing in the kitchen, it'll be great to eat more of his cooking and baking!). This is already much better than walking for hours in the cold! Right now I'm just debating whether it's still acceptable to drink Baileys past Christmas time.... 🥃

Hope everyone else is having a great weekend too x

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28 minutes ago, Krounos Demetrios said:

You are looking much healthier now. Don't leave this way.

I'm a little confused? I'm only just starting out. The bigger pictures are from a few years ago, when I was actively gaining. 

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Anorexia is an interesting topic for me; I've noticed both friends and relatives suffer from it, the former actually being male (at a time when the idea of men having anorexia was shocking) the latter exacerbated by abusive commentary from my grandmother towards my cousins.

Reprogramming is hard; I don't know if Curvage is the best place to look for stability but welcome all the same.

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3 hours ago, Chubbee said:

Right now I'm just debating whether it's still acceptable to drink Baileys past Christmas time.... 

I have Bailey’s in my fridge all year. With milk it makes a decent alternative to dessert when I’m not so hungry.

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Hi, Chubbee. Welcome. I'm a little bit confused. You said you're working on being yourself. What do you mean? I don't see how that necessarily means anything more than making sure you aren't eating for emotional reasons and that you're not unhealthily underweight. Other than that, I'm not exactly sure what being yourself has to do with gaining. Are you expecting that youre eventually going to gain a lot of weight or something?

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8 hours ago, imp said:

Hi, Chubbee. Welcome. I'm a little bit confused. You said you're working on being yourself. What do you mean? I don't see how that necessarily means anything more than making sure you aren't eating for emotional reasons and that you're not unhealthily underweight. Other than that, I'm not exactly sure what being yourself has to do with gaining. Are you expecting that youre eventually going to gain a lot of weight or something?

Surely my being on this site, talk about previous gains and my sexuality around that, plus explicit mention of numbers a lot higher than where I am now would kind of indicate that I'm into this whole gaining thing?

I get that it might seem a weird place for me to come, but as I said, I've been around here for years, on and off. I know what to expect. 

Plus, even if I were to use my thread here as some body positive encouragement, what's so wrong with that? Everyone here has different preferences, we're not all into ssbbws. Some people do like slight curves. And regardless, it's been good for me before to know that no matter how much I might struggle with a changing body, others will still appreciate it.

I hope that clears some stuff up. 

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While obviously it's nice to get along with in-laws and the like, the great thing about relationships is that you don't have to date the whole family. Usually. 😆
Sure, if the reaction is nuclear then that might affect things but I would hope that they would see your affection and genuine love for your partner as more important than numbers on a scale. And if they can't then sucks to be them, they'll have to live with the horror of their son eating out a future fatty.

I'm sure there's nothing truly terrible that being overweight can cause for cross-Channel diplomatic relations compared to a certain group of angry tories.

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1 hour ago, cheddar said:

While obviously it's nice to get along with in-laws and the like, the great thing about relationships is that you don't have to date the whole family. Usually. 😆
Sure, if the reaction is nuclear then that might affect things but I would hope that they would see your affection and genuine love for your partner as more important than numbers on a scale. And if they can't then sucks to be them, they'll have to live with the horror of their son eating out a future fatty.

I'm sure there's nothing truly terrible that being overweight can cause for cross-Channel diplomatic relations compared to a certain group of angry tories.

Unfortunately my mother is an angry tory 😂 but I'm past trying to please her. It's only brought me more than a decade of pain. 

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53 minutes ago, cheddar said:

If things really go tits up, Scotland is a pretty good place for a Feedee what with the local supply of such marvels of modern cuisine as deep fried mars bars.

I have never had one, but was thinking about it the other day..... Scotland is pretty great for fried food in general 😁

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Hey guys, hope you've all enjoyed your weekend! 

Because my partner and I both love to cook, we've decided that we are going to go back to something we used to do before the madness of Christmas. Each week when meal planning for dinner, one of us picks a theme, usually a certain type of cuisine, e.g. Japanese, French, Vietnamese and so on. 

It was my turn to pick this week's theme and normally I'd have gone for something as light as possible. Buuut, thanks to feeling a bit better and some encouragement from you guys and my other half, I picked Indian food! I've been craving creamy curries for months, so most nights this week that's what we are planning to have 😁

If it would be of interest, I could update you guys with pictures of our meals this week. Otherwise I can just take some pictures at the end of the week, when I might be able to see any effects of eating more freely 😊

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Guest Hush

I'd like to see pics of meals, sounds like a very good idea!

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Guest Tstrat42
On 1/2/2020 at 8:25 AM, Chubbee said:

Hey guys, 

Posted here years ago but it's been a while, I needed to take some time away and work through personal stuff. I'm a 20-something Scottish girl who has had anorexia since my early teens, with a couple breaks.... I used to be in a live-in feeder/feedee relationship, which helped me to live a lot more freely than ever before and I got to be on the heavier side of average. Unfortunately my partner passed away after a few years together and I had a horrific relapse with my eating disorder. I've been in therapy for the past two years, though, and have worked through so much. I'm due to finish up in six months' time and am working on just being myself while I still have support (professional and personal) to grow, literally and figuratively. 

I guess I'm posting here because encouragement has always helped me and I know that I'm better equipped to manage it myself this time, too. It'd just be nice to share my journey with people who understand what it is to be into all this. 

 

I do have a boyfriend who is supportive and into curvy girls but I don't know where he stands on girls bigger than that. We've been talking lately and he said he'd like me to be chubby/curvy, which is encouraging, but I worry about surpassing his expectations. Equally I find the thought pretty hot 🤔

I'll attach a few pics of where I am just now. Hoping they'll make some great B and As one day! 

 

C x

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I too have suffered from Anorexia and I wish you the best.

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On 1/2/2020 at 11:53 PM, Chubbee said:

Thanks so much everyone for such a positive and supportive response, I was a little bit nervous about returning, just because my body is kind of the opposite of what most of us here are attracted to.... Then again, I do find the changing itself to be one of the hottest parts 😁

 

So many people miss this. I think the fact that you're starting skinny just makes it all the more fun.

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A couple of my meals from this week.... 

We've been short on time and quite busy, which might explain why my weigh-in shows my weight is stable this week. 

BUT, my partner has suggested adding desserts in this coming week, so watch this space 😁 I had my first piece of cake in a long time on Friday and it was rather addictive.... 

Hope you're all getting through the dreariness of January.... It's my least favourite month but at least the weather here in Scotland is perfect for comfort food! 

 

 

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darn, you're slim! best of luck.

how do you feel about the idea of getting bigger? what do you think about when peolple start notice that you're filling out? 😀

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51 minutes ago, aradesh said:

darn, you're slim! best of luck.

how do you feel about the idea of getting bigger? what do you think about when peolple start notice that you're filling out? 😀

Thank you! 

 

I feel excited and turned on by the thought of being bigger. I have done since I was a teenager, but due to my eating disorder (which came about, in part, out of shame for wanting to be bigger in a society where that isn't OK) I've gone through many phases of denying myself to even think about it as a possibility, or to pretend that it isn't part of my sexuality. Twelve years later and when I do let myself fantasise, I feel more strongly about it than ever, so.... I guess this is who I am. 

 

I think people will be surprised, honestly. But that seems kind of fun. I'm quite sensitive to criticism from my family for personal reasons, but outside of that, can find teasing or making remarks sexy. 

 

I hope that makes some sort of sense 😂

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Guest Hush

You know you'll find support here if you need. This is not always an easy journey so it's good to have support

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